Rubber Shoes In Hell

I wanted melted flip flops for my logo. I could see it and my vision was just fucking awesome. So I bought a cheap pair of flip flops. I found out flip flops don’t so much melt as they do burn while emitting toxic fumes.

Still, I like these burned shoes. They look like they walked through hell.

Rubber Shoes In Hell was born while talking with a friend at my old job. Priscilla, Queen of the Cubicle. You can read about her here.

Anyway, she worked on the opposite side of the building and we got through our days instant messaging each other. One conversation included her saying that when she went to hell, she was wearing flip flops and I responded “You would wear rubber shoes in hell.”

As soon as I hit send, I knew I was starting a new blog. That was in March of 2013 and I’ve done nothing but fall more in love with this space and the connections I have made.

I adore blogging and I know that writing has had a positive impact on my mental health. I have explored parental narcissism, depression, anxiety, and menopause. These excavations are not always pleasant or easy, but have been worth it.

I’m digging finding my voice.

I’m glad you are here with me.

I can be found on The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, The Mid, Blunt Moms, In The Powder Room, Vibrant Nation, Better After Fifty, Midlife Boulevard, Mock Moms, Sammiches and Psych MedsΒ and Erma Bombecks Writers’ Workshop.

If you’re a visual person, here’s two videos:

You know..if you’ve read THIS far, why don’t you subscribe via email..right over there..to your right.

 

Add your comments below. Profanity is encouraged, but not required. ;)
  1. Thanks for start following me on Twitter today, IT made me follow you do your blog, and that, reading that makes me smile. Very welcome reads. Do yes I Will see me around here more often πŸ™‚

    Reply
  2. Thanks for starting to follow me on Twitter today, which made me follow you to your blog, and that, reading that, this, makes me smile.
    Very welcome reads. So yes I (and maybe you) will see me around here more often πŸ™‚

    Reply
  3. Lee says:

    I think I’m addicted now. lol. This is seriously interesting, really beautifully written stuff. I’m a fan!

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      Thank you so much! I appreciate so much whenever someone tells me that they enjoy reading what I write. It’s humbling and exciting and I truly do appreciate it. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  4. Jules says:

    Okay, yes, I subscribed, and am probably going to blow much time at my day job reading you. If anyone asks, I’m just going to call it research. πŸ™‚

    Reply
  5. Heather says:

    I wanted to share your blog with all my readers. It’s one of the few blogs I read religiously. Thanks for being funny, heartfelt, snarky and intelligent all at once πŸ™‚
    http://pastedreams.wordpress.com/2014/06/04/you-like-this-blog/

    Reply
  6. Shelley says:

    Thanks for the follow. Soon I can welcome you to your fifties. Not so bad. Everything sags, grey hair, menopause… I mean it’s great! πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      I’m actually already there….I don’t MIND getting old. In fact, I’m digging most of it. Some of the physical stuff blows, but mostly, I don’t mind.

      Reply
  7. Marianne says:

    Hey there! Just wandered over here after you left a comment on my blog. You’ve got some funny stuff goin’ on right here. I just added you to my blog roll on my site and am about to hunt you down on twitter.

    Reply
  8. Cindy H says:

    Oh gosh. I loved this story. Normally I leave only a short phrase on a blog post I love, but I need to write more this time. Regarding York peppermint patties.

    While camping in Drumheller, AB, we were all running out of chocolate for s’mores, and since I had wisely bought a bag of small York patties, I brought them out.
    4 yr old Granddaughter Poppy ate two rapidly and was told by her Dad (my son) and Mom that she had eaten enough patties.
    She sidled over to me and asked:
    “Gramma, can you give me that big bag of little bags?”
    Me: “What?”
    Poppy: “That big bag of little bags”.
    Me: “What?”
    Poppy: “You know….that bag over there”.
    Me: “Oh, ok” (wondering what her plan was as I gave her the bag after she ran into our tent trailer)
    Poppy (looking at me – deadly seriously): “I’m. Going. To. Eat. ALL. Of. Them.”
    Me: (laughing – couldn’t help it): “Poppy, I love you for being so honest, but you can have one, and I’ll put the bag away because I don’t want you to get sick.”
    I know sometimes stories like this are moments of ‘You had to be there’, but I just couldn’t resist, and I’m not a bragadocious gramma, either.
    I don’t blame you for being disappointed that you had to buy something other than the patties. Clearly there are many lovers of those tasty mints.

    Reply
  9. This is one of the best ‘About’ pages I’ve ever come across! Nice to meet you, Michelle πŸ™‚

    Reply
  10. zoe says:

    You are dang witty and I thank you for your refreshing blog. Keep writing πŸ™‚

    Reply
  11. Jon Bowes says:

    Solid shit. You have a fun voice, and you know how to make me exhale air loudly through my nose.

    Not actually laugh, I can’t remember the last time something on the internet actually made me laugh out loud.. it was probably a video…

    But exhaling loudly through my nose is pretty good. Keep yelling LALALALA please. Gives the younger generation hope…

    Reply
  12. Dusty says:

    I saw your comment on The Bloggess site and had to come and read more. It paid off. Just great – another fantastic writer to keep me from writing. Or inspire me – whichever way ya wanna look at it. πŸ˜‰

    Reply
  13. Judy says:

    I came across your what not to wear after 50 on huff post and loved it. Most breezily intelligent and amusing thing I’ve read there. and written by just a kid in her 40s!

    …and your blog today(ish)… I had an ex (pretty much) convince me I’m crazy. Yours was more heinous, but not by much. So subscribe me, girl!

    Reply
  14. Funny per usual. So is your being an introvert the reason I didn’t meet you? I’d forgotten we’d connected online before the conference. Boo.

    Reply
  15. Kristen says:

    I am so sick and tired of finding blogs about parenting, potty training and all the things that coincide with being in your 30’s. Imagine my delight to find your site filled with the same shit I experience on a daily basis. Writing about whatever the hell I want since I am almost 50 too! Thank you so much for your snark, you will always be a link on my blogroll and a fellow midwesterner in my heart!

    Reply
  16. I think you’re HILARIOUS. So glad to have discovered your blog.

    Reply
  17. Michelle says:

    This was really funny. I’m glad I’m not the only one who has a really stubborn son at home. My youngest is 8 and while I also try to keep an open dialogue with boy of my boys, he definitely not interested in hearing anything I have to say on this particular subject. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
  18. And here was I thinking the menopause was just crap, I haven’t laughed so much since I could remember anything before hormone Armageddon.

    Reply
  19. Mari says:

    Just discovered your blog… lovin’ the say-what, oh-hell-no, straight-talk humor! Can’t wait to read on…

    Reply
  20. peg says:

    love your writing style -found you through huffington post via facebook-regarding what not to wear over 50! i absolutely fucking loved it. i will wear whatever i want except all that negativity! thanks for saying things women really think about!

    Reply
  21. Jenni Cornell says:

    Your blog was shared by a friend on FB. I immediately wondered how many of my clothing choices would be listed. I came away unscathed (except for a couple of Xmas tee shirts), and in a much better mood. All I can say is I want to hang out with you! You are now on a list of three blogs I will take time to follow. You made me laugh, but I am also studying really funny blogs to try to learn how to make my novels (forthcoming) a bit funnier. So thanks for the laughs and lessons. You rock! (I’m sure that is one of those things I’m not supposed to say.) *plants fingers in ear canals* lalalalalala

    Reply
  22. just ran into your blog πŸ™‚

    Reply
  23. Andrea says:

    Big ups from the other side of the world! I just found you and yes I have signed up. Where have you been all my life???
    Andrea
    Auckland, New Zealand

    Reply
  24. Grammy Dee says:

    Love your humor!!! Started following you on Facebook and Twitter as well as Bloglovin’ – don’t want to miss a post πŸ™‚
    Grammy Dee recently posted…Wednesday AIM Link Party #3My Profile

    Reply
  25. Alyce says:

    didn’t mean to announce my last name, it came up on the screen and I moved too quickly, ie: ADHD

    Reply
  26. Karen, (Kazza) says:

    Hi, I’m Kazza from down under,
    And a ma, g’ma, and a luva,
    I don’t mind the pips,
    but they give me the shits,
    that and being married to Gazza.

    And I loved reading ‘what not to wear over 50’, my daughter sent it to me, and me thinks she is trying to tell me something, such as saying to the gynecologist, as I’m having a pap-smear, “that’s the most action I’ve had down there in years”, but then, I only open my mouth so I can change my over 50 comfortable shoes.

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      Okay, Kazza, that is the best introduction in the history of introductions. I don’t know what pips are, though or why they would give you the shits. I am curious about the pips.

      Thank you for being here! I am so glad you liked the article.
      \

      Reply
  27. Hi Michelle

    I just wanted you to know I posted your Things you shouldn’t wear after 50 on my facebook page and it has had the most interest and comment of anything I have posted. So well written, refreshing, real, and absolutely correct! Thank you for the laughs!

    Reply
  28. Jan Moon says:

    I read the ‘what not to wear over 50’ and to me same applies to over 65 (my current age) I wear what I like and bugger anyone who thinks I’m wrong – they’re not me.
    I have signed up to read more by you. You remind me so much of may daughter, and the things she writes and says. Try reading ‘Siren out of Brixton’ sometime.

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      Thank you so much!!! I am glad you are here! Your daughter sounds awesome. haha.

      Thank you for the recommendation. I am heading to Amazon RIGHT NOW to find it. πŸ™‚

      Reply
    • Linda says:

      I’ve just read β€˜what not to wear over 50’ which caught my eye from a share by Deborah Hutton.

      ‘Oh yes, now what load of drivel is someone saying I should and shouldn’t wear. Go on then, no long hair, go grey gracefully, no hot pants ….. ?’

      Virtual hands on hips, rhythmical toe tapping and thinking in my most indignant manner I read on.

      Oh my goodness, what a breath of fresh air – the laugh was certainly on me. I found it so amusing and extremely well thought out and written. I loved it and I’m still smiling.

      I’m W E L L over 50 and *cough* passed 60 (my kids sometimes have my cast offs!!) I’ve printed it out and will use this wisdom. Oh! and incidentally, my darling 24 year old hairdresser refuses to cut my hair because she thinks I’m awesome.

      Reply
  29. Debb Rea says:

    You are the best. No really….the absolute fucking best. Your blog pretty much always make me laugh and makes my day so…..thank You!
    Did I say that you are the best?

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      So I am here, getting shit together to paint because painting is all I ever do anymore..and then I see this comment and it made my day a little brighter. Thank you!

      Reply

Trackbacks for this post

  1. Things You Shouldn’t Wear After 50 - Balance by Deborah Hutton
  2. Things Women Over Fifty Shouldn’t Say - Balance by Deborah Hutton

Leave a reply.

CommentLuv badge