Bedazzle Our Boob Socks

Randy and I talk to our mountain friends every Friday evening.

We’ve been doing this for years now. We call it Friday night youth group. There aren’t any real rules, other than there should be a round of word ball and a discussion which revolves around butts, boobies, or some other body part that is usually covered when one is in public. Because we are grown ups and can talk about whatever we want. God. You have to read that like Napoleon Dynamite. 

Last Friday, we talked about something called a Ta Ta Towel. Mountain Girl alerted me to this product earlier in the week. Here is an article about the Ta Ta Towel.

In a nut shell, the towel helps eliminate the annoying boob sweat you get after showering. This towel drapes behind your neck, the ends are cupped, and you just slide your sweaty boobies into the Ta Ta Towel. Voila, boob sweat thwarted.

Unrelated, but not really, pretty sure the last time we visited the mountain friends in person, my boob sweat was at least 40 proof. 

Anyway, if you don’t have a good visual of this product, look at the article. I’ll wait.

Anyway, we were fascinated with the Ta Ta Towel, but when we were talking about it, we couldn’t remember the name. We kept calling it a boob sock. Then, we talked about that thing women are doing to cover their nipples in glitter or sequins or little jewels and then the rest of the boobs in glitter and then going to music festivals or to clubs or to job interviews. I don’t know. I don’t know anyone who has actually done that.

Mountain girl and I decided enough years have passed that the nipple glitter ship sailed. But then along comes the Ta Ta Towel! We could bedazzle a Ta Ta Towel and wear that to a music festival instead of the nipple glitter, which really, when you get hot and sweaty, wouldn’t your nipple cover just slide off? With a bedazzled boob sock, you make a bold fashion statement and keep your boob sweat under control.

This scenario is rather unlikely as I would rather have tea with the Duggar family rather than go to a music festival. It’s hot and sweaty and there are too many humans in a small area. Plus, porta potties. Fuck porta potties.

Mountain girl and I decided that wasn’t fair to the dudes. They need a new fashion.A fashion which keeps their, well, parts lifted up and sweat free.

So we decided we needed to invent an infinity scarf for the scrotum. It would just be an infinity scarf that you would wear around your neck, but it would be long enough to reach the scrotum area and you would just loop it under your area. We were relatively positive that people who actually have a penis would not enjoy such a device, but it would also be bedazzled, so there’s that.

There is also a very good chance that we suck at inventing things.

Okay, word ball. I can’t remember if I’ve told you about word ball or not and I am way way too lazy to go and search. Word ball is taking a word or phrase and building on it. For instance, we start with the word “arctic”, then then next person says “circle” then “jerk” then “off”, so we end up with “arctic circle jerk off”. You can also build new words from the end of the previous word. Every week, the phrase “I hardly knew Hermoine Granger Rick roll” makes an appearance.  Also, no one wants to follow Randy. It’s terrible to follow Randy. He makes it his goal to come up with words that are hard to build on. 

Still, it’s a good game and word ball has given us phrases like “Humanity or coffee shop till you drop acid”  and “Pave the road to hell in a hand basket of fries and a coke dealer of cards.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

41 Thoughts.

  1. Everybody needs to go out and buy these things during their 15 minutes of fame, just so they can explain it to future generations of people who might run across it in the wardrobe.

    Do you remember those snuggie things from a few years back – the ones that looked like you were in a really lame cult of some kind? Imagine having to explain that to some young person 20 years from now.

    “It seemed like a good idea at the time” is a powerful statement that people of a certain age get to say to confuse and disappoint the next generation.

  2. It is the dumbest thing I ever saw…I have boob deodorant and it works just fine! I think people just keep coming up with dumb stuff and say lets see who is dumb enough to buy it…much like pet rocks and the damn things the kids are using right now…what are the fidgets or fit bits or something..LOL…why can’t we come up with something stupid and sell it….We are smart women!!

  3. Okay. 2 things
    1. I want mountain friends.
    2. Think about The fact that you can put your bedazzled nipple in exactly the right spot! Now those boobs are perky!
    Oh wait one more thing word ball sounds amazing we’re going to start that this week!

  4. I have a long scarf that I tie around the back of my neck that lifts my boobs up to a desired height of my choosing, thereby keeping the sag and the sweat off the rest of my body. I came up with the idea a long while ago, but have not seen fit to mention it as it seemed like a personal issue that no one else would want to know about. Also, my way would enable smaller breasted women to make use of it – the Ta Ta Towel looks like it would slip off with movement of anyone smaller than a C cup. Feel free to try my idea and save yourself $45.00.

      • Thank you BarbaraM!!! I’m sorry someone patented your great idea and now you don’t get the credit 🙁
        I LOVED the idea of the Ta Ta Towel, but I couldn’t figure out how I was gonna keep it under my girls…

        • There’s always baby powder/corn starch. Works wonders unless you’re actually outside, and even then it’s good for about 10 minutes (in South Florida). As far as the patent goes, yeah, I’m always a day late and $1.00 short – runs in the family I’m afraid. Besides, because it’s “adjustable” I think more people (man boobs included) would be inclined to try it.

    • As President For Life of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, I can confirm: there’s no way that thing is going to stay put under my booblets without some additional straps. And when I’m trying to get ready (with Husband whinging about how long I take and how he’s waaaaiting for me) the last thing I need is an uppity towel making me feel bad about my figure.

      It might as well point out that my butt’s gotten bigger as it floats uselessly to the floor.

  5. I don’t think the sales are high for the boob sweat towel because no one wants to admit they sweat or that they sweat under between or around their boobs. As a fashion bedazzled piece I think you are on to something!

  6. Word Ball sounds like so much fun – I’m introducing this to my tribe when we travel to Bali in October. We just spent a weekend together playing Cards Against Humanity, and I have not laughed that hard or that long in ages.

  7. I was so happy to see you updated. And with a fun post. I needed a happy fun post to remind me not to hate all of humanity shop til you drop acid. I think I did that wrong.
    Anyway the fact they call it a ta ta towel will stop me from using it. That and it reminds me of those tops I wore as a child in the 70s that seems to be made out of terry. Is terry a material? Anyway like towel material. Except the ta ta top is really unflattering I would think. And despite myself I am my mother’s child and I won’t buy anything that looks unflattering on me. Even to just wear around the house. Because I’ve bought into that whole thing where I want to be “presentable” even at home 3/4 of the time (you can guess when my 1/4 time corresponds to. It’s when I don’t care about anything and you’re lucky if I get out of bed).
    Thank you for the smiles and laughs!

  8. Oh my. I thought the website would be a joke – but those tatatowels are for real???

    My boobs are so droopy I just tuck a towel under them while I dry my hair – and the towel doesn’t move at all. hahahahahaha

  9. OK I had to ask Briana, who has a scarf collection, what an infinity scarf was, and after she told me, we decided it bears much too close of a functional resemblance to a tourniquet for me to want it wrapped around my nether regions…

  10. We used to get together for pot luck dinners (aka drink fests!) and play a limerick game I invented.This is played like consequences. The host writes a lot of first lines on bits of paper, There was a young fellow from Hull, etc. The first person, writes the next line, folds the paper and passes it to the next person. The next person drinks adds a line and repeat until the limerick is finished. All get read out – great fun and some really good limericks.

  11. I was going to be all over the tata towel, but its 40 freaking dollars. Ill go back to tucking my t shirt under my books in a way that embarrases the 4 men I live with.

    The only thing I ever bedazzled was my cast boot, because I had to wear it for 9 months. I also decorated it with patterned duck tape, which held up better.

  12. Omg, the Ta Ta Towel! We had a good time laughing about it. Then I ordered one just for the fun of it. Ridiculously priced but thought they deserved to sell at least one since it was so entertaining. Here’s the thing. You can do the same thing with a old soft comfy tee shirt. Put on shirt. Draw bottom hem of front of shirt up through the neck then wrap around and tie off. Voila!

    • Word ball is amazing. We’ve lost so many clever turns of phrase by not recording it or writing it down. And if you get a tata towel, will you bedazzle it? Please?

  13. Hey, there are men who could also use a ta-ta towel, although they’ll probably want to come up with a more “manly” name for it (see “bro” and “manzier”).
    There’s something to throw to Randy during a game of Word Ball, which sounds like a hilarious and fun game.
    Anyway I’m sorry boob sweat is another shitty thing women have to deal with. A couple of weekends ago a friend and I were discussing cancer and she said she thought testicular cancer was worse because man parts do something “but boobies are just for fun”.
    I’m too polite to argue, especially since I’ve never had boobs, but obviously your boobage may vary.

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