I Am Not Responsible For Your Feelings

Do you know how good it feels to say that?

I am not responsible for your feelings.

Just typing those words makes me feel just a little bit lighter.

If you are the child of a narcissist, then you probably grew up feeling responsible for your narc parent’s feelings.

When a child is made to feel responsible for the feelings of others, they learn that lesson well, and whether it makes sense or not, they carry that shit into adulthood.

I am very aware of the emotions of others. I absorb the emotions of others. It’s goddamn exhausting.

For years, I have joked about being in charge of all the feelings of every human and how it’s a thankless job. I didn’t understand that this is a common issue for children of narcissists.

If I am near someone who is angry, sad or annoyed, then I am anxious. I can feel what they are feeling and have this compulsive need to make them feel better. If I am near someone who is angry, sad or annoyed and I am the cause of it, or if I even just perceive it that way, then the anxiety becomes unbearable. If I displease another human, that anxiety feels like my brain is being scraped with broken glass.

A difficult aspect of being in charge of everyone else’s emotions is that you have no control over when your own mood is going to change.

Imagine, if you will, waking up in the morning and actually feeling rested. You get the sugar to cream ratio perfect in your coffee and you don’t have to hunt down clean underwear. You hit every green light and traffic parts for you like Moses and the Red Sea. Even though you’re in a cubicle, you’re in a good mood, because seriously, this is a good goddamn morning. Then, as you are enjoying coffee in your ridiculously large travel mug, someone comes in and starts telling a story and they are livid. LIVID. Your shoulders start to creep up toward your ears. You feel your throat getting tighter. The good mood evaporates.

Even if the story is something about their kid’s sports team I am not responsible for your feelings and a coach who is unreasonable and has nothing to do with me, I still find myself getting anxious. Shit, they’re really upset. I should fix this. I have to make them feel better. I should also learn their kid’s name. 

I’m working on this.

I am not responsible for your feelings.

Which brings me to my inspiration for this post. I’ve written before about how I shouldn’t read the comments when I post elsewhere. I have also written about how I’m not going to stop reading the fucking comments.

Mostly, I can see that the more unhinged comments should be ignored, or at the very least, viewed as sort of twisted entertainment. There are some sad, strange people out there.

I don’t even mind when people tell me I have no talent. Hahaha. That isn’t true. I mind a little. The comments that baffle me the most, though, are the ones taking me to task for cursing.

There was a recent comment left on a site that reprinted one of my articles. The woman said “I agree with pretty much all of what you said – I just don’t get the need folks seem to have for using profanity. You’re a writer – I’m sure you know more words.” 

I don’t usually respond because I don’t like confrontation of any kind. If someone criticizes me, there is a big part of me that believes I deserve the criticism.

I did respond this time. I said “I DO! I know many words. I am pretty sure you wouldn’t like them, either.”

I responded because I am not responsible for her feelings.

I’m not. I am not concerned if anyone finds me offensive. You know why? Because I think it’s fucking stupid. I am who I am. I speak the way I speak, I write the way I write. If someone is offended by me, that is entirely on them. I also kind of wish they’d start dropping a few well placed “motherfuckers” because that shit is just satisfying.

Do I believe this entirely? Nope. But I think I might one day. And even if I don’t, I think I can make my peace with it. I’m learning that making peace with shit I can’t work through is kind of like working through it. Making my peace with my issues makes them easier to live with.

So, I’m working through this from one benign comment when I get an email from an editor at another publication who told me they got a really nasty message about me and she forwarded a copy of the message. Since this was a private message to the editor, I’m not comfortable copying and pasting the message, however, I will tell you the gist of it.

A woman was not at all pleased with my language. She doubted that I am the age that I say I am because I act like someone in my thirties. How does one even determine how we are supposed to act based on the decade we are currently in? She said that I am only marginally amusing. Marginally? Fuck you very much, I’m hysterical. She said that she went to my blog after reading my article and that I not only curse a lot, but I am proud of it. She said that from my blog, she learned that I am in my early forties and that I have one small child. And, for the record, she really hates the phrase “calm your tits”. Which is pretty much all I want to say to her. Also, who in the fuck reads an article, hates it, and then thinks “Hey, I think I’ll check out her blog”?

For the record, I think I know why she thinks I am in my early forties. It’s because of the tagline on my blog which says something about plugging my ears and going la la la la since 1972. The assumption she made is that I plugged my ears the year I was born, which is really stupid because what infant is going to plug their ears? That requires more manual dexterity than your typical infant possesses. I didn’t plug my ears until I was 9 years old. Also, I refer to my youngest as my “baby boy”. My baby boy is 18 years old. I guess she just didn’t get that far when scouring my blog looking for things to bitch about. 

For all that is holy, there are so many things we can get upset over. Personally, I can’t see expending energy getting butthurt over language, but to each their own.

I am not responsible for her feelings.

I will continue to be who I am. I will probably keep getting anxious around people displaying strong negative emotions and I will have to keep reminding myself that I am not responsible.

In the meantime, I wonder what that lady, who really hates my blog, but then kind of complimented me by saying I sound young, would hate more? Calling someone Cunty McCuntlips or calling them a supercilious twat monster who should probably calm her tits?

 

Photo courtesy of Ryan McGuire

 

 

 

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Add your comments below. Profanity is encouraged, but not required. ;)
  1. Troll says:

    The only way you’d be responsible for my feelings would be if you were in charge of everything I ever did, completely in charge, down to the atomic level. I used to think that for myself because of my family and then marrying a psychic vampire. GOD that was horrible. But, I picked her. Looks are definitely no more than skin deep. Twice and then I married the biggest liar I’ve ever seen. Stayed married to that for 10 years almost exactly.

    Now I’m married to a woman that is emotionally her own being. It’s great. I told her while we were still dating that if I was goin to have to work at this thing she’d better find someone else. I haven’t had to work at this beyond a few compromises. Small ones. I’m happy anyway. Not grinning, insanely happy but that comfortably happy. She doesn’t try to make me responsible for her feelings.

    I’d bet that woman who complained about your use of certain words was really ‘religious’. Those types are capable of trying to make you responsible for the time of day. Get this. I can’t fucking stand religious people. I’ve been so screwed over by them that God and I have to have our own damn religion. How about that? Fuck the rest of them. And fuck people who don’t see the word fuck as a safety valve of sorts. Keeps me from getting out the hammers and going after a few assholes. Hehe, fuck prison.

    Man am I ever messed up in the head. Good thing I’m getting therapy. Fuck normal though. Fuck it, fuckity fuck.

    Done for now. 🙂

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      Hahaha..I always love hearing from you. I don’t mind working at my relationship with Randy, it’s not hard work, but we’ve had to traverse some rocky roads to get where we are. The good thing is, we always have each other’s back. That makes all the difference.

      Yes, super religious people are often horrible. But so are some non-religious people. I just don’t like having their beliefs thrown at me. I respect your belief..please respect that I don’t feel the same.

      Reply
      • Lisa K says:

        *clap*
        *clap*
        *clap*
        I stand in awe.
        I recently had to tell my new boss that I can’t be responsible for her low self esteem and lack of confidence in this job.
        Of course, I told her in am email that I haven’t pushed ‘send’ on. It sits in my Draft box where I can go back and stroke it’s silky brazenness and wrap my self in it’s tough and protective comfort zone.
        The email is 3 pages long and I use the word ‘fuck’ one time as a noun, i. e.: “… hard as fuck, sometimes.”
        I don’t use ‘cunt’ once, but there was a couple of good places in reference to a coworker who is being a cunt and it’s on purpose.
        I’ll take a stupid twat monster over a deliberate cunt any day, but I’ll probably find a more appropriate word for employee to boss communications.
        Because.
        Therapy.
        Social Conventions.
        Please LIKE me!
        But for real. WHY do people NOT LIKE something, then go looking for more, just so they can say how much they didn’t like it even more???

        What the fuckity fucked up kind of approach is that to anything?
        Except maybe a good diet plan…
        Or sobriety. I know I hate sobriety but I keep coming back to see what else I can hate about it… 😉

        Nice piece, Rage-M!
        I came for the profanity and you haven’t let me down once!
        I’ll be honest… lately I’ve been looking forward to Randy’s warped eye for art, too.
        😉

        Reply
        • Michelle says:

          Isn’t he awesome! I almost ALWAYS love the artwork he finds. I veto some of it because I don’t think it fits, but he nearly always gets it right.

          Reply
        • Troll says:

          I was a Vice-President of Operations for a small aerospace corporation. My boss, the President was a stunning female.

          I told her once, in private and with a conversational tone that she had no business interfering with the way I ran the plant and that she should (the kicker) be running a restaurant or something else more in line with her skill set.

          I went from hero to zero overnight as expected. I took three days off and when I went back I had my resignation in hand. I was there 5 minutes.

          Such fun I’ve had. Now I answer to no one, but my lovely wife. That’s easy.

          Reply
      • Troll says:

        I respect you and have since the TR days. You’re cool with me.

        Reply
    • Lisa K says:

      I had to make a deal with God about religion, too, Troll.
      I now get to worship in the Pasture of the Grateful Horse and Singing Peacock.
      Our preacher’s a real ass and our choir takes some getting used to… you know how soloists get…

      Reply
    • Debi says:

      just really trying to figure out where the line is in a relationship (I’m married 25yrs) when you say something that hurts the person you’ve committed to love, aren’t we supposed to feel bad or be sorry we caused them pain? I havent felt ‘in love’ for more years than I can remember but I made a commitment to be caring to this man… when he says he feels all kinds of horrible things (to which in my head I’m saying ‘are you kidding me?!?) because of something I said – I can’t be responsible for ALL his feelings, but aren’t I responsible for whatever my part is in the pain? and what is my part? I guess the golden rule?
      but even then, I wouldn’t be offended at what I said to him – he loads what I say with all kinds of emotional baggage I didn’t do to him.. ugh.. this is just exhausting – any advice, thoughts are appreciated,

      Reply
      • Michelle says:

        All I have for you is to say I am sorry you are dealing with that. I don’t know what advice to give. My point was more about absorbing feelings of other people that are really outside of me, I am not responsible. I am not responsible if someone is upset because of my beliefs or thoughts that are different from theirs. I think if we say or do something to hurt another person, then taking responsibility is what we should do. But we can’t be responsible when other people want to blame us for everything that is wrong inside their head. We just can’t.

        Reply
        • Debi says:

          Thanks Michelle – I appreciate your openness and I agree. I can’t change his thinking to believe the worst about my motives in spite of me telling him the opposite – my therapist says I need to care less about his opinion. Easier said than done when this person has changed before my eyes over the last 8 yrs. I can’t change his decisions about my motives – I can only work on caring less so it stops hurting me so much. I’d say fuck him – but I feel sorry for him and it breaks my heart to see him so paranoid . And I made a promise to love him in sickness and in health… this would be the sickness part.. (fuck the sickness part!) I wish I had only promised I would love him as long as I felt like it!

          Reply
          • Michelle says:

            I really do hope that you find peace. I hope that your husband gets better. I agree with your therapist, if you are going to stick it out, then you just have to find a way to insulate yourself. XOXO

  2. Jenny Dukeshire says:

    I am 68 and my potty mouth is much worse that yours if that’s possible! My kids taught me!!

    Reply
  3. I fucking love you and your fucking profanity. It’s so cathartic, isn’t it? And sometimes, only a well-placed “fuck” in all its permutations will do. Keep on spewing that shit. We who appreciate you applaud you (both for your swearing and honesty about the stuff you’re working through).

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      Thank you! I really do just write the way I talk..what you see is what you get. 🙂

      Reply
      • Elaine says:

        Giving words the power to upset is such folly. I love to say cunt. It’s like being armed with a stun gun. I think it’s just fucking stupid to fear sounds, cower from syllables, cry over spilt vowels. I recently learned that the word ‘bitch’ can draw blood, but only from tissue thin skin on a psyche. I try to be careful and not cause critical injuries to others, but if you can’t survive the disclaimer, don’t continue to read! I always start with an inoculous sentence.

        Reply
  4. Missi Mallonee says:

    I prefer supercilious twat waffle… keep writing for yourself! That’s what makes it awesome for us, your fans.

    Reply
  5. Jaye says:

    I loved this.

    Reply
  6. Marie says:

    Cunty McCuntlips! Ha, ha, ha! I have to remember that one. (I’ll try not to use it on my daughters.) Michelle, when I found your blog, I found a sister. One who deals with a lot of the same shit I deal with, swears like me, but is better at computers. When I wake up to your blog, it’s a great fucking start to my day. Because if I like you, and we are alike, then I like me, too.

    Reply
  7. kim says:

    Can I get an amen!! just had a work situation. you confirmed for me…not responsible for her feelings!

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      Nope..we are not responsible for other peoples feelings. I mean, that isn’t an excuse to be a dick or anything..but no matter what, we are all responsible for our own feelings.

      Reply
  8. mydangblog says:

    You’re fucking hilarious and I love your blog. That woman obviously has a stick up her ass. I remember once at work having a colleague freaking that a student had just told her to “calm her tits”, and wanted me to do something about it. Aside from snicker, I guess.

    Reply
  9. Onlyme says:

    Excellent post. Excellent food for thought, too. I’ve spent so much of my life feeling responsible for other people’s feelings (both of my parents were narcissists, as were two husbands and a few other failed relationships), that until I read this post, I had never even considered that I’m actually not. Wow.
    As to your use of profanity, you go, girl. Ignore those tight-asses who just simply don’t realize how freeing a few flying fucks can be (alliteration not intended 😉 ). That last woman could have been my hyper-religious sister who leaves the room whenever my siblings and I curse, as though we’re contagious and she’s going to catch whatever we have. Which would actually be pretty funny.

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      I wish we could infect people with profanity. I think the world would breath a sigh of relief.

      Also, my understanding is, if you think you might be a narcissist, then you probably are not. A true narcissist would never consider that there is something “wrong” with them. Do you have narcissistic tendencies? I guess you might..not surprising..you had narcissistic parents, what else would happen? I know I do, but I try to work on them and find a better way to process whatever I am dealing with.

      Reply
  10. Jennifer says:

    You’re the best!

    Reply
  11. I love the word fuck. If you can work that into your name for her, that would be nice. I get blasted for my potty mouth too. Surprisingly, I don’t give a fuck. It says in my tagline ‘My middle finger is my favorite.’ That should be enough indication to click away, yet they read and comment (Wait. I think that is just my mom). Must be our engaging smiles and young attitude that keeps them coming back since 1972 (also not the year I was born).
    PS: I like all your words.
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    Reply
  12. Erin Banister says:

    Michelle!

    Steve Hughes nailed the topic of being offended – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ceS_jkKjIgo.

    You rock!

    Reply
  13. Cathy says:

    Oh Michelle…where do I start? I guess starting with thank you would be appropriate. I am a sixty-eight year old woman with four semi-narcissistic children, that I am quite sure I had a hand in creating. they are all adult, pretty much self supporting, successful in their own ways, and yet, and I’m thinking at holidays here, I seem to take on, and try to fix, a hell of a lot of their shit. I’m going to say it out loud here: I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR FEELINGS!

    In all this time, I never had this explained to me so clearly, and that includes two short runs with very excellent therapists (to their credit, for other issues). You have changed my life. And, about the “profanity” I’m a nurse. Some days I use fuck like a comma. You go girl! Keep up the good work. And again, THANK YOU! You have fucking changed my life.

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      I don’t know what to say to this. Other than I’m feeling a little teary and grateful and somewhat terrified. I hope the changes are all good! XOXOXO

      Reply
      • Cathy says:

        The changes are fucking wonderful! No more being held hostage to my princess daughter’s “moods”. What a relief. I love you. Keep writing, profanity and all! Xoxoxo

        Reply
        • Michelle says:

          Oh yes…I am terrible when my kids are in a “mood” and I can’t even say they are that erratic at all..I just am constantly worried that something is “wrong”. I actually drive them nuts with that, but they are mostly patient with me.

          Reply
  14. Monique says:

    Calm your tits! You are great and young at heart.

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      Thank you! I AM young at heart. I had a guy at my old job (he was around my son’s age) tell me that I seemed younger than my age because I’m immature. Meh…fair enough, actually.

      Reply
  15. Mila says:

    ‘Calling someone Cunty McCuntlips or calling them a supercilious twat monster who should probably calm her tits?’ – both are equally beautiful.
    *standing ovation*
    Mila recently posted…Arthur Kill Ship Graveyard: Ghosts Stole My DroneMy Profile

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      Thank you..I am pretty sure she won’t see this, unless she visits my blog again (which she hates), which makes no sense. But she did do it the one time, so who knows. Maybe she will start visiting to get her righteous indignation going.

      Reply
  16. Linda says:

    OMG, you are SO fucking hilarious! I love this one. It is as if you are speaking my mind! And it came at the right time too, as last night, my narcissist friend decided to give me the cold shoulder for no particular reason that I can think of. She is obviously mad about something. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER FEELINGS!!! I will repeat that to myself all day today so that I don’t feel bad about the situation. Thanks for the laugh and the lesson!

    Reply
  17. Karin says:

    Damn fucking straight! Good on ya girl! I “see” you and am proud of you for breaking free! Big hugz!

    Reply
  18. Cyn K says:

    I’ve never used the phrase “calm your tits” or ever even thought about it. Now I’m picturing anxious mammary glands that need a Xanax. Or boobs running around like an out of control herd of cattle with a woman trying to lasso them with a bra. This is fun!
    Also, I like how you admit that the title is not only directed at others but a reminder to yourself.
    Cyn K recently posted…Memorial Day 2016My Profile

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      It’s a HUGE reminder to myself. I’m not there yet, but I am really trying. 🙂

      Calm your tits is one of my favorite expressions even though I find the word “tits” somewhat distasteful. I don’t know why. Here’s the thing, though..just because I find it distasteful, doesn’t mean I will be a dick about it if someone else uses the word. Unless it’s my husband..then he gets the look.

      Reply
  19. Heather says:

    That broken glass metaphor. YES. Thank you!

    I was in my therapist’s office this week and was talking about absorbing/feeling responsible for the actions and feelings of other people, esp. those who seem to have a beef with me. He said “You know how much of that is chemistry? And you don’t seem to like them anyway.” So I went home, got some paints out, and did I painting called “I never liked you anyway.” For the chemistry part I added gold foil, alcohol, and salt on top of the acrylic and burned it in strategic places. Totally abstract but my mind felt clean as a newborn baby’s after that! Very cathartic.

    Time for my morning mug of perfect coffee 🙂
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    Reply
  20. Sue says:

    This resonated with me. I always felt like Deanna Troi, empathizing with everyone else’s emotions. I’m getting better. But I will start reminding myself, “I am not responsible for your feelings.”

    My favorite cursing story is, unfortunately, quite recent. I said the word Fuck at work in front of a man my own age (60+). He literally said to me, “Language, little lady.” My team, all younger guys, wondered if he would say it to them. They swore up a storm the rest of the day. Not a peep.

    Some people still think “ladies” shouldn’t swear. Fuck them.
    Sue recently posted…Hoarding – the good kindMy Profile

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      I actually had a boss tell me that I wasn’t allowed to say fuck anymore. But that rule didn’t apply to the men in the department. I think my cursing took a permanent upswing after that because fuck him.

      Reply
  21. There’s a line from one of Kurt Vonnegut’s books that cursing gives people an excuse not to listen to you. And then there’s this line from another Kurt Vonnegut book: “If anyone doesn’t like it they can take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut! They can take a flying fuck at the Mooooon!”
    I’m quoting from memory but you get the gist. A well-placed “fuck” may turn off some but it will make others prick up their ears. Spongebob’s friend Patrick called swear words “sentence enhancers” and he was right.
    Yes, in one comment I’m citing both a major literary figure and Kurt Vonnegut because that’s how I roll.
    I hope the fact that reading this made me happy makes you happy in turn. You aren’t responsible for my feelings but I do feel that you played a role in making me happy.
    It’s tricky finding a way to be open the good while discarding the bad–taking in those times when others choose to feel benefited by something you’ve done and shutting out those supercilious twat monsters who expect you to be someone else.
    Sometimes we all need tit calming.
    Christopher recently posted…Mars Needs Friends.My Profile

    Reply
  22. Michelle says:

    Amazing article, Michelle. I could have used your wise lessons and mantra “I’m not responsible for your feelings” on Monday. I love your writing and always come back because I know you’ll have something valuable and helpful to share. This made me calm and, in this instance, you were definitely responsible for my feelings – all good!
    Michelle recently posted…Am I A Wife of Noble or Questionable Character? Find Out at Joanne’s PlaceMy Profile

    Reply
  23. Terri Lee says:

    Oh, please, for the sake of all that is holy, do not EVER stop your beautiful potty mouth from expressing itself! I have days, depending on my mood or the circumstances that are happening, where I curse like a drunken sailor and then other days where I don’t feel the need to curse at all. But, nothing feels so good as spewing forth with the “fucks”, “assholes” and “motherfuckers” when you are in the throes of dealing with fucking assholes and motherfuckers. Haha! My past week has been a lot like that, dealing wth the greedy, despicable little trolls (no offense, Troll!) on our city’s pension board who are attempting to fuck over the retirees and their benefits. Unfortunately, being all male, I couldn’t use the perfect-for-the-occasion “Cunty McCuntlips”! I had to rely on the old standby “bag of dicks”. 🙂

    I do wonder if the criticism you receive has anything to do with the fact that you are female. Do you think male writers have to deal with that? I hope that anyone who has ever reported you to the “language police” is forced to sit and watch every single episode of Deadwood AND John From Cincinatti back to back! Okay, yes, David Milch HAS caught flak for his rampant use of profanity throughout his TV shows, but I’m sure he gives no fucks at all.

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      I love BOTH of those shows. Al Swearengen is one of my all time favorite characters. Randy and quote from that show all the time. Wu, Swedgin Hang Dai.

      Reply
      • Terri Lee says:

        Paul and I loved them, too! HBO finally gave the green light to a Deadwood movie, although everyone’s kind of aged since the last episode. We both loved Al, too! Not a good era to have kidney stones though. Ugh!! HAHA! Hey! I thought of you when my new TV Guide arrived in the mail today. Do you know about Norman Reedus’ new show, “Ride With Norman Reedus” beginning on June 12th, 10:00pm ET on AMC channel? I’m sure you already do, but thought I’d give you the heads up, just in case. No zombies, as far as I can tell, just motorcycles. 😀

        Reply
        • Michelle says:

          I was not aware of that show. But I will definitely check it out.

          I would still watch the Deadwood movie..I don’t care if they are older. Oh, and I can do a really good Calamity Jane impression. It cracks Randy up.

          Reply
          • Terri Lee says:

            That has to be your next video performance!! Calamity Jane! Is a large volume of alcohol involved first? Haha!!

          • Michelle says:

            oh god no…and yes, alcohol must be involved. I wouldn’t do it for anyone but Randy. hahaha

        • Lisa K says:

          *plops down next to Terri Lee*
          Hi! Missed Ya!!!
          You can feel it when I’m just about to ask Rage-M to message you for me, can’tcha?
          😉

          Reply
  24. OMG, exactly. I love your creative use of profanity, Michelle. I just watched the latest ‘Veep’ episode called C-Gate. Do you watch the show? The President (played by Julia Louis Dreyfus) finds out that someone on her ‘team’ called her a cunt. She tells her female staff member to ‘bring her a head’. The staff member is a little worried because she was the one who called the President the C word. Turns out, everyone in her close team admitted that they were the guilty party. Anyways, my point being that it makes for great humor. the whole show is full of creative profanity. This lady who wrote the editor a letter should get with the times. Maybe she was born and raised in the Victorian era?
    Lisa Thomson recently posted…Random GratitudeMy Profile

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  25. Cat says:

    I too am a writer and know lots of words, and fucking A, if fuck isn’t one of the best words out there!! (Just listen to this dude: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znZltXooOWk) I noticed something many years ago, having also grown up being hyper sensitive to other’s emotional states. I noticed that in the most inappropriate circumstances, in the middle of a conversation, fucks would start slipping out. At first I was humiliated and would go home and berate myself (“why the fuck did you have to say fuck?? Now they all think you’re white trash!) That kind of thing. Then I realized that in each circumstance, those people were looking for something to hate about me, and the and the fucks appear, I revel in them and watch the wincing going on around me. Since I no longer give a fuck what anyone thinks of me, I can let the profanity fly at will. Fuck ’em if they can’t handle the full expression of the english language!!

    Reply
  26. Beth Blakely says:

    There are so many times when I read your writing and think, “Yes. YES!!!!”

    I had to laugh hysterically at the woman who actually decided to do “hate research” to ensure she had enough material to condemn you all the way to the bottomless pit of hell you’re clearly heading for. (See ya there…) But hey, thanks for the page views lady!

    I, too, am one of those people who seem to absorb negativity and stress. Further, I also have this insane need to fix things or “help” in some way. Someday, when there’s no job to lose or parents left to embarrass (more), maybe I’ll tell some stories about how trying to “help” has gotten me into many a ridiculous pickle. Until then, there’s you. Fucking, wonderful you. Thank you for lettin’ ‘er rip! <3

    Reply
  27. Haralee says:

    Besides enjoying your posts, colorful language and creative swearing, I have learned about narcissists and their impact on others.
    Haralee recently posted…My On-Going Love Affair with NYCMy Profile

    Reply
  28. Mary-Anne says:

    Wow. The start of your blog really hit me. That is me. Always trying to fix others’ feelings. Chattering like an insane monkey when I feel discord at the dinner table….Feeling the feelings of others sucks.

    Oh ya, and don’t change a thing about your writing. But keep us posted on the dweebs that complain. That is some funny shit.
    Mary-Anne recently posted…Darn socksMy Profile

    Reply
  29. Felecia says:

    I just LOVE you!!

    Reply
  30. Doug in Oakland says:

    I could hypothetically be responsible for someone’s feelings if I were to, say, step on their foot, or set them on fire, but other than that I’d have to have a good personal reason to change my deliberate behavior to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. That said, it seems like I do so a lot. My criterion for this seems to be whether I can do it without feeling bitter about it. I never claimed to be mentally healthy.
    As for profanity, sometimes it’s appropriate, sometimes it’s not. I remember how mortified Briana and I both were when she accidentally said “fuck” really loud in front of my mother. People didn’t swear in front of my mother for some reason I can’t really explain; she worked for criminal attorneys for fuck’s sake, so it’s not like she never heard it. One of my other favorite bloggers talks about using the word fuck as punctuation in his speech, and the front man for my all-time favorite band once said he had to give the MC duties to the guitarist when they played a set at a televised baseball game because “I don’t seem to be able to complete a sentence without using the word fuck.”
    I almost always find your use of profanity delightful, and as for offended woman who sought out your blog to complain about it, she’s forgetting that you are also a human being just like her (only better) and deserve respect and consideration beyond her judgement of your word choices. Also, she needs to calm her tits.

    Reply
  31. I didn’t even get past the “reprinted my article on their website”. Did you give permission for that because, if not, you need to be very mad.

    As for the language, I have a choice. I can read your very funny stuff or not. But this blog belongs to YOU. You do what you want. 🙂

    Loved it!
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  32. I think I know what’s going on here. The woman in question isn’t necessarily offended that you use the words because she is a prude. She just is a big social justice warrior angry at what the words represent:
    1) Fuck — Fucking is the leading contributor to overpopulation.
    2) Shit — With too many damn people on this planet, we have loads of shit floating everywhere, with the end result being that untreated sewage is a huge health issue.
    3) Goddamn — Almost all wars (see: Middle East) involve one group of twat pancakes (I don’t like waffles) feeling compelled to act on their deity’s damnation of another group.
    4) Cunt — Actually, this word isn’t related to the previous. And, quite honestly, I can’t how anybody can have a problem with it. It’s a delightful word.

    So, yeah, that’s all I got. That, and a recommendation that you tell Cunty McCuntFace to calm her tits. Because tits are also delightful (or so my husband swears…)
    Bekah Rigby recently posted…The #1 Reason I Need A Kid Is…My Profile

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  33. Arlene says:

    hahaha you are too funny!

    Reply
  34. YES!!! I mean NO!!! No – you’re not! I’m not, either! I mean, for yours, or anyone else’s!

    YES!! Let me start over. 🙂

    I love this. It’s so hard being too much of an empath. We absorb like sponges to our own detriment. It’s a rough lesson to learn but I love that you’re on the road. Take me with you!!

    And also? Uhm, holy sh*t. She’s not happy w. your writing but she comes over to your blog? HI, STRANGE WOMAN!!! THIS IS VERY WEIRD OF YOU!!!!
    Andrea Bates recently posted…Summer Reading RecommendationsMy Profile

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  35. Spiked Lee says:

    F’ing A!
    you rock. I thought for a long time that wanting to fix everybody was my job. HaHaHaHa it’s not, and you can rot in hell if you try to make it my job.
    At Christmas, in the kitchen, my daughter said to me in a very low voice “FUCK!” (at the start of a sentence.) My sister, who was walking in to the kitchen and overheard, took her husband and adult child in to the bedroom and said some prayers for her. Screw her, she can go to hell too.

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      I just don’t get it. There are so many things to get upset over. Poverty, decent healthcare, the inhabitants of the earth all having clean drinking water…and then people get upset over the word “fuck”. It’s just silly

      Reply
  36. I lost a subscriber because I put the word “goddamn” on my blog. She told me that. I get it. I really do. But I have the sneaking suspicion that this person will actually continue to read the blog. She just can’t be SEEN commenting. I talk like that in real life and for me to instead write “I was so goshdarn annoyed” to appease her or others like her would be extremely FAKE FAKE FAKE.
    halfa1000miles recently posted…The Neighborhood WeirdoMy Profile

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    • Michelle says:

      Thank you! That is exactly it. I don’t want to be fake. I mean, I CAN write an article without profanity, I do think it is sometimes appropriate. But for my blog? It’s all me, baby. And if an outlet wants to ask to reprint something of me, well, they know what they are getting. haha.

      Reply
  37. I always love your blog. My post is off subject, but I don’t care. I need to say it. I have been reading the “Decluttering” advice sites and books for years. I was sure something was wrong with me and that by decluttering would make me a mature and proper woman. I am 72. If I’m not mature by now, I’ll never be. I’m not a hoarder. I just have a lot of collections and souveniers from over the years and lots of hobbies. All this stuff makes me happy. Now I’m told (by the internet) that I must pare everything down. So for the past so many years I’ve been trying to do that. For some reason, yesterday, I was hit with the thought “why the hell do I need to do this”. I don’t remember my mother, grandmothers, aunts or any other women back in the day, finding this a problem. Why was it not a problem then, but now everybody has to go through every item in their homes and decide whether to keep it or get rid of it (especially get rid of it) I live my stuff, I sure as hell don’t want to get rid of it. When I die, my children can go through it just like I did when my mother passed away and she did when her mother passed away. I have more fun things to spend my time on, then worrying about whether my house is decluttered enough for WHO. Who cares really. I feel the weight of the world lifted from my shoulders. I do like to organize. I just don’t like to get rid of things that are important to me, my little treasures. Thank you for having this place where I can lay it all out. Why the hell should I care what anybody else thinks about my stuff? My family love me for who I am and I’m sure that nobody would even notice if that box of “shiny brights” in the back of the closet was gone. You people are the best. I always get a good laugh and love to hear it how it is.

    Reply
  38. KK says:

    I love how a woman, who has obviously become old before her time, assumes that everyone in her age group is exactly like she is. No, you are not responsible for her feelings or anyone else’s. If people don’t like what they read they are not obliged to continue reading it. If I complained about everything on the internet I’ve read that I don’t find funny, interesting or grammatically correct I’d spend my whole life doing just that. I find it hard not to chastise the racists and Trump supporters but all I’d be doing is raising my own blood pressure.
    Why should anyone believe they have the right to dictate what should be published though? If you don’t like it scroll on. I don’t understand that attitude at all but then people are generally a mystery.

    Yep, I too wish I wasn’t quite the empath that I am. It’s hard not to take on board other people’s feelings when they are in the same room. I’m definitely learning not to take them on board via the internet, slowly but surely. I do have to count to 10 a lot though 🙂
    Never change, plenty of us think you’re real and funny soscrew the stick in the mud types who don’t.

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      I adore you. I have mostly been able to not be affected by people on the internet. Now, if someone that I have a relationship of some sort is hurting, then I do feel bad for them, but that is a condition of caring about people.

      Reply
  39. Eda says:

    You curse creatively which not only makes you amusing but should also be lauded. Any old fool can say fuckity fuck fuck, but you get gold stars for supercilious twat monster. I’m putting that one on the shelf with douche canoe for later use.

    Reply
  40. Marisette says:

    You have been caught in the abysmal glare of righteousness. Who the fuck appointed HER captain of the world?
    Marisette recently posted…Productivity tools and FIIMy Profile

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  41. Jane says:

    motherfucking brilliant writing!! Boom, goes the mike!!!

    Reply
  42. Me says:

    OMG – when I come across an article I think is badly written or I don’t like their use of grammar, I close the bloody thing down – I definitely don’t go stalking the writer and I most definitely don’t waste any of my time writing to the editor to tell them I didn’t like an article they published – I may not read any other articles they publish even though that would be short sighted because it may just be this one author I didn’t like but I wouldn’t be wasting any of my precious time on it. Clearly it’s someone who doesn’t have much to do and has far too much time on their hands. Maybe like a grandma – who, if she was like my gandma – used to write letters in a duplicate book so she had a copy of what she sent to the editor (yes she used to write to the editor of the local newspaper quite regularly – or the bank – or the utility company) !!
    I say – stuff her -useless git – and continue to do what you’ve always done because there are enough of us here who love what you do !!!!!

    Reply
  43. Lauren says:

    This is my life. I’m so glad a friend of mine shared this on Facebook! I’d share it if my fucking Nmom wasn’t a friend on there & I don’t wanna deal with her thinking it’s about her when it is (;

    I love your blog. I’m glad I’ve come across it and you now have a lovely, profanity using, blogger blog subscriber!
    Lauren recently posted…Defeat the Mommy Wars by Ending Your Internal BattleMy Profile

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  44. Anne says:

    Perhaps you are half-Betazoid giving you the psionic ability to sense emotions… ala Deanna Troi, Trek on, I love your salty blog:)

    Reply
  45. Scott says:

    If you’re not responsible for my feelings then who’s paying my therapy bills?? It sure ain’t me!!

    Reply
  46. Rebekah says:

    First off, I’ve met plenty of people who wouldn’t think of swearing. They absolutely come unglued by it. Yet, they wouldn’t hesitate to stab you in the back at the office or try to fuck your spouse behind your back. Anyone who pretends they just can’t handle swearing is basically full of shit. You rock, Michelle! So fuck the hypocrites and just keep on doing your thing!

    Reply
  47. Edie says:

    This is going to become my new mantra! How freeing it is just to say it in my head “I am not responsible for your feelings “. Thank you for writing this mental hug for all of us who had a narc parent. Keep up the good work twat waffle!

    Reply
  48. Debbie says:

    So I read this blog on my phone and it has taken me all week to get to my PC to add comments. This blog NAILED it! Yay you! And yes, you are hilarious! Don’t let the haters, weak, mealy-mouthed, nit pickers get to you. Besides, if they can’t take a fucking joke, fuck em! 🙂 My bet is the only writing they do is ripping someone else’s. Cowards!
    Keep it coming… cuz FUCK I love your blog! 🙂

    Reply
  49. Jill says:

    Not sure if my comment went through but BRAVO. I didn’t just like what you wrote..I loved it. And keep up the fuckin cursing…

    If we can transition the Cunty McCuntlips of the world into our teachers reminding us of our work…all will be well. You are a sensitive soul, so am I and we are very needed in this world <3 Much love

    Reply
  50. Laurie says:

    This. This this this.
    As someone with a narcissistic dad, I definitely do this. I’ve been slowly training myself out of it. My ex husband was great training – I had to learn to stand up to him and say what I felt, rather than getting caught up in what he was feeling. But it’s still hard. I recently had a situation where I had to say no to someone and it was awful. I was terrified of how they would feel about me and react to me. And they didn’t react very well to begin with. But I just told myself this very thing – I am not responsible for their feelings. It helped a lotttt.
    Laurie recently posted…On Embodying ResilienceMy Profile

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  51. Jana says:

    I really like the phrase “supercilious twat monster”. However, as I was practicing saying it (so that I’m ready to zing it out there when needed), I kept saying “super-licious”. Somehow, it just doesn’t deliver the same punch (and I might end up with an unintended date with the bitch instead)
    Jana recently posted…Don’t Worry, Be HappyMy Profile

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  52. Sandy says:

    I think you’re hysterical and extremely talented. I think you might have already known that.
    I have spent a lot of time feeling responsible for other people’s feelings so I get this. I honestly never really thought about the why of it. I thought it was just how I was wired. I may need to look a little closer because it’s one of the things about myself that I’m not crazy about. I mean, there is a line between compassionate and empathetic but I most definitely cross that line.
    Something to think about there.
    Sandy recently posted…Hello From the Other SideMy Profile

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    • Michelle says:

      I hope you do, because there is a line. I am glad to be an empath..but I have to care for myself as well..I can’t take on the world’s feelings anymore. I am too tired.

      Reply
  53. Margaret Steel Matt says:

    Just realizing now, at age 63, how much my mother’s narcissism has affected my life. Thanks for such a deep-dive blog.

    Reply
  54. Ann says:

    I am currently struggling because my aunt is in hospice. I cut my narc mom out of my life two years ago. I want to go to the funeral but two things are stopping. Me. The first is healthy. I know that my mom, my aunt and my brother will all treat me horribly. My mom will do it in a way that will make the other two feel protective of her and that will be bad for me. Second reason is not healthy. I know that my mom will be hurt. She will expect I am coming back. I am giving in and when I don’t she’ll lose her daughter all over again. I know that will hurt. I can feel her pain. So I sit here with tears dripping from my face knowing I will miss the funeral of the only person who ever loved the little girl who was Ann.
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    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      I wish I could hug you right now and I’m not a hugger. Hold your memories of your aunt close. I can see why you are in pain, but I’m glad you are not going to subject yourself to abuse when you are grieving. Nothing good could come of that. XOXOXOXO

      Reply
  55. Aussie Fan says:

    I love, love your blog. I also have had parents that are narcissists. My father was a drug addict and street angel, everyone adored but he would leave and no one knew where he was, there was no money and loads of debts, we lived a lot with my grandmother, but the strange thing is my mother, who would drag herself out of all the debt etc would take him back time & tie again. There are five kids, who she manipulated all of our lives, pitting us against each other, we got to the point where none of us would visit her and certainly not take our children there. She talks as if we had a wonderful life and she tells the most amazing lies about herself and our accomplishments.
    So I am a big fan of you wicked sense of humour and fuck should be the first word in the dictionary.
    Keep up the good work, I enjoy reading your blogs immensely, ignore the twats out there in the world and keep your fuck smile going.

    Reply

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