The random acts of kindness thing is such a cool idea. Spread goodwill, one kind act at a time and the individual acts will spread and create an actual shift in humanity.
In practice, however, we humans are distrustful and strange and random acts of kindness might not produce that feel good moment that people are fond of posting on Facebook.
This morning, for instance. Randy and I were making our weekly trip to his favorite grocery store and we decided to stop at McDonald’s on the way in. I was in the middle of telling him about the conversation I had this morning with my adult son about a friend of his who is still struggling with addiction and is now in jail until the Spring. Randy interrupted my story and told me to look at the car behind us.
There was an old man in a black, convertible VW Bug and he had a superman doll strapped into the passenger seat. I laughed my ass off.
I’ve been mostly in bed for the past two days with a sinus infection and haven’t had much to laugh about. Randy was so pleased that I was laughing that he decided to pay for the man’s breakfast. He asked the girl at the window how much the guy behind us spent and added his two items off the dollar menu to our tab.
This is what we could hear the old guy say when he got up to the window:
What?
I don’t understand. How much do I owe you?
Who paid for it?
That guy up there paid for it?
Randy gave him that short wave that guys give and the old man responded with the old man hand flap.
Seriously, the whole scene was so touching that it changed my life.
We started talking about the random acts of kindness thing and how often did it create mistrust or confusion. Randy asked me, if you were all alone in the car and a man in the car in front of you paid for your order, how would you feel?
Well, I would want the transaction to complete for two reasons. One, I would be in danger of having to suddenly interact with a stranger and my social anxiety fucking hates that shit. Two, there would be part of me on guard because of unexpected attention from a strange man while I was alone. I hate that women have to be on guard all the time. I hate that my reaction to a random act of kindness would be to be suspicion and being on guard. Honestly though, I doubt that will change in my life time. It might suck to be on guard, but it’s also necessary.
That doesn’t mean that I am advocating not creating random acts of kindness. Nothing happens without a cost. Nothing. We just have to decide if the cost is worth the benefit. I believe that it is. I believe that kindness is always worth it.
Randy and I have reached a point in life where we have to make a change. We’re getting older. There are specific tracks that old people can take. They can take the ‘sweet old grandparents that build furniture and bake cookies’ track or we can take the ‘get off my lawn’ track.
We’ve been waffling. Sometimes, we are definitely on the sweet old grandparent tracks, but most of the time, we’re gearing up for the lawn protection years.
I asked Randy if it was worth it paying for that guy’s breakfast even though his reaction was less than touching.
Randy: He made you laugh. It was worth it just to hear your laugh.
Me: You’re very sweet.
Randy: Besides, it’s was only two bucks, Now, if it had been twenty bucks, then I would have said fuck that motherfucker.
Which pretty much describes how we are on the fence on which old person track to choose.
In either case, I think that anytime you see an old guy in a Bug with a superman doll strapped in the passenger seat, you really have to buy his breakfast.
I confess I have only done that once (paid for the guy behind me), and I actually knew him. My husband and I were in the drive through line, and saw our friend in line behind us, and paid for him. So I’m not sure that really counts. But I’m always leaving a penny in those bowls at the register. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to get into Heaven based solely on that, but considering how many black marks I have against me, I suspect if I paid for the McDonald’s of every person behind me from now until I died, it wouldn’t do all that much good…
That’s too bad it doesn’t work that way. I have a few black marks to clear up myself. McDonald’s value menu isn’t going to do the trick.
I have been building up a karma bank for a while. I always seem to be the first at an accident scene, the person bringing cookies to people grieving, paying for the coffee behind me and God knows my volunteer calendar is more than full.
When do I get it back?? Can’t someone just pay for my fucking coffee already?
If my bank is still full when I am lawn curmudgeon age, watch out neighbour kids! I will start with nerf guns and move to water pistols. If only you had bought me a coffee you wouldn’t have to watch out for rotten tomatoes and eggs…
I’m not bitter.
I would buy your coffee..
In fact, I am going to buy someone coffee within the next week in your honor.
Buying coffee for yourself doesn’t count.
It counts a little.
I wonder how much of the breakfast was for the doll?
I don’t think superman eats McMuffins
🙂
I am a firm believer in practicing both random acts of kindness and weirdness. Please continue to incorporate both into your life! Unfortunately our acts of kindness are not always received or repaid as we might wish, but in takes just one heartfelt “thank you” to make up for the cranky old men and dismissive people. I practiced random acts of weirdness a few weeks ago by doing jazz hands everywhere I went for a weekend (earning me an almost trip to the psych ward, an almost divorce, quite a few laughs and smiles, and one spontaneous round of applause). Carry on!
I try just being kind to everyone. Can’t say that it gets me anywhere but it makes me feel better. I always feel sick when I get angry for some reason. I have done jazz hands at work for no reason. just to make people laugh. So far no one has wanted to haul me away. I guess I help keep Portland weird one jazz hand at a time.
I could work on that. I am kind, I have no patience for people who are rude…but…I am impatient. I can be a little bit of a dick when I’m impatient.
I won’t take it personally that you totally comment jumped me…Ouch! 😉
I did? How does one comment jump? OMG am I being rude and don’t know it? Usually, I know when I’m being rude..But not always.
Please don’t take me seriously…I just noticed that you responded to everyone’s comment except mine. I wouldn’t blame you if the idea of manic jazz hands scared you. And hours later I am still laughing over Randy’s last line… 🙂
Hahahah…okay!! I read your comment and thought I responded! In fact I was inspired to do some jazz hands tomorrow at work. Although, I think that will probably just scare people.
i love it! I’d have bought his breakfast, too! I try to do the buy the car behind me at least a few times a year when I’m at fast food places. I rarely go to one. In restaurants, I like to look for service women or men and pick up their tab. It’s just a great thing to do. To be honest, I’ve NEVER been been the recipient, but I think I’d just smile and say Thank You!
Not gonna lie..it was kind of fun.
I think the kindness was twofold. What he did for the old man, and what he said to you. Pretty sure you latched onto a keeper this time.
He is very sweet…he hasn’t wavered from that for 19 years
People who make others smile are priceless in this world, well worth the breakfast.
I’d probably be deeply suspicious of a stranger’s motives, for all the usual reasons as a woman, but I love that some people are doing this.
🙂
Hope your sinus thing clears up quickly
xx
Thank you! It’s actually clearing up. I’m mostly just tired today…I don’t feel nearly as bad as I did Thursday and Friday.
That is how I would probably feel too if someone did that for me… and why I never have the courage to do it for someone else. I would be like, “Am I supposed to get out of my car now? Am I supposed to go up and talk to them? Is a smile and a wave sufficient? ” And if it was a guy I’d also think, “Is he flirting with me? Am I supposed to give him my number or something? Would it be cruel to make one up? Is he going to stalk me?” AAAK the anxiety! The Chicken Soup For The Soul moment would turn into an episode of More Proof That Angel Should Probably Just Stay Home!
That’s what gets me when dealing with people…the anxiety. I would really like to find a way to shed it.
A and I did that once when we were out to dinner somewhere while we were on holiday – an elderly lady sat at a table close to us and dined alone. While we aren’t of the ‘would you like to join us instead of dining by yourself’ couples, I was so impressed that she had actually gone out to have dinner in a restaurant by herself, we paid her bill. Mind you we had got outside and into the car and then A said – I think we should pay her bill so I jumped out the car and went in and paid it. So I have no idea what her reaction was or whether the cashier just got her to pay for it again and pocketed the money herself – I’d like to think the former but, for me, it’s the intention that counts.
I hope you are feeling heaps better today and at least have a day at home without being sick before you have to go back to work.
That’s a lovely story! And that is how I would want mine to end…I don’t want to interact with them because…well…it’s the public and I avoid those interactions..but I wouldn’t mind making them happy
I am feeling better today. Mostly just tired with a little cough.
When I got my last job, it was in San Francisco and I lived in East Oakland. I had to scrounge for the $13 it cost to ride public transit to work and back each day until my first paycheck, out of which I repaid pretty much everyone I knew the $20 or $40 they had loaned me to get me to work. A month later I was given an old, broken car that I fixed and started driving to work. It was an ’87 Honda Accord (minus the water pump) and I was thrilled. It used very little gas, so my commute expenses shrunk down to filling the tank on payday and $5 per day for toll on the Bay Bridge. As my shift started at midnight, there wasn’t always much traffic at the toll booth, but when there was, I did pay for the car behind me several times. I always checked them out first, because I was still poor, and if they looked rich, they could pay their own damn toll. But mid ’80s Toyota? $5.
That is awesome! I suspect this isn’t the first time Randy has done something like this…but he’s nicer than I am.
I have to laugh at the whole sweet grandparent types vs. get off my lawn types. I’m pretty sure anyone who knows me and the entire neighborhood already knows which way I’m gonna go… Get off my lawn, you little shits! 🙂 Funny. And what a great story. I wish I would be more inclined to do random acts of kindness. I can be kind of shy though and would be afraid of flubbing the whole thing anyway. But I guess that’s no excuse!
Hahaha…we can be in the same nursing homes and not talk to each other! It will be great!
That is perhaps the most adorable story I think I’ve ever heard. How touching <3
And there was not a single kitten involved!
Awesome story, thank you for the smile you gave me today.
On a side note, please stop eating at McDonald’s and such, it’s sooooooo bad for you.
If you think that’s bad…you should see how many chocolate chip cookies I ate today. daaaaamn
This is funny and beautiful at the same time. Give Randy a “thumbs up” for me. Looks like you’ve got yourself a keeper.
Thanks for sharing…
Thank you so much!! I think so…he’s a sweetie pie. mostly.
I love this story. I know how great it is to hear someone laugh who hasn’t laughed in a while.
Good for Randy.
And I will pay this forward in his honour.
THank you so much! I will make sure he knows.
i love that you paid for his meal. i’ve never done that and have never had anyone do it for me.
on the pay it forward etiquette, no idea what the rules are but
i think the old man dismissive flap was dicky.
obviously if you have a convertible with a superman you have a sense of humor. i think he should have taken superman’s hand and waved it at you. that’s a $2 proper response.
Hah…it really would have been the perfect 2 dollar response.
I think it confused him and then he probably got frustrated because he was confused and then I felt bad because it really was meant to be nice. Oh well….
Sometimes you do good things for other people without expectation of gratitude or graciousness. Some would say that is selfish as the gifter also is in receipt of the gift as their goodwill brings them good feeling without regardless of how the giftee feels. Still, I love a pay it forward society and love doing little things to make another person’s day seemingly better.
I agree!
Now you’ve made MY Monday morning! I love this and this is definitely embracing a moment.
Like you, I’m not sure what kind of old person I’m going to be but I know I don’t much care for crotchety old people so I’m going to try very hard not to be. I think it’ll be day by day. Know what I mean?
I promise, if I see an old fella in a bug with a Superman doll strapped in the passenger seat, I will most definitely buy him breakfast!
You know..I think I’ll start carrying a superman doll around with me..just in case.
I have been on the receiving end of Random Acts of Kindness just when I was ready to reach my breaking point. Random people helped me get home to attend my uncle’s funeral, helped me out by sending me clothing for the boys one year when I didn’t have the money to buy them ANYTHING new for school, paid a bill for me … too many to remember and I am grateful for each and every one of them. I don’t always get the chance to thank the anonymous angels that have helped me throughout my lifetime, so I pay it forward by doing my own acts of kindness to everyone I meet. Sometimes it is as simple as carrying their groceries in for them, running an errand, giving them a ride when needed, and sometimes, yes, I’ve paid for the coffee or the meal behind me. It makes me feel good to know that I’m helping to spread a little kindness in the world and that I might be making a difference in someone else’s life.
It really does feel good..even if it’s a little weird sometimes.
It is a hard line to walk – be nice randomly to strangers and risk them being weird or wanting to “have a chat”. I like Randy’s approach – keep it small and simple and make it specific – the guy made you laugh so he gets a treat. It’s a value-based reward system because some humans don’t handle kindness very well. Apply the same logic to your lawn; hip kids selling awesome snacks; Welcome Aboard! ; bratty kids tearing up your grass whislt playing something stupid like hackey-sack? Super soaker time for those little brats!
hahahah! I like your boundaries!
Someone paid for my biscuit and gravy the other day. By the time I got to the window & the cashier told me I didn’t owe anything, they had driven off.
I took it as a sign from God that it was okay that I was wrecking my diet. (530 calories, 34 g fat? Good grief!)
Yes! And since someone else paid for it, then they take the calories as well.
I love this. Sometimes I just feel like I *need* to buy that little bit of milk and bread for whoever’s behind me at the store, and so far I haven’t had the nerve, but someday I’m totally going to do it. Just to see them smile.
While I’m waiting, my way of doing something nice, in this area, with our crazy traffic and rude we-just-moved-here-and-we’re-more-important-than-you-drivers from a big western state that starts with a C (you KNOW who you are) is to just HOLD THE WHOLE LINE BACK to let people IN. You know…at a stop light, where everyone’s jammed up waiting to get through the next light, and there’s this lady, with her blinker on, trying to get out of a parking lot? I let them IN, every time. Even if it means holding up the finger-waving jerks behind me for that extra 10 seconds. The smile I get in return is worth the finger-waving I get from the cars behind me.
That’s my random act of kindness and my little mini-revolt to get people to Calm The Heck Down. We’re all going to get where we’re going, and letting someone in at a light doesn’t hurt, plus it’s a cool way to share a “hey, thanks” moment and a smile with a stranger.
And I love that he did it because it made you laugh. Randy’s what my mom would call a “keeper”—you can tell him she said that. 😀
I will tell him and he’ll say..yes, I already know that. Because he’s humble.
I have thought about doing this many times. The notion that I would have to make contact with a stranger is too much for me to actually do it though. What if that person wants to get out of their car and be like, What the Hell? you think I need charity! Probably unfounded and just my complete lack of wanting any social contact, but still. I appluad you guys for doing this, I just wouldn’ be able to handle the pressure and speed off like a maniac.
I know EXACTLY what you mean!
That being said, I have helped people who were obviously in need..like making hubs turn around and drive back because I saw an old lady sitting on a curb outside a drugstore and I thought it was odd. Turns out, she had slipped and couldn’t stand back up..so I’m glad I we stopped. But just interacting with the other humans for no reason? That freaks me out.
We’ve been RAK-ing for years. Before the transponders, I often paid the toll for the car in back. Sometimes they were confused, sometimes they caught up and gave the hi-five. Once Loved-One and I gave someone a ride home (standing helplessly on the commuter train platform.)
Once I scraped snow and ice off a co-workers car. The next day he said he was freaked out because his window was clean when he got to his car. He thought someone might be stalking him. (Sorry, just me.)
Most go well, but once my RAK almost turned into a RAM (Random Act of Maliciousness) when I mistakenly told a befuddled commuter to get on the wrong train. (Whoops, my bad.) Got to her in time to get that one fixed. Whew!
That is lovely!! I am going to make more of an effort to do things for other people. I just have a hard time with interacting.
One time, though, this woman was kind of rude to me..I was walking into a convenience store and she let the door shut in my face. I was annoyed, but it happens. Then I was behind her in line and she had this really cute hair cut..so I decided instead of being annoyed, I would compliment her hair. She looked at me kind of puzzled and then said..thank you…no one EVER compliments me.
And I was thinking…well…maybe if you didn’t shut doors in people’s faces..but I didn’t SAY it.
I was actually glad I was nice to her..she seems like she was fairly miserable.
Every holiday season I buy 10 $5 Starbucks cards and leave them in envelopes on people’s windshields in parking lots. It makes me ridiculously happy to do this.
You and Randy are so lucky you make each other laugh – that’s not easy to do after many years of marriage!
THAT IS SUCH A GREAT IDEA!! I could DO that one…then I don’t actually have to TALK to anyone, but I can do something NICE for them. I LOVE THIS!!
Back when the tollway was still the tollway and not the iPass way, I used to pay people’s tolls all the time. It was my way of just passing happiness and goodness into the world. Now that it’s practically nonexistent, I haven’t found my new Random Act of Kindness to bestow on the world. I’ll figure one out. I think. Or I’ll just yell at people who walk on my lawn. One of those.
Hahahah…yeah, like I said..it can go either way.
I’ve done the buy the guy/gal behind me a cup of coffee and doughnut, but my husband is more the mister nice guy then I am mrs. nice gal. On his walk to work every day, he always says good morning to everyone that walks by, I on the other hand don’t, but I am trying too. Hubby likes to see people smile when he says good morning. I practice at the dog park where it is a lot easier to chat with people when they have their pets with them.
So much the same here. My husband is way more friendly than I am. He’s one to say hello and chat with other people and I’m the one with a ‘don’t talk to me’ look on my face.
Love it! Was Superman belted in? Does he need to be? Haha. As for getting older, I am looking forward to being a curmudgeonly old lady with a heart of semi-molten gold.
it was belted in. It wasn’t full size or anything…like the size of a small child.
This hilarious! I helped an old man definitely lost at Walmart. He had parked at one end and was looking for his truck at the other. I just my arm through his and we just strolled through the lot looking for that truck. I had left mom sitting in the car and we were waiting on the hubby. When he came out she being confused just said She left with some guy. (I would have loved to see the look on his face! He pulled up behind me and the old man and winked at me and said You trying to make time with my woman” and clear as a bell that old man said I would’ve if I was younger! Then Saturday my neighbor who I hadn’t met helped me with my lawnmower then helped me mow my yard. I say what goes around comes around. If you put good out you get good back same goes for bad!
That is a lovely story! Yeah, I am all for helping people in need. I have done that..I just don’t think of it unless I see that someone NEEDS something.
Years ago when I worked in downtown Cincinnati I was eating lunch with friends on fountain square. There was a tiny old couple who had gotten separated, I could see both of them, they were both carrying white canes and he was frantically calling her name. NO ONE DID ANYTHING. So I ran over to him and touched his arm and said, I see your wife let me take you to her. He sighed and said thank you and then he said…I don’t know why I’m yelling..she’s deaf, too.
and then we laughed.
I love this so much. I use to work at a drive-through coffee shop and people would do this all the time for the car in front of them. One day a lady pulled up and I told her she was all set and she looked at me and said, “What? Why? Why would they do that?” I didn’t have an answer because turns out I was just as jaded as the confused lady in the van so I said, “No idea. Maybe they’re shopping for karma.” To which the lady just stared at me and then drove away without tipping me.
Random acts of kindness really do turn into random acts of weirdness. Now I want a bumper sticker that says, “Practice random acts of weirdness and deliberate acts of tomfoolery”. . . . .
I LOVE it..I would put that bumper sticker on my car.
Love this post. Everything you said is so true. I must say, you made my day too. Love your sense of humor evident in your writing!! Thanks!!
That is awesome! I hear about stuff like that, but every time I do something like leave my quarter in the Aldi cart for the next person, most of the time people call out “You left your quarter!” like I’m bothering them. My town is the worst. No one talks to each other or even leaves their houses. They’re ALL “get off my lawn” people. We’re closer to THAT than baking cookies, I’m hoping the older we get the kinder we get. Here’s hoping!
You are right! There is always hope!
Honestly, I find it more comfortable to be kind than crabby…but it’s something I have to always work on.