This is what I’m going to start saying to myself when I start babbling. Stop being a drug store sign.
Let me explain.
Joey had four friends spend the night last night. They used the fire pit and didn’t burn the house down and the didn’t wake us up once. The kitchen and deck, however, are annihilated.
Last night, I told Joey that I would make breakfast for them. Randy and I have been up for a few hours already. I’m not even going to think about waking the boys for another hour.
My stomach wasn’t waiting until mid morning to eat, so we went out for a donut. Rather, I rode along in the car wearing shorts, a stained t-shirt, and no bra while Randy went in and fetched the donuts.
As I waited for Randy to return with my jelly filled donut, I read the sign in the drugstore parking lot across the street. I thought if I were actually responding to that sign as it changes messages, it would be like talking to a crazy person.
Drugstore sign: We’re open!
Me: Awesome. That will probably be convenient for many people.
Drugstore: We have ice!
Me: Okay. That reminds me. I need ice.
Drugstore: We have propane!
Me: I don’t need propane.
Drugstore: Happy 4th Of July!
Me: You too.
Drugstore: We have ice, buns and propane!
Me: Maybe you shouldn’t have the propane. I’m starting to get concerned about the propane.
Drugstore: We have whooping cough vaccines!
Me: Okay, then.
Drugstore: Support our troops!
Me: What? With the whooping cough vaccines?
Me: Seriously. I’m calling the authorities.
Drugstore: We have GRAPES!
Me: I like grapes.
Drugstore: Check out our CRAFT BEER section!
Me: Well, now you’re just bragging. Let’s go back to the propane issue. You seem too excited about the propane.
Me: I think you have anger issues or you are a pyromaniac. Either way….
Drugstore: HAVE A NICE DAY!
Me: DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
Sadly, that conversation sounds like way too many of my real life conversations, only in those conversations, I’m the drugstore sign.
I would like to think by now, I’d be able to keep my nervous babbling to a minimum and sometimes I can. Mostly, I can’t.
So, I am sure in the near future, some lucky person will be the recipient of this sentence: Fucking hell, I’m totally being a drugstore sign right now.
Maybe I should rethink this.
Happy 4th of July!