I’m A Six Goat Girl

Get your mind out of the gutter. I didn’t mean it that way. Perv.

Priscilla, Queen of the Cubicle and I are talking about the approaching storm and wondering if it will mean we’ll get some excitement at work this afternoon. In the meantime, we’re doing what we do best. Talking about nothing.

Me: I took a quiz on FB and it says that I’m only worth 6 goats. SIX. It didn’t even take into account that I can make really good cookies.

PQOTC: Hahahahah

Me: I think I’m worth at least a dozen goats.

PQOTC: What kind of goats?

Me: It doesn’t say.

This is the part where I send her a link so she can take the quiz.

Me: Hurry up. I want to know how many goats you are worth.

PQOTC: I’m hurrying! Hold your goats.

Me: Hahahah

Me: I mean,  Bababababa

Me: Maybe I am only worth 6 goats, but dammit, I’m going to be the best 6 goat girl I can be.

PQOTC: Dammit. 6. Maybe that’s the max

Me: Nope. I saw a 9 goat girl on FB.

Me: Hahaha. You’re only worth 6 goats, too. It’s probably because you don’t have a uterus anymore.

PQOTC: Dammit! I could get at least 3 goats for my uterus.

Me: You’re right though, it doesn’t say what kind of goats. We could be fainting goats or screaming goats. Not normal goats who don’t have zillions of videos on youtube.

PQOTC: Maybe we’re fighting goats! Or exotic goats!

Me: Paint me like one of your French goats.

Me: I’ve watched so many goat videos that it’s embarrassing.

PQOTC: Yeah, I’ve watched more than I care to admit.

Me: I’m missing ‘new copier’ training to have this goat conversation.

PQOTC: Why in the fuck do you need copier training?

Me: I guess I’ll never know since I blew it off.

PQOTC: Too bad. That’s a notable skill for a resume. It could make the difference on getting that next job.

Me: I’d rather talk about goats.

And this, my friends, is why I don’t know how to use the new copier at work.

 

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  1. Rocco says:

    HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I got 7 goats…..
    Rocco recently posted…Have You Ever?My Profile

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  2. There’s an actual quiz? What are the questions like? What’s the criteria? Dammit. I’m going to take this quiz, aren’t I? That was rhetorical. We both know I will. *sighs* I’ll be back with my goat status……
    #$!%& these quizzes are taking over my life.
    Beth Teliho recently posted…Did she just…grab my ASS?!My Profile

    Reply
  3. WOOP! Here was the exact answer:
    8. Not only will his dad give you 8 goats, he’ll throw in his brother too!

    Now that’s how you start a Friday! I hope the brother’s hot.
    Beth Teliho recently posted…Did she just…grab my ASS?!My Profile

    Reply
  4. qwertygirl says:

    7 goats. And I ditched video conferencing equipment training at my office. If the system is so complicated it requires a two hour training session to explain how to use it, I want nothing to do with it. I’ll just use a conference bridge and email PowerPoints like they did in caveman days, thanks.
    qwertygirl recently posted…Wallowing in Their Own FilthMy Profile

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  5. Jana says:

    This reminds me of a story they used to tell us all the time in church when I was a teenager — it’s called “Johnny Lingo and the Ten Cow Wife” — basically, Johnny is looking for a wife and the one he decides on is a sullen, ugly girl. The other village girls brag about how many cows their husbands paid for them and tell her she will be lucky if Johnny pays one cow for her. Her dad decides to ask for three cows, thinking that way, when Johnny refuses, he can probably get one cow. But when he asks for three, Johnny says that is not enough for his wife — and pays an unheard of TEN cows! Apparently, finally feeling self-worth and true love, the woman is suddenly much more beautiful and everyone suddenly likes her.

    The moral of this story? Johnny and the girl’s father are assholes who believe a woman can be bought and sold — and that a woman’s value can be equated to a number of COWS! Also, village women are bitchy shrews and easily swayed in their opinions by large displays of wealth.

    That’s why I don’t go to church anymore 🙂
    Jana recently posted…The Incredible Shrinking FoxMy Profile

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    • Michelle says:

      HAHAHAHAAH

      Yeah, that is a horrible church story. Our beauty is just a reflection of other people..our self worth is in their opinions and cows. Awesome

      Reply
  6. Bratfink says:

    Your goat worth is:
    8. Not only will his dad give you 8 goats, he’ll throw in his brother too!
    .
    They’d better be fainting goats because that shit is funny as hell.
    .

    Reply
  7. Lorien says:

    I’m pretty sure it’s a conspiracy – if you’re anywhere in “the desperate years” (28 and over – FOR FUCKING REAL, PEOPLE!!??) your goat-worth will be no more than 6. Maybe if I had lied and answered “Hot” to the fashionable question…
    Lorien recently posted…Dealing Strange After 2 A.M.My Profile

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  8. Bratfink says:

    *I* am anything but desperate! I’m 57. /:)
    .

    Reply
  9. Kaye Winter says:

    I got 9! Woo hoo!

    Reply
  10. Eva says:

    OK I got 9 – 9!!! I can’t imagine why either. I think it was “move and not embarrass the stinky guy” cause frankly my eggs are not farm fresh, I’m sharp tounged and not very subservient – things I imagine the kind of men who trade women for goats might be looking for. Is it stupid that this quiz and your funny post was the highlight of my day? can I get an extra goat for that?
    Eva recently posted…Krauts, Frogs and Handsome Julio – More Witch Dr’s and WoeMy Profile

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  11. Doug in Oakland says:

    I got 7, but they made me lie on 2 of the questions. Also, could the training you missed have been about the operation of a 3-D printer with which you could print as many damn goats as you please?

    Reply
  12. Deb says:

    Well, not to brag or anything, but here’s my results.

    “Your goat worth is:
    9. You’re almost the most beautiful girl here.”
    Deb recently posted…Grocery Haul Monday Day 949 Just A Bit LateMy Profile

    Reply
  13. Dr. Feelrealgood says:

    Do Not Worry About De Goats:

    Goats are very, very good for you. They should sleep only in
    the television room because if they sleep in the kitchen
    they will eat it.

    Whenever my four wives are troubling for me
    I tell them: “Breeng De Goats!”

    Yes.
    No.
    Maybe.

    You have goat, yes?
    Is he a he, and is his name Achhhmed?

    Or is she a she and needs to maybe be beaten, you think?

    Do not do this. She the She will wait until you sleep
    then bite you on your ass. Yes. I know.

    Good-Bye
    (P’Tah, the El-Daoud)

    Reply
  14. Jackie says:

    7… but like:

    Age options: 28+ years old (the desperate years)

    WHAT? Sweet Jesus.

    Question 6: What’s your current situation?
    Student
    Doctor/Lawyer/Engineer
    Artist
    Unemployed but it’s okay, my husband/boyfriend will pay for everything
    Secretary

    Those are the ONLY options? LOL

    But now I crave goat cheese.
    J

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      Yes, I agree, they didn’t ask enough questions. They don’t even know how many grapes I can get in my mouth at once. That should earn me at least another half goat.

      Reply
  15. AlienCG says:

    I am worth….9…NINE!…Goats. Bow before me!
    AlienCG recently posted…WWACGD? Trapped in an ElevatorMy Profile

    Reply
  16. ThingsRFine says:

    First I was 8 goats. Next I lied and lied and tried new lies until finally I became a 10 goat girl:
    10. Marriage material. Natalie Portman, is that you?

    So I guess this means Natalie Portman would let her loved one die, because I think that is the question that pushed me up to 10 goats. 🙁

    Reply
  17. Val says:

    NINE goats, bitches! & they’re all Boer goats too 😉

    Reply
  18. Paint me like one of your French goats made me bust up laughing. I am ALWAYS looking for a way to slip that into conversation and you just nailed it.

    Reply
  19. Me says:

    PMSL _ I wish I worked with you !!!
    Me
    Me recently posted…Things I KnowMy Profile

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  20. I got 9!! #Winning
    Nancy Teixeira recently posted…when you gotta go, you gotta goMy Profile

    Reply
  21. Mine said I’m not even worth a field mouse….hm….

    Oh well.
    That Nerdy Girl recently posted…Stop planning. Start doing.My Profile

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  22. Honey says:

    I got a ten and I didn’t cheat.. but the test is still sexist garbage.
    Honey recently posted…Just put a bunch of new listings in my online book store.  This…My Profile

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  23. Liv says:

    Hahahahahahahahaha. Seriously. What’s the website?
    Liv recently posted…Starbucks in the News Again with their Heart Sugar CookiesMy Profile

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