The Cost Of Narcissism

I  bet you thought this would be about the emotional cost of narcissism. The self esteem that a child is robbed of by their narc parent or the sense of security that is taken from the  spouse of a narcissist.

But no, we’re talking actual cost here.

I am broke ass. The company I work for is broke ass. They used to have this program where you could get six free visits with a psychologist, but along with the 401K match, that was cancelled.

One of the things that I’ve read over and over and OVER is how broken children of narcissists are and we need boatloads of therapy. I still haven’t gotten our spare car fixed and the electric company is getting a little snippy, so that means there is no money for therapy.

I tried to find a therapist that takes our insurance but failed.

When I say ‘tried’ I mean I googled area therapists and sent 3 emails. 

What I DID find, was a group that has an intern that is taking new clients. She charges 10.00 a session. I can afford 10.00 a session. I found discounted therapy! This is going to work out GREAT!

I spoke with the girl on the phone and in the interest of privacy, I am going to give her a brand new name for my blog posts about my discount therapy. She sounded about 15 years old  and as I am a big Buffy geek, I decided to name her Dawn.

I asked Dawn if she studied narcissism in school or if she had any experience counseling people who are adult children of narcissists. She said that she was a social worker before deciding to be a therapist and mostly has experience with children.

As it happens, I have an inner child that could probably use the therapy as much as I need it…so..maybe this isn’t a terrible idea.

If nothing else, perhaps Dawn will learn from her sessions with me.

19 Thoughts.

      • It could be, depends what kind of counselling she provides. I was lucky, I got on a programme here which meant I got 6 months for free and it was really helpful. Actually that’s an understatement, it was a life saver in one of the darkest times of my life. You may find talking about it openly with someone who is completely neutral is therapy in itself, so even if she isn’t an expert it may do you good. I had already read a lot about this and had a pretty good understanding of it but it was still an eye opening experience and the main issue I have is how to get past it and not fall into that same pit again. However, just to have it confirmed that I’m not crazy, that the things I’ve had to deal with are more than any human being could cope with and not feel the way I have. Most of all it confirmed that my instincts are right, have always been right and that I should not ignore them because someone else tells me to.
        Narcissists are socio-paths and you can’t begin to try to have a reasoned discussion with one. When you have been constantly undermined, had your wishes over ridden and been belittled so much for so long…and worse, you do start to wonder if it is in fact you. It isn’t…and having that confirmed by someone who actually knows what they’re talking about is freeing.

        • I am really hoping that I gain some understanding with this therapy. If nothing else..it should jog some shit loose for blog material. 🙂

          I’m glad the counseling helped you!

  1. I wondered when I saw the title which cost it was referring to. Mainly because I am on the verge of deciding to quit therapy/counselling after around one year.

    One of the issues I have is repeating cycles & unfortunately where money is concerned it tends to go something like: clear debts, save, spend, rack up credit … & repeat. When I finally saw a therapist I was at rock bottom & he said that finances shouldn’t come into it (I guess he would) & that he’d previously told patients that incurring debt would be preferable to not getting help. He was the first person to ever mention the ‘N’ word & was remarkably astute – read me like a book, almost uncomfortably so. Unfortunately I had to move away & I only managed about 6 sessions with him. I only lasted about 6 sessions with the therapist I saw when I moved as it just didn’t seem to be working out.

    As the months have gone by with my current therapist my awareness has improved, I’ve rebuilt my life (to a degree at least) & recovered I guess. Although the cycles still continue & the same mistakes get repeated. Now I have 2 problems – one being the £40 per week (around $65US) for the therapy when I’m trying to repay debts (again), & the second that as an adult child of a narc’ I have tendencies of my own that can render some sessions less productive at best. If I could leave him at the door then the money struggle might be worth it but I’m currently thinking an extra £170 ($275US) would be a good start to sorting out my finances. Quite where losing the therapy would leave me I really don’t know.

  2. I always feel irritated when a therapist says he’s learning from me… because I’m paying YOU, remember? Shouldn’t YOU be helping ME? But your discount therapy doesn’t sound bad. If it doesn’t work out, try http://www.psychologytoday.com... you can search for therapists that take your insurance, and you can even search for therapists who do sliding scale fees!

  3. How in the world did you find this person?!?! I have been looking for someone for a few months now. I saw a TERRIBLE therapist about 6 years ago and I was pissing money down the drain for about 4 months. Since then, I just can’t open up the yellow pages and pick someone. My mom knows of (supposedly) a very good one but it’s like an hour away and I don’t know how much he costs. It’s so hard to find someone. It is a huge investment for your mental health’s sake but if you choose the wrong person, you’ll be taking steps backward instead of forward. I hope this intern can help you though. Good luck! 🙂

    • I just lucked into it. I’m kind of skeptical when it comes to therapy. I think I’ll be able to determine if it’s helping or not. I’m not afraid of it doing any damage, though. I know how damage feels so I’m sure I can sort it out. At this point, I’m just curious.

  4. Tips:

    1) She’s an intern, so is not allowed to practice independently without weekly clinical supervision. Get her supervisors name and check that person out;
    2) she’s an intern, so first session ask her how she is taking steps to increase her knowledge of narcissistic personality d/o and effects on children, and Adult Children of same;
    3) Ask her when she did her own therapy, and for how long. If she hasn’t done therapy herself, well…that’s not so good. You don’t need details, just a yes/no answer from her.
    4) let me know if you have any questions (I’m a clinician and 5150 evaluator in CA).

    • Thank you!! I’m not expecting much. I’m just hoping to jog a few more things loose and see what happens next. And I will let you know! Thanks for the tips. 🙂

      wait 5150 evaluator? Isn’t that the code for someone who is insane? Because I’m totally not. I’m more like 5148 or 5147.

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