Author Archives: Michelle

Slava Ukraini

Posted on by under Life

I had some funny stories.

I’ll tell them to you later.

Please, if you can, consider sending support to Ukraine.sunflowers

Here are some suggestions.

Doctors Without Borders. 

The Art Of Living

World Central Kitchen. Chef Jose Andres is a fucking saint.

Also, please, make sure you are registered to vote. Make sure you vote in the midterms. It is so desperately important.

In Missouri, they are attempting to make abortion illegal for women with ectopic pregnancies. This is literally a death sentence and murder. They are attempting to sanction murder of a specific group of people. If we allow anyone to sanction murder, then we are sincerely and completely fucked.

Take a moment this week to say something kind for no reason. Find joy and spread that shit. We need it. We need it more than ever.

Please vote.

#SlavaUkraini

Glory to Ukraine.

 

Photo by Todd Trapani on Unsplash

 

 

Squirrel Ears

Posted on by under Relationships

Okay, after 27 years together, Randy and I still find that we don’t completely understand each other.

The squirrel ears for instance.

My coworker had to have some pretty major foot surgery. She couldn’t put even an ounce of weight on her foot for a couple of months.

After weeks of living in a recliner, she was struggling.

She told another woman we work with that her best time of day was when the squirrels would play in her front yard. Her chair was by a picture window, so she had a good view of the squirrels.

A group of us decided to dress up like woodland creatures and prance on her front lawn to cheer her up. I went ahead and got a squirrel tail and ears because that seemed to be her preferred rodent.

We made her happy. She didn’t expect it.

I mean, really, our boss showed up in a rooster mask. Who expects that?

So, I have had these squirrel ears since last fall and, the other day, Randy quizzed me about them.costume squirrel ears

Randy: You know how you put those squirrel ears on every morning when you’re getting ready for work?

Me: Yeah?

Randy: Why do you do that?

Me: I use them to pull my hair back before I put on make up.

Randy: I figured there was a pragmatic reason.

Me:…

Me:…

Me: Ummm…why did you think I wore them?

Randy: You weren’t putting them on to be sexy?

Me:…

Me:…

Me: You have known me for 27 years now

Randy: Yes.

Me: Do I seem like the type of person to put on squirrel ears on, every morning, five days a week, for about 10 minutes at a time for months to be sexy?

Randy: Not so much.

Me: It’s even worse than you think. I don’t just use them to pull my hair back. I used to use hair bands, but they get lost in all the stuff on my desk. I can’t miss the squirrel ears. They’re easy to find.

Randy: Double whammy.

Me: Yeah, I have two reasons for wearing them and neither of them are sexy.

Randy: I still like it though.

Me: Freak.

Me: Okay, that’s sort of adorable that you thought that. Weird, but sort of adorable.

Perhaps, sometimes we have to search to find out new things about the person we’ve lived with for years.

But sometimes, it’s just the squirrel ears.

 

Parental Narcissism: There are no neat little little bows

Posted on by under Narcissism

I had this all figured out. I did.

60 is upon me. I can binge a few seasons of a couple shows maybe before heading into that next decade? I mean, long running shows. Like Frasier or Friends, before turning 60. But not super long running shows. Not Doctor Who or SNL. Or The Simpsons. 

Anyway.

I’ve written about parental narcissism for years now. I went from discovery to acceptance to really not thinking about it much.

Then my dad started winding down. Hard.

Life isn’t neat and orderly. Problems present themselves and sometimes we can wait a lifetime for no answers. Life is capricious.

Too bad life isn’t actually like a sitcom. You know, a conflict is introduced and after some pain, soul searching, or misunderstanding, a solution gets presented.

But in real life? The Huxtable’s always figured out their shit on the show, but in real life, when Cliff Huxtable was just Bill Cosby, life becomes complicated and dark. So, I guess sitcoms don’t offer much usable guidance.

My dad is winding down.

And he’s doing this thing.

I talked about it before. I don’t want to be a broken record here, but it’s freaking me the fuck out.

When I was very young, my father worshipped me. I was a princess.

Then, I wasn’t.

I spent literal decades looking for that approval again. I didn’t get it.

I let it go. Or I thought I did.

When I see my dad now, he always seems genuinely glad to see me. I have no idea how to react.

When we leave, he hugs me and tells me he loves me.

See? This is fucking up my nice, neat little bow. I dealt with this shit.

I would be kind. I would be helpful, but I sure as fuck wasn’t going to care.

Now, I care a little. And I have to deal with anger, bitterness and so many things that I am just so goddamn tired of dealing with.

I mean, it changes nothing. He’s brain damaged and our relationship was damaged beyond repair before the decade of the seventies ended.

I let go of the anger. I let go of the bitterness. I let go of a lot.

I’m doing my best to not let the feelings bubble up again, because what is the point in that?

I do see something on the horizon, though. I’d like to pretend I don’t, but I do.

I can feel grief waiting. How is that fair?

No one gets any nice, neat little bows, do they?