Worst Case Scenario

You know how some people are “worst case scenario” people?

Honestly, I think we are somewhat maligned. Processing worry through the worst case scenario is just smart thinking. I mean, you process the worst thing that could happen. You work backward to a scenario that might be unlikely, but in the ballpark of probability and base your level of worry on that. It’s science, people.

One of the benefits of being a “worst case scenario” or WCS person, is that the worst case almost never happens. Oh, itΒ hasΒ happened and each time, it was a swirling dervish of suck, but actual worst case has been rare.

This is me, by the way, working backward from my worst case scenario, which I will not describe here, because believe it or not, I actually have some limits.Β 

Anyway, the worst thing in the world most certainly did not happen.

However, I will say that I heard a little teeny four word sentence. This is a sentence that I normally love to hear. In a few cases, though, it’s very nearly a WCS.

I met with my boss midweek. He had been out of town early in the week for work. When he returned, we talked about projects and I asked him how the trip went.

Boss: It went great. It was nice because I didn’t have to drive.

Me: Yeah, that’s always nice.

Spoiler: The 4 word sentence is about to be spoken.Β 

Boss: I read your blog. While we were on the road. I had hours to kill.

In a matter of a few seconds, I considered the following actions to make him stop talking:

  • Slamming my face against his desk.
  • Pointing out the window and screaming.
  • Reciting Jabberwocky.
  • Setting my hair on fire.

Me:…

Boss: I was really glad to read you find me approachable and reasonable.

I would continue writing down the conversation, but if I did, the rest would be completely made up. I started sweating and babbling for entirely too long, then left his office. Pretty sure one sentence I spoke was “Oh, awesome. Now you know how mentally ill I am.” I think the words I said as I walked out were “Stop reading my blog.”

I mentally cataloged my most recent blog posts on the walk from his office to my cubicle. I only cringed over 72% of the posts. I blogged about pooping for fuck’s sake.

I processed that shit and moved on. Can’t close the barn down once the horse is out, right?

I worried that evening that I might find myself censoring myself because I’d worry about who was reading, but I’m not going to do that. I’ve got five years into blogging, it would be ridiculous to change now.

It took 24 hours, but I concluded that life goes on. Until someone can prove otherwise, I have this one life to live. I like writing. I’m going to keep writing as long as it continues to make feel good.

Speaking of feeling good, you know how I mentioned the doctor gave me the all clear? Well, I started feeling weird. After months and months of feeling like shit and then slowly feeling better, I got dizzy again. I was so bummed. Then a few hours later, I got a stabbing pain in my left ear and I thought “Oh yes! It’s an ear infection!”

I’ve never been happier about an ear infection. I understand ear infections. And ear infections don’t last 6 months. I went to my boss’s office after I called the doctor.

Me: I made a doctor appointment for tomorrow. I think I’m getting an ear infection, so I think I’ll just take off the whole day.

Boss: Okay. How’s that other thing?

Me: Oh yeah, I got the thyroid tests back again and I’m normal.

Boss: In regards to your thyroid.

Me:…

Boss: That didn’t come out right.

Me: I’m totally writing about this.

So, in the end, not a worst case scenario, but not comfy like hot chocolate and flannel sheets, either. Life is easier without secrets. At least, that is going to be what I keep telling myself until I fully process this and stop obsessing over it.

So, I will continue to be who I am. I will write what I want. I’m not changing that. Although, I will probably think twice about any future pooping stories.

Speaking of writing changes. Well, not changes, I’m not changing anything, but I am considering writing some sponsored posts. I have been approached by a number of people over the past few years and I always turn them down. However, now I’m being approached to write about products and services and people are talking about giving me money. I figure if a company has read my blog and understands my voice, and they want to pay me to write about their shit, well, a girl’s got to eat. Although, I don’t know if it will actually happen. I’ve managed to scare a couple of them away so far.

 

 

47 Thoughts.

  1. Yikes, double yikes, I’m actually cringing in empathy for you.
    My anonymous blog is going to be staying that way for exactly this reason but no in the grander scheme of things it really doesn’t matter.
    πŸ™‚
    Does this mean he reads your Tweets too?
    :-))

  2. I’m glad I’ve steered (mostly) clear about my new job dynamics – and what I have said is positive. If my old boss reads that my old job sucked – well it did and it’s his fault so I have no problems there! Nice to know your boss finds your blog so readable πŸ™‚

  3. I think it’s every blogger’s dilemma, to some degree: how to be honest and authentic in our posts–and not give a shit what certain people might think about what we write. I’m constantly reminding myself that if folks like and ‘get’ my blog, then they’re the ones I’m writing to/for, and I can’t censor myself to accommodate someone who might take offense. I love your voice and so appreciate your sense of humor–don’t ever change!

  4. Does your boss know how much we, the readers, love HIM for being cool with your blog and giving you a huge raise and promotion? :::subliminal messaging going on here::: How scary would it be for him to realize that there are many more of us out there who are so much like you? A whole tribe of us! Of course, in the event you ever take a business trip with him, he’ll expect you to not have to use the restroom too often! HAHA!!

    I admire your sticking to being yourself (it’s what makes your blog unique!) and hell YEAH to the sponsored writing! If you can get paid doing something you absolutely love and are brilliant at, why NOT? I’m hoping someday that will happen for me, too! Onward and upward! πŸ˜€ XO

    • Terri Lee says: Does your boss know how much we, the readers, love HIM for being cool with your blog and giving you a huge raise and promotion? :::subliminal messaging going on here:::

      Lisa K says: No sublimation here…what a great blog post that would be. If he works it right, free advertising for his company, too!

      But for real, Michelle, I have my own saying for worry and repeating past mistakes and changing for others approval:

      There’s a fine line between learning your lessons well and living in the past. ‘I’ll never do that again’ is in direct proportion to ‘Fool me once…shame….’

      Is it ‘living in the past’ if you don’t let people walk all over you? Or is it ‘learning your lessons well’ if you don’t let people walk all over you?

      I’ve been accused of both.

      Which ties in to the ‘worry hierarchy.’

      … πŸ™‚

      “Hey! Michelle’s Boss, if you’re coming on this ride, keep your hands and feet in the car at all times. We cannot be responsible for injuries and limb loss. Or personal offense.”

      It’s really an enjoyable and enlightening (entertaining) ride!

      Maybe, he’ll sit by me!

  5. I don’t have a boss any more (thank goodness) but I used to print out my blog for hubby to read, since he seemed interested. He did everything but fall asleep. Obviously, he’s not my fan base. But he pays the bills and cooks for me, so I’m keeping him anyway.

  6. I’m never sure who has and hasn’t read my blog. But I have on occasion gotten the reminder that people do sometimes read my twitter, and remark on it to other people I know, and that the Internet isn’t private. I should know this, right? The Internet is not private. Sigh.

    As for sponsored posts, go for it! Those companies deserves what’s coming to them. I mean. I’m sure they get it πŸ˜‰ And I absolutely believe people deserve to be paid for their writing.

  7. Sometimes you have to train your boss how to do the right thing. This can be tricky, as they have the authority, so you have to kind of lead them by the nose from conclusion to conclusion, but you already know that. Really, this blog has “asset to the company” written all over it. I say turn down the pony, and ask for tequila instead.
    This being one of the increasingly rare hours of internet access I have, I’m trying to catch up: So happy to hear that your thyroid is normal.
    I’ve been warned against playing with worst case scenarios because of my overactive imagination, but so far… so what?

  8. Good for you. It’s hard to write authentic, I mean it’s just hard to put yourself out there like that. You are amazing just for being you. And you are FUNNY. Your posts always make me laugh. Everyone needs a good laugh. πŸ™‚

  9. I changed my name because when I wrote normal columns about meeting aliens (space) and my birth mother for a newspaper my sister was convinced somebody would come to her house (used to be our parents house and..well anyway) kidnap her daughter. Things like that.

    Then my blog began to get a lot of publicity and she figured it out. Apparently I’m an embarrassment to the family name. But I have to comment on all her facebook posts. I’ve stopped trying to figure her out.

    My blog’s no longer popular but she’s the only person who doesn’t believe that. Bless her heart.

  10. So I’m sure it’s just a coincidence that you tell us about your boss reading your blog in the same post that you mention you might be doing some sponsored posts. Okay, I realize those two things aren’t really related, but your boss, being amazingly cool, smart, and an all around great person, will, I’m sure, find other ways to tap your creative potential.

  11. First – you have a great boss. And I’m so glad for you!

    Second – take the sponsored posts. There’s no reason you shouldn’t make money for all your talent and hard work. I will support you if you do!

    Happy holidays my friend. xoxo

  12. This has been a dilemma I’ve often thought about when writing my blog. Worried what people thought. However, the whole reason I started was to be creative and get over worrying about what people thought. They either like it or they don’t, so your end solution is on point and an inspiration to “us” newbies who are still getting that part figured out. WCS is a good way to look at any uncomfortable situation.

  13. Ok, just so you know I’M DYING HERE! OMG! I would die if my boss read my blog! I remember a few years back, a co-worker stumbled upon Pin which led her to my blog. She got to the blog, started reading and then figured out it was me. Holy Shat! She emailed me and said “I stumbled upon your blog. It’s hilarious!” Unfortunately, I didn’t feel comfortable knowing she would read it nor pass it along so I moved the blog to free hosting for awhile. Stupid right? Oy vey….. I don’t advertise my blog at work because I don’t want them reading my stuff. However, isn’t it easy to Google someone by name and come up with their blog?

    I think you handle it like a rock star, girly! Kudos to you…….oh and in regards to poop posts, I say Keep it Up!

    B

    • I already had that happen at this job…a girl emailed with my blog logo and said…I think I found you on the internet.

      I’m really okay with it. I mean, there literally isn’t anyone else I’m worried about reading it. Except my mom..but that won’t happen.

      • OMG This is hilarious and awful. I’m picturing her emailing your logo like,

        “you didn’t really want people you KNOW reading about this, right? you should fix those privacy settings girl. hopefully I found it before anyone else.”

        and you’re all, “I mean, I made a logo and everything. It’s my real name… I just, it’s not…. really?”

        her, “i know, right? but the internet is public and full of creeps. you’re welcome.”

        Not only do I WCS, I also fabricate entire fictional interactions based on little to no information.

        Also I’m now imagining the great HR wizards of the world sitting together in some shadowy tribunal chamber discussing what policies we need in place to address this undoubtedly more and more common reality, and particulary with regards to the geocities sites and livejournals that prospective employees created when they were 12 and updated twice over the next 10 years and then suddenly the Internet wayback machine pulls them out of the ether and shares them with your employers, subordinates, and the hot guy you’ve been seeing for the last couple months.

        PS- HI Michelle’s boss!

  14. Never a dull moment with you, M!
    Can’t wait to read what happens in the new year, lol.
    Merry Christmas to you guys!!! (And to you too, Boss. I know you’re out there. Geez M, it’s a little creepy with Boss watching. Okay that’s enough, Boss. Go do something else. Really dude. GTFO. M? Make Boss go away. Shudder.)

  15. I am totally that person. I’ve been doing it for days. Can’t sleep. Brain won’t turn off. And that’s why neither my ex nor my boss can know about my blog. Oh. And there was that fart blog…

    Anyway…glad you’re going to keep on being you. I like you.

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