The studio is the emotional equivalent of a lead lined panic room.
My son, Joey, recently spent a week with our mountain friends. He sent me a text in the middle of the week that said “It is literally impossible to be stressed out here.” He is correct. The mountains are amazing and the studio is anxiety’s kryptonite.
I am sitting in the studio, waiting for band practice. There is a rubber band suspended from the ceiling by a cobweb, a casualty of gong ball.
Randy and I went down the night before Joey came home. We had one evening together before Joey left. Of course, gong ball (or as I inevitably call it, gong bong) was part of the evenings festivities. Joey talked a lot of smack, but like it or not, Randy is the lord and king of gong ball. Although, Joey did hit that cobweb.
The very first night I met Mountain girl and Bass player was in their studio. Randy and I were there so Randy could take some pictures for their website. I found the experience quite surreal and count that first night as one of my most treasured memories. I remember writing about the longing I felt watching them play. I could see their passion and all I wanted in life was to feel that. To be a part of something and to feel something as deeply as they felt it. I remember feeling like the little match girl on the outside looking in.
Randy and I have seen The Madison’s perform live a number of times, but the only time I got my very own, up close and personal concert was that first night.
Until this last trip.
Randy and I stayed for a week this time, which means we didn’t miss out on church. Which is what the Madison’s call rehearsal every Sunday. Church.
I went to catholic school and had to go to church every day. The mountain church is better.
I started sitting close to Randy on the sectional couch at the back of the studio, but my view was obstructed, so I moved to the opposite end and settled in. I watched the drummer moving his head back and forth as he kept time. I listened to Mountain girl’s sultry and strong voice. Her voice floods the room and everything else falls away. I watched the bass player play his instrument with his hands and his face. His eye brows move, his mouth twitches, and I could feel him feeling every note.
I knew what to expect this time. I guess the wonderment of hearing them in their studio for the first time was gone. That experience can only happen once, but that’s cool. The sound was amazing and fluid as I listened to them run through their playlist. The Bass player sang a song, the drummer sang a song, but they would circle back to Mountain girl and her vocals. She’s my favorite, but don’t tell the guys I said that.
The laughter and irreverence between the songs is nearly as entertaining as the music. Nearly. Well, until I heard Mountain girl sing the first few words of “Fire” and then music was again the clear winner. At times I can feel her voice in my skeleton. I feel my bones vibrate as the music passes through me as if my bones are independent of me. The feeling is amazing.
I listened to them play and considered how different I am now from the first time I saw them. Back then, I would have never identified myself as a writer, even though I had been blogging for two years. Then, I viewed writing as a self-indulgent folly.
Now is different. I sat and listened to them play and I recognized their passion in myself. My passion is true. I am no longer the little match girl.
I feel sorry for every motherfucker on the planet who doesn’t get to experience this moment. A moment that I know I will experience again and once again, their performance will belong to me. Just like that first time. Just like this time.
I am so curious to find out who I will be the next time I am in the studio with The Madison’s.
Before they finished, I scooted back around the couch. I am always at least a little uncomfortable when I am away from home and Randy feels like home.
What is the point of this? No fucking clue. I guess I just hope that all of you get glimpses of self awareness when you need it. Feeling good about myself, trusting my own thoughts, these things are still in the infancy for me. I love it so much, I just want it for everyone.