In Case I Think I’m Fancy

I don’t know, I guess it could happen. There could be a day that I just feel like I’m fancy as fuck and get too big for my britches.

Honestly, “getting too big for my britches” has happened quite a few times. In a more literal sense.Β 

Anyway, if the day comes that I feel more fancy than I should, I will have to think back on this conversation I had with Randy about dinner. Friday nights are often “fend for yourself” night.

Randy: I’m hungry.

Me: Me too.

Randy: What are you going to have?

Me: I dunno. What are you having?

Randy: I think cashews and bacon.

Me: Oooohhh…I’m going to fucking heat up that frozen Friday’s spinach and artichoke dip.

The only thing missing is a jello mold, a Big K two liter and pork rinds.

We actually have pork rinds, but I didn’t eat any.Β 

Also, I can get myself firmly grounded in “reasonably fancy” land by remembering that I’ve willingly watched the movie Weird Science at least a half a dozen times. I haven’t seen that movie in years and I would totally watch it right this fucking minute.

I hope you all are having a peaceful and fun weekend. Or at that very least, it isn’t currently sucking balls.

I had an article inΒ Vibrant Nation about loving an opiate addict. This is my regular gig, so if y’all could help me and click, you’ll make me look good. Even better would be sharing. Thanks!

Well, and it’s not a terrible article. It took a while to write it and even longer to let go of it. seems that Dude the stuffed dog is here to stay. Randy has been making Dude pictures in an attempt to help me keep anxiety and depression at bay. Now, when I see that goofy stuffed animal, I always smile. It doesn’t fix anything, but it does make me feel better for a few minutes. This is Dude’s Halloween edition.

I might have eaten a few pork rinds.Β 

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  • Oh.
    I think fancy can be a little overrated… but pork rinds will keep you humble, for sure πŸ˜‰
    I had to wait to read the Vibrant Nation article. Needless to say, we have more bonding stuff than a lot of marriages… I’m so happy for you, that yours is on the even keel and feeling more and more real and solid every day πŸ™‚
    Dude is the pick me up WE ALL NEED!!!!!!
    Thanks, Randy. You may have started all this for Michelle, but, as with all things created by love, it has spread πŸ™‚
    Have a great weekend, Michelle and Randy πŸ™‚
    Peaceful and Dude-Lovin’

  • WE go out to eat everyday for lunch. Save spending money in the grocery store that I’ll just chow down in no time. Works for us.

    I’ve heated up a can or two of spinach. I’ve made stuff I can’t describe, especially when I’m high.

    All said I’d rather be served. We know the waitresses by name. Some know our name. We tip well. Minimum of 20% and if the meanl cost much less than that we tip more. Separate tabs, TYVM.

    I like being presented with the choice of some many foods. I know who makes the best NY strip, the best dinner salad (Bob Evans) , who has the best birger and the best pizza. The best of everything.

    I love it. Things will change after the 1st when I start my diet and exercise program that my dietitian laid out for me. I get the strong feeling that she really cares.

    I’ll be well in no time. They’re giving me 160 days to lose 45 pounds and 3″ off of my waist.

    Can do, can do. The fat mo%#er fucker can do.

    Don’t know where I’m going with this so I’d better quit. Thought about deleting it but it was so much effort to write, here you go.

  • I love Dude. In the same way I love my nieces and nephews – great to hear what they’re up to, love visiting, glad they don’t live with me all the time.

  • Cashews and bacon…sometimes I swear Randy and I were separated at birth.
    And I could say that sometimes you offer us, your readers, cashews and bacon, sometimes you give us reheated spinach dip, and sometimes you give us elaborate, multi-course meals.
    But that kind of farting higher than my asshole pretentiousness has no place here.
    Can we keep this between us? I’d hate to lose my teaching job.

  • I knew I had married the right man when as I was polishing off a huge bag of Ruffles and slogging down a screwdriver after hearing for the 55th time I wasn’t pregnant. He looked at me, and at the empty bag. His only words… “Do you want another one?” Pork rinds are an adequate substitute, highly recommended by this particular psychologist. Have at it my friend.

  • I read your article on Vibrant Nation. As usual, poignant and beautifully written. I cannot imagine your pain. Your son is lucky to have you. You are lucky to have each other.

  • I read your article as well. I wanted to post a comment but the link is broken. A friend from elementary school, literally kindergarten, lost her son to an overdose earlier this year. Her Facebook post left me sobbing. She tried so hard, he was in a good place. I just can’t imagine the pain and fear you have to go through, and you have to, because it’s your baby. I’m glad you’re son is doing well.

  • If you were extra-fancy, you could be a Granny Smith apple. Or if you were Todd Fancey, you could play guitar for the New Pornographers.
    I know the exact slack look on the face of a heroin user you describe, and even though I don’t have any children with that particular problem, it freaks me the fuck out whenever I see it.
    My mother had really bad migraines, and when she got a particularly bad one, she went to the doctor and got a shot of Demerol, which pretty much knocked her out for the rest of the day. She hated getting the shots, but they were the only option the doctors in Eureka gave her for the horrible, debilitating pain. These days, many, many, heroin addicts start by taking prescription opioid pain killers, and move to heroin because it is cheaper and easier to get.
    Having a good doctor is crucial to getting pain relief without becoming addicted: it turned out that my mom’s headaches weren’t migraines at all, she had a brain tumor.
    I’m glad Zach is still doing well. It happens. In fact, out of all of the drug users I have known, the only ones who have come clean and stayed that way are the heroin users. Well them and me; I never used any heroin, and it took having a stroke to get me to stop my own drug use, so that’s enough to let you know just how difficult it can be.

    • Okay, THAT gives me hope. Thank you for telling me that the ones you know that stay clean are the heroin users. I love adding to the hope that I keep grasping onto.

  • Cashews and bacon sound delicious and so much fancier than the lowly peanuts and bacon. I have never had pork rinds in my life, however I’d happily wolf some down if I could share them with all you guys. M, you’ve got a great bunch here. (I’m guessing they’re salty. The pork rinds, not the gang. So we’ll need drinks? Lots and lots of drinks…)

  • Great article on vibrant Nation.
    They must be so very happy to have you write such beautiful stuff for them.

    As a mother you can see the colour of their eyes change, that’s how you can tell the difference.

    I love Dude, he is awesome!!!

  • Oh hun, well done for being there for your son, he is lucky to have you. Its frightening how easy our kids can go down this path and him being in pain for so long, who can blame him? I’m so happy he is doing well in his recovery, it cant be easy and you must be proud of him. Respect to you both xx

  • Michelle,
    Your blog post about your son hit home for me some what. My addiction started at 14 with Dr’s giving me pain pills for all my back, leg, & muscle problems. At 29 I was buying off the streets & had lost focus on the rest of my life. I lived and breathed on getting my fix. My husband and parents teamed up and gave me a reality check, and on 11/5/14 I started the detox process cold turkey in my parents spare bedroom with a bible & on my knees begging God to save me. Besides working the celebrate recovery program the thing that has helped me maintain sobriety is never getting comfortable in it, never complacent. The ppl I’ve seen relapse repeatedly are the ones who get comfortable and think “I got this” and quit doing the work it took getting clean (working a program, meetings, sharing feelings, staying away from old habits). The other thing that’s helped me though is that my husband and parents never quit watching, asking, interacting. They reach out constantly to me. When they see I’m having a bad day, or I’m limping around with a bad pain day, or I’ve suffered a loss or tragedy that would have normally made me use… those days they are extra active in my daily life so that I’m not alone, so I have opportunity to share how I’m feeling instead of feeling like no one wants to hear it. I seen another comment that said something about the heroin addicts staying clean. I agree with that person, I have quite a few friends who had first done pills & always relapsed, once it was heroin and a needle & they made it thru the detox and hell they’ve all now got multiple years in recovery. The hell of withdrawal from that tends to stick in your head and you wanna do everything to make sure to never go thru that again. So glad your son is one who has made it out of the vicious grip and is doing well. From an addict my tip for you would be this momma… never be the naive Mom you were all those years ago, stay active in his life so that (God forbid I pray it never does) If there’s ever a slip up, you will see the signs quickly and can get him back on track. With relapse the quicker we are brought to our senses the more likely to get clean again. Sorry if this seemed long winded, I hope the message I’m trying to send is conveyed correctly thru text. Much easier to “talk” instead. Much love to you & your son as well. So often ppl who have never been the addict or the loved one of the addict are quick to dehumanize us & see only the monster that is addiction. ❀ Love Jennifer opiate addict who took back her life on 11/5/14 & continues taking it back every day #oneminuteatatime

    • Thank you for this. I know we don’t know each other, but please know there is another human on the planet who loves you. Thank you for sharing, it really means the world to me.

      • You’re absolutely welcome. I re wrote my comment 4 times, because I started to tell the full detailed extended version of myself, my addiction and my recovery and decided that was too much and that I’d lose your attention before you got to the “Message”. Thank you for the kind words it really touched my ❀. If you decide you would like to hear more please feel free to email me at [email protected] and I will happily respond

        • You are so kind and I loved your comment. I love connecting with people. I am so happy that you are doing well, there are so many stories that end or continue differently. My son is in Florida right now, vacationing by himself. I’m not worried about him..I am excited for him, I know he’s having a good time. It is such a relief to not be afraid all the time. I also appreciate your comments because it is serving as a reminder to me that life isn’t as scary as it used to be and I can draw strength from that. πŸ™‚

  • I just wanted to let you know how moved I was reading your article. You must have had to remove all your stuffing, stamp on it, then shove it all back inside to write it. I’m so glad that he is sorted. Love heals everything, so they say- but you must be one tough cookie to do the tough love thingy to one you adore so deeply.

    • It took 6 years before I could do the tough love thing and it still ripped me to shreds. But it’s good now and I am grateful. I will never be entirely comfortable, though.

By Michelle


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