What IS My Opinion? Adult Children Of Narcissists Don’t Always Know

What do our days consist of?

Most days, for me at least, are a bunch inconsequential moments that are the byproduct of being human. They don’t mean much, they just are.

I am currently on my billionth attempt to get into shape. I’ve dropped sugar (and that is very nearly true!). I’m exercising on a regular basis and I’m drinking a shit ton of iced green tea. I don’t know if there is any truth to green tea helping weight loss, but I’m going to find out.

I made my first pitcher last week and I liked it. It wasn’t sweet and I like for my drinks to be sweet. I was pleased that I found an alternative.

I handed my glass to Randy for him to try it and he didn’t like it at all.

I suspect the rational conclusion would be..Oh, I like it and he doesn’t. People like different things.

I learned at a very young age from my narcissist father that my opinions and my likes and dislikes were not only wrong, but they were also shameful. If I didn’t like food he liked, that negated my worth as a human. I learned to eat things I didn’t like, to laugh at jokes that weren’t funny and that whatever my opinion was on anything was wrong. I suspect that other adult children of narcissists have the same issue.

So, Randy didn’t like the green tea. I was bummed. Not because he didn’t like it, but because I did and I was completely fucking WRONG about it. I shouldn’t drink it because even though I enjoyed it, it was obviously TERRIBLE.

When one thought like that weasels in, then an avalanche follows. My feelings are not allowed, they are not worthy and I should really be ashamed that I have them at all. So often, when I try to grasp a thought or feeling that is valid, it feels like I’m trying to grab a handful of smoke.

When someone asks my opinion on a controversial subject, I feel physically ill. Not only because I am afraid of being judged for my feelings, but very often because I have no idea how I feel about it. I’m relatively good at hiding that shit. I will offer an opinion (which may or may not be how I feel..I don’t always fucking know) and I will stand by my opinion…but it’s not without beating myself up some. Sometimes, the beating can last for hours. Days, even.

I would like to shed this destructive thinking. I would like to feel like I can SAFELY have an opinion. I will start by stating a few here:

I don’t CARE if Ben Affleck is the next Batman. I will probably see the movie and I suspect he will do a perfectly fine job. Besides, it’s just a fucking movie.

I think cherry Koolaid is the shit.

Not wearing white after Labor day is dumb. Also, calling something Winter white doesn’t change the color. It’s still white.

I still love listening to Falco.

I loathe board games. Especially Monopoly.

I read all the Twilight books and I liked them. I think the message is stupid and the relationship was creepy as fuck, but I still liked the books.

I don’t care about symbolism in books or movies. I just want to be entertained.

Alan Rickman is sexy.

I don’t think that people who need public assistance should have to submit to a drug test.

I don’t think that when there is a custody dispute that the mom is automatically the best parent.

I think bringing back big shoulder pads like we wore in the 80s is a bad idea.

I like my green tea.

I struggle in two ways. First, I am afraid of a STRONG differing opinion. If someone attacks an opinion of mine, my inner child shrieks and cries and is terrified. She is hard to ignore. Secondly, while I believe that being open to changing an opinion and listening to the thoughts of others is a good practice, it would be nice to not have my beliefs shaken by every person who doesn’t feel the same way I feel.

How do we learn to own our feelings and opinions? Because the fake it until I make hasn’t panned out yet.

 

 

 

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  1. Heather says:

    Fuck if I know, I constantly struggle with how to trust myself in anything. All of my motives are questioned and analyzed until I don’t even recognize the problem I started with. Sometimes I think I don’t have opinions/instincts about something. I almost never commit to an opinion before other people, and find myself going overboard in someone else’s direction even though I don’t actually agree, or at least not strongly enough to go crazy like that …

    We need some therapist folks all up in this community.

    Reply
    • RageRuth says:

      oh, I don’t disagree..I’m sure I need all kinds of therapy.

      And I know exactly what you mean.

      Reply
    • Sonia Li says:

      I came across this blog and really love it. Recently discovered that my parents are narcissistic and a lot of inner turmoils I went through as a child made a lot of sense. To this day, I still don’t know how to live life on a day to day basis, be able to practically make decisions, what my career should be, how to make money, whether I am communicating correctly, etc.

      One of the strongest memories I have as a child growing up (and I don’t remember much, to be honest. I think subconsciously my inner child just decided to not remember anything to make everything easier) was when I had appendicitis, and I was in pain for almost two weeks. My mom didn’t want to go to the doctors because she said I was just “exaggerating” on my pain to get attention, and that hospital bills are too expensive for something as minor as abdomen pain. When my parents finally decided to take me to the ER they operated right away and said that had they waited longer, I would have been dead.

      I also have to say that it is not their fault that they are narcissistic; they are also children of trauma but do not have enough self awareness nor strength to realize that they have problems. I’m just glad that I am conscious enough to go to a psychologist and hopefully not continue this vicious cycle. I’m also afraid that I have narcissistic tendencies as well but am really trying to keep it in check.
      Sonia Li recently posted…Food ScrapMy Profile

      Reply
      • Michelle says:

        Hi! So glad you found my blog!

        I’m sorry you had to go through that, it sucks ass. I’m glad you’re seeing a psychologist, I think that is very important. I have a hard time NOT blaming my father for who he is…but like your parents, he was made. It’s very sad.

        I think it’s understandable that a child of narcissists would have some tendencies, but the fact that you are questioning it probably means that you do not have narcissistic personality disorder.

        I hope that you are able to find peace and learn how to trust your own voice. That is something I am working on as well. XO

        Reply
  2. Gerta says:

    I agree with most of your opinions, so we can be wrong together. Although, I love board games…

    Reply
  3. Diane says:

    Wow … my father wasn’t a narcissist but I was married to one for a long time. I can so relate to this blog and to Heather’s comment ~ it’s nice to know I’m not alone!

    Reply
    • RageRuth says:

      No! You are not! I had no idea how many people have been affected by this.

      I’m sorry you married a narcissist…that has to be it’s own special kind of hell.

      Reply
      • Diane says:

        It was but I was numb for so many other reasons I didn’t realize for 16 years. Then when I did, it immediately became intolerable. Poor guy really didn’t know what hit him when I left … and still doesn’t understand… and never will because of his narcissism.

        Reply
  4. Diane says:

    ..And I make pitchers of iced green tea for the same reason (hoping it helps with weight loss! and love it!

    Reply
  5. Shannon says:

    I face the same thing. When I told my therapist I had a narcissistic mom he called and ordered his yacht πŸ˜‰

    Reply
    • RageRuth says:

      HAHAHAH…that’s both funny and a little scary. But I get it.

      I should find a therapist..I don’t know why I’m dragging my feet.

      Reply
      • Diane says:

        I dragged my feet on finding a therapist as well but found one I really connected with and is helping me find.. and trust my own voice.

        Reply
        • RageRuth says:

          Okay. I need to do this. Did you get a referral..is your therapist experienced with ACONs?

          Reply
          • Diane says:

            My insurance company gave me a list of doctors and he was the one that called back! Lol! But that was to my good fortune because he truly “gets me” and talks to me frankly and in terms I understand. I don’t know if he is trained with respect to ACON but he sure is helping me.

  6. I can sooooooo relate to this. So so so so SO!!

    Here’s what I’ve learned (and I am putting the finishing touches on a blog post about it as we speak): I deserve to have desires/wants/goals/ideas/opinions that are not attached to my value or worth.

    Reply
    • RageRuth says:

      Cool! I am looking forward to reading it!!

      Reply
    • donna says:

      I am intrigued! I am allowed to have desires/wants/goals/ideas/opinions that are not attached to my value or worth? How could that be?
      I know my abuse led me to loose my “inner voice”, my Inner Voice or connection to God is growing and trying to connect with me, Thank God. But, this part I don’t understand.

      Reply
  7. Sue says:

    Thank you for so beautifully articulating my experience! My father is a narcissist and my mother is his enabler. While I was growing up, I wasn’t allowed to have my own opinions (or desires or values). My parents valued obedience and conformity above all else; they wanted their children to become carbon copies of themselves rather than to become their own individual unique human beings. Result? I’m in my late 40s and am still discovering who I am. Really, my adolescence has lasted for about 30 years.

    So I’m left with extreme insecurity about my opinions. I can manage basic likes and dislikes pretty well (I prefer milk chocolate to dark; I hate the color orange; I like light wood furniture and if anyone can tell me where to get a nice contemporary birch or maple bedroom set, please chime in). But if the topic is anything more complex, I panic and think, “I don’t know!” I think part of my general opinion fuzziness stems from my belief that I don’t know enough about the topic at hand to have a well-crafted opinion on it. And that’s really just code for “I’m not good enough,” which is a theme that underlies a lot of my life. And another part of it is “I want people to like me,” which they might not do if my opinion is different from theirs.

    So yeah, I’m kind of broken, the way I think a lot of ANOCs are. And I haven’t a clue about how to trust my own opinions or feelings, because the feelings that I do have are sort of dysfunctional (see above). Honestly, this is why the person I spend the most time with is my dog. While this really isn’t helping me learn to be more confident in my opinions around others, my dog never disagrees with me.

    Reply
    • RageRuth says:

      I truly wish I could make all the go away for both of us.

      Putting a name to this has helped me quite a bit. It’s been painful, but helpful.

      I think age has helped a lot. I don’t feel as completely humiliated when I’m wrong about something…and I am caring less and less about the opinions of others.

      I think as long as we understand WHY we are the way we are, then maybe we can change.

      I’m just going to keep trying.

      I wish you the best…I really truly do. You are worthy all on your own..your feelings and your thoughts and your beliefs are all valid.

      I’m not a huggy person AT ALL..but if I could, I would give you a big hug.

      Reply
      • I have found it incredibly helpful to question my own beliefs…beliefs like “I am broken” or “I’m not good enough” and to recognize that those beliefs were just programming I was given back then. I am an adult now, I get to choose my own programming, so why would I continue to torture myself with thoughts that don’t serve me?

        It can be incredibly scary, however, to consciously choose to give up the stories we tell ourselves, because, well…who would we be without them? We believe with our entire being, “it’s always been this way” and think that it can never change. We also think that if we could just figure out “why”…well, then things would be different. But the “why” will never change and so it we think we’re stuck.

        Reply
    • Diane says:

      My God … I’ve read this blog and these replies over and over because I really thought I was nuts or silly. But Sue, I can thank you for articulating exactly how I feel. You put in to words beautifully how I feel. I completely understand “I want people to like me…” and “I’m broken” and why I spend most of my time with my cats.

      Reply
      • Sue says:

        Diane, I’m so sorry that you can relate. I don’t want anyone to belong to this club. But I’m glad that my words reached you. And here’s to the unconditional love of animals! My dog heals my soul. Enjoy your precious, loving, judgment-free kitties.

        Reply
      • RageRuth says:

        I think there are a lot of us. We have a light and a purpose and perspective that other people will never understand.

        And we survived. I say we are fucking awesome.

        Reply
    • Allie says:

      Sue,
      I am also finally able to be me at 40+. It’s funny that we were trained to be well behaved and got in trouble for the smallest errors. This made me walk on eggshells constantly. I am just the opposite of my parents! I know that my children are all unique and I tell them all the time it is okay to be you. What is not okay is hurting others or allowing others to hurt you. I guess I am teaching them what I have learned overtime because I felt for a very long time that I should “turn the other cheek” and allow others to get away with abuse. What I am learning it so accept others as they are and to discern who has a warped psychy and who is “normal”. I have learned that if a person is outwardly unbalanced in public that they are twice as bad behind closed doors so I avoid those people. I am learning to protect myself instead of allowing others to tell me who I am and what to do. I have a choice; when I was a child I did not. I like basketball! I am like fantasy sci-fi, I love technology, fashion, nature, and cartoons! Funny how some stil try to tell me what I like. I no longer get offended and I am no longer affected by what others think of me.

      Reply
      • RageRuth says:

        This is awesome! I’m so glad that you found yourself. I’m working on that now and am really digging the discoveries.

        Reply
  8. Shelley says:

    My father was also a narcissist. I am 39 and still don’t have a true opinion on anything. I just followed his view on everything from food choices to world politics. I have never had a real opinion that I was able to express. Even though so many times I internally disagreed with his view, I just stuffed my feelings. I thought something was wrong with me if I didn’t agree with him. So many times in my teens and twenties — a time for discovering individuality — he would critisize or make me feel shame for my appearance, my interests, actions, the way I talked, my friends, etc. And I was a very boring, nerdy, vanilla person. It is not like I was being rebellious or an out of control teen that needed discipline. I really think he feels that if I or my sisters or mom do anything different from him, it is a personal insult to him. So now as an adult I am so average and beige. I have no interests, passions or hobbies. I’m seeing a counselor now. Her advice was to have fun finding out who I am. Try new things, learn about topics I’m interested in. Sounds easy, but it is very daunting to create a new self. I feel overwhelmed and usually just shut down. And my sisters and mom agree with me about my dad’s narcissism but they aren’t trying to pull away as much as I am, so I get some backlash and guilt from them for anything that I do that is new. Thank you for sharing your experience. It helps to know I’m not alone in this.

    Reply
    • RageRuth says:

      you are NOT alone.

      I can see where that would be overwhelming and I hesitate to offer advice because I am not a professional…I just understand how you feel.

      That being said, I’m going to give you advice.

      Don’t try to grow all your colors at once. Start small. Read a new book just because you like the cover. Try some new food. Change up your wardrobe a little. Just break out of your mold a little bit at a time.

      You are obviously articulate and you have a story…

      I wish you the best. I so much do.

      Reply
      • Heather says:

        This reminds me of a quote from a TV show, “Stop waiting for a flood when a chink in the dam will do.”

        Any progress is good progress. And it’s okay to stop and take a break if you need. I love Michelle’s suggestions; just learning to encourage that little voice when you hear her saying “Oooh that looks neat.”

        Reply
        • RageRuth says:

          That’s exactly right! Learn to trust that little voice. I think we are so good at silencing it. I think it knows more than we give it credit!

          Reply
      • Diane says:

        “Don’t try to grow all your colors at once” ~ that is excellent advice. I’m sorry if I keep coming back here but at the point of “re-inventing Diane” that I’m at, this blog and the sharing here has been so instrumental in my taking even more tiny steps. My doctor, although he never minimized my issues, kept telling me I’m not alone in them but it is a lonely process. I no longer feel so lonely … but I’m not happy about that at all. It breaks my heart actually because I would never want anyone to feel as I feel. So, I will end with my new morning affirmation:
        “We have a light and a purpose and perspective that other people will never understand. And we survived. I say we are fucking awesome.” Thanks Michelle

        Reply
        • RageRuth says:

          DON’T apologize!!! Please…come here and chat all you want.

          I didn’t know that it would feel so good to find other people like me..my first narcissism post was very nearly flippant. I didn’t PLAN to write about my experiences, but I am so glad I have and it means the world to me that you are finding comfort here!

          Reply
    • Diane says:

      It IS very daunting to create a new self! My counselor gave me the same advice and I am not lying when I tell you I’ve described myself too as “shut down” and “paralyzed” but I am taking baby steps. My husband of 20 years was just like your dad and I’m just learning that it’s ok to explore what I may like. It’s difficult though; I find something I like but then I get scared or feel undeserving … and shut down again. But that is happening less and less so Keep trying!

      Reply
  9. KareΓ±a says:

    Like Diane, I was also married to one, for 15 years. Still going through the divorce from hell so technically 17 years. 6 months of counselling has helped me tremendously, I always knew my family were dysfunctional but now I know what NPD is it has been a relief . I know now that all the things that I instinctively knew were wrong and was constantly ridiculed for questioning, actually were very wrong. Gaslighting has been one of the most destructive things in my life. The first time I saw my therapist’s eyebrows raise when describing a normal (to me) family situation made a little voice inside me say ‘Oh…so my family were as weird as I thought they were’. I’m trying to trust my instincts now, very hard as I was trained to doubt them from an early age. My husband was one of the worst kinds of narc, so it may take the rest of my life to learn to trust again. Not even so much as had a date in 2 and half years and that was fine by me. Starting to think I might, possibly just be ready for that…maybe…soon

    Reply
    • RageRuth says:

      It is hard to regain trust…I still deal with it.

      And alone or with someone, you are wonderful! You’re talented and lovely and clever..and someone would be very lucky to have you in their life.

      Reply
    • Diane says:

      Karena ~ we’ve had so many talks over the year and from my heart I find you an absolutely beautiful and incredibly intelligent woman in so many diverse areas. Not to mention your delectable musical talents. I’m so happy you’ve found a good counselor and learned that your instincts were on target. I pray it’s all up from here for you πŸ™‚ (once that divorce from hell is resolved)

      Reply
  10. Mike says:

    Hang on…I’m gonna go ask one of my ex-wives for my opinion about this

    Reply
  11. Lori says:

    I have a closet for my inner child. You can come visit if you’d like to. It’s dark but I don’t mind sharing my toys (a-a-a-a-ah like that’s not creepy at all!!!)Seriously though I’m walking a similar path myself and standing up for my own opinions and beliefs often leaves me wrung out and physically nauseous. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel comfortable with it but I keep trying.

    Reply
    • RageRuth says:

      It’s all we can do…we have to try.

      Funny, I read this comment and thought about how many times I built a nest in my closet and read for hours.

      Reply
      • Diane says:

        I thought the same thing when I read this! I used to clean out my closet and sit in there with a cassette recorder and earphones and listen to music, or read, or write … funny, I still dream about being in closets. Must find out what that means… Yes, let’s all keep trying. This was a wonderful blog. Thank you all. It helped put words to what I’ve felt was a complete inadequacy in my character and to learn that number 1, it isn’t and number 2, I’m not alone πŸ™‚

        Reply
      • Heather says:

        OMG I totally did that too!

        Reply
        • RageRuth says:

          That might be a kid thing…but I can see our need to hide when we were kids. My favorite was to find a cramped quiet place and be alone.

          Reply
          • Diane says:

            Me too! I mentioned that I still dream about being in a closet and last night, for the first time, I dreamed of THE closet that was my favorite! A huge closet in our dining room that was jam packed with stuff and it wound around under a staircase. I found a tiny area under the staircase and would sit for hours … or until I couldn’t breathe anymore. I used to also go down to our extremely unfinished basement, especially on rainy days and clean it. I think because I knew no one else would go down there …

  12. Clare says:

    I’ve just started reading through these blogs and comments. So much of it rings true with me. I sit on the fence regarding everything, never voice my opinion for fear of debate or being shouted down, luurrve all things fluffy, and have always had pretty low self esteem. But hang on a minute, I don’t have narcissistic parents. Or do I? My father, definitely not. But my mum. When was the last time she actually listened to what I had to say? When did my opinion count for anything. Even now, I live 4000 miles away and am happily adjusting to a new life, I will change everything back for their visits. Don’t get me wrong, I love them and miss them very much, but I think a lightbulb may have just come on.

    Reply
    • RageRuth says:

      I had that light bulb moment last Winter. I didn’t have a name for my dad’s behavior. I just thought he was an asshole who lied a lot. Putting a name to it and understanding the far reaching consequences of his mental illness was both horrifying and comforting.

      Reply
    • Heather says:

      Clare- visit a site called Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. It has a whole laundry list of behaviors and feelings that can help you clue in on your mom’s Narc traits, plus other resources to start gathering more information that might help you.

      Horrifying and comforting, that about sums it up.

      Reply
  13. Laura says:

    Wow- I completely understand this. I struggle to have opinions. I have trouble even deciding what to eat when my husband and I go out. I do know I love dragons – and fantasy worlds – ever so much. I agree that Alan Rickman is hot, but so is David Tennant πŸ˜‰ I am discovering I love Dr Who and Battlestar Galactica and all kinds of geeky things my mother would hate.

    Reply
  14. RageRuth says:

    I LOVE what you find attractive….and finding your inner geek is awesome. It only matters what you like.

    And Alan Rickman is hot as fuck.

    Reply
  15. Susanne says:

    It is scary, but I can relate to you. I was with a sociopath for 18 years, met him when I was 23. He left 1Β½ year ago and I am slowly rebuilding, finding my own opinions. We have children and he sees them, I am worried for their future mental health! I hope that them seeing a different way in my home will help them. After he left (well after the first very turbulent year) my home has become tranquil, no competition, less fights, more compassion and much more peaceful. Some of the children are very young and he will be able to leave a huge impression with them – they love him as he is very funny (when other people are around) and arrange all kinds of stuff (see- I am the perfect father). He is of the “stealth” kind, soft spoken (do rarely need to yell, he manipulate and gaslight) and everybody likes him (well, not me πŸ™‚ ). It is so nice to know that I am not alone, even though my experience was not in childhood.

    Reply
    • RageRuth says:

      You are most definitely not alone! I am so happy that you found tranquility in your home..I hope that you will be able to surround yourself with it.

      Reply
  16. Megan says:

    It continues to amaze me how many of us there are. And I’m so proud of us for learning to speak up! I just recently joined this journey. Previously thinking, well, my father is an a$$hole, what are you gonna do? *shrug* But the light bulb went on this past summer and I realized that I WAS abused and it has affected me in HUGE ways. Shortly after I started therapy (she is wonderful!!!) was my birthday and my thankfully NOT N husband (he has completely different baggage…) “forced” me to decide what to do to celebrate. What agony! He wouldn’t give any indication of what he would prefer. As I dithered about for an hour he calmly sat there waiting. And finally we went. And it was lovely! My biggest fear is that my ridiculously low self esteem has irreparably damaged my young adult children. But they knew that they mattered and were loved. Hoping that’s enough?!

    I HATE okra.
    I love baking.
    I also read the Twilight series and enjoyed them immensely, in spite of themselves! πŸ™‚
    I like historical romances. (a little embarrassed by that one)
    I like Monty Python and Mel Brooks movies.
    Love spending time with my cats and Autumn is my favorite time of year.

    Reply
    • RageRuth says:

      I worry about my kids too..but they were always loved and never or at least RARELY ridiculed.

      I love your list! And read all the fucking romance you want. You like what you like..it only has to be good enough for YOU..fuck what anyone else thinks.

      I’m relatively new to this as well. I had my second therapy session yesterday and really hoped to get a funny blog post out of it. Funny thing is..it didn’t make me feel funny AT ALL. It made me feel like I still have a long way to go. But I am up for it.

      Good luck, sister. It sounds like you’re on the right track!

      Reply
    • OMG, OKRA. It’s like eating slugs. Or like what I imaging it would be like to eat slugs…which I won’t EVER need to do because I’ve tried okra.
      MILF Runner recently posted…I’m not feeling very blogalicious right nowMy Profile

      Reply
      • Michelle says:

        Gah..Although, I like gumbo and okra is part of that.

        Reply
      • Megan says:

        LOL! Okra IS probably like eating slugs… Good thing I wasn’t drinking when I read that. The part that REALLY gets me about the okra thing is that my father will get that irritating smirk on his face like he’s all king shit because he likes them and KNOWS that I’m supposed to like them, too. Like – what – are you gonna cancel my birthday because I don’t those slimy, fuzzy things that I was forced to eat as a child?!

        Reply
  17. So pleased I came to visit. I was raised by narcissists. But I was onto them at a very early age. And I agree…symbolism is way overrated. Just entertain me.
    MILF Runner recently posted…I’m not feeling very blogalicious right nowMy Profile

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      I WISH I had been on to them at an early age…I might be way beyond this stage by now. Although…it is what it is..

      Reply
  18. ideationms says:

    Adult children of abusive parents go through the same thing. When disagreeing means being harmed you learn to keep everything wrapped up inside you. My opinion was never asked for or considered. It’s hard to know how I feel about things sometimes. It can take days for me to realize.

    Reply
  19. Cathy says:

    You all give me hope. (I won’t go into all the details as I know you all have similar stories) I was married to an N for 20 years and divorced for 15 years. I have 3 adult daughters who are still under his influence. The eldest “Golden Child” has not had any contact with me for 10 years, the middle one for 3 years and my youngest is OK but I can not mention her father in any conversation. My xN is currently in jail for sexually abusing his step-daughter, however even though it has gone to court twice and he has been convicted twice (the 1st was declared a miss trail due to a technicality- and I do not believe that he sexually abused my daughters), he still has them convinced he is innocent and it was all a set up by his second wife to get his money, which he doesn’t have. I thought that this would be the eye opener for them. Although I am healed from most of what I suffered being with this evil man, I still suffer daily over the loss of my children. What I would like to know is what was the catalyst that gave you the realization that your N parent was not the god they believe themselves to be.

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      I can’t answer that question as I started disliking him at a very young age. I know I carried a lot of guilt as a teenager over how I felt about him. If I’m honest, I still carry some guilt over the way I feel (or better yet, don’t feel) about my father. My father didn’t act as the type of narcissist who had a clear cut golden child. My middle sister was as close as we get to a golden child, but honestly, he treated her like shit as well. When I was very small he treated me like a princess, but that all changed by the time I was 7 or 8 years old.

      I’m sorry you’ve gone through this and having no or limited contact with your children has to be devastating. I’m truly sorry for this. Have you seen a counselor at all? It’s very possible that you suffer from PSTD.

      I wish you peace.

      Reply
  20. Eleanor says:

    I keep coming back to this page, because it’s the only place I have found that talks about self-doubt in basic opinions. It’s not that I wasn’t allowed to have opinions–I wasn’t allowed to have preferences. I was constantly agreeing with my parent’s pronouncements, because disagreeing was too uncomfortable. A lot to think about.

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      It’s taken a while to work through this as I only discovered the narcissism stuff about a year and a half ago. It’s not always a fun journey, but it explains a lot and is freeing. I wish you luck in this and that you find your voice. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  21. I’m sorry. Batman is not just a movie. And you’re not allowed to like Twilight because (spoiler alert) that giant battle at the end? NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED which makes the biggest cop-out ending ever. A full day of watching that bs for my gf and the only good part of the whole thing never fucking happened.

    But you may continue having the rest of your opinions.

    I’m joking of course. Except about Twilight. And Batman. The rest is a joke.
    Please Return to Owner recently posted…I Killed My TortoiseMy Profile

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      HAHAH. Yeah, that is true. The giant battle scene never happened.

      Still liked the books, though. And I’ll see Batman and probably like Ben just fine. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  22. Eleanor says:

    I think I skimmed past the part about board games when I read this before. I really dislike board games, Scrabble stresses me out, and Chess is HORRIBLE!

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      I don’t even know how to play chess. I loathe Monopoly. It’s so boring. And as horrible as this sounds, I hate playing Candyland. I hated playing it with my kids and I hate playing it with my grandkids. I WILL play it…but I don’t like it. It’s so painfully boring.

      Reply
  23. Eleanor says:

    I hate the part in Candyland whereyou are almost done, and you get the card that sends you back to the beginning of the path! Agh!

    Reply
  24. Andrea says:

    I wrote this today, just some thoughts xx

    I am the child of a narcissist
    I do not know myself very well
    When I try to put my finger
    On the pulse of who I am
    I see a million mirrors
    All of them reflecting back
    Who I think I might be
    Who I have been told I am
    Who I want to be but cant
    Who I try to be
    But the fit is never right
    It’s always just off
    I am an imperfect piece
    Trying so hard
    To be whole

    I am the child of a narcissist
    Take the time to know me
    Please
    It will take time
    It might take time
    But in time
    You will meet my many mirrors
    And I think you might love them all
    They are all me
    Despite their differences
    And none of them are all me
    Despite their differences
    If you give it time
    I will be a reflection of you
    What you want
    What I think you want
    What I think others want
    Please though
    Sometimes
    Take the time
    To reflect back
    What you see in me

    I am the child of a narcissist
    If you don’t understand
    Research it please
    Google gets it
    Better than me
    I need you to understand
    when I don’t understand
    The child of a narcissist is a million colours
    Sometimes too brilliant for this world
    When they come to understand
    The self awareness it takes
    For the reason why
    They feel so person-less
    Empty
    Carved out
    Mirror shade
    Ghost town
    Broken car
    Empty lot

    I am the child of a narcissist
    But if you let me
    I will reflect you
    always
    Just please
    Every now and then
    Take the time to understand
    That I do not know myself
    Every now and then
    What I am
    Will not be what you want
    Or need
    Or desire
    But please, understand
    When tomorrow comes
    And I am not her any more
    That she is just resting
    Until the demands of today allow her
    To come out again
    To play with you
    And be the child
    that she was never allowed to be

    Reply
  25. Sheree says:

    Dear Andrea,
    You are a beautiful poet.
    Thank you.

    Reply

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