It’s not a matter of being too cool.
I am many things. I am awkward. I am short. I am cranky. I am loyal and kind and can remember song lyrics to all the songs.
One thing I am not is too cool.
I am an all grown up girl. I work in the IT department at a construction company. I won’t bore you with all the reasons why morale has been abysmal for the past few years, just trust me, it’s abysmal.
It seems my company is taking a stab at boosting workplace morale by making next week a ‘fun’ week.
As an all grown up girl, my idea of fun is not participating in events that would appeal to a third grader. It’s possible that this is because I’m a 51 year old menopausal woman. It’s also possible it doesn’t appeal to me because it’s fucking stupid.
Here is the schedule:
Monday – wear your favorite sports team shirt. I don’t have a favorite sports team. I don’t like sports. Unless I can find a ‘fantasy makeup league’ shirt, then I’m not wearing one.
Tuesday – Dress to the nines day. Dress it up, come to work all fancy. Is…is this a punishment? Seriously? One of the only perks to working here is that I can wear jeans and a t-shirt every day.
Wednesday – Twin day. Pick a friend and dress alike. What? Are you fucking kidding me? What the actual fuck is this nonsense? I guess I could ask Priscilla, Queen of the cubicle if she wants to dress alike. We both wear a lot of black, so we could. But there is a world of difference between me and Priscilla. We wouldn’t be twins. We’d be ‘before’ and ‘after’. We’d be ‘young and hot’ and ‘old and not hot’. And we’d never be able to match shoes. She wears stripper heels every day. I’d break a hip.
Thursday – Mix match day. Don’t dress to impress! Wear that flower shirt with plaid pants. I guess I might be able to do this one. Although, everything goes with jeans, right? I have jeans or black yoga pants. Maybe I can’t pull this one off.
Friday – Military Day/Patriotic Day. I have next Friday scheduled off. My 3 year old granddaughter is staying with us next week and we’re going out for a mani/pedi day next Friday. So this is at least one day I don’t have to worry about coming to work not being in the spirit of things.
We’re having a picnic on Thursday. Which sounds nice, but we have to provide the food. A sign-up sheet will be coming around. I don’t know about you, but the older I get, the less enamored I am with eating potluck food. I don’t know these people’s hygiene habits. I don’t want to eat potato salad with cat hair and dandruff in it. Not only that, but this means I have to prepare something. And how do they know what my habits are? For all they know, I am disgusting.
For those of you reading who eat food that I fix, I promise, I am not disgusting. I use fresh ingredients. I wash my hands, and I hardly EVER drop food on the floor, pick it back up and use it anyway.
Personally, and I admit that I am not an expert, I think that treating employees like they matter and rewarding them when they do a good job would be a good way to raise morale.
People walk around here like shell-shocked zombies. This problem isn’t going to be fixed by a ‘fun week’. All fun week is going to do is highlight how dreary all the other days are.
Or am I just a curmudgeon?