It’s been a while since I’ve posted a conversation between me and my friend at work, Priscilla, Queen of the Cubicle.
I probably don’t tell her that I appreciate her enough. Or ever. I don’t think I could get through my work days if she weren’t here to talk to electronically. Don’t tell her I said that though, it will go to her head.
Priscilla and I have a specific way we greet each other via instant message every work morning. Hers is is always ‘hola’ and sometimes a variation of ‘about time you got here’ and mine is always the same: HOLA SNOTFACE! (Think Drop Dead Fred).
She loves it.
By loves it, I mean she hates it.
She’s also extremely demanding. If I don’t respond in what she deems an appropriate amount of time (roughly 3.8 seconds) I get a follow up message that says ‘Bitch, I said HOLA’.
The following is a typical morning conversation. You know, checking in with each other..making sure we made it to work okay…inquiring about how our evenings were.
HAHAHA. Okay, we usually don’t check on each other, unless it’s a good opportunity to nag. We never miss a good opportunity to nag. She would claim I nag her more than she nags me, but that just isn’t true. Also, she doesn’t have a blog, so she has no one to listen to her fantastical claims, anyway.
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Me: I’m already sweating like a horse.
PQOTC: Why are you sweating? Is it because you’re the devil?
Me: Old lady hormones.
Me: I took a quiz on Facebook to determine how bitchy I am and it says I’m only 53% bitchy. You should take it. You’d make the quiz catch on fire.
PQOTC: It would try to calculate my score and the internet would shut down.
Me: Hahaha. Yes. It would be: IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO HAVE MORE THAN 100%. And then the internet just winks out like a star. Priscilla killed the internet.
PQOTC: I’m 69% bitchy. So a regular bitch.
Me: That is so not accurate. It needs to ask new questions.
Usually at this point, we both do some work until someone pisses us off and we need to bitch about it, so it’s at least 20 minutes or so before we talk again.
If you find yourself trapped in a cubicle farm, I highly suggest getting your own Priscilla, they do make the day more entertaining.
I used to have friends outside of the cube farm that I would converse with and these days I have my girlfriend who is also outside of work.
Naturally, in order to find out highly accurate information on health or personality, we should always turn to that unbiased and highly reliable source of information, Facebook. I’m going to guess that I’m 12% bitchy most days and 92% on other days. I haven’t taken the quiz, but that’s what I think.
I think you should go with your instincts..you’re probably spot on with your bitch analysis
I am a ‘balanced bitch’ at 50%.
I SO NEED at Priscilla in my life. My dog is pretty cool, but he doesn’t understand me.
Yes, I am of the opinion that everyone needs a Priscilla
Sadly, I work from home and thus am PQOTC-less. I do, however, have an Aussy dog who lets me rub her belly. I’ll bet PQOTC doesn’t let you do that…
probably not. I think I’ll ask her just to see what she says
If she’s cat-like, be careful…if you touch that belly she may claw you to shreds 😉
She’s a bad ass and would SO kick my ass.
Everyone needs a PQOTC in their life, there would be much less stress in the world! Love this!
Thank you! And yes, there really would be. It’s pretty awesome.
Need to find that bitchy calculator. Pretty sure I’d score astronomically this morning.
Hahah..this conversation was from a little while ago, so I don’t even know where the link is anymore…
I work from home, but I have a Priscilla. I love your Priscilla and my Priscilla very much.
I’m glad you have a Priscilla! I guess we’re kind of Priscillas as well, aren’t we?
I need to take that quiz….along with some others in this office!!
I wish I could send the link, but this is from a conversation I saved from a while ago. It was probably a Buzzfeed quiz..
You two are like The Smothers Brothers but with snark and sass and badd-assery. I want my own PQTC – waaaah
Hahahha! Thank you! You really do need to find one, they’re awesome. We should start a Priscilla business!
You’re my Priscilla <3 But I also have a work friend I bitch about stuff with in the elevator. We also tell each other we look cute obnoxiously like YOU LOOK CUTE NO U
HAHAH! That is awesome and I am HONORED to be your Priscilla!
My Priscilla is uber fit and hot and young. Skanky bitch.
My “Priscilla” got a 2nd job on campus and is SOOOooo busy we can barely chat. Today I’m dying to ask her a stupid question because she’s the only one who listens to my neurosis and doesn’t judge (out loud). I need to know if the Director of Environmental Svs (aka Housekeeping) is here today since I’ve yet to hear anything about my application for the open position.
Great. I’m in such withdrawal I’m trying to use you as my “Priscilla”. :/
Please feel free! I am always available as a temporary Priscilla…I can’t answer your question, though. I will guess and say, YES she is in and will be offering you the job. (I hope I’m right)
I have had a couple of Priscilla’s. They move on, or their work demands change and *poof! I am left to my own devices and inside my own head wayyyyyy to much. *sigh I hope yours stays. 🙂
I have had a couple of Priscilla’s. They move on, or their work demands change and *poof! I am left to my own devices and inside my own head wayyyyyy too much. *sigh I hope yours stays. 🙂
Honestly, this is a toxic place to work and I would be THRILLED for Priscilla if she found something else..not gonna lie though…I would grieve.
Priscillas are what keep us sane and coming to work every day. I have a couple of Priscillas, based on the subject. One’s an email Priscilla I used to work with who’s three hours ahead of me, so I have to have my bitchy feelings on the subjects we cover together (annoying food trends, annoying internet trends, and annoying former coworkers). My other Priscillas are actually in my office, so that’s convenient. One is the “I don’t want to be here/I don’t feel like working” Priscilla. The other one is the “Share the ‘You’ll never believe this’ about THOSE Facebook friends of mine” Priscilla (because of course we all have THOSE friends on FB).
So you have a Priscilla and some spare Priscillas…that’s some forward thinking, right there.
I’ve had a Priscilla here and there, but sadly they all eventually leave me for more exotic places like Hong Kong or Scotland or Toronto. Maybe I’m sort of snarky office bitch Highlander. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
I am seeing you all in tartan right now!
I work with bitches if that counts. I would adore a Priscilla where I work. Alas, I only have pissy asses.
That sucks ass!
I had a message to warn me that someone I think of as a friend is telling everyone I’m a talentless alcoholic……
I think if she did the bitch quiz the entire world would shut down
🙂
You are my Priscilla some days!
I am HAPPY to be your Priscilla…and FUCK that person who is talking shit about you! Seriously. What an asshole!
Michelle, you should totally start a joint blog with PQOTC full entirely of your electronic conversations…it would blow up WordPress overnight
Phfft…I’d have to do all the work…
It would be funny, though..she’s hilarious.
You both are, I make sure I am NOT drinking anything hot whenever I read your stuff, just dangerous for the nostrils.
Hahaha…yes..burned nostrils are the WORST!
And thank you. 🙂
Some of my best friendships have been forged in the trenches of shitty jobs…
Well, I think that’s when we need friends the most.
You two are great. I think coworker relationships can be so fickle, it’s cool you have someone who you can openly mess with and it registers as affection/friendship… some people get so touchy it’s hard to know when it’s cool to really be yourself or not.
Also, everyone like to know they are appreciated. For sure. But since you two like to mess with each other, perhaps buy her some cupcakes, remove most of them, and leave a sign that says “This is to let you know you are a moderately important part of my life.” Just so, you know, she doesn’t get a big head or anything 🙂 I always love reading your blog.
You know what is most funny about this? Is that she brings me cupcakes. Whenever she is in a certain part of town, she stops at the gourmet cupcake place and brings me a cupcake…and even BETTER…is on my birthday, her little sister bakes me cupcakes with chocolate filling that are amazing.
We really do have no filter and as far as I know, neither one of us have been even remotely offended by the shit we hang on each other. There is genuine concern for each other, we just don’t speak of it. Or if we DO, the other one is gonna have a field day with it. It’s like a pressure release for both of us.
I’d love to work in the vicinity of your cubicle, I’d love to overhear these conversations. Comedy makes or breaks the hum drum days of working, I love to crack people up, if only I worked with people who have a sense of humor..
Most of the people I work with are humorless..and Priscilla works in a different department on the other side of the building. We don’t see each other very often but when we do, we smile and politely wave, like with everyone else and then get back to our desks and the conversation continues.
I vaguely remember taking that quiz a while back and it said something like 22% bitchy or some crap. Apparently I am super nice. I was rather disappointed.
You do seem like you’re nice to me…but you also seem like you have a bitchy streak down the middle, which really, is the perfect combo
I suppose I am lucky that in all my jobs, I’ve usually worked with mostly men and we communicate with one to two word profanity and hand gestures involving one particular finger.
That is pretty much how I communicate with my coworkers.
I suppose I am lucky that in all my jobs, I’ve usually worked with mostly men and we communicate with one to two word profanity and hand gestures involving one particular finger.
My friend that comes closest to my Priscilla is too nice, such a shame I need to toughen her up. I thought I was getting a Priscilla once. This is a woman I was doing a project with and we’d first touched by email. When I met her, the first words out of her mouth were “I should have know you were one of them skinny bitches. ” Sadly, life took us different directions.
You should start a matchmaking service for Priscillas.
That is a great idea! In my world, my Priscilla is one of them skinny bitches. She’s gorgeous and young and works out like a fiend so naturally, there are a lot of women at work who dislike her because of how she looks. (what the fuck is wrong with us???) Which is fine with me…if they can’t appreciate her extremely intelligent dark humor, well..their loss.
Okay…so, matching making priscilla service and perhaps a bootcamp for wimpy priscillas.
Gosh I miss all the Priscilla’s I’ve had in my life…. yes cause of work I get to meet many kinds. Your Priscilla sounds awesome. My latest one is not chatty at all. Tried sticking notes on her screen too but just got a haha. Hoping to catch her at lunch sometime and do Phoebe’s Smelly Cat imitation to get thru. I like her cause she hasn’t taken my favorite stapler,yet.
Maybe yours will warm up! And awesome about your stapler. haha. My son got a new job and he had a red swingline waiting for him at his desk.
Funny conversation—I agree—everyone needs a Priscilla!
I think it would raise job satisfaction everywhere..
I think it would raise job satisfaction everywhere..