Because that’s what snitches get.
Randy and I woke up obscenely early on Saturday morning. He always gets up early. I woke up before 5 am and never went back to sleep.
My mother gave Randy a gift certificate to a liquor store for Christmas. He was up and dressed and ready to drive to Kentucky before 9 am Saturday morning. I’m always up for a ride in the car. Well, I’m up for it the older I get. I would have been more excited had I slept in a while.
I’m starting to understand the ‘let’s take a drive’ thing.
I never got that when I was younger. Taking a drive was dumb. What is the point of going anywhere if you’re not going anywhere? Now? Now I just like the drive.
We were driving back and saw a billboard that said ‘No more periods…period’ and underneath that it said ‘My Flow’.
Me: Wouldn’t that make more sense if it said My No Flow? I mean, if there are no more periods, period then there would be no flow.
Randy: Flo No Mo
Me: ‘My flow’ reminds me of ‘Aunt Flo’.
Randy: And flow?
Me: No. AUNT Flo.
Randy: And flow what?
Me: Dude. Aunt Flo. You know..what you would call your mother’s, sister. AUNT Flo. Well, if your mother’s sister was named Flo.
Randy: You need to enunciate.
Me: I enunciated fine, motherfucker. You’re just old and deaf.
I can’t begin to say how much I still appreciate having my uterus burned out. No mo flo rocks like frozen crazy.
We got home and carried in Randy’s booze and some groceries. He locked the door behind him and said “Just in case the Sheriff tries to get in”.
The day before, a sheriff’s deputy knocked on our door. Randy had received a jury summons and filled out the form and mailed it back. Apparently, the postal service failed us, because the court never got it. The deputy came with a replacement and an admonishment to send it in right away because the judge was expecting it. I was the one who answered the door when the deputy asked for Randy.
Me: Were you worried when the sheriff came for you yesterday?
Randy: I was more worried by how fast you gave me up. Seriously, you didn’t hesitate at all. You were like….yeah, he’s home. He’s right here.
Me: I’m not doing time for you.
Because I would anything for love. But I won’t do that.
I have this button. I think it came with some clothes that Joey bought. The card says ‘Bad at petting goats’ and then there’s a button with it. Here’s a picture.
Goats seem to be giving kittens a run for their money on the internet these days. I will send the goat button whose origins are mostly unknown to a subscriber. I was going to say to a new subscriber, but that’s hardly fair, right? I mean, you’re a loyal subscriber and as a thank you for that loyalty, I would screw you out of a chance for a button that I believe is currently under my kitchen table?
So, I will be randomly sending the goat button to a new or current subscriber. The point being, if you are not already a subscriber, then put your email in that little box to your left and sign up!