So, I had this weird, surreal night.
Randy and I had some drinks and listened to music Friday night. I fell asleep a little early and woke up at 1 am.
The first thing I noticed was that I was hot enough to catch on fire, but probably wouldn’t because the night sweats would have doused the flames.
The second thing I noticed is that Suzi Quatro had taken over my brain.
I haven’t heard the song Stumblin’ In for decades, but does that mean I don’t still know the words? Of course not. Is there a good goddamn reason that song would decide to lodge itself into my frontal lobe? Again, of course not.
I actually have no idea if song lyrics are stored in the frontal lobe. I guess I could look it up, but that would require an effort and we have already established that I’m tired.
Anyway, I woke up, singing Suzi Quatro under my breath and walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water.
Our love is alive, and so it begins..
The filter thingy wasn’t attached to the faucet I have thus far successfully avoided learning how to attach it, therefore, it is never my job to hook it up. This actually worked against me in the middle of the night. I probably could have figured it out, but my head hurt and I’m not a plumber. There is no way I’m drinking unfiltered tap water, so I got a jar of tea out of the fridge, because when you have insomnia, downing a pint glass of a caffeinated beverage is a great idea.
Foolishly laying our hearts on the table and stumblin’ in…
Work stress was consistently high last week and my brain got caught up in a cycle of catastrophic thinking I couldn’t break for days. I hate that so much. I could handle either the mental shit or the physical pain I feel when my anxiety is that high, but both are exhausting.
It’s getting better, but it takes a while to lock that shit down. Just writing about it now is making my throat close up a little.
By 2 a.m., I was in a full blown cycle of work “what ifs”. No way I was getting back to sleep any time soon.
Our love is a flame, burning within…
Then my head went to the lottery. A few people from work went in on the Powerball since it’s over half a billion dollars. I calculated my share and then went through the list of people and charities I would give most of ours to. I mean, we’d still live a very nice life, but most of the fun would be giving it away.
Now and then the firelight will catch us stumblin’ in…
At 4:30 am, I decided to take a double dose of Xanax and try to get a little sleep. I was out by 5:00 am. But I had forgotten that Randy made plans to meet a friend for breakfast across the river at 8:00 am. So, he woke me up an hour before.
Wherever you go, whatever you do…
Me: Fucking hell.
Me: I didn’t sleep for shit last night. I just took two xanax a few hours ago and Suzi Quatro won’t get out of my head.
Randy: The “your mama won’t like me” song?
Me: I wish. Stumblin’ In.
Me, singing badly: You know these reckless thoughts of mine are following you
I’ve fallen for you, whatever you do
Randy: That’s just awful. That sucks.
Me: My singing or the fact that song is in my head?
So, we get over to Bellevue, KY to meet up with Randy’s buddy and we’re looking for a place to park. We rounded a corner just in time to see a coffin being loaded up into a hearse from a garage.
Me: Well, that’s weird and cheery.
Randy: It’s just a hearse.
Me: Yeah, but it’s oddly out of place, you know? Like, seeing one at a funeral home or at a cemetery is one thing, but seeing a coffin in a nasty old garage is different. Sort of as if we’re seeing it out in the wild.
So, we parked and I was on the sidewalk waiting for Randy because he is incapable of just getting out of a parked car. He has to fiddle with a bunch of shit first.
The hearse that had just loaded up a coffin passed by me and just after it passed, I saw a family getting out of their car a block down. The dad holding a toddler tripped on a concrete planter on the sidewalk and fell.
Neither of them appeared to be injured, at least not the toddler. The dad twisted around to be between the ground and his kid, so that was good. And he got up easily.
To recap: I got almost no sleep. I took two xanax. I was mildly hungover. My anxiety has been in maximum overdrive. And then my heart was in my throat because I thought I was about to witness a child being injured and I just saw a coffin in the wild.
Cause, baby, you’ve shown me so many things that I never knew
Whatever it takes, baby, I’ll do it for you…
We had a lovely time in the coffee shop. Talking music and work shit with Randy’s buddy reset my brain a bit.
We left and drove to a park near our new house. We’ve been meaning to visit the park since we moved here 9 months ago. The air was nearly cold, but not quite. The views of downtown Cincinnati were breathtaking.
We got home and I decided that a nap was in order. I don’t usually nap, because I rarely feel better afterwards and I have fucked up dreams. Then I decided that since my morning had been so weird that it would cancel out my weird dreams and I’d probably just dream about ordering bagels at a deli or something.
Anyway, goodnight. Wish me luck for a successful nap.
Also, I hated that Suzi Quatro song back in the seventies and I hate it even more now. This one isn’t bad, though. Okay, it’s not great, but I did like this one back in the day. And who doesn’t love Leather Tuscadero?