Alfie the Kitty’s Agenda

I know. I do. I might have fixated on Alfie the kitty and talked about him excessively.

I am so enamored, so just this one more. Probably. I mean, what if he starts knitting, writing sonnets, or levitating? Wouldn’t you want to know about that? Hmmmm?

Anyway, if Alfie the kitty had a day planner, this is what it would look like:

5:00 am – Attack bare toes.

5:30 am – Push black loafer around living room with forehead.

6:00 am – Be adorable enough to bend time.

6:30 am – Take long slow drink of water when humans attempt to take a picture of the time bending cuteness.

7:00 am – Check to see if it’s okay yet to walk on the kitchen table.

7:30 am – Tear ass around the house as if being chased by invisible, angry coyotes.

8:00 am – Emit a smell that makes the human’s eyelashes fall out.

8:30 am – Push pink flip flop around the kitchen floor with forehead.alfie the kitty

9:00 am – Eat, check for scraps in the kitchen.

9:30 am – 3:00 pm – Purr. Nap on keyboard.

3:30 pm – Disembowel stuffed owl/seal

4:00 pm – Check to see if it’s okay yet to walk on the kitchen table.

4:30 pm – Suck on pillows on human’s bed.

5:00 pm – Purr like Dean Winchester’s Impala.

5:30 pm – Get tangled in Christmas ribbon stashed under the couch.

6:00 pm – Track, hunt, slowly torture and eat a stink bug

6:30 pm – Be so adorable that all the humans respond in high, squeaky voices.

7:00 pm – 8:30 pm – Nap

9:00 pm – 11:00 pm – curl up on the edge of the bed and watch TV with the humans. Attack bare toes.

***NOTE*** Drop everything when teenage human emerges from his room and follow his every step.

I’m not sure what he does after 11:00. I suspect he spends most of the night on the kitchen table.

♦ ♦ ♦

So, we’ve been talking about the cat, but can’t forget Dude. Here are Dude’s final pictures for 2016.

Oh, and this video. Randy was determined. It mattered not that I hissed at him to stop videoing the stuffed dog. At a playground during a picnic with my mom’s side of the family. They already thought we were weird.

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  • Got to love a cute kitten – and I do! Such a nice way to end the year. Hope your 2017 is fabulous and I look forward to more kitty and Dude adventures x

  • I want Alfie’s agenda…
    I’m pretty sure I’m not allowed on the kitchen table…. clothed 😉
    I am so happy you got him! There’s a new nuance to your ‘voice,’ I can feel the purr….

    Happy New Year!

    Dude will be fine, sheesh, he’d probably love a good ‘swirly!’
    I had a ball showing him to my coworker yesterday.
    She thinks that Randy is the best husband and Dude is a Rockstar!

  • Yup…just you try to look away! People own dogs, cats own people. Enjoy and Happy New Year to you and your growing family!!

  • I am a cat lover and a kitty is so much fun. Having had dogs for 16 years I found kittyhood much easier than puppyhood on belongings and people! I strive to be more cat like, just flop down and have a nap, run real fast for short intervals and be content enough to purr. Enjoy!!!

  • One of my most liked quotes from Churchill.

    Dogs look up to you. Cats look down on you. Give me a pig. He just looks you in the eye and treats you like an equal.

    Happy New Year Rage Michelle. Your excellent writing has inspired me to resolve to do much more of it myself next year.

  • Ha ha ha, so glad you’ve decided to be owned by a cat. Life will never be the same.
    Happy New Year from across the pond xxxx

  • Happy new year! Thank you for your honesty, humor, and the extra push for me to get a new kitty. I love my dogs, but being able to put rolly things on a flat surface without worry is strangely sad.

  • I remember the eye watering kitten smell . Hard to believe something so darling can be so deadly.

    One of our cats likes to start her day by racing into the bedroom, jumping on the bed and standing on us like a conquering warrior. It’s 5:30am, she’s purring her head off and I imagine she’s thinking”I’m here!! Aren’t you glad? She’s lucky she’s so cute.

  • We refer to the racing around thing as “chasing ghosts”. Most of the time it looks like there’s actually a “thing” that has her attention, but alas, our eyesight isn’t as a”cute” as hers. We don’t have as much carpeting as we used to, so the chasing ghosts thing usually ends up with a crash somewhere – no traction for quick stops – just the wall.

  • When life hands you lemons, sit on them and see if they hatch? Makes as much sense as the other saying (to me, anyway.)
    I am continually amazed at how much better my life is with a cat in it. We used to give my friend Sara a hard time for the way she doted on her cat, Charlie. Then, the last time my friend Zsuzs visited, she saw how I acted around our cat and accused me of being “smitten by a kitten”, so I told her that any time I feel like I might be going overboard about the cat, I just look at the folder on my computer labelled “Charlie Pics” and it keeps things in perspective.
    Zsuzs loves animals, so she is appalled when her cat, Squeaker, murders them and brings them home, but the last time he caught a Blue Jay, she brought it over so Briana could have the feathers. Last I checked, what’s left of it was in the freezer in a zip-lock bag.
    And tell Dude to lay off of the cat-turd s’mores or he’ll get toxoplasmosis …

    • My mountain friend gets upset when her kitties grab little animals outside as well. Although, Mountain girl HATES stink bugs so I suspect she supports Alfie’s tracking and destroying stink bugs.

  • This makes me miss even the most foul furball! There’s nothing like a huge long-haired Maine coon cat sleeping on your feet. Or your chest. Or your head. Have a wonderful New Year Michelle. Thanks, as always, for the smiles.

  • This! “6:00 am – Be adorable enough to bend time.”

    Awwww! I’m glad there’s so much love for all of you in your house!

    Happy New Year!

    That is all.

    Oh wait….Awww

  • Lucky you that Alfie only emits the eyelash-killing smell once a day. Maybe once he’s older he’ll get up to doing it three or four times a day.
    At least he’ll always be cute, even if his cuteness changes. That’s two things you have to look forward to as Alfie grows up.

  • Love Alfie! Our cat is much more grown up but this is his first Christmas with a tree and we weren’t sure. Under our tree is a creche set up on some moss. He loves to lie on the moss beside the lamb. My husband makes jokes about the lion lying down with the lamb.
    Wish I could get a picture of this, but he always moves as I zoom in with the camera.

    Anyways – is it ok for Alfie to be on the table yet? Inquiring minds want to know.

  • I can’t find the video. Was the link removed or is my computer just being snarky? I love Alfie’s agenda. Although the eyelash killing smell is a bit disconcerting in such a young kittnen.

By Michelle


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