Should I Put Banana Clips On My Resume?

S

Man, if there was one outdated fashion trend from the eighties that I would revive, it would be the banana clip.

The banana clip was my friend.

Not all girls could wear the banana clip. Not casting aspersions, but facts are facts.

Facts like I don’t have a hat head. Not all girls had a banana clip head.

Which actually sounds like something you should put on your resume under strengths: “Doesn’t have a banana clip head”.

I’ve had a love/hate relationship with my hair for as long as I can remember. My hair is plentiful and fine(ish) with just enough wave to make it look messy. So, I’ve mostly just hated it. Except for the eighties, then I loved it. I had a curly perm for an entire decade. I had a curly perm that I dyed red. I loved Bernadette Peter’s hair and when I was young, I had people tell me I resembled her which made me happier than I ever would have admitted.

Because I am me, I have never been a fan of spending a lot of time getting ready in the morning. Although, back then, I probably took a minimum of 30 minutes to get ready, unlike the 120 seconds I take now.

The banana clip was perfect. I could gather up my curly mass and tame it with very little fuss. It’s awesome for people like me who have the manual dexterity of a drunken toddler. The banana clip was a life saver for those mornings when I just didn’t have the time to pick through my curly mass. I wore a lot of banana clips.

It occurs to me that if I had had the internet to distract me before work back in the eighties, I probably would have been fired from many jobs. I would have never made it to work on time. As it were, that was hit and miss for me anyway.

I made it through the eighties with a pick, Aqua Net, and banana clips in every color. Nothing was better than popping the collar on a neon pink polo shirt and having a matchy matchy banana clip and matchy matchy pumps.

Why banana clips?

I will tell you.

I was going through my nightly ritual of putting my almost dry hair in a sock bun. I do this so my hair will have just a little curl in it. That’s how I fix my hair every morning, I pull it out of a sock bun.

Anyway, I was thinking you know, this takes like five minutes to do. I’m tired of doing this. The whole hair thing should be easier. Like when I had a perm and banana clips. 

Then I started thinking about cutting my hair off. Even though, every single time I cut my hair short, it looks horrible. Like, super bad. Except that one time when I was 19. It was adorable then, but never since.

So, that’s out. I’m going to just have to bite the bullet and keep my bare minimum hair car process in place. Maybe stop being a baby about it.

I wish banana clips were still a thing. I mean, I know you can still get them. I have come a long way toward not caring what other people think, but no way am I wearing a banana clip.

What fashion trend do you miss? You know there is at least one.

Oh, and wish me luck. I go to the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop Thursday. I’m going to be around hundreds and hundreds of people. There’s going to be hugging. I’m sure I will do fine. I expect to be a hugging expert by next Sunday.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bdt33sMT_EU

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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51 comments

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  • Hugging? Blech. I don’t like shaking hands but in order to keep from drawing even more attention to myself I have shaken hands and hugged. I’ll do a one-sided hug but no one gets the full frontal unless her and I are planning to be intimate later. Unlikely. Happily married, don’t you know?

    The side hug is easy but like you say, you’ll be an expert. You’ll see. You’ll also know who needs a small gift bag of deodorant and soap if you’re going to see them again.

    Tell Erma I said hi. I wrote her a letter, on paper, years ago and she never answered. Tell her she can let it go. No need for it to bother her.

    Have fun. You’re quite impressive you know.

  • Did you have your color-coordinated pick sticking out of the back pocket of your Hash jeans?

    (Gramma got my Hash’s at a garage sale…first non-Levi, non-homemade clothes I wore in 6th grade!! Yay Family)

    Alas, no banana clips, no perms, 30 to 45 minutes with the curling iron only to have it flat by 10:30…. the perils of baby fine, and poker straight, horse tail thick, hair. The clips wouldn’t stay in and the perms wouldn’t last but a few days. Between my football player massive shoulders and my skinny ass, shoulder length and above made my head look REALLY REALLY small.
    So I had the Farrah Fawcett with TONS of Aqua Net and a morbid fear of rain.
    And now I have the classic librarian bun with escaping gray tendrils that softly frame my cigarette line etched face.

    I have my purple and blue hair dye for my next ‘what the hell’ moment…probably in May 🙂 I think it will look awesome…like a tie-dyed ball on the top of my head…or a Unicorn-y Topsy Tail…

    I rely more on my sarcastic wit and effusive charm to draw attention away from my hair…and face…and body…and clothes.
    Oh Hell, just getting out the door with clean panties is an accomplishment some days.

    So. Thursday’s the BIG DAY!!! Are you gonna use the ‘people in their underwear’ trick? Want George and me to show up in full Psychotic Douche Twizzle regalia? Nothing like a cheering section to boost your morale and get people talking!
    I’ll bet Erma would have gotten a real Kick out of the Psychotic Douche Twizzles, too. Probably would have been sorry she didn’t think of it first! (But, she’ll be watching, you know, woo-woo and all 🙂

    Good Luck! You’re gonna be great 🙂 By Sunday, you should be ready to write again…get all those hugs worked off 🙂

  • Scrunchies. I own a few again since I’ve grown my hair out, and I love them. No hair breakage, they don’t hurt, and they’re cute. I’m sure my daughter dies a little when she sees one in my hair, but I’m in love all over again.

  • OMG, I also had a red perm back in the eighties. We’re twins! (I’m so terribly sorry.)

    Good luck with the hugfest. My extreme envy of your place at the writer’s workshop is somewhat offset by my smug relief that no one will be hugging me that day.

  • I was a featherer in the 80s because my friend was and I thought she was the bomb. It does sound like we have similar hair, except I didn’t try red until the 90s. I was a big fan of the perm and the asymmetrical cut as well but the banana slipped right out because of the feathering. Perms were so easy and you couldn’t really tell when it matted up so it suited my get-up-and-get-out styling techniques.
    As the cool kids say–Jelly! About the Erma Bombeck Workshop.

  • My hair never fit into any hair contraption. I did cut mine then and now I’m trying it long again. There is still no hope for the banana clip.

    The Erma Bombeck Workshop sounds like a lot of fun!

  • I don’t miss any fashions, but I sure did miss some. I wasn’t around for the 80s stuff.

    Leg warmers? Anything associated with Olivia Newton John’s “Physical” or Irene Cara’s “Flashdance” videos?

    My generation has been robbed.

  • So funny! Man, the things you find in my cluttered brain. Those 80’s memories always make me laugh and cringe. As someone with “a good head of hair” as my Mom always said, I too loved that presto! factor of the brilliantly conceived banana clip. High school in late 70’s: twenty overnight braids = ripply, giant hair all day; perms = always ready to rock; henna = oooh, reddish! (but what a fucking messy job). I remember dying my brown hair black and my mom saying it looked rude. Whaaaa? I’ve always had below the shoulder length hair, except when I had my first child at 27. I had it cut super short – like shaved at the bottom back – and one faraway sister saw a photo of me and said I looked like a little boy. Yup, a lactating little boy. Luckily, if I keep my hair in long layers, I barely have to do a thing, which is good because I’ve always been incredibly lazy. I think I’ve mentioned I’m giving up on the white-fight (I’ve transitioned to semi-permanent dye but refuse to live with a nasty skunk line for 2 years. Actually, the right side’s 90% white, the left’s about 70%, only the back’s evenly salt & pepper, so if I find me a banana clip, I can sport a dark pony on a snowball head next Christmas. I know, ooooohhhhh! so not pretty.) I envy you re Thursday. I’m sure you will have a blast so just beat down that anxiety and feel good about what you’ve accomplished and why you’re there. To ward off hugs, just explain that although you seem fine, you’re loaded up on cold meds because you’ve caught a nasty bug. (The key is to say “nasty bug” and make the appropriate facial expression that conveys the tenacity of this virus. Practice in front of mirror. Carry tissues where they’re obvious – like poking out of your cleavage.) And remember: you won’t be at work, so that alone should be reason to feel giddy.

  • The fashion trends I miss are ones I never actually lived through, like waistcoats. I have a thing for vests. Don’t ask me why. And don’t ask me why they’re so damned expensive and hard to find.
    Also cutaway coats with tails. That’s not a fashion trend I really thought about until my wife and I went to see Eddie Izzard and as we were walking out she said, “Damn, short, pudgy little men look good in cutaway coats with tails.”
    I think that was a subtle hint.
    Also not hugging is a fashion trend I miss. Let’s call it a fashion trend and hope it’ll go out of style soon.

  • Yeah, was born in the 80s, so…but I do remember my mom having a really bad perm. She looked like a forever electrocuted dandelion. Good times.

  • I kind of hate to admit it now, but in the 80’s I could totally rock the head scarf bow…just like Madonna in Desperately Seeking Susan. My hair is a total pain now — it’s so gray (covered artfully by L’Oreal #8.5) that it is frizzy and kinky. I have to blow dry (an hour) or straighten (about 30 minutes). The good news is that once that’s done — I can pretty much get away with just brushing it every morning. I only wash my hair about twice a week now to avoid the whole blow drying ordeal as much as I can. I’d cut it, but people are always complimenting me on my hair — I figure I’d better hang onto any little thing that looks good — as so many things are going the opposite direction on me these days.

    • Yeah, if I don’t put it up at night or shower in the morning, then I’ve got blow dry and straightening time. Usually only takes 30 minutes for both, though. Maybe 40. What a pain. That’s what keeps me from putting my shower off until the morning… Really? You want to blow dry, then?

  • We use to “frost” our own hair – now they call it highlights. Maybe they are different, but being Italian with olive skin, the look was just not right on me. I also used the banana clip when my hair got longer. Erma Bombeck was one of my favorite funny authors but I gotta say, I love your blog better!

  • I’ve never been very fashion oriented (even when I made jewelry for a living) so I can’t say I miss any of it. My long hair is thinning on top and turning white.
    You are going to be “da bomb” at Bombeck…

  • Oh hell. I’m kind of sorry I read this blog entry. Wasn’t aware that banana clips ever went OUT. <— That should tell you everything you need to know about me. Yikes.

  • This brought back brilliant hair memories! My perm (spiral), my banana clip (yellow), my hairspray (Insette) and my scrunchies (white and mint green)! Happy hair times…when did hair get so tricksey?!

    • I still kind of do the banana clip look by wearing two ponytails, one just under the other, it gives that long hair appearance…and it REALLY brings out the gray at my temples.

  • OMG – banana clips – I always wanted to use one but alas, I don’t have a banana clip head !!!!! Scrunchies and colour co-ordinated plastic clips (they had a name but for the life of me I can’t remember what it was) were my go to accessories for my hair. When it comes to hair – I can do a pony and a rather bad bun but other than that, I can do nothing. I have two left hands. My daughter grew up doing her own hair because whatever she did was 1000 times better than anything I could do.
    What I do know is that my face is a bit too round to have short hair and long hair is much easier to manage and certainly a lot less work except for times when I’m going out and straighten it – but I never do it properly because I get bored so I think it’s finished and then an hour later it’s all frizzy and yuck again. But I have long since stopped worrying about what anyone thinks about my hair. I have been known to do a double take when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and see what my hair does look like – then I quickly look away and try to get rid of the vision as soon as I can !!!
    Have the best day xox

  • A 10 year old boy told me I looked like “the mermaid in Splash” because of my perm and I nearly died of happy. I looked more like the guitarist from Poison, but whatever…..

  • I do not now or did I ever have a banana clip head. Or a hair band head. Or butterfly clip head. I am hair accessory averse. I never permed my hair and it sounds like our hair textures are similar. The only way my hair ever held in any style was a super-tight headache-inducing french braid shellacked with hair spray for my senior prom. All I miss from the eighties is the music and my metabolism!

    • HAHAHA…YES! The music and the metabolism. Music and Metabolism. That sounds like a new exercise craze. We’re going to be rich. And no banana clips allowed. I mean, unless you really want to, then I guess it would be okay.

  • I’ll have you know that my mom still rocks a Banana Clip like nobody’s business. Me I was more of a scrunchie gal myself… oh who the hell am I kidding – I still am… although they are making the scrunchies so damn small now compared to then… it’s a travesty really. And Every few months or so, I nostalgically consider getting a perm again – for hair that takes no real time to fix in the morning and looks fabulous. And if that WERE the case with a perm on my locks, I’d totally rock it – fashion be damned. But it always looks better in my imagination than in real life and I have good friends to talk me off the ledge when I fail to see reality.

  • For some reason (like the mood I’m in today, for instance), I want to do a Samuel L. Jackson and say, “Go ahead! Say ‘banana clip’ one more time. I DARE you!” Except that my version wouldn’t involve stealing someone’s fast food and performing a drug hit, and it would involve saying how much I enjoy your blog, all the time. I chuckle every time I think of you telling your husband “I can’t hear you over my 3 marriages.”
    Jealous of any of you going to the Erma B workshop. Enjoy.

By Michelle

Michelle

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