Somewhere Between Bad Ass and Darryl Hannah


Me: Hey Randy, who is the dorkiest girl you can think of?

Randy: The dorkiest?

Me: Yeah.

Randy: You mean a celebrity?

Me: Doesn’t have to be.

Randy: You?

Me: Motherfucker.

Randy: I don’t know.

Me: You have to pick somebody that’s not me.

Randy: That one chick that played the mermaid.

Me: Darryl Hannah?

Randy: Yeah.

Me: How is Darryl Hannah the dorkiest girl you can think of? She isn’t even dorky.

Randy: Well, you said to pick somebody.

I was trying to come up with this title and couldn’t decide the balance of the scale. I am rating myself between “Bad ass” and…what? I always welcome Randy’s input because he usually helps. Mostly, in ways I don’t expect.

Anyway, I saw a tweet that was a variation of saying “If you want to piss off your parents, then take me to your next family gathering. “There is a bravado and self congratulatory feel to these statements.

Look how edgy and bad ass I am.

Really, though, is rudeness a trait that denotes badassery? I don’t get it. I don’t see how that is bad ass?

If you are willing to be disruptive at a family gathering and it isn’t even your family then that makes you rude. And emotionally immature. Your mother would be mortified.

I am not the most emotionally mature human on the planet, but I would never be the person you can’t take to gatherings because I might act like an asshole and make everyone uncomfortable. Who does that? I am the person you middle fingerwant to take who does their best to make sure people are comfortable. Or I’m at least quiet. Probably trying to find a place to hide, but quiet.

Full disclosure: I am not claiming that I have never made anyone feel uncomfortable. It is impossible to be me and not occasionally cause moments of awkwardness with inane babbling or inappropriate humor. I never try to make a situation awkward. That doesn’t mean that it never happens.

You want the appearance of being a bad ass? Showing your ass isn’t the way to achieve bad ass status.

You know who is a bad ass?

The bad ass who finds her way to leaving an abusive relationship. The woman who suffers a devastating loss and still goes on. The women who marched on all 7 continents on January 21, 2017. Women who stand up to misogyny. Survivors of sexual assault who are able to leave their houses and hold jobs and raise kids. These women are bad asses.

Also, why try to piss off your parents, anyway? Work that shit out or move on. Playing stupid, emotional games is no way to go through life.

I am not sure why Darryl Hannah is the lower end of the bad ass scale.

I’m sure she has many bad ass traits. I’m feeling a little guilty about Darryl’s standing on the bad ass scale, but according to the conversation with Randy, he is the one who put her there, so it is clearly his fault.

Also, did I become a super old woman with this post? Am I taking an inane comment and turning it into a mountain? Am I bitter because I spent the entire weekend sick in bed and want to bitch about something? I suppose all those things could be true. But I still think I’m right. Trying to make yourself look bad ass by bragging about rude, inconsiderate behavior is lame.

Do any of you have a spare cane? I need a cane to wave around.


Photo courtesy of Richard Reid

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  • I go way too far in trying NOT to make others feel uncomfortable. I need to worry about that less. One of the benefits of getting older is that young people are slightly unsure of me, and I need to use that to my advantage.

    When asked a question, I can leave a long awkward pause so that the younger person isn’t quite sure whether I”m thinking or simply missed the question.

    But I don’t. Because I don’t want to make them uncomfortable.

    Because I am a dork. Probably more of a dork than Darryl Hannah, who is a huge dork.

    • I guess she is a big dork..I just didn’t know it. Haha. I am with you. I go out of my way to make people comfortable. I am not as accommodating as I used to be, but I’m not a dick, either.

  • Daryl Hannah WAS a bit of a bad-ass in Bladerunner if you consider how dangerous she was. To me though, a bad-ass woman is always the one who stands up for what’s right. Great post!

  • Is dorky the opposite of bad ass? I mean, is that the right word? Maybe meek? Maybe subservient?
    I think of bad ass as someone who survives and fights against the odds. I think someone can be the OoBA (Opposite of Bad Ass) for a while, and then become bad ass. If you grow up trained to be OoBA, it can take a while to find your loud. Sometimes showing your bad ass isn’t safe, and just being patient and quiet for a while is bad ass.
    Some of us develop our bad assery. It took a long time, but I am way more bad ass than I used to be. Bad ass women overcome, survive, and then thrive, and help others overcome, survive, and then thrive. Bad ass isn’t mean, or petty.
    You, Michelle Rubber Shoes, are bad ass. I am bad ass. The world needs bad ass. Strong, on the side of justice and fairness, and willing to fight for what’s right. When possible, funny to take the edge off, and give everyone a little break. Loving and kind, because that’s a kind of bad ass too. Thanks for the bad assery, Michelle!

    • I totally needed this. Thank you.

      I am still getting over being sick. I don’t want to be at work. I want to go back to bed and watch movies all day like I did over the weekend. But you reminded me that I’m a bad ass and bad asses get shit done. xo

  • What the heck is Randy thinking? Didn’t he see Kill Bill? Hannah was a total bad ass. I mean she only had one eye! 😉 My vote for dorky would be, oh, I don’t know – Jeff Sessions?

    No, you don’t need a cane to wave around Michelle. Your reaction is not that of an old fuddy duddy, but that of a mature adult who has seen enough discord and bad manners to recognize that brattiness does not equate to “bad ass.”

  • I gave my spare cane to my friend’s mom who needed it. I’ll ask him whether she waves it around or not if you like.
    Briana watched some of those Sense8 teevee shows, and Daryl Hannah was in some of those. I wasn’t too interested, though.
    Badassery is very subjective, but I feel like I know it when I see it, if that makes any sense.
    I’m not sure why, but thinking about who’s badass reminds me of my friend Mark, who is a Deadhead, and tells a story about a party he attended with a bunch of other Deadheads and a few Hell’s Angels. One of the Deadheads walked up to one of the Hell’s Angels and said “Can I ask you a question?” to which the HA replied “Is it gonna be a stupid question?” and the room got quiet all of the sudden. I asked Mark what he did then and he said that he covered up his tie-dye with his jacket, discretion being the better part of valor…
    I hope you are feeling much better very soon.

    • I kind of do want to know if she waves her cane about. And I would LOVE to say that I’m all better, but I still feel like ass and I am super crabby today. I needed another day in bed.

  • The only person who’s badass at a family reunion is the great grandmother who makes five pies, three cakes, and ninety-six deviled eggs.
    Or the crazy aunt who slides an entire pie into her purse and takes it home.
    And bless her heart, Daryl Hannah can’t act, but I believe she can either make the hell out of deviled eggs or slide an entire pie into her purse.
    A lot of women who seemed like dorks have shown some real badassery when it was necessary.

    • You know..honestly, if you are a dork, you kind of have to be bad ass as well or the world will just chew you up and spit you out. The world is not kind enough to dorks.

  • I know you’re not askin’ but yes, you are bad ass.
    I can’t believe everyone thinks Daryl Hannah is a dork. I mean, isn’t she gorgeous? Ok, walking around looking gormless with no clothes on and super long flowing locks covering your tits but not much else, that’s not bad ass, but it’s……..ok, a bit sad.
    Yes, bad ass is speaking your truth, from the heart, regardless of the consequences. I hope I’m at least a bit bad ass.

  • Perhaps the person who tweeted it means his or her image is “bad ass”? Who knows. Judging books by covers sucks.
    Bad assery to me is like cool. You don’t go around saying “I’m cool” unless you’re the total opposite. A bad ass doesn’t act like an ass–that just makes you an ass. A bad ass is just…there. Just is. Other people recognize your bad assery.
    PS-I know assery isn’t a word. But I’m cool and a bad ass so it’s okay.

  • Sometimes “badass” refers to appearances. I think this is a teenaged desire. “Let me bring home the “baddest-looking” guy I can, to upset my parents.

    If you are older than 20, and still want to bring home a horrible, mean, rude or inconsiderate person to the family reunion, you clearly have not matured beyond high school.

  • I worked as a “Gal Friday” on a low-budget film that happened to include in its cast Ms. Hannah, as well as Eric Roberts, Roy Scheider, and Tia Carrere. So I can say without a doubt that ER is simply an ASS, Mr. Scheider was a shameless FLIRT, Ms. Hannah was a total FLAKE, and Ms. Carrere was The-A-#1-Bomb-BadAss.

    ER arrived on our set for a couple of days and brought over to Craft Services some of the “leftovers” from his hotel mini-bar, including a package of Easter “Peeps” still in their cellophane. DH showed up wondering why she couldn’t have her little dog in the Hair and Makeup trailer (um, because the H/MU artist don’t want dog hair in their supplies? or dog piss/shit on the floor? sanitary/allergy reasons? WHO GIVES A SHIT? you’re here for a TOTAL of 4 days, including travel – you couldn’t leave pup at home?), and when she ventured over to Craft Services looking for “healthy” food, she stood in front of the “whole-est” food I had to offer, called me by name, asked me for it, and then proceeded to tear into that package of Peeps with her teeth. Um, here, Ms. Hannah, let me help you with that… gelatin and sugar… yeah, the healthy stuff.

    When she left our set, she locked herself to a walnut tree to prevent it from being cut down. So. Bad Ass? I’m not sure.

    Mr. Scheider was so incredibly sweet, and Ms. Carrere, even though she joined us after just giving birth (recently-ish), was kind, sweet, funny, and tough, all at once. She was the only True BadAss I’ve met (possibly Ever). Good Times.

    • I agree, emelle, this was really interesting. I had to Google ER and then recognized him from his photo. I kinda wish he was a nice guy, but then I wish everybody was nice.
      Ms Hannah liked the Peeps, huh? I’m partial to chocolate covered marshmallow eggs, but then that’s just about as healthy.
      Thanks for sharing your experiences with all 4 of them. My guilty pleasure for the day! 😉

      Michelle, as usual, a great read. “Your mother would be mortified.” was a perfect and hilarious line.
      ‘Bad Assery’ is earned.

  • You know who is DEFINITELY a badass, although she may also be a dork? Daryl Hannah. Guess who’s been arrested for her environmental work? (That’s called putting your safety where your mouth is.) Guess who’s gone undercover and participated in successful missions to fight human trafficking all around the world? Guess who, after making a movie about stripping, made a documentary to show what that real world is like? Guess who fights crippling anxiety and an autism diagnosis.

    I’m kind of thinking Buffy in real life, myself.

  • Don’t know her IRL, but Darryl Hannah’s characters all have an angelic quality. Some might call this dork. Some think it is very mysterious and out-of-this-world and hotly. I happen to think it’s badass, since all the pressure is the reverse. Interesting you should bring it up.

  • For along time I was sure Sense8 was nothing for me. Until the other day when I tried the first episode and LOVED it. I’m only half way thru the first season, so I have one and a half wonderful seasons to look forward to and a Christmas special to top it all off. Wonderful 😉

By Michelle


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