You know what is exciting about our little corner of the Midwest?
Seriously, I am asking. Because it’s not terribly exciting here. No mountains or beaches. There are big cities, but not big cities.
The point is, not much goes on around here. We did get a hurricane in Ohio, once, though. That was weird. I don’t really count that as exciting, though. We just lived without power for 5 days.
So, my experience is mostly your typical Midwestern experience.
Then I started blogging. I started 7 years ago and found the perfect way to process the contents of my head. This is the best therapy I’ve ever had.
I even learned that I can stretch some. I’ve been published other places and have actually earned money for my writing. That was never my plan, but I’m not complaining. Those checks always seem to arrive just in time for an unexpected car repair or doctor bill.
The internet makes the world smaller. Before the internet and blogging and writing articles for other outlets, I never would have had the opportunity to audition for a reality show.
This really happened recently.
A casting agent contacted me through Rubber Shoes In Hell’s Facebook page. They are putting together a show about couples who are thinking about getting divorced and want to assemble a divorce “dream team” to help people either repair their relationship or to help guide them through divorce.
This casting agent contacted me because she read my Huffington Post article about being married 3 times.
I was intrigued enough to answer her message and we made arrangements for a phone call.
Very Perky Casting Agent: Hi Michelle! I am so excited to talk to you about this show we are going to pitch. I love your writing style and I think you would be perfect.
Me: Ooookay. So, I’m not a big fan of reality shows. I don’t want to be involved with anything that belittles people or makes them look ridiculous. That’s just not for me.
VPCA: Oh, no! That isn’t what this is about at all. We truly want to help people.
Hahahah, I don’t believe that, but whatever.
VPCA: We are assembling a team of people. First, will be a divorce attorney. They will walk the couple through the ins and outs of divorce and let them know what to expect. Next, we will have a licensed therapist who will work with the couple because sometimes people have problems in their relationships due to damage that happened earlier in their lives. The therapist can help them work through baggage they brought to the relationship. Then we will have a relationship counselor who will help them work through issues that are specific to their relationship.
And where the fuck do I fit in here? I’m not a professional, licensed anything.
VPCA: Lastly, we just want someone who has been divorced a lot.
I don’t know that she understood my laughter, but damn, that was some funny shit.
She liked our phone call enough to set up a Skype audition.
You guys, that was odd.
I don’t audition. I live in Ohio. I don’t come from auditioning people.
We are blue collar. We grill hot dogs and go to the Gulf of Mexico for vacation. Or Gatlinburg if Florida funds aren’t in the budget. This is how we do. We don’t audition.
I got tarted up for my audition and tried to get my laptop in a place with a solid background. One thing I learned, is there aren’t many solid backgrounds in my house with decent lighting. I nearly managed to get a completely solid background. A yellow one, so you know, it highlighted my dark circles and accentuated any ghoulishness in my features. There was also a mirror frame showing on one side.
The very perky casting agent was every bit as perky on my laptop camera as she was talking on the phone.
VPCA: So glad you could do this. Now, I need you to put the question in your answers. For instance, if I ask your name, don’t just say “Michelle”, say “My name is Michelle”. Don’t feel bad at all when I stop you to remind you to do this. Nobody gets it right every time.
She didn’t have to remind me once. The whole audition took about 45 minutes. I totally dug talking with her and answering her questions about advice I would give to divorcing couples. I made her laugh and she told me I nailed it. That felt good.
They passed on me, which didn’t surprise me. I wasn’t disappointed because this is a show that is getting pitched, shows get pitched every day. Most of them never become shows. Also, I don’t really think I’m cut out to be on TV. I think my normal anxiety that is already hard to wrangle would reach a fevered pitch and who needs that?
Still, it was nice to be asked. And fun.
I kind of do hope they sell the show. I would love to see who they chose as “the divorcee”.
OMG and this is almost as exciting. George Takei responded to one of my tweets. Well, I responded to one of his first and then he responded. But still.
So, that’s what has been going on here. I go to work. Grocery shop. Avoid housework. Audition for reality shows and converse with Captain Sulu.
Life is weird.