You decided to read this. If you get all weirded out, it’s on you.
I think I just made up the word ‘weirded’ as spell check is underlining it.
Priscilla, Queen Of The Cubicle and I have no taboos when we instant message throughout the day. There are many conversations that I look at and think “Yeah..no way can I blog that”.
After reading this post, you’re gonna wonder what those conversations could possibly be about.
Here we go: Things you don’t want to think about when you think about your coworkers:
Me: We need to go to NYC and get pizza.
PQOTC: YES!! I just filled up this morning…you want to go now? Or do you have stuff to do?
Me: I have to get this shit done for Rick or else I would.
PQOTC: We could always hit Chicago if you can’t be gone that long. And fuck Rick.
Me: Yeah!
PQOTC: Not literally.
PQOTC: He couldn’t handle it.
Me: Nope.
PQOTC: Do you ever sit and wonder what people are like during sex?
Me: oh god
PQOTC: like Rick for instance.
Me: dammit. Now I am.
Me: Okay. yes. Sometimes.
PQOTC: lmfao
Me: I can’t help myself…I think about it and then I’m disturbed and think WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?
PQOTC: omg I’m laughing so hard.
Me: Like, I imagine what their fuck faces are.
PQOTC: I’m dying here.
Me: And again, I think WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?
PQOTC: Because that’s how our fucked up minds work.
Me: We need help.
PQOTC: Now when you see Rick today you are going to think about his fuck face.
Me: Nooooooooooo
PQOTC: He’s probably really boring. Missionary only.
Me: And he leaves his socks on.
PQOTC: I leave my socks on.
Me: you would.
PQOTC: but mine are colorful. Rick leaves on his black dress socks. Pulled all the way up.
Rick isn’t his real name. I changed his name to protect the annoying.
This post was brought to you by NAOPWWTMYTAYCSF (National Association Of People Who Want To Make You Think About Your Coworker’s Sex Faces).
That association really needs a new name.
I bet you guys are going to go to work and think about this now. Let me help. Start with the person you least want to imagine.
You’re welcome.
I also think you should come to Chicago. It might help you get your mind off of Rick’s fuck face….. Just sayin 🙂
Haha.
Dammit. Now I’m thinking about it again.
Hahahahaha oops!
I don’t think any of my co-workers are getting any. Unfortunately, that includes me. :/
All that means is when you envision their faces, the look will be a little more grateful. And desperate.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha, you have no idea how appropriate this post is this week
🙂
Awesome!
But what if I work at home and the only other ones here are that guy and the dog? Both already share my bed, so I don’t have to imagine their faces. Okay, the dog doesn’t actually get any, but she really gets into cleaning her privates so I’ve seen that face…
I know! I was in the airport and saw a man wearing a t-shirt that said, “I’m a Boeing engineer. Please sleep with me.” Picturing that in action is pretty disturbing. Does that count?
It does! And then there is the Grocery store..the DMV, doctor’s offices…it applies every where
Fuck. Thanks for this. What has been seen can not be unseen. Even if it’s only in my imagination!!!
Hahaha..yep. And I warned you at the beginning of the post. 🙂
Well, as you know, I only have animals for co-workers. They are all neutered and spayed, and they generally do not fuck. Lola the Maltese does hump Andre the cat, though. It looks like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EK_jOdanJU&list=UUfQtiayh-OgHcJFIeoDBWQQ
Ohhh man….I guess I asked for that. A little bit.
I think I want to come work with you guys. The only people I work around are my cats, and hubby…it’d be nice to imagine some new faces.
ew.
gross.
yeah, I’m going….
We do make the unimaginably boring a little less hell like.
Imagine your parents’ fuck faces.
.
Yeah, I went there.
.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
You would so fit in with us.
Oh, Bratfink – I can do you one better. I actually SAW my parent’s fuck faces…on more than one occasion. You think they would learn how to lock that bedroom door (or stop during the nasty in the middle of the day when their kids were home).
Now I feel the need to scratch my eyes out.
Ohhhh…you poor thing.
I walked in on my parents once, but they were all rolled up in sheets so I didn’t SEE anything. It was still disturbing though.
Reading the comments from people who work with dogs now all I can think about are dogs’ fuck faces. And those are hilarious. The lower half of the dog is banging away, but you look at the face and it’s like he’s saying, “You know, this whole Syria thing is really bummin’ me out.”
Hahahah…
That’s hilarious.
A-pizza in NY is better, don’t settle…if deep dish is really your goal, fine. Still not the same.
B-guys already wonder about sex faces of coworkers, classmates, neighbors, public officials, that one checkout girl that always says hello, fictional characters, etc. Welcome to our world.
Hahah..
and I agree. No settling on the pizza.
Haahahahahahhaaha…
and then some. 🙂
🙂
I’m glad you liked it!
Hahahahaha!!! I wish I could show you my “Cracking up yet trying NOT to laugh TOO DAMN HARD or else they’ll KNOW I’m on the internet!” face… You’re welcome. 😉
I want to see it!!!
LOL I wish I could, but you’ll just have to picture something along the lines of Gilda Radner as Roseanne Rosannadanna on the verge of blowing it during line delivery. But cuter… 😀
HAHAHAH. I loved her!
Every. Time.
I always think about these things because it makes me laugh.
It’s nice to know that we’re in good company!
LOL – now you have me thinking …………………… which right now is about all I have to think about seeing as I am at work with nothing to do for the next 8 hrs !!!
Have the best weekend !
Me
Hahaha..well..good luck with that!
And you have a good weekend too!!
A. we think way too much alike
B. this post ended way too soon. I could read your texts for hours.
C. these are my favorite posts….I wait anxiously for them!
Yay!!! And Priscilla will be pleased to hear that as well. I keep telling her to be goddamn funny…but she works at her own pace.
You can’t rush genius.
True..this is true..but it doesn’t stop me from hanging shit on her. This is what we do.
My coworkers are all sexless, emotionless automatons. Perhaps it’s because working in an OB/GYN office they see way too much of the consequences of sex — funky hoohaws, STDs, bloated pregnant baby mommas, and squalling infants. Or it could just be because they are all bitches — either works.
Well…that takes all the fun out of it…
You have such a rare gem of a co-worker relationship… Cherish that, man. You two get each other. My coworkers pale in comparison (mostly because they are three youngish men, and largely no fun).
Also… while she seems amazing in all other ways, it is NEVER ok to leave your socks on during sex. This bothers me. I think it bothers a lot of people, just a weird quirk. ::Shutter:: NEVER OK!
Tomorrow I will think about people’s fuck faces. Thanks, Michelle. You humanitarian.
I actually do cherish the relationship. I really want her to get a different job because she is so much better than this job. She is amazingly smart and talented and she could do much more. On the other hand…the selfish part of me (and it’s a big part) is dreading that day.
LOL this is hilarious! Since my most important co-worker is my husband, that fuckface is known to me……. but the rest…… oh no! If I shake my head like a Vibroshape Belt to get the images out it does nothing but make me very very dizzy!
I wish my brain had an “UNSEE” button!
Hahahaah….that is awesome.
We can’t be the only ones to suffer here. We need to spread that joy around.
I laughed so hard at this. All I can think is that this “Rick” might someday stealth read your blog, then be unable to make eye contact with you without turning red and fumbling around with his dress socks. If he ever gets suddenly awkward, you’ll know why.
I actually live in fear of something like that happening one day. I love my blog, but it does cause a fair amount of anxiety.
OMG!!! I just died laughing…. Coffee is everywhere…. I used to do this all the time, and I am a woman who worked in an all male environment!!! Auto industry…. Another woman in the financing department and I did it, and some times we would have to excuse ourselves from a meeting, well because we could not hold it together…. Brilliant, glad to know that I am not the only one out there with a sick and twisted mind… thanks for sharing!
I suspect a lot of us do this. It’s just that most of us aren’t willing to admit it.
Sorry about the coffee. HAHAHAH
I have totally done this. Usually in meetings. I work with engineers (developers) so I sit in meetings with a LOT of men, and sometimes you just can’t stop your mind from going there. Sometimes I think about what they’re like when they’re trying to seduce their partners (they’re almost all married). Do they have a secret word they say? Is there some sign they give each other?
As you may gather, my meetings are REALLY boring.
Hahhaha…we’re all alike, right?
Sickos, all of us. I love us 🙂
Sickos, all of us. I love us 🙂
As I read this conversation, I’m convinced that QOTC must be an accountant. All those numbers can make people think of crazy things.
Speaking of crazy, I wonder how Rick would look if you imagined him wearing rubber shoes?
oh god..NOOOOOOO..I don’t want to think about crocs!
And she DOES work with numbers..
C’mon now! You have to give us more. What else do you two IM about? I’m begging here!! This is so funny and yes, been there, done that. Unfortunately!
As it happens, I have a goat conversation that I’m posting soon….