When we were kids and we traveled with our parents, we didn’t have cellphones or portable devices that played movies to keep us entertained. All we had was picking fights with our sisters, asking “when are we going to get there?” or some lame ass car game. Some car games didn’t require any playing pieces, like identifying all 50 states by license plate or playing “what’s that carcass?” In Texas, “armadillo” always wins.
We had a car bingo game when I was a kid. Each person got a card with pictures on it. When you spotted something that was on your card, then you slid a little plastic cover over the picture. When you covered all your spaces, then you were the winner. Which would result in an hour long argument over whether or not the dog you saw had to be black and white like the dog in the picture or could it be any dog.
Randy and I are about to take a trip together. We are taking Joey, the 17 year old, and two of his buddies and heading for the beach.
Randy and I nearly always get along. We mostly don’t fight. Unless we’re traveling in the car for 90 minutes or longer.
Honestly, we sometimes can’t make it out of the driveway without at least a small argument. True story.
I decided that since it seems inevitable that we’ll have our normal spat of skirmishes that we might as well turn the arguments into a game and it will help pass the time.
I’m going to update the car bingo game and make a “What Will We Argue Over?” bingo game.
The cards will list the things we might fight over in the car. When we fight over something on a card, the player with that argument on their card can mark it off. Whoever checks off everything on their card first, wins the round.
The Cards:
The cards can consist of a type of argument, a specific phrase or even a description of a sound, such as “long, deep, exasperated sigh”. The following is just a sampling of what will be on the bingo cards:
- “You can pass that guy. Seriously. No one behind you.”
- “Do you want to drive? I can get off the next exit and you can drive.”
- “If you ask me to send texts for you, you can’t get pissed if the message gets jumbled. I can’t find my readers.”
- “Did I not say I had to pee? You passed three exits.”
- “How fast are you going”?
- “You are following too close”.
- “For fuck’s sake, we’re never going go get there.” This has to be muttered under the breath.
- “What did you say?”
- The “You have 46 hours of music on your phone and couldn’t pick a single song I like?” argument.
- The “You just want to bitch” argument.
- The “Fucking hell, stop being so negative” argument.
- The “No, do not take a short cut. Go the goddamn way the nice lady in the phone told you to go” argument.
- “That GPS is always wrong.” I feel compelled to add that the GPS was wrong ONE goddamn time. Not a lot of times, not most of the time, not a few times. One time. So of course, the GPS is “always” wrong.
- The “No, I don’t want you to drive, I want to get there alive” argument.
- An eye roll where the eyes are rolled so hard that people in the back seat can hear them clicking.
- Long, deep breath followed up with looking out the side window while snorting air through the nostrils like a bull.
- “No, I’m not mad.”
- “Seriously, I’m not mad.”
- “I will tell you why I’m mad.”
- “You do this every time we go anywhere.”
- “Just once, it would be nice to take a trip where you aren’t melting down over something.”
- The “I budgeted for this and it does not cost too much” argument.
- “I bet you wish this parking lot was just little bigger, that way you could park even further from the entrance.”
- “Who died and made you lord king god of all driving, anyway? Seriously, why do I defer to you when it comes to driving? No. No no no no no. Stating “I am the lord king god of driving” in a fake British accent does not make you lord king god of driving.”
The Rules:
When a player checks off all the items on their card, then the player must yell out “For all that is holy will you two stop.” The card will be given to Michelle or Randy to verify for accuracy. More than likely, the player will give their card to Michelle because Randy will be driving. After all, he thinks he is the lord king god of all driving. Disputes will be handled as followed.
Michelle: Three check marks beside “snorted like a bull”? I don’t think that is true.
Randy: No, that’s accurate. Once at mile marker 192. Then at the gas station when I pulled up to the pump on the wrong side and then when I asked you to check the messages on my phone for the 47th time.
Michelle: So now you admit that you pulled up to the pump on the wrong side. Because when I pointed out that you were on the wrong side, you said you meant to do that and you were just pulling up to throw some trash away which made no sense at all because we also needed to get gas so why wouldn’t you just pull in the right way the first time?
Randy: You just can’t stop, can you?
Player Number one: Are….are we starting a new round?
The winner:
Clearly, there is no winner here.
Honestly, this blog post title is misleading. The only way this car game works is if Randy and I are in the car with you and either Randy or I am driving.
If you are on a long car trip with us, bring ear plugs.
LMFAO!!!!!! Whoa! I just relived every car trip my husband and I have ever taken! For the life of me, Michelle, I do not understand, with all of the ingenious ideas you come up with in this blog, why you are not a gazillionaire by now! It boggles my mind that you are not one of the richest women in the world, out-Oprahing Oprah!
My friend, Debbie, and I (she is the Goddess who introduced me to your blog) were just talking about how much fun your writing is and how much we love you! Never met you, but head over heels for you! 😀
So, now I can’t wait to hear about the actual time spent at the beach! There HAS to be an adventure or two or three in that story. HAHA!! XO
Oh man…I am so much NOT a gazillionare.
We’re actually back from our trip…but I had really limited access to the internet so I couldn’t post this story until we got back. Hmmmm…adventures…not a lot..it was laid back as hell..a very good time though and Randy and I hardly argued at all. Maybe a little.
I love you and Debbie. Your comment made my morning.. 🙂
Oh My Oh My.
My coffee just isn’t as good unless it’s coming out my nose while I read my morning devotions by Rage Michelle.
This is a perfect travel Bingo/Therapy game (?) and should be available in every gas station and truck stop right next to the maps and Dramamine.
But…I think the winner should be declared by the surviving rear passengers. Ideally, not the family ones because they may have self-serving motives for deciding who wins.
Up and coming Bingo Travel players always have self-serving motives. Especially the boy ones…
And I would have duct tape in the jockey box in case you have to keep Randy from winning.
That’s not cheating, that’s surviving.
Now who is going to be your distributor? Hasbro?
See? I LOVE the way you think. It’s survival…I like that. I should contact some game company, I am gonna be rich. Finally.
Then we can hire someone else to drive when we take long trips.
Aw, Sweetheart…you NEVER get to hire someone to drive 🙁
The one in the backseat is next…just like carving the turkey…tradition and training must be passed down from man to upcoming man.
It’s the fate of Mommies. Just get more duct tape for the jockey box.
I use it for my eyes 🙂 Frees up my hands so I can cover my ears and go, “lalalala.”
🙂
HAHAHAHA….I love it.
Hahaha, this was defiantly better than any morning paper. Also, next time somebody should brake into a song and I mean something like ‘my bitches love me’ by Lil Wayne 🙂
Hahaha…good idea!
And I am so glad that I’m better than the morning paper..I’m feeling all smug now. 🙂
Suddenly the “If I have to drive you can’t sleep” discussion doesn’t seem so bad. That’s pretty much the only argument my wife and I ever have in the car. Maybe I should start arguing with her. Letting me sleep wouldn’t seem like such a bad alternative then.
Ohhhhh…yeah…that one. We’ve had that one before..but not often. Usually only when he wants me to drive and I don’t want to.
Too funny! What really cracked me up is he knew the mile post number. I mean he noticed and documented it in his mind!
Ohhhhhh…that part? Kind of made up as an example..I mean, we’ve definitely said variations of all those things, but that was more a re-enactment. Randy would NEVER actually remember a mile marker.
ha ha ha ha, your arguments are at least amusing, the ones with my ex never were!
You do realise that I now wish to hear Randy’s fake British accent?
🙂
Karen, he uses that accent ALL the time. I’ll record a message for you.
That game is brilliant!! For the most part, our trips went well. Our kids never fought & we didn’t even have movies. And I don’t remember drugging them. Guess we were lucky. I didn’t mind my ex doing all the driving cuz I got fidgety, bored, tired, hungry, etc. I do recall always keeping an eye on the road, as he was prone to falling asleep at the wheel. (If only you could appreciate that metaphor!) In my old, menopausal state now, however, I gotta be the driver. If only you’d thought up the game sooner, you could’ve gotten it into the stores for xmas.
Right? I guess next year…
OMG – you really should post a warning at the beginning of your posts, advising that this post will involve literal LOLling, snorting through your nose and tears rolling down your cheeks so that I am prepared for when I read this and I’m not alone in the office !!!!
This brought back so many memories of travelling with A and K in Spain and the USA – the GPS, do YOU want to drive ? and for us, driving on the wrong side of the road !!!
Have the BEST day and thanks for starting my week off on such a great note xox
Oh I am so glad I started your week off right. I still have hours to go before my week starts. So much not looking forward to this after being off work for 9 days.
I love those suggestions.
HAHAHAAH….feel free to use them, however, don’t come whining to me if they don’t go over well…
The “nice” lady in the phone will not be pleased that you called her out Michelle – watch your back, she can be vindictive!
Good point..she does wield a lot of power..
Thank you for giving me the very first belly laugh of this day. I mean, this is universal, isn’t it? LOL and double LOL!
hahah..I think it is universal.
Sounds about right. lol 🙂
It’s good to not be alone.
Sounds like you’ve been listening in on some of our arguments. Hope you have a great time!
Oh…we’re down and back already. It was a lovely time with surprisingly few outbursts…I mean, we weren’t perfect, but WAAAAAAY better than normal.
Sounds like how car trips with my parents go! When my dad is driving my mom accuses him of driving like an idiot. When my mom drives, we all take our own lives in our hands as she weaves around people and flips them off!
Your mom and me would get along.
We have the same game. (omg yes–how long can I wait to PEE?) I think we need to borrow your cards, but I can add a few of our own:
* The “do you KNOW how long it’s been since I was in Driver’s Ed?? I don’t need driving advice!” conversation.
* “I will pull over right now and YOU can drive”.
* Front-seat passenger clawing frantically at dashboard and ceiling in fake attempt to pretend we might careen off the road instead of making the turn.
* “Omg can you take roundabouts any faster?”
* “Why are we taking the longest possible route to get somewhere in OUR OWN TOWN? It’s 15 minutes faster if you take the road you just passed by.”
and so on
The list in endless.
I forgot” “For all that is holy, TURN THE HEAT OFF”
I believe my parents should have played that game, I know my ex and I should have. Of course, my ex and I did the ‘where did you learn to drive’ fight, often. The music fight, no we never did that one, whoever drove got the music controls.
This was fabulously funny. First laugh of the day. Thanks
Oh I am so glad I started your day with a laugh!!
So funny! I need one to play with my three year old too! It would be more like, “NO! I wanted you to bring the OTHER book!”
I really needed this as a child.
It’s really a universal game, isn’t it?