• Jesus Christ Quits Twitter

    Randy and I were talking recently about how celebrities get trashed on social media. They get trashed for the size of their ass or for adopting a baby. They get trashed for giving away money or for making money. No matter how good their intentions might be, there is going to be a lot of bitter people who will rip them to shreds just for existing. I said “You know, if Jesus returned to earth and got a Twitter account, he’d get trashed, too.” Then, I wrote this. 

    Randy is concerned people won’t understand that it is satire and a commentary on how horrible people can be on social media. But I think you guys can handle it. 

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  • How To Buy Your Death House

    Seriously, how? How do you buy your death house?

    We have no idea what we are doing, and we are way too fucking old to be this clueless.

    We looked at a few houses recently. My mom and Middle Sister joined us at a few open houses. One house we looked at had most of the elements we are looking for. Not that it matters, we aren’t ready to buy. I just wanted to get a feel for neighborhoods and house styles.

    The real estate agent referred to the house as a “starter” home. My sister said “Well, they’re more looking for an “ender”.

    According to the real estate agent, both types of houses are about the same size.

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  • Boundaried and Gagged

    So, technically, “boundaried” isn’t a word. I had the whole bound and gagged thing going so we are all going to have to agree that “boundaried” is now a word. Someone call Merriam Webster and let them know. Unless they’re too busy trolling 45 on Twitter.

    I love that the dictionary hangs shit on the president. The fucking dictionary. You have to be some kind of loser, dipshit, moron to get the dictionary mad at you. 

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