Amazing Graceless Goes Full Geek

My superhero name is Amazing Graceless and I live up to my name quite often. It takes decades of practice to be this awkward.

I am the perfect neighbor. A great neighbor. Anyone would appreciate me as a neighbor.

What makes me a good neighbor? I will leave you the fuck alone.

I’m not unfriendly and if you need my help and I am able help, then I will. I will make small talk if you initiate it. Otherwise, I prefer to take a ‘no contact’ approach to neighboring. Which is good for you if you are my neighbor. I don’t have an opinion on the state of your lawn. I don’t care if your bushes are sub par. I don’t even mind if you put bunny wreaths on your front door.

I mind a little about the bunny wreaths. But I won’t mention them.

So, after living in this house for 6 years, I spoke with the neighbor couple across the street. They were chatting with another neighbor when Joey and I pulled up. We noticed that Mr. Across the street neighbor had on a TARDIS shirt.

So we get out of the car and I call across the street: Nice shirt!

The two women both look down at their shirts and look back up at me puzzled. So I said: No. Not YOUR shirts. Your shirts are just boring. I was talking about HIS shirt. 

Then Mr. Across the street neighbor caught on.  Oh! Right! My Doctor Who shirt.

I don’t think he understands the rule that if you wear a Doctor Who shirt and you are recognized by another whovian, then you are part of the subculture and you chat at least briefly about the doctor.

It’s possible the conversation didn’t take place because of me. Because I told his wife and her friend that their shirts were boring. Both the women were looking at me like the kids looked at the skirt I made in home ec in the 8th grade. What exactly IS that? I don’t think it’s right. 

I got a bad grade in that class because we were supposed to wear our skirts to class. In my defense, if I had worn it, I probably would have been expelled. This was 1977, partial nakedness was frowned on at Ockerman Junior High.

Anyway, I don’t think the neighbor ladies understand that I’m not weird or rude, I’m just terribly funny in a way that might not be readily apparent.

You guys can explain it to them, right?

I relayed the story to Randy and said: So, they probably think I’m a cunt now, right?

He assured me that they probably do.

I did just get some TARDIS and weeping angel cookie cutters. Maybe a batch of geekalicious cookies would help.

On the other hand, that would require passing more words back and forth. Perhaps I’ll just leave it alone and sink comfortably into my weird lady status.

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  • Oh my God – that is the funniest, most awkward story ever! So after 6 years of silence those were your first words to the neighbors. LOLLLL. I too made an ugly skirt for home ec in the 8th grade, never realizing we would all later be expected to wear what we made to school and be in a fashion show! I did wear mine and held an apple in my hand as a prop as I walked the stage (I can be awkward too! Ha.) My biggest fear all day was that the skirt was going to literally fall apart around me at any moment.

  • How uncouth of him not to continue the conversation after that awesome greeting. And why the heck didn’t he explain that to the ladies? Meh, they’re probably just jealous that you’re so hip and avant-garde.

    • I like your version better than mine of ‘they probably think I’m a scary old crazy lady who is also a geek’

      I don’t mind the geek part.

      Honestly, I don’t mind the old, scary or crazy parts either

  • I don’t think I talked to a neighbor until I was an adult, and that’s just because my husband is so damn chatty. Why? Because it’s awkward. And not just in a I prefer Christopher Eccleston to Matt Smith kind of way.

    Save the TARDIS cookies for someone who cares. Like me 😉

  • Dealing with your neighbors can be annoying, but sometimes it’s still the best option. I probably could have saved four electric guitars and a bass if I had gotten to know my neighbors in Oakland sooner. And today an across-the-street neighbor here in Truckee knocked on the door to let us know that a large black bear had just walked up our driveway,,,

  • Damn, I’m sorry, I did it again with the three commas. This keyboard is black and my eyesight is poor and getting worse.

  • Penny and I went on a T-shirt making site last Christmas and made all kinds of Doctor Who t-shirts.

    My favourite is a Dalek one that looks like an old propaganda poster with the exclamation EXTERMINATE! at the bottom.

  • I am a relative Dr. Who virgin….well, maybe not a VIRGIN, but certainly not a card carrying Whovian slut…Not that I mean to say gals who watch and love Dr. Who are SLUTS — at least not in all cases. What I’m TRYING to say is that I’m only up to Season 2 on Dr. Who and though I don’t yet know who all of the Doctors are on sight and many post-season 2 references go right over my head, I STILL know enough to know that when you are wearing Dr. Who gear, and someone expresses enthusiasm over said gear, you should at least have the courtesy to share a moment over that common Whovian geekiness. So, your neighbor is clearly a Whovian pretender (probably to pick up chicks without his wife being any the wiser). My advice — have nothing further to do with them…unless they do something cool like invite you to Comic-Con.

    • HAHAAH…

      I will admit that I was lukewarm on the whole thing for a few seasons..but then I got fucking hooked and fell hard. I’m rewatching and picking up so much more. I can’t wait until you get to Amy and Rory. I love Amy and Rory.

  • Oh my goodness. I had to sew a nightgown in Home Ec. It was a nightmare (although it came out better than the “mode of transport” I had to make in shop class. Would have failed that one if there weren’t also a paper included in my grade). Do they still make kids do that stuff?

    Cassandra recently posted…Trivia Monday: Remembering Grand Delusions

  • I love Doctor Who, people shouldn’t wear the tshirt if they cannot talk about the Doctor. Just sit back as the Doctor will be back in August (well in the UK, but you have BBC America, right?)

  • Dying laughing because I can totally relate to this! I never talk to my neighbors. One, because they’re boring. Two, because I avoid them. I want to be your neighbor. That is all. Also, now I want a Doctor Who wreath for my front door.

  • I live by the no-contact-unless-they-initiate rule myself, Michelle.
    Conversations with my husband are particularly entertaining:
    him: John and Sarah are putting in a pool.
    me: That’s nice. Who are John and Sarah?
    him: Oh come on, Nanc! They’ve lived 3 doors down from us for 13 years!
    me: Oh, THAT John and Sarah. (Still not knowing exactly which house he’s referring to)

    He somehow knows every neighbor by name, including the names of their dogs.
    I’m the troll who has no idea who any of those people are.

    • Hahhaha…we know who the neighbors are by the nicknames we give them. Funeral guy. FBI guy. The Republicans. (due to the HUGE sign in their yard at election time)

  • I had to make a gym bag backpack for the sewing unit of Home Economics. I managed to complete the assignment, get a passing grade in the sewing unit, and the next day when I went to put my gym gear in my new bag, the bottom of it dropped right out… I guess there was a loose stitch somewhere… that or my teacher was blind or lazy and figured it looked somewhat like the pattern, so it would do. I made up for my lack of sewing skills by getting high grades in our drafting, metalworking, and woodworking units. I even beat out the son of the shop teacher in woodworking!

    Any true Whovian would at the very least engage in a bit of conversation about the show. He probably got the shirt in a Christmas gift exchange from someone who clearly didn’t know him at all! That said, on the off-chance that he really is a Whovian, the TARDIS cookies couldn’t hurt. It pays to have at least one neighbour who is willing to let you know when your house is on fire.

    • make a good point! Maybe the cookies aren’t such a bad idea after all.

      I ‘sew’ now. I make the most wonderful baby quilts. What that means is, my mother makes the most wonderful baby quilts and I just embroider some things on them and then say I made them. My mom is good with this arrangement. 🙂

By Michelle


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