I have written about my younger son quite a bit on this blog. I also have an older son, Zach. He’s 26 years old and when he was born, I was suddenly able to see a whole new spectrum of colors.
He moved in with his girlfriend a little less than a year ago. His girlfriend is a lovely person and we’ve gotten to know each other, at least somewhat.
Last week, they met me for lunch.
I already have a thing about wanting people to like me. It’s especially important for my son’s girlfriend to like me.
Mothers and sons can be weird. I think we try too hard to insinuate ourselves into our adult son’s lives when we should be letting go. It’s not easy to be replaced by another woman, (or man), but it’s mostly inevitable and we need to be graceful about it.
I attempted to help my son’s girlfriend understand that I would in no way be the ‘pain in the ass’ mother and that I have no problem stepping aside. I did this in the most awkward way possible.
I saw a post on Facebook. It was a sign entitled ‘Rules For Dating My Son’ and when I read it, I thought…wow…these are really fucking horrible rules. For instance, one said something about ‘Remember that I can make you leave whenever I want’. I am paraphrasing, but it was close. And that wasn’t the only bad rule on the list.
I can’t imagine interfering in my son’s life to the extent I would attempt to destroy his adult relationships.
So…we’re at lunch. There is absolutely NO good reason I should speak to Zach’s girlfriend about how I would never interfere. That is not a necessary conversation. You just DON’T interfere and the other person will figure this out.
Instead, I decide to tell Zach’s GF about this sign I’ve seen posted..but I don’t preface it with ‘I agree with none of this’ I just start telling her about the sign.
For fuck’s sake, you sound like you’re threatening the girl.
I don’t want her to think I’m threatening her! I want her to like me. I want a good relationship! So, my superpower kicked in and I said this:
I’m not threatening you.
After that, I just babbled incoherently for a few minutes while my son looked at me with that little grin he has and slowly shook his head. He’s known me his whole life, he understood I had good intentions.
Our food came, for which I was grateful. Plus, I was having a BLT. Fucking bacon.
I changed the subject and asked her about her birthday. It’s this month and I had a few ideas for gifts.Then I said something that was not only offensive to HER, but to all of you who like Vera Bradley bags.
I said, I’ll just get you an old lady Very Bradley bag.
She said, Oh! I have TWO. I love them!
I said, Really? Because those are some ugly ass old lady bags.
I really hope they come for Thanksgiving.
If awkwardness is my superpower, then I need a kick ass alter-ego name. So far, I have these:
- The Awkwardessa
- Truly Anxious (And she could have a theme song like Truly Scrumptious in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang)
- Queen Valium Of The Ozarks
- Amazing Graceless
- Hagatha Maximus (She’s not evil, just misunderstood)
Do you have any ideas for a new and improved alter-ego name? Just one?