Rabbit Hash, KY is a real place. I swear.
For a while, they had a dog as mayor. I mean, I guess the dog could still be mayor, I haven’t kept up on Rabbit Hash politics.
I’ve been more consumed with politics on a national level. But we’re not talking about that. For all that is fucking holy, let’s just not talk about that for a minute or two.
We’re going to talk about 4 cats.
So, many years ago, I took my son and two stepsons on a drive. We ended up going through Rabbit Hash, KY.
In order to get to Rabbit Hash, one must pass through Beaver Lick, KY and drive past Big Bone Lick state park. I’m not even kidding. One time I went to a wedding at the Beaver Lick Baptist church.
So, we were driving through Rabbit Hash and stopped at the side of the road because a little girl was giving away kittens.
We hadn’t really talked about getting a pet, but I knew my husband at the time wouldn’t mind. We picked out a little white kitten with a gray smudge on his forehead and named him Cujo. I didn’t know at the time that white kitties usually start out with a gray smudge and then lose it. That’s what Cujo did. He lost his smudge.
A few months after we got Cujo, my second husband picked up a little tuxedo kitty. The cat had been abandoned and it really didn’t look good for the little guy. I named him Vincent. He was so weak that when he sat back on his haunches, he would lean his head forward and rest it on the ground.
Vincent improved and kept getting better. He never got bigger than a large kitten, though.
I was a terrible pet owner when I had Cujo and Vincent.
I had them declawed because they were scratching up my furniture. At the time, it was commonplace to have a cat declawed. I didn’t know that it entails more than their claws, they remove all the way back to the first knuckle. Or whatever a knuckle is called on a cat. I didn’t know that removing their claws causes them great anxiety.
I just didn’t want my furniture destroyed.
Then, we moved from an apartment to a fairly large house. I didn’t understand how difficult it was for cats to move. So, we just moved them.
They didn’t react well.
Even though they were both neutered, they both sprayed fucking everywhere in the house. My big beautiful new house in the impressive neighborhood smelled like that cat house at the zoo.
My sister had a friend who wanted my cats and I gave them to him.
I was a terrible pet owner.
I have felt guilty over those cats for over 25 years now.
We have Alfie and Gertie now.
They have claws and almost always use their scratching posts. Although, Alfie loves to shred our box springs and Gertie is fond of curtains. I don’t give a shit about the box springs and the little pin prick holes in nearly all the curtains aren’t noticeable. Or they are. Tomato tomahto.
Alfie has been with us for just over two years and Gertie has been with us just under two years.
I can’t imagine the circumstance where I wouldn’t take care of them. I mean, I’m not super happy when Alfie shits on the rug in the living room, but it’s not the end of the goddamn world. It’s not my favorite thing to step in Gertie’s hairball puke in my bare feet, but it’s just a few swipes of a paper towel to clean it up.
I wish I had been a better pet owner for Cujo and Vincent.
They were good kitties and deserved better.
I will honor their memory by always doing better with any creature Randy and I welcome into our home.
Can I stop feeling guilty now? It’s been a quarter of century.
Also, if you’re on the fence about adopting a pet, just go do it. Seriously. Go get one. They make everything a little better and we all need a little better right now.