I met someone last week who reminded me so much of someone.
She reminded me of me.
She didn’t look like me. We definitely had wildly different styles. She didn’t sound like me. I have no idea what kind of music she likes or if she is generally happy or how she votes. But she was still me.
My younger son, Joey, and I met my mom and my little sister in downtown Cincinnati to see an immersive Van Gogh experience.
You guys, I could tell you so much about this exhibit. If you have access to this, fucking go see it. We loved it. Goddamn amazing, trippy, and informative. But I don’t want to talk about that. I want to talk about the woman we met in the bathroom just before we toured the Van Gogh experience.
Baby sister and I were waiting for mom to finish up in the bathroom. We used our time well.
Baby sister: I think I”m taller than you now.
BS: I am. I’m taller.
Me: We’re old and probably both shrinking, but I’m still taller than you. I mean, I know you wish that weren’t true, but I’m taller than you.
Important to note: I am 5′ 1′. Baby sister is 5′ even. We are both basically hobbits. Which is fair because we are both weirdly hirsute.
A woman steps out of a stall and says “Stand back to back.”
So, we did.
Strange woman who we did not know: Yeah, she’s taller.
She was referring to me. Because I’m taller. I’m like a giant. In the shire.
Me: Told you.
Our mom comes out to wash her hands. Martha is the sweetest person on the planet.
Me: Our poor mother has been listening to this for decades.
Martha: I don’t mind. I love them.
So, the woman, who settled the issue of whether or not I am taller than my sister, left the bathroom.
And then she immediately came back in.
Stranger: Look at this! I just carried this roll of toilet paper out.
Me: You are a thief. You should be in our tribe.
Stranger: Do you golf?
Martha: I golf.
Stranger: Once, I walked to my car and realized I still had the pin from the last hole in my hand.
I assume this is a very funny golfer joke because it made my mom laugh really hard.
The woman wore a lovely summer dress and smart shoes. Her hair was just so. We may have been the same age, but if you went by handbags and haircuts? She did a little better in life. But my hair is pretty amazing in it’s purple hue, so…
I had no idea that after we completed our tour of the Van Gogh immersive experience, we would meet up and again. And that I would realize that we might be the same person.
My mom, sister, Joey and I stopped just shy of the gift shop to discuss what we had just experienced when this happened.
Strange woman: Oh, hey! These are my new friends I made in the bathroom.
Then, she tripped over her own feet and stumbled into me. I didn’t fall, but it was a pretty substantial hit.
Me, waving to her friends: Hi! She tried to steal toilet paper and just now tried to tackle me.
Strange woman’s friends: …
The strange woman and I shared a brief hug. Her friends may not always get who she is, but I understood her.
They all waved and walked away. Her friends looked back at me as if to say “OMG THERE ARE MORE OF YOU?????”
Of course there are. There are a lot of strangely awkward old women who have pointless arguments in public bathrooms. We say and do nonsensical things. We also trip and fall a lot. These are the people I recognize. These are the people I understand.
I mean, I at least understood the clumsy part.