Don’t be so sensitive.
I have no way of knowing if the following is true. I am not worldly. I live in the Midwest. My life has not been filled with exotic adventure and new experiences as much as it has mind numbing hours in cubicles and short sighted day dreams.
I guess I could always fact check, but fact checking bores me. This is why I write for Rubber Shoes In Hell and not MSNBC. I might be able to get a job at Fox news, though.
But I digress.
A friend and I discussed how being labeled ‘sensitive’ can be a detriment in the U.S. Sensitive equals cry baby. Sensitive equals weak.
Don’t be so sensitive.
Which is complete bullshit. There is nothing weak about being sensitive for fuck’s sake. Weak people can’t shoulder the mountain of emotion and feelings that come with being sensitive. Super heroes shoulder that kind of weight.
Here’s the part I didn’t fact check, but my friend is super smart, so I’m assuming she’s correct. She told me in France, to be considered sensitive means being being sensible. If after absorbing an event or someone’s words, you laugh, cry, scream, or rant, then you are sensibly expressing yourself. Being sensitive equals strength.
That makes so much more goddamn sense to me than the way we are conditioned to see sensitivity.
I am guilty of perpetuating this negative perception of sensitive people.
I am sensitive.
I have always been sensitive.
I don’t deny that I’m sensitive, but I don’t normally offer that up, either. If I am asked, I admit to being sensitive, but always with an implied apology in the admission.
Fuck that right in the face.
What’s so wrong with being sensitive?
I’m taking back sensitive.
Which, really, means dick. Just because I say I’m taking back sensitive doesn’t mean the world changes. Deciding that sensitive isn’t a bad thing won’t magically make people stop demanding that others stop ‘being so sensitive’.
Who says that shit, anyway?
I’ll tell you who says it…people who just got finished saying something mean or hurtful. They act like a dick and when you react sensibly, they get all butthurt, like you just did something wrong. Do they consider for a minute that their comment or joke might have been callous or cruel? Oh, fuck no. It’s the sensitive person’s fault for having feelings.
What is the benefit of swallowing our feelings and having a Teflon coating? Is it better to feel nothing? Is it better to be a goddamn robot? Not gonna lie, I wouldn’t mind being a robot for a day or two. But only if I could shoot lasers out of my eyes to melt off faces. I mean, if you can’t melt a few faces, where’s the fucking fun in being a robot?
I’m taking back sensitive. If I feel an emotion as a reaction to an event or words I read or hear, then I’m okay with that. I am tired of feeling ashamed for having feelings. I am tired of second guessing the way I feel and beating myself up because I can’t force myself to feel differently.
Perhaps we should value people and their feelings higher than we value people being dicks. Maybe instead of people saying ‘don’t be so sensitive’ we should be saying more often ‘stop being such a dick’.
The thing is, I am not thin skinned. That is very nearly true! I can dish it out and I can take it. That doesn’t mean if someone makes a callous or cruel statement that I’m not going to react. I might get angry or my feelings might be hurt. And fuck people who say shitty things and then accuse people of ‘being too sensitive’ if they object.
I am trying to remember if I’ve ever told someone to stop being so sensitive. I don’t have to think real hard to remember if I’ve ever said anything insensitive or mean, of course I have….but I don’t know if I told the person to stop being sensitive if they objected to what I said or did. I might have. I know I won’t say the phrase again.
I am never worrying over being ‘too sensitive’ ever again. I’m done with it. I am exactly who I am. There a many things that I need to work on to be a happier and more productive human, denying my feelings isn’t one of them.
Does that mean that I shouldn’t try to process anger or hurt feelings and then learn or grow from those feelings? No. Of course not. Does that mean that there are not some comments or even people who just are not worth my time? Of course not. If I let every comment or shitty remark from a person make me cry, well, then I’d probably be writing this through tears. Seriously, I’ve had enough mean comments on some Huffington Post articles I’ve written to last a decade.
I’ve often described myself as a walking, exposed nerve. I don’t think I’m being very fair to myself with that description. I can shoulder a fuck ton of garbage and I have. Just because I have feelings doesn’t mean I’m unreasonably exposed or defective.
I’m taking sensitive back. I mean it.
Probably.
OH OH OH.
Back in the DAY when the husband and I were emotionally connected Id often say that phrase.
IM FEELING LIKE A RAW NERVE.
so he knew to be gentle with me.
((Id entirely forgotten that.))
I feel that way a LOT and then I feel like I shouldn’t feel that way or that I’m weak or that it’s wrong. I’m tired of feeling that way. I feel the way I feel..and that is all. XXXXOOOOO
Bravo, I love this (from one who has lots of feelings and feels guilty about being sensitive, as well). I like the sensible part. (And the Fox news comment, hilarious).
Thank you! I don’t think we should feel guilty about being sensitive. Maybe more people should feel guilty about being callous instead.
I sort of hate to give the French credit for much that is useful, well besides French fries of course, but they seem to have a lock on this acting sensibly and being sensitive.
I like your argument that the person who says to stop being sensitive is just a dick. You are correct in this perception and the next time someone tells me to stop being so sensitive I am going to tell them to suck on a Rubber Shoe From Hell, Bitch.
HA! YES! please do tell them that, that would be awesome.
Yeah, apologizing for being sensitive…. I know that. Actually, apologizing for myself in general.
I think sometimes I behave dickishly pre-emptively to frighten people away so they won’t hurt me.
(You don’t mind if I lie on your couch, do you, Dr. P.C.?)
I seriously think you should change up the lyrics to Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake and shoot a video where you do the robot, complete with face-melting laser beams.
(I just want a frickin’ shark with a frickin’ laser beam — is that so hard?)
I love you so much right now. I’m going to make reading your words my morning routine. You make me laugh and make me think and mostly laugh. And yes, fuck those people who are assholes and then blame you for being sensitive about it. They are the worst kind of assholes. (not the worst, but really annoying)
I am sensitive too and so is our son. Sensitive means we are empathetic and that is an awesome quality. In Canada, we say sorry A LOT so when I see that I have said something that has hurt someone (oh, I can be a bit of a bully sometimes) that is my go to.
Well said !!!
And the next person who says to me don’t be so sensitive
I will kick those dicks right up there ass with the rubber shoe from hell . Im taken mine back to And I’m going to also print this out and read it til it sticks in my VERY sensitive brain
Let’smove to France, where we are appreciated.
I’m right behind you. Err…hoping you speak French?
Being sensitive is a freaking superpower…I’m so sensitive I know when women are pregnant, sometimes even before they know they’re pregnant!
Rock on with your sensitive self <3
It IS a superpower!!! <3
Sensitivity = superpower: I heart this so much.
You GO, girl! Wait… no! Come back here. (Sheesh. MUST you take everything so literally…?)
Seriously, I’d much rather be accused of being too sensitive than be called a dick. Not that there’s anything WRONG with a dick. Matter of fact, on behalf of my husband, sons, and many friends, why do we even call people a “dick” and mean it as an insult, anyway? Couldn’t we call them something that’s really bad… like ingrown toenail or belly fat?
Loved the line about writing for Fox. You’re one funny gal.
I get what you are saying about ‘dick’ I do..it’s just that it works SO WELL.
I grew up with only brothers and all my life I’ve been accused of being “over sensitive”. I can’t wait until Thanksgiving this year when I say “no, you’re just a huge dick”!
YES!!! I can’t WAIT to see how that goes.
I’ve always thought that people saying, “Oh, don’t be so sensitive!” or “Don’t you think maybe you’re being a little oversensitive?” was 100% pure deflection of their rude behavior. Or as you put it more succinctly, their being a dick. I’m all for calling out the dickiness! And thanks for the chuckle over MSNBC fact-checking more than Fox News…you’ll need to remove yourself much farther from mainstream media to find that job!
It is deflection. Dicks.
Honestly, I can’t imagine that I would ever write for any news source. It would be too tempting to make something up because it’s funny. Also, well…my writing voice really isn’t news worthy. haha
Yeah, the French have it right on a few issues, the food’s good too, and the weather, let’s all move there instead.
🙂
Okay! I guess I’ll have to learn French.
Now I wish I could go back in time to the times when people said to me, “You’re too sensitive” or “Don’t be so sensitive” and tell them “Fuck that right in the face!” Actually there were times when I said something similar…well, actually it was more like they fired a verbal rubber band at me and when they told me not to be so sensitive I turned around with a verbal equivalent of Al Pacino’s “Say hello to my little friend” gun.
You do that kind of shit when you’re sensitive, and I’m sure you know how terrible it feels when you realize how much you hurt the other person. They hurt you first, but two wrongs don’t make a right even if three rights make a left.
I love your comments! Yeah, any time I’ve hurt someone, even if they were asking for it..it never feels good to me.
You and me both. My daughter and I were talking about this very thing yesterday.
So ya,
I am taking sensitive back too.
and crazy.
I am taking crazy back.
You with me?
YES! I am totally with you!
Oh crap I don’t know how to paste a pic as a response… But I want to leave the meme which says:
“No, I’m not insulted when people call me sensitive. Feeling things deeply is my superpower. I’m an empathetic badass.”
OMG I LOVE THIS!!!!
Sister from another father! Me too, me too, and I recently made the same resolution. And that’s why I love the French and France! I think people say sensitive as if it was in opposition to smart and rational. Rational in this society is everything. But sensitive is coming back, it really is, and people are realizing that sensitive people are strong. People are writing about it more and more these days. Have you seen Brené Brown, The power of vulnerability? It’s a TED talk. Check it out. Thank you.
Anita
Thanks! I am checking that out!
I’m with ya, Michelle. My whole family spent years telling me I’m too sensitive but only after they make a cutting joke or two. Love this post! ya, I’m sensitive and that’s because I have empathy for others. I have lots of feelings. Have a happy and feely Thursday! We rock!
Yeah…it’s NEVER that they’re being dicks for telling mean jokes. sheesh.
Of all the things we worry about not doing right or doing flat out wrong, THIS is where I excelled. I did say things like, “try not to personalize,” or, “what are you reading into that?” but not the DBSS phrase.
Think about what that really saying. Exactly. Be less sensitive. And that is nothing to aim for.
Welcome to the sensitive side.
Thank you! And I think that it’s fair to point it out when people take things personally when it wasn’t meant that way. I have been sending more writing to other places and while I’ve had some success, I’ve had just as much rejection and I’m totally cool with that. I don’t take it personally.
Sensitive people ARE superheroes. We call them artists. This was explained to me once by a patient friend who happens to be a professional artist. When most people think of what it is that allows an artist to draw something on paper that they recognize as the image of something that exists in 3 dimensions in the world, the word they come up with is talent. But what does that talent consist of? It’s not like they have a different kind of hands than everyone else, they have an awareness of the details of reflected light that cause it to form the images we see, and they have that awareness of those details because they have a sensitivity to them. Which, according to my friend, tends to drive many of them crazy because the hypersensitivity you have cultivated in the name of your art doesn’t disappear when you have to go shopping, to work, or to the DMV…
Well…I don’t draw..but I am aware of what is around me, I’m always watching and listening and I have been accused of being hypersensitive. But I’m learning that I am who I am…I’m cool with being sensitive.
This is wonderful, you are so right, I also love you and want to move to France (although I’m a bit closer than you) AND I can speak enough French to get us food and drink! And maybe into trouble, if you want….
YAY! You can be the guide and the booze getter.
My mother always told me I was overly sensitive. That the kids at school wouldn’t be such bitches to me if I developed a thicker skin and just laughed it off.
I didn’t understand. Why should it be wrong to feel things, to care? The kids at school who didn’t seem to give a shit were also the most joyless.
Years later, recovering from my first rock-bottom experience with depression, I finally realized exactly how my mother’s argument was flawed. The last thing I needed was to stop being sensitive. Feeling nothing at all; now that was true hell. What I actually needed to learn was to distinguish between which people’s opinions mattered, and which people could go eat a bag of dicks. Acknowledge the emotions, but work through them to sort out what was constructive and what was groundless insult, and move forward accordingly. Find closure within myself rather than ignoring or repressing.
This is basically just reiterating most of what you already said, but I feel it bears repeating until we’ve beaten it into people that you can be sensitive AND strong at the same time.
Thank you for this! Yes…this. We are strong. It takes strength to feel.
You’re right, we get to decide how to process it and how we want to feel…but we are going to feel SOMETHING…which is so much better than nothing. I’ve been there as well and it IS hell.
‘Don’t be so sensitive’ is right up there with ‘No offense, but…’ If that is your lead in then just stop right there and shut your mouth hole because I can guaran-fucking-tee you that I will be offended!
EXACTLY!!!!!!!
It is right up there with ‘what ever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
. Oh how I hate that one. If I hear that one again I think I will go off the deep end. If I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me when I needed a friend or someone to talk to. I could buy a car. Why is it every one around me cries on my sholder but I have to be the strong one?
It does suck always being the strong one.
People who tell you not to be so sensitive are also the dicks who say, “Not to be rude or anything…” right before they say something incredibly rude or hateful. I’m sensitive, but I’ve done such a bang up job of erecting walls to hide it that sometimes I can’t break through them. Instead of reacting in a normal fashion to hurtful things, I’ll keep it all inside and then fall apart when slightly sad commercial comes on TV.
I think we are so much alike.
Being sensitive means being a caring person. I would rather be sensitive than totally divorced from emotions.
Me too!
This resonates so strongly with me! The correct response is, “I’m sorry I hurt you”. ALWAYS. Everyone deserves empathy – this doesn’t mean we need to agree with or support everyone, but we do need to try to be kind. (spell check tried to change, “be kind” to “know bs”.)
HAHHA…that’s hilarious..the BS part..not the rest. I agree so much. Being kind is something to aspire to
Thank you for this post. I always cry when people sing in church. I thought it was God’s way of telling me I wasn’t tough enough to be a christian….so I limit my time to weddings and funerals.
I am glad it spoke to you!
I hate hearing “Don’t be so sensitive!” after someone’s said something dickish and I’ve respond appropriately, almost as much as its asshole brother: “Can’t you take a joke?” Apparently I’m too sensitive to “take” a joke used to wrap an insult.
I fucking HATE ‘you can’t take a joke’. I hate it. It’s obnoxious.
Can we also stop apologizing too much and apologizing for apologizing too much? My mom is guilty of that. She is a very sensitive soul, but also very practical. …she’s a nurse. I wish she could take back her apologies and just be who she is without excuse.
my mother apologizes too much as well. I probably do too. I’m working on that shit.
I’m totally with you on this one. Ever since I was young, my parents claimed I was “overly sensitive” about everything. My husband thinks I am TOO compassionate. Why is this a bad thing? What’s the alternative—to be a douche bag? I’ll let my emotions show whenever I want, thank you very much, LOL. GREAT post! XO
Thank you..and I am with you! I do feel deeply, I hide it sometimes because it’s hard to be empathetic, but I’m glad I am.
I’m with you. I’m sensitive, and for the life of me, I can’t imagine how sensitivity ever came to be viewed as a flaw. I care deeply, and I act accordingly. It redeems my otherwise fucked up personality and raunchy, irreverent sense of humor.
Truthfully, I think we’re all sensitive. It’s just that many of us have been programmed to be embarrassed to show feeling. My brain has it’s problems, but just the thought of not being willing or able to share the way I feel about what’s happening around me makes me feel emotionally claustrophobic.
Being labeled insensitive is bad. So why is the opposite of that also bad? What are we supposed to do, anyway? Show no feeling and try to be invisible so that the judges won’t notice us? Fuck the judges. Right in their faces.
YES! Right in their faces!!!!
I read an article once (don’t know where…called In Defense Of The Highly Sensitive Person) again…”DEFENSE”…we do often feel we have to defend ourselves for having, ya know…FEELINGS. SO Good for fucking you for saying it in a very CLEAR WAY. YES! SENSITIVITY IS A GIFT. A motherfucking GIFT PEOPLE! and to quote what just might be my favorite quote of the year…to those who tell others to stop being so sensitive. “Fuck that right in the face!”
THANK YOU…you beautifully sensitive, gifted soul…
THANK YOU! Thank you so much.