It has nothing to do with Carl Sagan..trust me. Other than the billions and billions reference.
I told you guys about my ‘silent’ ailment and how I’m getting phantom sinus infections from acid reflux.
I told you all about the doctor I saw and how arrogant he was and how it’s possible that he ate Rick Moranis.
Well, the other issue I have is that my family doctor treated me for the past two months as if I’ve had sinus infections. I was taking antibiotics or steroids more days in January and February than not.
Randy is concerned that I’ve killed off all the healthy bacteria in me and has decided to pump me full of probiotics. And get your goddamn minds out the of the gutter. It’s in pill form.
Randy bought the pills with 9 different bacteria and over 90 billion live bacteria in every pill.
How do they fucking know? Is inspector 12 involved? Is she counting to make sure every pill has over 90 billion live bacteria? That would be a hard fucking job. Even if you counted by tens.
If I were inspector 8, I would fuck with her and walk by saying random numbers.
Inspector 12: GODDAMMIT, I was up to 37,188,875,091.
Inspector 12: 1, 2, 3, 4…
Before anyone sends me an email telling me how they know how many live bacteria are in each pill, I actually do know that someone isn’t standing there counting them.
It occurred to me, though, that maybe the fact that our bodies are just crawling with billions and billions of bacteria that live in our colons, that might explain random ass cheek buzzing.
You know how sometimes you ass cheek will buzz and you reach back to get your phone and your phone isn’t in your back pocket? Don’t say it’s never happened to you. I can’t be the only one who gets random ass cheek buzzing.
Maybe, that’s happening when all the bacteria get together for a rave. You know those little fuckers must organize every once in a while. Colon life can’t possibly be fun and everyone deserves a party now and then.
So anyway, I suppose by now my colon is filled with billions of happy and healthy, ass cheek buzzing bacteria.
Why does this make me feel like there aren’t enough showers in the world?