Rubber Shoes In Hell
I wanted melted flip flops for my logo. I could see it and my vision was just fucking awesome. So I bought a cheap pair of flip flops. I found out flip flops don’t so much melt as they do burn while emitting toxic fumes.
Still, I like these burned shoes. They look like they walked through hell.
Rubber Shoes In Hell was born while talking with a friend at my old job. Priscilla, Queen of the Cubicle. You can read about her here.
Anyway, she worked on the opposite side of the building and we got through our days instant messaging each other. One conversation included her saying that when she went to hell, she was wearing flip flops and I responded “You would wear rubber shoes in hell.”
As soon as I hit send, I knew I was starting a new blog. That was in March of 2013 and I’ve done nothing but fall more in love with this space and the connections I have made.
I adore blogging and I know that writing has had a positive impact on my mental health. I have explored parental narcissism, depression, anxiety, and menopause. These excavations are not always pleasant or easy, but have been worth it.
I’m digging finding my voice.
I’m glad you are here with me.
I can be found on The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, The Mid, Blunt Moms, In The Powder Room, Vibrant Nation, Better After Fifty, Midlife Boulevard, Mock Moms, Sammiches and Psych MedsΒ and Erma Bombecks Writers’ Workshop.
If you’re a visual person, here’s two videos:
You know..if you’ve read THIS far, why don’t you subscribe via email..right over there..to your right.
Thanks for start following me on Twitter today, IT made me follow you do your blog, and that, reading that makes me smile. Very welcome reads. Do yes I Will see me around here more often π
Thanks for starting to follow me on Twitter today, which made me follow you to your blog, and that, reading that, this, makes me smile.
Very welcome reads. So yes I (and maybe you) will see me around here more often π
I’m so glad! And thanks for reading…I really appreciate it!
π I am in stereo – sorry for that π
no worries!
I think I’m addicted now. lol. This is seriously interesting, really beautifully written stuff. I’m a fan!
Thank you so much! I appreciate so much whenever someone tells me that they enjoy reading what I write. It’s humbling and exciting and I truly do appreciate it. π
Okay, yes, I subscribed, and am probably going to blow much time at my day job reading you. If anyone asks, I’m just going to call it research. π
Hahahah…well, there is a lot to wade through!
And thank you!
I wanted to share your blog with all my readers. It’s one of the few blogs I read religiously. Thanks for being funny, heartfelt, snarky and intelligent all at once π
http://pastedreams.wordpress.com/2014/06/04/you-like-this-blog/
Thank you SO MUCH!!!
Thanks for the follow. Soon I can welcome you to your fifties. Not so bad. Everything sags, grey hair, menopause… I mean it’s great! π
I’m actually already there….I don’t MIND getting old. In fact, I’m digging most of it. Some of the physical stuff blows, but mostly, I don’t mind.
Hey there! Just wandered over here after you left a comment on my blog. You’ve got some funny stuff goin’ on right here. I just added you to my blog roll on my site and am about to hunt you down on twitter.
Thank you so much!!! I appreciate that!
Oh gosh. I loved this story. Normally I leave only a short phrase on a blog post I love, but I need to write more this time. Regarding York peppermint patties.
While camping in Drumheller, AB, we were all running out of chocolate for s’mores, and since I had wisely bought a bag of small York patties, I brought them out.
4 yr old Granddaughter Poppy ate two rapidly and was told by her Dad (my son) and Mom that she had eaten enough patties.
She sidled over to me and asked:
“Gramma, can you give me that big bag of little bags?”
Me: “What?”
Poppy: “That big bag of little bags”.
Me: “What?”
Poppy: “You know….that bag over there”.
Me: “Oh, ok” (wondering what her plan was as I gave her the bag after she ran into our tent trailer)
Poppy (looking at me – deadly seriously): “I’m. Going. To. Eat. ALL. Of. Them.”
Me: (laughing – couldn’t help it): “Poppy, I love you for being so honest, but you can have one, and I’ll put the bag away because I don’t want you to get sick.”
I know sometimes stories like this are moments of ‘You had to be there’, but I just couldn’t resist, and I’m not a bragadocious gramma, either.
I don’t blame you for being disappointed that you had to buy something other than the patties. Clearly there are many lovers of those tasty mints.
This is one of the best ‘About’ pages I’ve ever come across! Nice to meet you, Michelle π
Thank you!!!!
You are dang witty and I thank you for your refreshing blog. Keep writing π
Solid shit. You have a fun voice, and you know how to make me exhale air loudly through my nose.
Not actually laugh, I can’t remember the last time something on the internet actually made me laugh out loud.. it was probably a video…
But exhaling loudly through my nose is pretty good. Keep yelling LALALALA please. Gives the younger generation hope…
Haha! I will take that! I normally don’t laugh out loud either..unless it’s a screaming goat video..because that shit is just hilarious.
Oh my god yes. Goats are some type of gods.
The way they just climb trees? It’s amazing.
Here’s a video for you to love:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dp0Bt2cbcc8
He’s so passionate about his views….
Awesome!! Thank you.
I saw your comment on The Bloggess site and had to come and read more. It paid off. Just great – another fantastic writer to keep me from writing. Or inspire me – whichever way ya wanna look at it. π
Another great writer to READ, I meant. God. Clarifying takes all the fun out it.
HAHAAH…I fucking HATE it when I do that! I am all the time leaving out important words.
Thank you! π I hope you enjoy.
I came across your what not to wear after 50 on huff post and loved it. Most breezily intelligent and amusing thing I’ve read there. and written by just a kid in her 40s!
…and your blog today(ish)… I had an ex (pretty much) convince me I’m crazy. Yours was more heinous, but not by much. So subscribe me, girl!
YAY!!! THank you!!!!
Funny per usual. So is your being an introvert the reason I didn’t meet you? I’d forgotten we’d connected online before the conference. Boo.
We didn’t, did we? I’m also a little flakey, so there’s that.
I am so sick and tired of finding blogs about parenting, potty training and all the things that coincide with being in your 30’s. Imagine my delight to find your site filled with the same shit I experience on a daily basis. Writing about whatever the hell I want since I am almost 50 too! Thank you so much for your snark, you will always be a link on my blogroll and a fellow midwesterner in my heart!
Thank you so much!!!!
I think you’re HILARIOUS. So glad to have discovered your blog.
That makes my night! Thank you!!
This was really funny. I’m glad I’m not the only one who has a really stubborn son at home. My youngest is 8 and while I also try to keep an open dialogue with boy of my boys, he definitely not interested in hearing anything I have to say on this particular subject. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you!!! Yeah…kids can be stubborn..my older son takes the cake.
And here was I thinking the menopause was just crap, I haven’t laughed so much since I could remember anything before hormone Armageddon.
Thank you so much!!!
Just discovered your blog… lovin’ the say-what, oh-hell-no, straight-talk humor! Can’t wait to read on…
love your writing style -found you through huffington post via facebook-regarding what not to wear over 50! i absolutely fucking loved it. i will wear whatever i want except all that negativity! thanks for saying things women really think about!
Thank you SO MUCH! I am glad you are here!!!
Oh yeah…that’s how I found you…and yes what to wear over 50 is definitely whatever the fuck you want
That’s what I think. We have so many arbitrary and made up rules. Well..I guess all rules are made up. Except the rules of nature.
Your blog was shared by a friend on FB. I immediately wondered how many of my clothing choices would be listed. I came away unscathed (except for a couple of Xmas tee shirts), and in a much better mood. All I can say is I want to hang out with you! You are now on a list of three blogs I will take time to follow. You made me laugh, but I am also studying really funny blogs to try to learn how to make my novels (forthcoming) a bit funnier. So thanks for the laughs and lessons. You rock! (I’m sure that is one of those things I’m not supposed to say.) *plants fingers in ear canals* lalalalalala
Thank you! I find that easiest way to write humor is to just observe life and write down EXACTLY what happens. Because it’s usually funny.
just ran into your blog π
Awesome! So glad you are here!
Big ups from the other side of the world! I just found you and yes I have signed up. Where have you been all my life???
Andrea
Auckland, New Zealand
Hi Andrea!! I have always been right here…not in New Zealand. Haha. I am so glad you are here!!!
Love your humor!!! Started following you on Facebook and Twitter as well as Bloglovin’ – don’t want to miss a post π
Thank you so much! I am so glad you are here!
didn’t mean to announce my last name, it came up on the screen and I moved too quickly, ie: ADHD
Hi alyce!!! I didn’t approve your other comment to protect your privacy. I am so glad you are here!
Hi, I’m Kazza from down under,
And a ma, g’ma, and a luva,
I don’t mind the pips,
but they give me the shits,
that and being married to Gazza.
And I loved reading ‘what not to wear over 50’, my daughter sent it to me, and me thinks she is trying to tell me something, such as saying to the gynecologist, as I’m having a pap-smear, “that’s the most action I’ve had down there in years”, but then, I only open my mouth so I can change my over 50 comfortable shoes.
Okay, Kazza, that is the best introduction in the history of introductions. I don’t know what pips are, though or why they would give you the shits. I am curious about the pips.
Thank you for being here! I am so glad you liked the article.
\
Hi Michelle
I just wanted you to know I posted your Things you shouldn’t wear after 50 on my facebook page and it has had the most interest and comment of anything I have posted. So well written, refreshing, real, and absolutely correct! Thank you for the laughs!
Thank you so much!! I am glad you and your readers are enjoying it!
I read the ‘what not to wear over 50’ and to me same applies to over 65 (my current age) I wear what I like and bugger anyone who thinks I’m wrong – they’re not me.
I have signed up to read more by you. You remind me so much of may daughter, and the things she writes and says. Try reading ‘Siren out of Brixton’ sometime.
Thank you so much!!! I am glad you are here! Your daughter sounds awesome. haha.
Thank you for the recommendation. I am heading to Amazon RIGHT NOW to find it. π
I’ve just read βwhat not to wear over 50β which caught my eye from a share by Deborah Hutton.
‘Oh yes, now what load of drivel is someone saying I should and shouldn’t wear. Go on then, no long hair, go grey gracefully, no hot pants ….. ?’
Virtual hands on hips, rhythmical toe tapping and thinking in my most indignant manner I read on.
Oh my goodness, what a breath of fresh air – the laugh was certainly on me. I found it so amusing and extremely well thought out and written. I loved it and I’m still smiling.
I’m W E L L over 50 and *cough* passed 60 (my kids sometimes have my cast offs!!) I’ve printed it out and will use this wisdom. Oh! and incidentally, my darling 24 year old hairdresser refuses to cut my hair because she thinks I’m awesome.
Thank you so much! I am so glad you are here..xoxoxox
You are the best. No really….the absolute fucking best. Your blog pretty much always make me laugh and makes my day so…..thank You!
Did I say that you are the best?
So I am here, getting shit together to paint because painting is all I ever do anymore..and then I see this comment and it made my day a little brighter. Thank you!
You are such a bad ass! I stumbled upon you today at work while I was avoiding the 100 things I need to do! From purple being my favorite color and that’s the color of the flip flops you chose to use for your logo to growing up with what a Narc Father and whole bunch more in between. I totally relate to you. And although I had to keep my composure from bursting out in laughter while at work, I did chuckle quite a bit. I can’t wait to read more of your stories. I’ve been thinking about starting my own blog and haven’t found anyone or anything that inspired me, but you ma’am have given me all kinds of inspiration! Sending much love from Texas! Thank you for your stories!
Thank you so so much. I am so glad you are here. I don’t particularly FEEL like a bad ass, but it’s nice to be called one. And I really hope you do write a blog. I have gained so much from this. This has been the best therapy ever…just emptying out the contents of my head. If you do, please drop me a link so I can read it. xo
As the youngsters say, βThis me.β I have had very similar conversations with myself as I relish the exuberance of children raised in homes healthier than mine once was. Looking forward to reading more as I am a woman focusing on thriving post-menopause and continuing to sometimes struggle with the residual effects of early life. Thank you.
OMG I am so glad you are here!!! Thank you so much for reading.
funny thing about blogs is that I will follow one from a link on Twitter and when I get a notification for a new post I wonder “who is this, how did I find it, her, him”
it can be a fun rabbit hole
We, you and I, have communicated briefly in comments now and then over the years and one or two DMs I think initiated by me about working for law firms. I came here to your “about” section to see how long you have been blogging, because I feel like we’ve “known” each other forever. Just as I suspected from the perspective of my own timeline, you started this blog the year I moved in with a Narcissist. Sounds like very depressing novel title, eh? Or movie starring Meryl Streep or that other lady I always confuse for Meryl Streep — googling — Glenn Close (or maybe Faye Dunaway, ha ha!).
Around that time, I had started my own blog (or ‘zine’ remember those?). I think I had two or three followers. It was called “Cathartic Flatulence.” It followed the quite lame hijinks of my life, travel blogging with my Narc soulmate along with other random brain farts I thought were hilarious or philosophical. During that time I discovered your blog. I don’t remember how, but it inspired me and I read, lurked and laughed intermittently over the years whenever a headline in my inbox or link in your twitter feed would catch my attention. My blog continued through the dumpster fire ending of my relationship, with a few solitary posts of sad Bob Dylan song lyrics during the intervening years that were illuminated by gaslight before I went no-contact.
Cathartic Flatulence was retired in favor or forgetting, forgiving, letting go, life rebuilding, child rearing, teaching my teen daughter to choose more wisely when it came to partners than her Mother (she did, mission accomplished) and getting my kids out and off on their own. All the while, I’ve followed you and Randy (you guys are one of my dream couples, you can’t ever split; if you do lie about it for me, please), commented, laughed, aged and died my hair funky hippie colors right along side you.
Thank you again for making me laugh, allowing me to stalk your family on social media, drink with you guys on Friday nights and sharing your life journey insights with me and all your other internet best friends. You are a national treasure. Now that I have more free time with no freeloaders living here, I was thinking of resurrecting Cathartic Flatulence. I even bought a new domain for it. That means I will either restart it or curse myself and cancel the domain when it comes up for renewal next year.
I would like to add that I’m watching the news while typing this and they seem to be repeating a story about the signs of stroke every five minutes. I mean I have heard it three times in the course of my typing this. I wonder if I’m having a stroke. I’ll wait for your next post. You’ll let me know.
BTW, Happy Birthday.
Your interwebs bestie,
Dawn
Okay, so this was amazing to read on a Friday night. On my birthday, no less.
Randy is next to me snoring like a goddamn chainsaw. And no worries, he and I will be joined at the hip until one of us has to shuffle off.
I hope you do start writing again! This blog is what I have had for a number of years now, as far as writing goes. I stopped submitting and shelved all my other projects. I would like to get more active again. I think I need to. I just am pretty sure I’ve already used up all my words.
I just discovered you through Gigi’s Ramblings and so glad I did! Mona
YAY!! I am so glad you are here!