Randy and I had our 17th wedding anniversary this year and I am thrilled that this marriage didn’t tank like the first two did.
I have learned a few things from my multiple marriages and now I would like to impart this wisdom to you.
Disclaimer: Please don’t read any of my blog posts and expect expert advice. I am not an expert. Just opinionated. Also, reading my blog posts have caused shortness of breath, temporary blindness, palpitations and the desire to throw mushy peas to a small group of people that I just made up.
1. Some people will judge you if you’ve been married multiple times.
2. Fuck those people.
3. Not literally.
4. Unless you really want to. It’s not my business.
5. Ending a marriage doesn’t mean all your problems will disappear. The only problem that will be solved is being in a bad marriage.
6. You will probably lose some friends.
7. Two failed marriages doesn’t have to mean you’re bad at marriage.
8. Ending a relationship, even shitty ones, is painful.
9. You don’t have to explain to anyone why you feel bad about leaving a situation that you hated.
10. People will talk about your failed marriages behind your back.
11. Their opinions are not your business.
12. Staying in a bad marriage because you don’t want to look like a failure is kind of dumb.
13. By ‘kind of’ I mean ‘extremely’.
14. Your kids will be fine. Just love them and be there for them. They want you to be happy.
15. Being financially dependent on another person is an uncomfortable place to be if you have a rocky marriage.
16. Even a good marriage is not hearts and flowers and baby angels riding on unicorns every day.
17. Some days the heart stops beating, the flowers die, the baby angels grow fangs and the unicorn kicks you.
18. It’s okay to have days like that.
19. It’s not okay to have years like that.
20. You don’t have to be miserable all the time.
21. You deserve to be accepted for who you are.
22. Maybe in some cases, opposites do attract…but having common interests goes a long way toward a happy marriage.
23. Trust is king.
24. Knowing your spouse always has your back is royalty as well.
25. Laughing at shit that doesn’t matter eliminates at least half the fights.
26. Fighting fair is important. No using insecurities against each other. No pitting the kids against each other.
27. If you’re being a dick about something (and we all know when we’re being dicks) then own up to it and say you’re sorry.
28. Don’t keep score. There’s no prize for that, other than resentment and heartache.
29. Recognize when you have to be the strong one and give your spouse a chance to wallow if they need it.
30. Don’t always try to be the strong one.
31. Respect each other’s boundaries.
32. Don’t get your panties wadded up over stupid shit. Accept that there will always be differences and learn to work around them.
33. Stop touching the thermostat, it’s perfect where it is.
So, there you have it. 33 things I learned from being a serial marryer. I just made up the word marryer. It’s valid.
I spent a lot of time being embarrassed by my Junior Elizabeth Taylor status, but I’ve decided to give that up. I am where I am. I get to claim my past without excuses or explanations. I’m of the opinion that if you want to judge a person’s life…perhaps you should open up all your closet doors as well.
It’s only fair.