I can’t, you guys. I know we’re not supposed to be reading comments.
Recently, I posted 13 Things I Learned From Being Married Three Times on The Huffington Post.
The comments were nearly all supportive, but some were kind of shitty. There were also spectacular responses to some of the meaner comments.
You guys, that was nothing compared to the comments on Huffington Post’s Facebook page. I spent a morning reading scores and scores of comments, some of them were just breathtakingly mean.
I don’t know what happened over the past few years, but I wasn’t upset by these comments. They made me laugh and didn’t bother me at all. And that is very nearly true!
Some of them might have bothered me a little.
A thought occurred to me, and hear me out before you start yelling NO! at your computer screen.
What occurred to me was that some of these trollish comments were spot on.
I can boil down about 200 or so of the comments to this sentence: You must be mentally ill to get married 3 times.
Other variations would include: You make bad choices and You are defective.
While they were cruel, I cannot deny that I’ve struggled with mental issues for years. I cannot deny that I’ve made horrible life choices. The people who called me ‘defective’ can go fuck themselves, though.
I was told that I’m self-centered and narcissistic. I was raised by a narcissist. Do I display some narcissistic tendencies? How could I not? Do I have narcissistic personality disorder? Nope. That doesn’t mean that I’m not sometimes self-centered. These statements are true. I am not passing the blame for my shortcomings, these are not excuses, but they are reasons. We all have reasons for the ways we behave and why we make the decisions we make.
I am willing to take my lumps here and say yes. Yes, the trollish comments were very often true. They were cruel and judgmental, but not always completely wrong.
In the spirit of fair play, however, I think I wouldn’t be too far off the mark to suggest that people who feel a desire to lash out and be cruel to strangers might have their own issues to deal with. Perhaps, they have a teeny bit of soul searching to do as well.
I won’t berate them for being mentally ill, though. I am still hopeful that we will reach a day where we can be compassionate and accepting of people and any illness they might be suffering, whether it’s cancer or depression.
No…for fuck’s sake, I am NOT comparing depression to cancer. I am simply saying that we humans have a plethora of issues to deal with and if we could just treat each other with compassion regardless of the issue, how much more pleasant this existence would be.
One person pointed out that I am obviously needy.
Only she said neeeeeeeeedy. I started to respond. I typed a thought out response about having always been independent, regardless of marital status. Then I asked myself, why? Why are you responding to this comment and not some of the others that were far more ruthless?
Because she touched a nerve, of course. Am I needy? Well, it would be unfair to say that I am clingy or high maintenance and in need of constant attention, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a needy part of me. I can be extremely needy. I believe my reaction was because I don’t like the needy part of me and am ashamed of feeling needy. So, I had to protect that part of me by telling the person commenting why she was wrong.
How about this instead? She is right, I am needy. I’m not always needy and I would like to never feel needy, but that isn’t who I am. Perhaps, if I stop protecting that part of me because it makes me feel shame, I should acknowledge, accept, and then try to move on.
There is a whole section of people who feel sorry for Randy. HAHAHAFUCKINGHAHAHA. They claim I was disrespectful for trying to embarrass him in public. I am not sure of many things, but I am sure that when it comes to our relationship, any person who feels sympathy for either me or Randy is wasting their time. We’re good. We’re happy. And we love to be in each other’s company.
As far as one of us embarrassing the other in public? Randy wins that contest. Comparing the two would be like comparing a pack of firecrackers to the Fat Man and the Little Boy.
That comparison might not be fair. We’re not that far apart, but trust me when I say, Randy is a lot less inhibited in public than I am.
I couldn’t stop reading the comments.
Why? Because I’m needy and the positive comments give me the approval I need? Is it because I’m narcissistic and can’t get enough of myself? Am I trying to punish myself and solidify my feelings of inadequacy by reading the cruel comments?
Or am I putting off making chicken salad for my lunch next week?
I’m pretty sure the truth lies somewhere between those two thoughts.
In any case, reading the comments proved interesting. People are fascinating and bizarre. They are kind and encouraging, toxic and bitter. Today, the words of many people sparked a morning of self-evaluation.
I learned that I continue to be exactly who I am. I don’t have to justify my existence or my choices, but if I choose to make them public, then I must accept that some people will be cruel.
I will ask this, though, if you are choosing to be cruel, flippant, or judgmental, can you ask yourself why? Do you feel something bad about yourself and feel relief when you can lash out at a stranger? Or are you just a dick?
I have been flippant in comments before. I may have even been mean. I am not proud of those moments and I will consider that when I type words at a fellow human. There is a dark power that being anonymous holds. The part of me that is drawn to that doesn’t come from a place of goodness or self acceptance.
No matter how much truth lives in any comment, doesn’t make it okay to be cruel. I considered my own shame today and realized how much deeper my shame would run if I were the type of person to be blithely cruel to strangers.
Ohhh…and if you are one of those people who use ‘you put yourself out there and you deserve what you get’ as a license to post horrible comments, then that puts you in the ‘dick’ category.
This is such a great post – and much of it I could relate to – as in me too – but that last line?
That last line was perfection!
Thank you!!!
Ha, yeah I’m just as guilty of reading comments. I always wish I hadn’t but I can’t help it. However, I still find it hard not to immediately focus on the really nasty negative stuff and ignore all the good stuff as I’m programmed to think that the bad stuff matters and is probably true, which it isn’t.
As one of the more intelligent memes doing the rounds states, ‘you don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to’
I’m learning not to bite when the trolls appear but it is so hard not to react.
No, cruel is never okay and an empath would never say something like that deliberately, so I’d avoid those that do. They are more than likely a narc.
Yeah, you can tell that some of those people are just broken, bitter people…and I love the meme.
The vitriol that comes out in some comments does make me wonder what is going on in their lives to make them be so cruel. I’d be ashamed to be one of them too.
Great post and let’s hope the dicks get over themselves one day soon.
Thank you so much!
It’s been too long since I stopped by but, as always, I loved reading your post and completely agree with the last sentence !!!
We had to postpone our trip to the US because A got admitted to hospital the day before we were due to leave with kidney stones ! About to start rebooking everything – hopefully it will go without a hitch this time around.
Take care – Me xox
It’s so good to see you!! I hope your trip goes smoothly and that everyone is healthy now. Kidney stones are a bitch.
“There is a dark power that being anonymous holds.” This is so true. Behind the computer screen, it’s easy to flex muscles and give a good tongue lashing. That’s what makes THIS article so much more important. I’ve never had a troll, but then I’m too scared to write about anything that matters. Maybe I should give it a try, but I fear I’m not as strong as you.
I’m not all that strong..not always. Some of the comments shook me up and left me feeling like I was out of my league..that I should just not write.
But then I thought…meh, fuck em.
I love, love, love this post!! Yes, I’ve had trolls say stuff that might be right. The problem wasn’t as much what they said (most of the time) but HOW they said it. It’s like they feel bad about themselves so they lash out to feel better. That or they are just total assholes in life. I haven’t figured it out yet.
I think there is a mix of both. and thank you so much!!
The trolls in the comments section were nearly my undoing this past year. I finally accepted that anyone who would be intentionally cruel and hateful from behind a computer screen is someone far smaller than I care to acknowledge.
I think it’s perfectly natural for you to read the comments. One as a writer, and two as a person. While we’d love to not be judged we still care what people think of us, no matter how many fucks we pretend not to give.
That’s the truth, right there. I am glad you made your peace with it. I’m making mine..
I think Karen said it best 🙂
And I think you did bloody brilliantly, both in your responses to the trolls, your consideration here, and in the original article.
I <3 you BIGlots, Michelle 😀
THANK YOU! I heart you too!
That kind of shit is basically why I quit Facebook last year. I don’t need the stress and aggravation.
You keep writing your truth, and a pox be upon the dicks and shitheels under the troll bridge.
XOXO
I Will!!! Thank you!
I Will!!! Thank you!
I’d like to tell trolls to go jump into a woodchipper. They’re so fucking self-righteous. I’d bet that most of them had more than one or two failed relationships in their lives, and they were only a ceremony or two away from being multiple-divorcees themselves. You’ve been married, what, 20 years, now, to the right guy? Maybe their dim minds would’ve been opened a bit more if you had prefaced each paragraph with “I have been happily married to Number 3 for this many years, so I’m not flighty or a failure, potential troll-people.” But I wouldn’t ever change a word of what you write; you do it wonderfully and hilariously.
Anyway, it was worth scrolling-through-the-trolling just to get to old George Baldwin’s comment: “I’ve been married 3 times. Someone recently referred me to #1’s Facebook page, and boy am I glad i don’t have to see her every morning when I open my eyes.” (And, like you, he’s found a winner in number 3) Rock on George! (and Michelle)
Thank you so much! And yes, I loved George Baldwin’s comment. Mostly, THOSE comments weren’t bad. A few bizarre ones..but the Facebook comments on Huffpo’s page were so horrible. A lot of good ones, but hundreds of bad ones.
I’m not easily offended by people’s negative comments about me anymore. I wish I could say that I had a post on Huffington that had hundreds of comments to read, but I’m not that popular. I’m sure with my snark, lots of ass holes would have something to say.
I love your posts and humor and if someone doesn’t they don’t have to fucking read it.
I think the ones that bothered me most where the ones that had some truth to them. Still..I did handle it better than I thought I would. After obsessively reading them for a while, I had to stop because I realized I was getting depressed over it…but I shook it off much easier than I have shaken off cruel criticism in the past.
I didn’t read the comments you are talking about (I have a hard time sitting still while anyone bad-mouths someone I care about) but am I to assume that none of the trolls had their own articles up on Huffington Post? I try to adhere to the “don’t feed the trolls” approach, but I’m not sure I would be capable of not reading the comments to something I wrote. I seriously don’t have time for anyone who gets off on trying to make people feel bad for no good reason.
On the subject of whether what they said has merit, two things:
First, I grew up around lawyers and learned early on that it’s possible to say horrible things about pretty much anyone.
Second, as my occasionally wise friend Jack used to say: Maybe the problem isn’t the content, but instead the delivery.
That is exactly it! The delivery…although..a lot was the content as well. and thank you. 🙂
YES!!
I have a love/hate with my troll (shes all mine I tell you!!!) but she is so so so very frequently spot on in the shit she calls me on.
It doesn’t make it easy though, does it?
I love this self reflection Michelle! It’s so yoga. 🙂 I have seen a lot of posting lately about negativity that inspired my post scheduled for tomorrow, but your response has been the best so far!
Oh Thank you so much! That means a lot to me.
Shared this post here: http://onegirlbreathing.blogspot.com/2015/04/tolt-drop-commentary-not-cookies.html
Thank you so much for including me!
I’ll try not to go on and on here, but I probably will. This is a thing with me.
Someone in the comments here mentioned that we aren’t as affected in the opposite direction by the supportive comments on an article like yours. That’s true.
My feeling is that we come to terms with some difficult things only after long arguments with ourselves and when we get there, we write. Trolls bring you back to the argument stage and make you fight the fight again.
I wrote a piece for the Post once about a father’s take on the empty nest that was as inflammatory as a weather report. And yet, didn’t someone need to accuse me of “resenting my husband for not sharing my faux angst,” or words to that effect. I knew better, but I was still stung.
And that’s what trolls do, they sting. There is no point to a troll’s behavior other than to make you doubt yourself. That’s it. That’s all. And yet, don’t we read as if there’s some truth we failed to consider.
Trolls are playground bullies, mired in limited intellect, clenched fists at the ready. Writers are the smart kids in glasses who cross their paths.
Your piece was solid. You’re a smart kid in glasses who swears like a sailor, which is exactly why we love you.
Wow..thank you so much. This is very insightful and I appreciate this so much. Please don’t ever worry about going on and on..I LOVED it.
I have often wondered why people bother to leave negative comments. If it’s not your cup of tea, why not just click away? They don’t though. They respond. True, they are jerks, but they are following your blog. They are reading you, so that right there tells you that they find you interesting and that they like you enough to keep reading, no matter what they say. In that way, negative comments are preferable to none at all. Be proud that you make so many feel moved enough to respond. That is awesome! You are great!! Screw the haters!!!
THank you so much! I honestly think a lot of them responded just from the headline of the article and didn’t actually read it..but oh well. haha.
I am sooo not a dick (auto correct tried to make dick be duck. Ha.). There’s no need for nastiness in comments. Mean comments reveal the commenter’s own insecurities and immaturity, no?
I think you are right..at least in a lot of the cases.
Did anyone see the Monica Lewinsky video The Price of Shame? It’s a very sobering look at the consequences of trolling and the reach of public ‘opinion’. Well worth a look for more insights on the issues you cite in your post.
It’s a great post Michelle, and proves yet again your honesty, integrity and respect of others. I am all for freedom of speech, and would hate to see such a right censored or restricted. But before rights come responsibilities and it’s a shame that the trolls never embrace that before their fingers hit the keyboard. it’s all too easy to hide behind a screen name and bash out vitriol. Like you said, it’s often how something is said, not what is said. It all boils down to intent.
Anyway, you rock and would still rock if you had been married 20 times!
Thank you, Ann. I have not seen that, but I have always felt bad for Monica. Not excusing anything…but she didn’t deserve the backlash she got.
Dear M,
I think we can assume that all of us learned this by the age of 5- “if you don’t have anything nice to say, SHUT THE FUCK UP”.
You rock on sister girl.
Love,
Jill
Thank you! Or as I like to say, paraphrasing Thumper’s momma… If you can’t say anything nice…shut your fucking cake hole.
I should have wrote for Disney.
Wheaton’s law – Don’t be a dick. I’ve never understood why people think they must make nasty comments on someone’s post.
On the plus side, I applaud you for getting to a place where you are mostly not bothered by the comments.
Mostly might be overstating. Somewhat could be a better word. But I am getting there!
Excellent post Michelle. I really appreciate that you share your thoughts with us, especially as it takes such guts to put them out into the big wide world, all naked and vulnerable. I wish I’d stop being surprised at the sheer number of trolls, let alone their thoughtless, knee-jerk comments. As I said in my previous comment, people don’t seem to care if you’ve had several “failed” long-term relationships, only that you’ve been married x number of times. It’s that M-word. You know, the whole marriage is forever thing. If you don’t make it to forever, you’ve failed. Sigh… Again, it’s another reminder of with whom we must share this planet. I think you were probably spot on as to why you kept reading the comments, but my gut tells me that procrastinating on the chicken salad weighed a tad more heavily than you might care to admit. Cuz what would THAT say about you, huh? HUH? You lazy, self-absorbed woman! Go make your salad!
HAHAHHA! I DID make my salad. It’s languishing in the fridge as we speak.
And yes..some of it definitely had to do with procrastination.
I adore this post. I’ll never forget the time I got a one-star review on my book on Amazon and I went from “she’s a fucking bitch” to “she makes a good point” in about an hour. LOL
The more I put myself out there, the more I am ready, willing, and able to have haters and to let them be “right.”
People see us as they are.
Thank you sister..and I LOVED your blog post! http://www.kclanderson.com/people-see-us-as-they-are/
I have learned that there are people who troll articles simply to make shitty comments. I am not sure if it is a hobby or their full-time job but you see the same names over and over again and they never have anything good to say. It doesn’t matter is the article is about getting married three times or the sunshine through the clouds looks really beautiful – these people just plain fucking hate life and everything in it and the internet has given them an awesome outlet to express that.
Sure, once in awhile one of them will accidentally hit a target that they really aren’t even aiming for. There are enough needy people in the world that if you walk into a room and call everyone needy, someone is going to think “OMG! Is it that obvious?!” In reality, the ones who are spending hours spewing hate at strangers ARE dicks – and have a lot more mental health issues that any of us. WE are doing pretty damn good! 🙂
This made me smile. Thank you for this. 🙂
I think that anyone who chooses to do what we do is a little bit narcissistic and needy so what. Everybody has to have something and there are a whole lot of somethings to make up a person. As far as humiliating Randy in public, have they not read the goat noise post? I mean come on. We have almost the same kind of marriage so I get it. I’ve even heard that before that I make fun of him too much and humiliate him. Which is such BS! One of his sisters the bitchier one of them said I was hurting his manhood to which I responded “seriously, have you seen the size of his dick?” she never said another word. Anybody that knows you knows that you are perfect for each other and I haven’t even met him! Some people are such beyond explanation!
Rena…I’ve never goat noised Michelle in public. Well, unless you count that birthday party.
Alas, there have been a few other occasions. I’ll share one which occurred early in our relationship. One morning in Kansas City, we enjoyed a lovely breakfast in a crowded joint. Our harried waitress stopped by and picked up Michelle’s empty breakfast plate. I looked at the waitress and said, “Excuse me, she’s not finished. She likes to lick her plate clean.” The waitress profusely apologized and placed the plate back in front of Michelle.
Needless to say, Michelle didn’t find the comment humorous.
Yeah..you’re a fucking riot. BAAABAAABAAA <---goat noise.
HAHAHAHHAHA….THAT is awesome!
Trolls are so much more about themselves than the columnist.
They really are. Still..it’s kind of hard to process..although, I am getting better at it. 🙂
I read the comments on blogs if only to sift through the trolls and get information. i.e. A blog post that talks about where to get the best deals on plane tickets – go here. So yeah it’s all trolls.
I was also raised by a narcissistic parent (mother) and can relate to what you are saying. I have moments of needyness too, in general but also my relationships too. My mother was the one that got married three times and treated all three of her husband’s bad (she committed bigamy once). Unlike her it sounds like you are working through your mental illness and have learned from some of the mistakes you have made. It’s three times suppose to be the charm?
well..it’s been 20 years and we’re good. So, my bad decision making skills improved or I got lucky.
1. It’s always better to be kind than “right”. I don’t understand posting mean comments. What were these people hoping to acheive? You can’t, without a time machine, not be married three times. I don’t get it.
2. You embarrass Randy? The Randy that makes goat noises at you? Riiiiight.
3. Don’t make chicken salad a WEEK ahead of time. Good Lord, woman, do you want botulism?
Hahaha…I wrote that post last weekend. I am safe from the chicken salad. I promise.
And I don’t get it either. not at all.
NO!!!! Comments are bad!! Very bad!! Don’t ever read them. Except for mine. My comments always rock.
haha..your comments DO always rock.
For some reason a portion of humanity can only feel good about themselves when they are putting others down. They never try, anything. They live in a bubble where someone is always praising them just for getting up in the morning. All day on the computer telling the world how bad it is without offering any type of constructive suggestions.
These are they same people that get off on celebrity news and leaked photos. Publicly announce some part of your life that’s different from what they want to be normal and they will rip you apart. You are different, not them. You shouldn’t be different. These are the internet bullies that cause suicides in teens.
I try to ignore them but sometimes they say some really stupid things.
Yeah, some of them are just vicious. I have to think they are very broken people.
YES. I’ve been through this as well on Huff Po. Only difference? I stopped reading the comments because I truly didn’t care to hear what the trolls were saying plus I couldn’t stomach it. There were quite a few that said “why did she write this if she can’t take the shit?” kind of attitude. Too funny. No one is anonymous though. WE attach our names to everything we write including comments.
You’re brave, Michelle! You know it’s the fact that you can look at yourself and laugh that really shows your strength. Keep on writing those controversial articles. Obviously, what you had to say struck a nerve with many!
Thank you! And I honestly didn’t think it was controversial at all….but I was apparently wrong about that. hahha.
I’ve often wished there was a mandatory time delay between when people read an article and when they’re allowed to comment on it. A little Zen break to restore a bit of much needed objectivity. Maybe accompanied by an instructional video on how not to be a complete douchenozzle to a person you’ve never met.
“Take a step back. Breathe. Think about the conclusions you have drawn. Are they sound? Are you projecting your own personal experiences into the subtext and reading into things that aren’t there? Are you spewing hate just to take your own frustrations out on someone convenient?
“Okay, you can comment now. Try not to be too much of an asshole.”
That would be perfect…I think some of them would still be complete assholes. I did talk to a few of the people and they kind of back pedaled as if they were surprised it was an actual person who wrote the article.
I strongly believe that these asshats just need to shut the fuck up and get over themselves. In fact, I would be willing to bet that if we took a peek into their lives and rifled through their closets we’d find a shit ton of skeletons and bad choices. Who among us is an angel and has NEVER told a lie, swore, smoked, drank, cheated, whatever bad choice out there?
Not a single one of us is perfect and yet those pathetic trolls take pleasure in standing atop their pedestal as if they were. Fuck that.
Exactly!!! Maybe that’s why they do it. Deflection.
Woman, you are my kind of people (and I mean that in a warm, supportive way…not a creepy stalker kind of way). I discovered your blog when a friend reposted it on Facebook a couple months ago and have been reading since. I wake up, brew my coffee, and sit by my window reading your latest post. When I’m done reading, I know it’s time to get ready for work. One would think that may negatively associate your blog, it being a cue to drag my ass into the shower and go to work, however, I’m a nurse, love it, and make no apologies for it. What I’m saying here, in a manner not unlike the alleyways of Venice, is that your blog is smart, funny, raw and exposed; and your readers are grateful for your candor. Keep ’em coming!
You have no idea how much that makes my day! THank you!!
YES. I’ve been through this as well on Huff Po. Only difference? I stopped reading the comments because I truly didn’t care to hear what the trolls were saying plus I couldn’t stomach it. No one is anonymous though. WE attach our names to everything we write including comments.
You’re brave, Michelle! Keep on writing those controversial articles. Obviously, what you had to say struck a nerve with many!
Oh thank you, sister. 🙂
Good for you ! Delight in the fact you acknowledged,faced facts about yourself and moved the fuck on now that is real progress.Be very proud of what you have accomplished,You go girl !!!!!!!
Thank you!!!
You have to be very courageous to do a blog, and you are. I subscribe because you just make me laugh out loud. I don’t know why we humans hone in on the negative shit more than the positive stuff, but we do. I think it has something to do with survival. Anyway, you are right, there are some real dicks out there, and I promise you, they are not happy. I hope this makes you feel better.
It DOES make me feel better. Thank you so much. It means a lot to me that you enjoy my blog. 🙂
Great post. I haven’t had any truly mean comments yet, but I do get comments from people who obviously miss that TND is a humor blog. Especially when we do our Throwdowns. There are a couple of people who feel the need to scold whichever of us they feel is being unfair to the other. Really?
Hahahah…people crack me up.
btw, I’m on your side.
I’m glad to see that even though you read the comments you came out on the other side with your humor in tact. Woo hoo! Keep being fabulous.
I will!! Thank you!!
Some people are lovely…just lovely. And they have all kinds of body parts. Then there are those who don’t just have dicks or vaginas (or some of both-whatevs) but are dicks. Look a little deeper and you might even find those who fall into the category of dick juggling thunder cunts. It takes all types. I’m reminded of the soulful lyrics of a classic coming of age song-
You take the good, you take the bad,
You take them both and there you have
The facts of life, the facts of life.
By the way- You make your chicken salad a week ahead…what’s that about? Is it magic chicken salad that keeps for weeks? What’s your secret?
HAHAH..I wrote this last Sunday..the chicken salad was for this week.
and NICE on the Facts Of LIfe reference!
I dread the comments whenever I post something on HuffPo. I do NOT know what it is about people. I also can’t read the douchey comments on our local paper’s site either. I truly think some people just get off on coming up with the most insanely mad shit they can. It has actually impacted the amount I post out there. Anyone who would deign to post nasty nastigrams like they did with you should be consigned to a hell where they are held up for judgment forever by people who lack the courage to put themselves out there and whose opinions shouldn’t matter anyway.
I actually did think for a few minutes about not submitting to the bigger sites anymore…I like it here. It’s safe here…
Then I thought..fuck those guys. I’ll write what I want and post where I can. 🙂
No truer words spoken than KCLAnderson’s: “People see us as they are”. No truer words… kind of like my sister-in-law calling me a “manipulative psycho-bitch” because I eloped with her brother and we didn’t include either family. Or maybe it was the time I told her to go fuck herself because she kept sending me baby-advice emails so she could learn whether or not I intended to get myself knocked-up at all… I wonder. 😉
Oh HELL no….
I am so glad I don’t have to worry about that…at least not anymore. My first husband’s family..well…they were special.
You are also this: brave.
I’ve read the comments sections in various places online, and I’m always tempted to put on my OWN anonymous costume and go slamming on all the trolls, but it’d be no use…
Some are so nasty and condescending and horrid ( I don’t even think there’s a word to describe how vile they are… Vile. Yes, maybe “vile”..) and cruel that you have to wonder how they can even qualify as humans. Just…how…?
I do love that you are able to find something useful in some of them, even the rude ones, or some humor–but for the most part, I’d recommend that we just laugh them off, and know that behind each comment sits a miserable, evil little dweeb who is probably living in his mom’s basement and deserves none of your time.
Well it’s clear to see from the shitload of comments above that your fabulous post hit a nerve. When your audience is so broad, of course there are gonna be a few small-minded knobs who make themselves feel good by putting you down. And a few comments that rankle. Everything we write is from one angle… we can’t be all things to all people… we can’t even say everything we think…
I don’t understand dickheads who hover in the darkness of anonymity …
I don’t like everything I read, but then I just don’t read it..I don’t rip their ass.
One guy said I was an asshole and another said I should stop ruining men’s lives. Because it had to be MY fault that I got divorced. Haha.
I really did laugh at most of them…but some really did get under my skin…and I love you. Thanks, sugar pop. 🙂
OK – I’m going to tell you a secret. I keep hoping that I’ll get a spirited debate (i.e.: hateful comments and stanch supporters battling it out) in the comment section of my blog – because that would mean someone actually read the post and I struck some emotion that caused them to respond. I don’t know that it will ever happen on my blog – because most people who read it (and keep coming back) know that I’m sarcastic and that nothing is sacred as far as subject matter. Except the time earlier this month when I did NOT write a post comparing my 27th wedding anniversary to Holocaust Remembrance Day (as they were both on the 16th) – because I did not want to offend the Jewish people by equating my ex to Hitler or my marriage experience to death camps – because obviously Doc is NOT Hitler – unless he was reincarnated or something. Are there subjects too sensitive to make a joke about? Probably. But usually I write about whatever I want and everyone is pretty supportive. I imagine that posting on a website where people don’t know or “get” you would cause trolls to come out of the woodwork – because in their self-righteous, know-it-alliness they think they have to “set you straight.” If they knew you and loved you (like we all do) then it just wouldn’t happen – because they would know what to expect. Hmmm…perhaps I should be submitting posts to HuffPo and Scary Mommy.
You SHOULD submit to those places! I promise..you will get some shitty comments!
I am glad I’ve only had a few shitty comments on my actual blog..
Seriously, submit to those sites.
A few month ago I shared a saying on my facebook page ~~ “Just because you can say it doesn’t always mean you should”. It seemed harmless to me and fairly decent advice. Well one of my fb friends who I don’t know personally and is only there for games, jumped on me with both feet. She got so angry that she ended up dropping me as a friend and blocking me. She ended her tirade by calling me an old-fashioned, narrow-minded poop. Apparently I pushed her button somehow. Lol.
That is just nuts! Holy shit, that’s extremely good advice. I would definitely say that is a ‘her’ problem and not a ‘you’ problem.
I recently got slammed over at Huff Po for writing a Disney post! People have no shame, seriously. LET IT GO.
I guess it’s their hobby. It’s a really shitty hobby, though.
Firstly, I’d like to say, please don’t buy into what the negative comments said. People, as you know, hide behind screen names and project all of their hateful, aggressive, and meanness from within straight onto to other people. These ppl don’t know you from a hole in the wall. They don’t know what drove you to make the choices you made. They don’t understand the tiny nuances of your life’s choices nor do give a shit! Mean people love projecting their hate to anyone they can find who puts themselves out there. Don’t start buying into, well maybe they are right, because they are not. They want you to feel bad about you because they hate themselves….period! I know someone who was married three times and first two were a mess that’s why it didn’t work out. Did he make bad choices marrying them? NO. It was part of his path…and now he moved on to someone who is perfect for him. Please don’t listen to the nastiness of foul-mouthed ppl. They just want you to as miserable as they are!
Thank you so much. And you are right. I still believe they might be right about a few things (totally by accident) but you are right..if they guessed right, even in a small way, then it was by accident.
I realize that a lot of people will say that you shouldn’t feed the trolls, but every so often it’s almost necessary to take a few of them to task and destroy their shitty arguments. Of course, I think that it’s important to be nice and smile as you throw them into the wood chipper. If you show that you’re upset through your words (OR CAPS LOCK), then they know that they’ve gotten to you. If you play nice and explain in detail why they’re wrong, they will be the one setting the brick on the CAPS LOCK key and showing that you’ve successfully gotten to them.
I did respond to the girl who typed out neeeeeeedy and said that her keyboard seemed to be sticking. She said very emphatically that it was sarcasm. Only she put sarcasm in parenthesis. So I responded with every word enclosed in parenthesis.
Priceless! I love it- I would have been even more explicit, because so many people are clueless. I would have told her to quit drinking if it causes her to pass out face first on her keyboard. The drool seems to be ruining the electronics, and making the keys stick. (But I don’t have to be as nice as you).
http://chezgigi.com/we-give-up-television-a-cautionary-tale-of-comical-and-homicidal-proportions/
The first time I was attacked by the trolls I was devastated. The second time was only a little easier. The third, I said fuck it. The anonymity gives people huge balls. They don’t know me and your trolls don’t know you. But just like us, they were entitled to their opinion so let them have it. The people who do know you supported you and understood what you were saying. They are the ones that really count. The random dicks do not.
I think you are a brilliant writer.
Thank you…That means so much to me. I read these amazing things people write to me and they mostly bounce off because I have a hard time even considering the possibility that I have any talent at all…but I’m starting to believe that MAYBE everyone else isn’t wrong. 🙂
You make different women across the world laugh out loud on a regular basis. That is either a super power or talent. As you manage it through work not magic, I’m going with talent.
Yay!! THANK YOU!
I was computer-less for a week, and although I find the comments here fascinating and intelligent (not so much on the Huffington Post, although it’s better than it used to be back when any asshole could post under any fake name) I haven’t read through them, so I apologize for saying what at least half a dozen have already said. And for that insane run-on sentence.
I just want to say this about the girl who felt compelled to call you neeeedy: that’s what the kids these days call “projection”.
Thank you, Christopher! And yes…I can see that.
How has it taken me this long to find you? I’m a huge fan already, so I would like to nominate myself to be your 4th marriage. You are way funnier than my husband. Now I do realize it would require a big shift in both our lifestyles and perhaps is not even legal in your state. Would you consider Canada?
If not, because the winters do suck, I’m looking hugely forward to reading more of your blog.
Well, I AM halfway in love with you just from this comment…
You guys. I’m leaving the room now, if you want to be alone.
This is in no way a comment on alternative lifestyles, but Wonder Woman can give us all inspiration! http://chezgigi.com/wonder-woman-kinkiness/
Thank you for the link!
I am never going to leave comments again, anywhere! And, I am always going to keep vows that I make to myself! Uh-huh.
I just wrote a post about this myself. I had left a comment on a body building site three years ago, and someone recently ‘liked’ it. I had forgotten all about it, but went back, and saw the responses I got to my original comment about the really crappy way the author was talking about older women.
I let these guys push my buttons, and I am sending a letter to the AMA suggesting they develop a surgical procedure to remove buttons. Now, that would be a gift to the world!
I felt so silly after I did the ‘Neener, neener’ thing. (Albeit in very articulate and intelligent language, just to show THOSE puerile pectoral-pumping poops!) And the one that really ticked me off? The guy who said I should ‘redo my academic career’ (How?) and that the ‘sad part was that I was a teacher’.
Why? Because I hate bigotry, misogyny, bias, and hateful, ignorant language? My son has been telling me for years about this aspect of the internet. People are people, and will remain so, ad infinitum. What a bore we all are.
I keep thinking the things I say are relevant, rational, and reasonable. Then, I get disabused of that quaint notion. That’s why I’m never leaving another comment, ever again.
http://chezgigi.com/when-your-to-do-list-does-you-and-why-taco-bell-gets-custody-of-your-kids/
Grrr…so frustrating. You and your son are right..people will always be this way. I’m sorry you were treated badly. 🙁
Thanks, Michelle- I find it gratifying that you actually respond to comments. Most bloggers do not, and if I leave a comment, and they can’t be bothered to acknowledge it, I don’t go back.
One of my FAVORITE parts about blogging is the interaction! I try to respond to all the comments…but I don’t always. Mostly, though. 🙂
I think you should keep commenting and speaking up. You were brave for doing so, good for you for being such a great example for your son. More of us need to stand up against misogyny and bigotry, and not shrink back from the backlash that we will inevitably get. I say screw’em and their knuckle dragging friends too. Keep fighting the good fight!
I think a few people on Huffpo were taken aback and didn’t expect the author to respond and some of them backpedaled..but others vehemently defended their position. It was kind of amusing. One guy got taken to task for being mean by other people commenting and got butt hurt and said….how can you judge me as a person by reading my comments?? I responded…I know JUST HOW YOU FEEL…you know, because you judged me as a person by reading one article that I wrote. He responded that I was over sensitive. I didn’t have the energy to point out his hypocrisy.
I remember reading the comments on a newspaper site once for an article that was about something completely innocuous. But man, the comments were just CRAZY. I got sucked into it because I just could not believe that so many people were losing their minds over something so banal. And their opinions were … brutal.
We talk a lot about bullying and children/teenagers. I honestly don’t think that some adults realize that they are doing the same thing.
I had one incident of making a really horrible comment about something to someone, and I immediately regretted it and apologized. I cannot imagine living every day carrying that much vitrol in my heart.
I think that you made a mean comment makes you human..that you apologized and felt bad about it makes you a good human. Sometimes I am afraid we are running short of the good humans.