Am I overstating?

I mean, if we’re going to make comparisons, I’m sure as far as father’s go, there are some that make him look like a goddamn saint.

However, as far as fathers go, mine sucks.

For the first 5 or 6 years, he lured me into a world where I was a princess with my whole life ahead of me.

I was adored. I was precious. I ruled a world where I was content and happy.

My mom was a little scary, but that was cool, because my dad fucking rocked. My mother suffered from severe depression with suicidal ideologies. She is awesome now. I wish her life could have been different.  

He took away the love and adoration. I spent the rest of my childhood into adulthood going “Wait, what?”

I spent decades wondering what I had done wrong. Why did he take his love away? What was wrong with me?

Then, I learned about parental narcissism. I learned that children take a well worn path. They have their role and they play their part.

I am not an expert in anything, but my father and I danced that dance like we were Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.

I spent my earliest years being nothing more than a reflection of him.

As humans do, I became more self aware. I began developing a sense of self.

If you are child of a narcissist, then you know, developing a sense of self is a transgression the narcissistic parent will never forgive.

I stopped being a reflection of him. He saw this as a betrayal. Malignant narcissists never forget and never forgive a betrayal.

My life went from being revered to being told I was ugly and worthless. That the world would have been better had I never existed.

I think calling him the Boogeyman is fair.

He is fading so fast.

My dad is 82 years old and has congestive heart failure and COPD. He can walk a little bit before having to sit down. Like from the living room to the dining room.

He doesn’t really have his voice anymore. His voice sounds the way phlegm would sound if it could talk.

He falls down.

His skin has turned black in spots due to lack of oxygen.

He doesn’t eat much.

He smokes cigarettes and drinks soda.

The Boogeyman, my Boogeyman, isn’t scary anymore. He hasn’t been for years.

I feel sorry for him and I don’t think he will be here much longer.

Life is weird and hard.

I’m sorry that he wasted his life in bitterness, insecurity, and hatred. I’m sorry he chose to reject a relationship with 3 daughters who would have loved and cared for him.

I didn’t have a dad. I had a Boogeyman.

I have to think having a dad would have been better.

Image by Christian Supik (Fotografie) + Manuela Pleier (Design) from Pixabay

We’re in the eye of the narcissism storm.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder has been a theme of this blog years before the 2016 election.

I’ve been fretting, screaming and pleading for years now. The stupid president couldn’t be more dangerous. He’s broken beyond repair and he’s collapsing.

I’ve said many times this is going to get worse. And now we are here. Now, we’re going to see the worst.

At least I think we will.

Is it possible he’s got some slimy, vile schemes up his sleeve when he leaves office? Well, sure. I wouldn’t be shocked.

I mean, he’d need a lot of help, because let’s face it, the man is many things. He’s gross, traitorous, a predator, seditious, treasonous, bigoted, misogynistic, devoid of empathy and has no rhythm. One thing he is not: smart.

The man is stupid. If he’s going to create chaos after he’s gone from our house, then he needs help.

Regardless of what he does beginning January 21st doesn’t matter right now. What matters is the chaos he is going to cause now.

A collapsed narcissist behaves like a wounded, cornered animal.

I try to find silver linings in every situation and, sometimes, that is a goddamn hard thing to do.

How can I find any good in what our lives are right now? Over 300K are dead.

He golfs while acts of domestic terrorism play out. People hunger. People are being evicted.

What good can I find in any of this?

I’m hopeful that at the very least, more people will have a better understanding of narcissistic personality disorder.

Perhaps, after being exposed to the lord, king, god of all narcissists for years will bring about a broader understanding of this disorder.

Maybe, it will help people identify what type of monster they are dealing with and it will protect them.

He’ll do everything he can to burn down as much as he can, but if this serves as an education for the rest of us, perhaps we won’t be the only narcissist who collapses and deflates.

I mean, it’s probably just a fantasy.

But I kind of dig it.

Image courtesy of Pixabay.