I learned a new term today: Collapsed narcissist.
The idea behind the term is not new to me, I just didn’t know the phrase. Kind of like learning my dad’s brand of being an asshole had the name “malignant narcissism”.
My brain insists on spelling out “malignant narcissism” to the tune of the Oscar Mayer bologna song.
A collapsed narcissist is a malignant narcissist who has had their narcissistic supply cut off, been irrefutably found out in a lie, or didn’t get what they wanted.
The narcissist maintains thoughts and beliefs to protect their broke ass center and fragile labyrinth of self delusions and lies. They insist they are strong and others around them are weak. They are not strong, but are unreliable, erratic, immature, and angry. When they collapse, the narcissistic shrapnel can be devastating.
A malignant narcissist works hard at projecting an image of perfection.
Good looks, power, money, and worthy of worship. Not all narcissists have the same goal. Perhaps, a narcissist wants to be the most successful person at their country club, or being the biggest bad ass on the block, or the most revered soccer mom. Regardless of the pedestal they place themselves on, sooner or later, the pedestal becomes unstable and unable to bear the narcissist’s weight.
When the foundation grows unstable, the mask slips.
This is when we see the monster behind the mask.
This is when we learn the breathtaking and undeniable truth: a malignant narcissist will lash out with any tool at their disposal. They don’t feel empathy or remorse and vengeance becomes their only goal. Plus, they are unencumbered by thoughts of decency and morality.
When the narcissist collapses, they become the victim.
Their paranoia ramps up and they turn up the gas on their gaslighting efforts. The mental gymnastics, they are willing to engage in to support why they are being done wrong, are exhausting and frightening to behold. They never, regardless of consequences to themselves or others, admit that they played any part in how they are “wronged”.
When the mask slips, the narcissist makes less of an effort to hide their toxicity.
They have gone into self preservation mode, they feel like the victim, and they are without empathy. They feel they earned the ugliness inside them because the ugliness was given to them by society or bosses or lovers, or whoever their villains.
This is dangerous.
This is the part where you disengage, separate yourself from the narcissist, and go full “no-contact”.
The narcissist can’t be helped by you.
They can’t be saved. If running away and not looking back is an option, then pick that goddamn option.
As if that’s not enough, “no-contact” isn’t an option for humanity right now, is it? I was going to say for Americans, but that isn’t true at all. The whole world is affected by the orange psycho puff in the oval office.
We are seeing his mask slip. He’s given up his feeble attempts at masking his racism and bigotry. He revels in poisoning all he can poison.
Here’s what I mean. The more he is “found out” the more likely he is to burn down what he can.
He hates himself and projects that self hate onto all of us. Why would he care what happens to people if he hates them?
I want to see an end to this as much as anyone else. I just think we need to brace ourselves because I don’t think we’ve seen the worst yet. What is coming will be worse.
All is not lost, though. Not by a damn sight.
This one man and his corrupt party might have more cards, but they still work for us. We still have our voices and our votes. We have walking shoes if we must take to the streets and there are millions and millions of us who have been called to activism.
A collapsed narcissist is a scary sight.
We have each other, though. Be brave. Love each other. Do the right thing, even if no one else ever knows about it. Be kind when you are tired and cranky. Forgive yourself when you are not and resolve to do better.
Do not give up hope and never give up the fight.
I believe there is light at the end of this tunnel. I just don’t believe we are at the darkest spot yet.
Laugh as much as you can. Seek out stories of hope and bravery and love. Find comfort when you need comfort and cry when you need to cry.
But don’t give up hope. We are all in this together. I am holding your hand and I feel you holding mine. We can’t underestimate that strength.
We are not alone.
We are a blizzard.
We are not collapsed.
Photo by Noah4ever