These are the things I’ve learned about myself in the past few days.
If I were a pop diva, I’d be Cher.
The decade that best represents me is the sixties.
If I were Disney sidekicks, I’d be Timone and Pumba.
I’m most like Penny on The Big Bang Theory.
If I went to Hogwarts, I would be Hermoine.
My real profession should be a Writer.
The state I actually belong in is Wyoming.
If I were a dog, I’d be a Corgi.
My inner punk icon is Henry Rollins
If I were a classic rock band, I’d be Led Zepplin
I can’t not take the Buzzfeed quizzes that are popping up all over Facebook. It’s not that I want to take these quizzes, I feel compelled to take these quizzes. What do they mean? Has my life improved by knowing if I were a muppet, I’d be Animal? Does the fact that if I were canine, I’d be a Corgi enlighten me in some way? Set a path that I will find more fulfilling?
Or are these quizzes a bigger waste of time than the Scramble game that I really should delete from my phone?
I’ve decided to create my own quiz, I PROMISE, it’s as accurate as any of these Buzzfeed quizzes you take.
Okay, it’s not a quiz. It’s just the answers. The questions don’t matter anyway, all that matters is that you get a definitive answer about who you are. Trust me, this makes as much sense as finding your identity after checking off a few pictures and finding out that if you were a 90s movie soundtrack, you’d be The Bodyguard.
If you were born in the Spring:
You are a combination of rusty box springs and a 19th century barmaid. You are tough when you need to be and can carry a tray of full glasses without dropping them. You can bring both pleasure and lockjaw. You waffle between squeaky and screechy and are extra loud when when your mother is visiting and sleeping in the next room. You should also probably take a bath.
If you were born in the Summer:
You are equal parts gum with the gushy center and Gladys Kravitz. If you don’t know who Gladys Kravitz is, then look it up. Baby. Anyway, you’re a little creepy because gushy gum is just wrong whether it’s representing you as a human or is actually gum. You should also learn to mind your own business. On the other hand, you are the perfect person to sit next to at parties as you are the go to person for all the gossip worth listening to.
If you were born in the Fall:
You are both ice trays and a candlestick maker. I have no idea what that means. Other than you are probably friends with the butcher and the baker.
If you were born in the Winter:
You are a combination of Ms Pacman and Danny Partridge. If you don’t accessorize by putting bows in your hair, you get that ‘not so fresh’ feeling. This is difficult for those of you who are bald and male. Life isn’t always fair. You also have a knack for working deals, blending in with adorable childhood actors and playing bass guitar. You also probably have anger issues and are afraid of ghosts.
There you have it. No need to take anymore of those silly quizzes, I’ve got you sorted out.
I don’t even watch The Big Band Theory. I have no idea who Penny is.
Oh, and if any of you know of a quiz where I can find out what 16th century artist I would be, please pass it along. I’m hoping this will help me decide what color to repaint my hall bathroom.
This is so incredibly accurate! I have a HORRIBLE time trying to get bows to stay in my hair!
I have a gift! I should have gone into fortune telling.
Those quizzes are hard to say no to, but I keep getting answers I don’t like. Stupid quizzes. I like your answers much better, except…
What’s this about fall? I’m a candlestick? Fitting that the one that doesn’t make any damned sense is mine.
which, in it’s own way, makes perfect sense.
That is either wise or complete bullshit.
Yeah, what is it with those things? I ignore every stupid app and quiz on there but those Buzzfeed things just have to be done
🙂
I vote for Lilac btw
Hmmmm…lilac. That’s a pretty color.
Guilty. Thanks to Buzzfeed quizzes, I also know that I’m not gay and should be living in Portland. But yours totally pegged me, except possibly you overestimate my ability to carry a tray of glasses.
I believe that I should also be living in Portland. Pretty sure that is what I got.
Oh hey, I got Portland too, we must be the cool bunch 🙂
Of course! who WOULDN’T want to be us?
Heh. Penny is the one without a Ph.D. (Or ANY degree.) But she has big boobs, so there’s that. 🙂
Well, I don’t have a degree..but I don’t have big boobs..just mediumish.
The show IS very funny. I don’t watch many weekly shows, but I don’t miss Big Bang.
There is something about those quizzes. Even though I know there is not one iota of of rational thought in them and the questions are beyond stupid, I was still thrilled to be told I would be a Great Dane because I have one.
I agree that the quizzes are as big a time waster as Candy Crush and Pet Rescue Sagas, but I can’t stop them either.
Sigh.
My only vice (as far as gaming goes) is Scramble…but it’s pretty bad.
Awesomely sorted out– The perfect summing up of personality quizzes.
I was born in the Spring, I sound like I’m from California and New Jersey (true), and I’m Pink (the color, not the person).
I gave up after the newest – what state should you live in? quiz. I just…can’t.. No.
By the way– You’re Hans Holbein, and the color you should paint your walls is shimmering green-gold taffeta.
P.S.– I found my 3-legged goat picture! 🙂
HAHA! YAY! I can’t wait to see the three legged goat!
Honestly…green/gold sounds interesting.
I love green, and I love his art, and he used it a lot as a backdrop for his amazing painted portraits– Google ‘Hans Holbein paintings’ and you’ll see what I mean.
BuzzFeed is like that bizarre food combination only you enjoy. You’ve never been sure why you love peanut butter and hamburg – and you feel like you probably shouldn’t – but it always seems to be exactly what you’re looking for.
Yes! That is exactly it!
Why yes, I am a little creepy., Michelle. Thanks for pointing that out. Hopefully, I’m not required to register my address anywhere. And for the record, gushy gum? Rocks. But I take exception with the Gladys part. I am much too self-involved to worry about what the neighbors are up to. That would be my husband:-)
Hahahaha….we must be married to the same man. I have actually caught my husband peering at the neighbors from behind the curtain.
I’ve never been on facebook, so I’ve never taken the quizzes you describe, but I do go in for some other quizzy business on the internets: I’ve taken the Christian Science Monitor’s side bar quizzes (yes I could pass a citizenship test, yes I am at least averagely scientifically literate), and each evening I go onto a site called Free Rice, where for every vocabulary question you correctly answer, they donate 10 grains of rice to people who need it (I do 100 questions so as to donate at least a bowlful) and Merriam-Webster has some quasi-fun vocabulary and spelling quizzes on their site…
The quizzes you describe, though, may finally explain (to me) the lyrics to a Kate Miller-Heidke song called variously “The Facebook Song” or “Are You Fucking Kidding Me”, which I would link to, but I think WordPress would embed it if I did, and that seems a little rude.
If you’re curious and don’t feel like looking it up, just say so and I’ll post it in another comment.
oh, that doesnt bug me at all…link away. :)))
This is a live version, the camera’s a little wobbly at first, but it straightens out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7MuwPlOiNQ
Maybe I was wrong and it doesn’t embed? It did it before, I swear I’m not paranoid!
OMG..I fucking love this. LOVE IT. Thank you so much so sending it to me
You totally have me pegged!! It’s eerie!! How did you do that?! 😀 LOVE THIS POST!! –Lisa
I have a gift!
Hahahah. And thank you very much. I was really just making loads of fun of myself for taking the dumb buzzfeed quizzes in the first place.
Somehow I thought you would like that song. Also, you could do worse than Henry Rollins and Led Zeppelin.
Yeah, I could do worse..I could have been Sid Vicious or Johnny Rotten…
That tests say i should live in Wyoming , too! I have no idea why, except that i am a real introvert. ( any Wyoming is not exactly crowded.) On the positive side, the “Which Witch are you?” quiz picked me to be the Wicked Witch of the West!!!!!!! As soon as i finish flying around on my broomstick, leaving messages in the air, I will consider if this quiz test is valid for me.
I didn’t see the witch test!! I MUST KNOW WHICH WITCH I WOULD BE! All of them?
Sorry, my grammar is better than that last note would suggest.
Ha…I quit worrying about shit like that long ago. I didn’t even notice.
I posted this to my Facebook friends about a month ago, to point out how ridiculous the answers to these damn things really were:
I decided to do a test to see how well Zimbio could really know me, since you guys are always posting your quiz results and I’m always like “haha that’s so accurate!” Well, guess what? When you do a whole bunch at once and combine them it makes you seem like a crazy person. Which Star Wars character am I? C-3PO. Disney Sidekick? Iago (from Aladdin). Family Guy character? Mort. MORT. Which David Bowie? Jareth the Goblin King, obviously. Walking Dead character? Michonne. Game of Thrones? JAIME. Hunger Games? Katniss. Disney Princess? Belle. Anchorman character? Brian Fantana. So, in conclusion… 60% of the time, works every time.
They really are ridiculous…but I still take them. I just found out that I’m Daryl from Walking Dead. I don’t even watch that show. I do love Norman Reedus, though.