I’ve never done an open letter before. At least, I don’t think I have. I am nearly positive I’ve never written an “open letter” post. I’m too lazy to check. Let’s just operate on the premise I’ve never written an open letter before. Not that it makes a difference either way.
I am also pretty sure I’m going to do the whole “open letter” thing wrong. All the open letter posts I’ve seen are usually someone who is displeased with someone else and they write a shouty post about it. For instance, there is a mommy blogger who recently wrote a post saying how much she hates mommy bloggers. Her article has some people a little twisted up.
I literally just spent the past five minutes deciding whether or not to include a link to the blog in question. Do I want to drive more traffic to her blog? I’m thinking no. It’s a really long article anyway and if you don’t blog, you’d probably be bored by it.
My thoughts about the article can be boiled down to two things. Who gives a fuck if someone hates your blog? Is one person going to stop you from writing? Because if so, you should probably just stop writing. My other takeaway is that it was funny to me that a mommy blogger so thoroughly dissed other mommy bloggers. That’s like saying “I fucking hate chocolate so much. Chocolate is all I eat.” Mostly though, I don’t care. I’m not a mommy blogger.
But I really digress.
My open letter isn’t to rant to the guy in the next car, but rather to offer an explanation. Perhaps, set his mind at ease.
Dear dude in the next car,
I assure you, my husband Randy was never in any danger. You totally misunderstood my bizarre hand motions.
Let me explain, the reason why I was doing terribly violent jazz hands is because…well..I forget. I just know my husband said something funny and I was laughing, which might have looked like yelling. Another thing that may have confused you is the look Randy had on his face. Randy only looks stoic. He usually has a look on his face that one would expect from a person getting yelled at. Randy isn’t particularly stoic. Unless we change the meaning of stoic to mean goofy. Because then I would say he is stoic as fuck.
When Randy glanced over and saw your face, he lost his stoicism. He looked at me and said “Look at that guy. He thinks you’re yelling at me.” Then, he cracked up.
Dude, your cross between a smirk and and look of commiseration was the best thing I saw all morning. I could feel you sending positive vibes to my husband and I could also feel you laughing at him. I could very nearly hear your voice saying “Oh, you poor bastard”.
Anyway, I just wanted to assure you that Randy is fine and was not getting yelled at. I also wanted to thank you for the laugh because the look on your face was funnier than whatever I was laughing about in the first place.
Okay, well that was fun. My first open letter. I think I might write an open letter to my backyard and apologize for the near constant neglect. Or I might just watch some Netflix.