One time, the younger of my two stepdaughters called me a witch. I couldn’t even get mad at her because, to this day, the comeback was the best and wittiest I have ever heard.
She was around 15 years old at the time. Her baby brother wasn’t still a baby, but just barely. Little sister took learned Spanish throughout high school and college and I got the nickname “bruja” early on. So, it wasn’t the first time she called me a witch, but it was the best time.
Randy and I used to quote from Pulp Fiction when the kids yapped about something. Remember the opening scene with Yolanda and Ringo? When she tells him that he sounds like a duck because his words just sound like quacking?
Okay, we really didn’t quote Pulp Fiction, but we were inspired by Pulp Fiction. When the older kids started quacking like ducks, we would look at Joey and say “What’s in your brother’s stomach?” Joey would respond “Duck food!”
Little sister and I took Joey to the county fair. As the evening wound down and we walked back to the car, Little sister started quacking about something.
Me: Joey? What does your sister have in her stomach?
Little Sister: You have Hansel and Gretel in your stomach.
Couldn’t even be mad because comebacks don’t get any motherfucking better than that.
Little sister has a daughter of her own now, and Baby girl is proof about that whole “apple not falling far from the tree” saying. Baby girl has some very good comebacks herself. She’s only five years old, so she has years of practice ahead of her and I suspect her skills will be even sharper than her mother’s.
Like the time she argued with her mother about picking up her toys and she told her mom, “You are the leader of nonsense.”
My most recent favorite happened when her dad was putting her in her car seat and hit her head on the door frame.
Baby girl: You bonked my head, genius.
Momma: We don’t talk to people like that that, young lady.
Baby girl: Well, I called him a genius, didn’t I?
Then, there was the time recently that she insisted that she went to the desert with her grandpa. Randy has never been to the desert with Baby girl. I told her that I didn’t remember them going on that trip. She said, “Gaga, I was only three then, so you probably don’t remember.”
Her mother told me that she ended up making a scrap book from pictures out of magazines to commemorate her trip to the desert with grandpa.
I guess what this is leading up to is we got some exciting news about Little sister and her family.
We found out that Baby girl will be getting a brother or sister. Estimated arrival, Christmas day 2016.
I am not a fan of being all mushy and hearts and flowers, but I am pretty goddamn excited about another baby in the family. The other ones are getting old and used up. We’re due for a new one. I can’t wait to hear what the new baby will have to say. I’m sure she will be a girl, because her big sister has already said she has no interest in a brother.