I’m Just About To Blow My Top

I stole this post title from the Wanda Jackson song, Fujiyama Mama. This post has nothing to do with the song but still fits.

Friday evening, we were watching a live feed of the volcano in Iceland. Randy is nearly blind without his glasses and my eyesight is failing rapidly. Either way, we were seeing the video completely different from each other

Randy: Look at all the houses in the town.

Me: Wait. What?

Randy: All the lights, below the volcano. Those people are out there on their decks watching. I bet it smells like sulfur.

Me: I don’t think that’s a town.

Randy: Yeah, it’s the town.

Okay, so imagine if you had a birds-eye view of a town, like so far away you couldn’t make out buildings, just lights. That is what this town looked like. The volcano is huge. It would be like the town was normal size and the volcano was King Kong if King Kong were a hundred times bigger.

Me: I don’t think anyone would be sitting on their decks.

Me: Seriously, if it’s a town, then a subdivision just got destroyed.

Randy: Your perspective is just off.

Me: There goes the courthouse.

Randy: You can see cars moving over there.

Me: You can’t see shit. We have got to go to the eye doctor.

Randy: We will after next week. Because we’ll both be fully vaccinated then.

Me: The evil mayor is out in the town square saying “Everything is fine. Go home and sit on your decks and watch the volcano.”

So, I absolutely could see what he was seeing. It did look like a far away town with twinkling lights and some traffic. But there was also an impossibly huge volcano exploding over the town, so you know, that seemed off to me.

Then I noticed a flare-up at the corner of the television screen.

I got out of bed and looked closer. Of course, the lights were just streams of lava.

Me: Dude. Look at this.

Randy got up and walked to the tv, He pulled his glasses down and put his face up to the screen.

Randy: Oh yeah, that’s just lava.


Me: This is like Christmas.

Randy: Stop.

Me: Seriously, this is better than the cupcake thing.

I’ll explain in a minute. 


Randy: You know what? That’s fair. This is pretty bad.

In Randy’s defense, he had a few bourbons and the hiccups.

The whole thing also made us both laugh hard enough to get on Joey’s nerves.

This is understandable because we’ve been locked in together for a year. Nerves have been frayed on a few fronts. On the plus side, after next week, all three of us will be fully vaccinated. I am grateful that we will all be safer. I am grateful that we will all be able to leave the house and get away.

Okay, so the cupcake thing. In a nutshell, over 20 years ago, we were walking through a grocery store parking lot and a version of this conversation happened.

Randy: You know what? What if a person doesn’t want a whole cake? You know, like instead they could have an individual cake. For one person. A cake in a cup.



Me: Yeah, cupcakes are already a thing?

So, that is how Randy invented cupcakes. In the early 2000s. I have been hanging shit on him for decades over that and now I get to add the Icelandic volcano.

I think the Easter bunny loves me.

After we came to the reasonable conclusion that what we were watching was completely volcano, we decided to add music to come up with a soundtrack. My favorite was this one. And you really have to watch the live feed of the volcano at night, Randy’s scenario really doesn’t work in the day.

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  • …but your telling of The Scenario works day or night.
    I laughed as though I’d just had a breakfast double bourbon smoothie here at the butt-crack of dawn. Which I may yet.
    I am inspired by your gratitude for Randy.
    Not enough to adopt the 1812 Overture as my own personal soundtrack; still feeling
    the music from the movie “Trepidation”.
    Wait, was that even a movie?
    Note: write it and the music.

  • Fascinating in a frightening way. How far away from the population is it?

    But I really love the cupcake story.

  • Cake cups, hahaha, I love it! Good luck with your second shot. I’m getting the same one in a couple weeks. Let us know how it goes.

  • Your stories about you and Randy are hilarious! You too seem a lot like my husband and I especially as we head rapidly toward our sixties. I enjoy your blog!!!!

  • Do go to the eye doctor. I had to wear glasses (and contact lenses, briefly) since the seventh grade, but I got cataracts a few years ago and went blind. I went to the eye doctor. I don’t wear glasses any more, not even readers to use this here computer. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me.
    Yeah, cupcakes have been a thing for at least a decade. I believe it was 2010 when Sean and Michelle, who at the time were our roommates and the foundation of the Loyd Family Players, a kick-ass percussion band, held a “Cake and Balls” party at the warehouse space we all lived in.
    Cake as in cupcakes and balls as in meatballs.
    Michelle said that she was originally from Minnesota, as if that was supposed to explain everything.
    The cupcakes were heavenly, the meatballs were made in the oven, which I didn’t even know was a thing, and the party was extraordinary. They played, and got the Oakland Soft Rock Orchestra and 123 Picnic to open for them.
    Randy may not have been seeing actual houses that close to a volcano, but people do live nearby, or really, nearer-by than I feel like I would be comfortable with. Imagine the rental ads: Cozy two bedroom near good schools with only occasional lava in the living room…

  • Now I’m thinking of both volcanoes and cupcakes and that reminds me of those “molten lava” cakes that have a shitload of melted chocolate in the middle. I’ve never had one and while I get the idea they seem slightly terrifying, like all that chocolate being hot enough to stay liquid would melt your face off, or at least burn your tongue. But at least it wouldn’t smell like sulfur.
    I have a weird feeling Conspiracy Goat is somehow behind this.

By Michelle


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