• Stand Up At Erma

    Everything feels off the rails right now.

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  • Having It All

    Lean Cuisine started a having it all hashtag on twitter a few weeks ago with this tweet:

    Lean Cuisine has always been committed to helping women achieve their all. What does having mean to you?

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  • 13 Word Love Story on Modern Love

    So, I entered a 13 word love story to the New York Time’s column, Modern Love.

    They chose to use my story in their podcast which aired a few days ago. I think. Maybe, it aired a while ago, I didn’t look at the date. I just discovered it a few days ago, though.

    Anyway, I had to record my 13 words.

    It’s a goddamn sentence. I can read a sentence.

    I could not read this sentence.

    Remember the little guy on Twin Peaks who showed up in agent Cooper’s dreams and talked sort of 13 word love storybackwards but not really?

    That is the only way I could read the words “But dial up was too slow”.

    Seriously, I recorded this well over 60 times and every fucking time, I sounded like the weird little guy in Agent Cooper’s dreams.

    Here’s the podcast. I still have some weird twanginess in the recording. But that was the best I could do. I couldn’t stand to say that stupid sentence one more time. Also, I sound like I’m in a cave. It’s not a good recording.

    Anyway, I spoke with Mountain Girl last night and told her about it.

    MG: How did you record it?

    Me: On my phone.

    MG: That’s the problem. You have a shitty phone recorder and it distorted your voice.

    Me: That makes sense because every time I’d play it back I couldn’t understand why I sounded so weird. Then after I heard it weird, I started saying it weird and couldn’t stop. I still can’t stop. I’ve been talking like that weird little guy since I listened to this podcast.

    MG: Always don’t talk.

    Me: Dude, I know.

    MG: Why didn’t you use Randy’s microphone setup on his desktop?

    Me: The directions from Modern Love only included how to transfer the recording from a phone and I didn’t want to have to figure out how to do that from his computer.


    MG: Well, you sounded fine. But you know I can help you with this stuff.

    Me: Yeah, I should have gotten you to do it. But then I’d never know what my imitation of that little guy on Twin Peaks sounds like.

    MG: There is that.

    So, it’s funny, because I actually had completely forgotten about doing this. I think I thought of it earlier in the spring and just assumed they decided to pass on mine.

    Also, really switching gears here, but fingers crossed again.

    The inspection of the house with the hideous kitchen happens on Tuesday. I believe this is the last potential obstacle. I think if we get past Tuesday without issue, we can relax a little. Oh, and finish packing our house.

    Holy shit.


    Photo courtesy of Pexels.