Every Little Thing

E

When it gets bad, I think about Bob Marley’s song Three Little Birds. I repeat, over and over:

Don’t worry about a thing, ’cause every little thing gonna be alright

Right now? Right this minute, it doesn’t feel like anything will ever be alright again.

The level of despair and grief I feel is choking me. I am terrible at grieving. I don’t know what to do with my grief. I am alternating between feeling nothing and wanting to punch someone in the face. I know I am not alone in my grief, but I feel alone.

You know what what extra sucks? The morning after I found out that cheetoh sporkhands is the president elect, I had to sit in a 7 hour meeting. I have another one tomorrow.Β (I will be in that meeting as you read this).Β 

I don’t know how I got through the day. I know my face is swollen and distorted. My head hurts. I am despondent that women just lost decades and decades of work. I am already hearing stories of people being emboldened and behaving in overtly bigoted ways.

I am so goddamn sad that women got shoved back years by this bizarro election which seems to be a malevolent time machine. I am terrified for my daughters, granddaughters, nieces, and friends. I am ashamed they may have to fight battles that were already fought.

I am terrified that a sexual predator will soon be president. I am saddened so many people felt like this is a good idea.

Here’s is something else that I know is true. We’ve all been through shit. If you are reading this, then you got through it. We will continue on. I don’t know what the future holds, and frankly, I fear the future.

I will give myself the rest of the week to wallow in my grief. I don’t know how long the grieving process might take for me. I’m sure I will still be dealing with it on Monday, but I will be finished wallowing by then.

It’s too soon for me to even think about hope, but I know I will find it again. It’s also important to remember that we arehope sunset not alone. We can find joy and humor and gratefulness. We can love and create and learn. No one can take these things from us.

I have been crying off and on since Tuesday night. I am terrified that I’ve been wrong all along about love being stronger than hate. I am terrified of hate’s power.

I realized something, though.

I don’t care.

I don’t care either way. I don’t care which force is more powerful. I choose love, acceptance, and inclusion. I choose light over dark.

I don’t know how, but I am determined to spend the rest of my days finding ways to be useful.

I know this is rambling and perhaps doesn’t have a clear point, but right this minute? This is the best I’ve got. Also, it’s not like it’s the only rambling, fuzzy post on this blog.

I wish you all peace. I hope you smile. I don’t know if Bob Marley was right or not. I don’t know if everything little thing gonna be alright. Fretting over that gets in my way.

I need a few more days, then I will begin to find ways to make myself useful. To help other people. To fight hate even if it’s a losing battle.

By the way, I didn’t make up “cheetoh sporkhands”. I read that on Facebook somewhere. I just found it terribly appropriate. As we all know, the president elect is thin-skinned. If I end up in prison for calling him”cheetoh sporkhands” then one of you needs to bake me a cake with a file in it.Β 

 

 

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  • “We’ve all been through shit. If you are reading this, then you got through it.”-Michelle Poston Combs
    I’m going to make a plaque with that on it and I’m going to send it to you. It will be next year before I can do it but, dammit, you’ve given me so much I will do this for you in return.
    I hope you like it.
    And I’m not going to bake you a fucking cake with a file in it. There’s an old saying that a good friend bails you out of jail, and a really good friend is sitting in the cell next to you saying, “Wasn’t that fun?”
    We’ve never met and truthfully I feel like I barely know you but if we really descend into the madness of a country where you can go to jail for criticizing the president I’m going to be a really good friend.

  • I was waiting for this.
    A glimpse into your state of mind.
    An overview of what so many are experiencing.
    Guidance from a seasoned narcissism survivor.
    I’m numb.
    No feeling.
    No emotion.
    No looking forward or back, just get through the moment.
    I have regressed to the scared, sad child of an abusive male dominant figure.
    I predict suicide rates will go up along with prescriptions for anxiety and overwhelming depression and digestive problems.
    The part that really chaps my ass?
    It has been my observation, that when a cheater tries to get everybody to believe the other guy is cheating, it’s because they don’t want people to notice that they are cheating.
    From the moment he started in with his “She’s rigging the election!” I KNEW he was trying to divert the spotlight.
    Why?
    ?
    ?
    ?
    But.
    Most of all.
    I don’t understand how Americans were so misrepresented by the press? Is the media really that capable of blowing the truth and facts up our asses?
    I REALLY didn’t think we would be set so far back by a single, self-centered, horrible example of humanity like this.
    In this day and age, I REALLY thought we had this covered πŸ™

    • I know. I know. I am stunned by this. Just stunned. It will be a long while before I can read any articles or watch videos about the cheetoh faced douche twizzle. I can’t do it.

  • We had Brexit; you got Brexit on acid, mushrooms, flying through hyperspace into the abyss. The press here in the UK was and is as shocked as anyone. They are trying to find any positives and, frankly, the bottom of the barrel of hope has been scraped already.
    However, as you say, there are many things that cannot be taken away from us, unless we allow it.
    That paper thin mask of sanity he wears will slip eventually, hopefully sooner rather than later.
    Wish I could think of something funny to say…….

    • It’s okay. I felt so bad for y’all over the brexit thing, I didn’t think there was any way we would make an even BIGGER mistake. But, here we are. We are going to have a sexual predator for our president.

    • Oh Billie, “That paper thin mask on sanity” sentence is brilliant. You have a great ay with words. I enjoyed reading your post. Thank you.

      • Thank you; I truly believe he cannot hold his true self in for long and I support you all. We are in this together as a world, although I know your fear as Americans is so much more acute at this present moment.

  • I am surprisingly calm. If you’d asked me a week ago how I’d be if things went this way, I would have not have predicted the calmness.

    I hope I remain this calm in 4 months when they ban my religion and then kick me out of the country.

    That was a joke, I think.

  • I refused to watch TV or go online Tuesday night. I was filled with dread. I woke up at 3:49 and quickly realized I was not going back to sleep. I checked my phone while I was still in bed. I started crying.

    I got up then because I was afraid the crying, which was almost to sobbing at that point, would wake my husband. I got myself together, fed the dogs and cats, and then stared at Facebook for awhile. Then I wrote this:

    “My fellow Americans,
    While I will be gracious in defeat, I will not go down without a fight. I will not allow the hate of so many of you to fill me. I will work to ensure equality for everyone. I will not go quietly into that good night.

    I’m truly scared for the futures of my children. The already fragile economy is teetering; my daughter’s rights are given to her at the whim of elected officials who will serve a misogynist.

    I’m saddened, no, disgusted, by what has happened. I truly thought the majority of my friends, and Americans, are kind and good-hearted towards others.

    I guess if any good is to come from this election, it is having the blinders ripped from my eyes. People I trust, people who I thought had my back, are celebrating the victory of a monster. I’m not being dramatic. He is a monster, and dark times are upon us.

    All I can say now is: be careful what you wish for. When your children suffer, when your retirement account is depleted, when your Social Security is raided, when you think “wait, this is not what I voted for”, maybe you will realize what we were trying to say all along.

    I’m seeing a lot of closeted hate come out this morning. I’m going to stay away for a while. Reading these posts is turning me into someone I don’t recognize. Someone like you.

    Regretfully,

    Denise”

    I’ve tried to stay away; I broke down last night and found my tribe on the Pantsuit Nation group page. I’m happy to invite you if you’d like to join. We’re organizing the resistance.

    I thought about you yesterday, and hoped you were alright <3 We're not alright yet, but there are still a whole hell of a lot of us who won't take this lying down.

  • Michelle, realizing I only know you through your blog, you were literally one of the first people I thought as the election results became more and more clear. My eyes and face are all puffy too. I feel numb and stuck in some shitty alternate universe, and somewhere else a luckier me is living in a better universe that has Hillary as president. Never mind the embarrassment of Trump as our president, I felt genuine cold fear at the reality.

  • To feel a lot better: join your local Pantsuit Nation on Facebook. I see Denise also found a home there. I was so damned depressed, and now I still am but it’s better. And when you are ready to take action, we are too. But it’s a comfort to see how many of us feel that way. She won the total vote-too bad it didn’t line up with the electoral college. 59,814,018 people (so far) said so. I predict Trumpian will replace the word dystopian…hugs to you and us all.

    • Well, you know those Russian hackers who are buddies with Putin and the president-elect were busy as hell wth the electoral college computers on Tuesday night! The $$$ is worth losing the extra sleep, I’m sure. Haha! (Wow, I’m only half-joking. Scary.)

  • A 7-hour meeting?? That is something I could not survive. Not sure my job will survive under the short-fingered vulgarian because I’m in a branch of the government that was never a favorite with conservatives. He might do what Reagan did, appoint a pro-management Director – to head the branch that defends worker’s rights to join a union. That’s if he doesn’t do away with us entirely. At least HRC won the popular vote. You reminded me of an affirmation I used to do: I can bring light to any situation.

    • The meeting ended up being over 9 hours and I’m coming down with a sinus infection. I think it’s from all the crying. As far as shitty weeks go, this one is pretty goddamn shitty.

      I really hope you don’t lose your job. πŸ™

  • The comedian Laura High calls him Mango Mussolini. And that’s all the humor I got.

    This is just fucked with a capital fuck. I hate that I am so angry at the people who stayed home and the people who didn’t vote for either major candidate as a “protest.” Let me know how that works out for you, ya twats. And I hate that I don’t want to visit my favorite deli anymore because they were so happy in there yesterday (He’s a successful businessman! He’ll be great!). But most of all I am so very fucking sad for my son and his fiancee who will be left dealing with this muck and mire through their prime years. Hope I can get out of my wallow by Monday, have my doubts. fuckfuckfuck.

  • I too was waiting for your response to the madness that has been this week. I was pretty sure we would be on the same page. When I got an email from my 24 year old daughter saying she cried all the way to work (she has an hour commute) it broke my heart all over again. What could I say to reassure her when I have no words for myself. And as hard as it was to see the results the ABSOLUTE WORST part was his acceptance speech….OMG I WANTED TO RUN! but to where???
    Having grown up with a horrible, cruel narcissist stepfather I was reliving the smooth, charismatic “everybody loves me” type of talking. He was totally trying to win over all of us and it was a physical pain that I couldn’t breath through –couldn’t stop the hurting it brought back. What have we done??? This is so hard πŸ™

    • I didn’t watch. No way I am watching that. I’ve been triggered through this entire election. My plan is to go as no contact as possible. No news. No stories. Not if I can avoid it.

  • Yeah, as if I didn’t have enough grief already, I guess this Cosmic Joke of a Universe felt I needed a little more heaped on. Someone responding to another blog I read stated that the White House will, in the future, become the White Trash House. And isn’t that the utter and honest truth? White Trash president with his White Trash porn-film whore of a wife. I avoided all network TV Tuesday night. I’ve been sick anyway and needed the sleep, which I knew would elude me if I was agitated. When I woke up the next morning and turned on the Today Show, I saw the “historical” wording on the caption and in my still-groggy state thought, “OH, Hillary won and is now the first woman EVER to sit in the Big Chair at the White House—-YAY!!!”, but then, I realized the footage they were showing wasn’t matching what I thought the caption said and I re-read it. I immediately sat back down and just stared for a few moments, in a state of shock and pure disbelief. Then I became angry as hell and went on Facebook for the first time in almost a year to post on my wall: “we have to say goodbye to our glorious Bald Eagle because the new national symbol is” and I posted a picture of the Dodo bird. Dodo-donald Chump is NOT my president. He doesn’t even deserve a capital “P” on the title. Putin’s already salivating and lining up to invade America, I mean, “become friends with us”. Get ready for Communist Amerika. (Not a typo.) I am getting ready to do some major restructuring on my FB page, as well, as I begin getting rid of the assholes who voted for this Nazi. What does it say about ME if I “tolerate” or “extend an olive branch” to those who are, at their very core, so hate-filled and bigoted and who only like me because my skin happens to be white and I’m heterosexual? Peace, love and understanding are great, but I believe the Ugly American with too much money who threw over truth, justice and decency to gain the highest office in this land was supported by Americans even uglier than he is. By day, they dress up in their designer clothes and thump their bibles, but by night and in private, they don the white sheets with strategically cut out eye holes and pointy tops, even if it isn’t in a literal manner. When all is said and done, that’s the only way someone could vote for that deplorable excuse for a human being—-they are either filled with hate and bigotry or they are scared little rabbits with IQs smaller than their shoe size. Someone should take away THEIR right to vote! (Oh, that’s right! They only support things like that when it’s someone ELSE getting it socked to them.)

    • I’m trying not to be a ‘sore loser.’
      But I’ll be damned if I won’t be screaming, “Told you so!”
      I figure we got about 6 months before the ‘newness’ wears off and DT feels confident and powerful enough to ‘pussy grope’ America.
      Because he can.
      Problem is, unless a person is a ‘pussy groper’ and can think along those lines, people will be amazed and won’t believe what DT will be re-defining as ‘gropeable pussy.’

      AARrgghhhhh.

      • You know, I quit a job back in late 1984 because the president of the company sexually assaulted me in his office. He was in his 60s and I was in my mid-20s. I was bringing my balanced cash drawer in to his office at the end of the work day (he would place the money in the hidden wall safe). When I walked in, the office was empty but he must have been in the other room across the hall, because he suddenly came up behind me and grabbed my breasts with both hands, pulling me back toward him. I pulled away and he was smirking at me and laughing, like it was some kind of joke. He was nothing but an old, perverted piece of crap with money. Oh gee, sounds familiar! I walked out and never went back, but unfortunately, it still had an effect on me. I was having major anxiety and panic attacks after that. I knew that if I’d reported him, no one else witnessed it and he had a ton of money and it would be my word against his. Whose character do you think would have been run into the ground in a court of law? There were no cell phones or the ubiquitous surveillance cameras back in those days. I only wish now that I’d kneed his nuts up into the back of his throat. So, in my opinion, any “friends” who voted for Chump aren’t really friends at all.

        • I just want to watch the look on those conservative white bitches’ faces the first time something offensive towards old white bitches comes out of his face…
          Belly up to the bar, big girl…
          Remember? It’s just words….
          But, I’ll bet Bill Cosby is regretting the drug part. Now that he knows he coulda pulled it off if he wouldn’t have drugged ’em.
          That’s the only difference I see.

          • You know, it’s funny you should mention that very thing because I was thinking exactly the same. I wondered if maybe the next time one of my “conservative, far right leaning chums” who think Chump is wonderful posts a picture of herself on her FB page, maybe I should comment underneath, “You look like one of those inflatable rafts from the Titanic! In fact, more like the Titanic itself! WHOA!!!! Thar she blows!!!” Do you think they would be thrilled by that, since they probably laughed their idiot heads off when Chump did it to others? My guess is they and their friends would be SHOCKED and berate me for being so mean to such a “lovely person”. Then, I’d have to post how I’m confused because I simply assumed that they loved that sort of talk, seeing as how they made excuses for it and voted it into an office it has no place being in.

            I watched a snippet of previews coming up on the news and the REAL President—Obama—actually met with Chump in what will become the future White Trash House. I laughed to myself as I watched Obama, man! He was speaking as his usual, mature, intelligent self, but you KNOW that in the back of his mind, all he was thinking over and over was, “WTF, man! I feel like I’m in some sort of SNL skit! WTF, man!!!” LMAO! Yes, Mr. President, we rational people are all thinking the same thing.

  • The good news is that the USA is still a democracy. There is no way he can change that. A victory for the bigots; but only a temporary one.

  • It’s amazing how much your writing has touched us through your blog. My first thought was, “Oh, FUCK!” My second thought was, “Oh, MICHELLE.” My only hope is that our democracy functions as designed, to keep this maniac from inflicting too much damage. I’ve been a political comedian since Bush 1, and like all of the others I watched (Colbert, Samantha Bee, Trevor Noah), I am not finding the funny. It feels exactly the way 9/11 felt. But at least, on 9/11, the nation rallied together to heal from an external attack. We did this shit to ourselves.

    In a way, this is the fulfillment of the promise of 9/11. The thought on that day was, “this changes everything.” I don’t think America ever really accepted that on 9/11, we were dragged from the imaginary bubble of our invulerability. As we fought to protect ourselves from an enemy which has no “head,” we lost the one thing we claim above all else – our exceptionalism. We were supposed to be a leader in human rights, in justice, in freedom of the press, in civility. And those qualities have been eroded by fear. The screams of “Make America Great Again” were a call to a time when Americans felt safe and superior, but in truth, we never were. We’re part of the world stage. We can watch the backward-crawling babies get covered in their own shit, while we take a sober look around and try to fix this. We have four years to get it together. Strike that. Our first tool in the fix-it box comes up in 2 years. Midterms. The only way to topple a big facade, is to destroy its support.

    I really hope to meet you someday, Michelle. And I hope Dude is sitting directly in front of you for the rest of the week.

  • I’ve never cried over an election before, but this one is killing me.

    Here is Maya Angelou’s “Still I Rise,” which also makes my cry – but gives me hope.

    You may write me down in history
    With your bitter, twisted lies,
    You may trod me in the very dirt
    But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

    Does my sassiness upset you?
    Why are you beset with gloom?
    ‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
    Pumping in my living room.

    Just like moons and like suns,
    With the certainty of tides,
    Just like hopes springing high,
    Still I’ll rise.

    Did you want to see me broken?
    Bowed head and lowered eyes?
    Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
    Weakened by my soulful cries.

    Does my haughtiness offend you?
    Don’t you take it awful hard
    ‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
    Diggin’ in my own back yard.

    You may shoot me with your words,
    You may cut me with your eyes,
    You may kill me with your hatefulness,
    But still, like air, I’ll rise.

    Does my sexiness upset you?
    Does it come as a surprise
    That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
    At the meeting of my thighs?

    Out of the huts of history’s shame
    I rise
    Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
    I rise
    I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
    Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
    Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
    I rise
    Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
    I rise
    Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
    I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
    I rise
    I rise
    I rise.

    I know my burdens are different from hers and yours are no doubt different from mine, but I think many of us recognize – that for a variety of reasons – in the mind of Donald Trump and many of the his followers, we don’t make the cut to be considered fully human. It is bitterly ironic that people that make the loudest claims to patriotism understand so little about the ideals upon which this country is founded and how our government works. I know that we often have fallen short of the our stated purpose of providing a nation where everyone enjoys the right to life, liberty and the pursuit happiness – where everyone is sheltered under the protection of the Bill of Rights, but these people seem to want to do away with even having these things as a goal. These protections exist so that minorities cannot be oppressed by a tyranny of the majority. Basic human rights are not up for negotiation, no matter how many people you can get on your side.

    The 2018 mid-terms are coming and we need to work to shift the balance of power in Congress in order to protect our own rights and the rights of the most vulnerable in this country.

    • My gorgeous sister, thank you so much for this. Maya made me cry too. Your favorite brother in law and I were just talking about the midterm elections and what we can do to help.

      Right now, I am too overwhelmed to think about it and I think I have a sinus infection. And my meeting was actually over 9 hours. This week is a dick.

  • I’m flabbergasted by the fact that 99% of my Facebook friends actually voted for Trump, and the majority of those people are exactly like me: privileged, old, white WOMEN. WTactualF??? Trump has ruined Facebook for me, and will ruin the country for everyone else. I feel like we’ve been plunged back to 1950, and men are patting us on the head and telling us, “There, there, everything is going to be alright.” Let me tell you; everything ain’t gonna be alright.

  • Like so many of you, I stayed away from the TV all through Tuesday. I knew I’d stress out if I spent the night emotionally bouncing back and forth through election updates like some crazed ping pong ball. So I decided I’d get the final election results on Wednesday morning, chugging it in one gulp, the way you hold your nose and choke down that chalky drink they give you before a colonoscopy. And boy, was that the right metaphor, because hearing the final election results literally scared the crap out of me.

    I cried at first, until I stopped feeling despair and started to feel numb. “That’s shock,” I said, diagnosing myself. “This is what happens to people when their house gets hit by a tornado. They go into shock.”

    That started me thinking about a couple my parents knew when I was a kid. Their house was hit by a tornado. Destroyed. Only one wall was left standing, and only one object survived–a wood carving of the Last Supper mounted to the wall with big bolts. They regarded this as a miracle. They told my folks it was a sign God was looking out for them, and would help them get through this. That night, as they slept in a Red Cross shelter, someone came to their one surviving wall with a bolt cutter and stole the carving.

    The next time I asked my mother how their friends were doing, she said, “They were holding on till the Last Supper was stolen. Now they’re in shock.”

    I didn’t know what my mother meant. “They’re in shock.” But now, all these decades later, standing in front of the TV staring at The Terrible, No Good, Horrible, Very Bad News, I remembered that couple, and how they had gone into shock when they lost everything. And I remembered my mother telling me their story in bits and pieces as it evolved. Now they were renting a furnished apartment. And now the husband had lost his job. And now things were very bad between them. And then my mother stopped talking about them.

    Years later, a tiny tornado ripped through my parent’s back yard, pulling up two sections of fence and a little tree my father had just planted. It reminded me of that couple, and I asked what happened to them.

    My mother told me the husband had taken a new job in another state, in an entirely new field, doing something he’d always wanted to do but hadn’t because his old job paid too well to risk leaving. The new house they bought in the new state was close to a University, so the wife had gone back to school, gotten a degree and ended up doing work she loved. They were doing well.

    It turned out that the tornado, by liberating them from everything they owned, had freed them both to reach for things they’d always wanted.

    Some events are like that. They start out as disasters. They send us into shock. They make us feel uprooted. But then, if we are strong enough to look for it, we start seeing how the seeming disaster has blown open windows, allowing us to see new vistas. We see how the seeming disaster has shattered doors that once blocked us from walking out to meet bigger opportunities.

    When you have nothing left to lose, your are free to be bold. To be creative. To take risks. To be courageous.

    The Trumpnado that blew up a dream house many of us hoped to spend the future in has sent us into shock. We will temporarily feel uprooted. But very soon we will stand up, dust ourselves off, look around at the rearranged landscape and say, “Wow! Look at all the work there is to do. Look at how many of us are here to do it!”

    I envision the day when we look back, laughing and say, “Remember how frightened we were? We were so silly, Because look….just LOOK what we created on the ground the tornado tore up!”

    • Bee Bee, I have to say that after reading your comments, I feel better than I have all day long. Actually, it not only applies to my life regarding this election, but also my personal life, since I lost my husband a little over a year ago. It gives me a bit of hope. Thank you for shifting my perspective. I don’t know you, but I really like you a lot! πŸ˜€

    • I love this story, it’s amazing and so poignant. How inspirational.
      “The Trumpnado”- genius.
      Well, I certainly hope you are right and people pull together, because they are gonna have to fight against the “Divide and conquer” trick pulled on everyone during this election.
      It’s the no. 1 trick of malignant narcissists, abusers and psychopaths.

    • This is a fantastic perspective. Sometimes it’s hard to move forward unless the whole thing blows up. It reminds me of being stuck in a dead-end relationship for five years. I cruised along because we had settled into a nice house and I was doing work I really enjoyed. Then the work stopped and I was stuck in the house with someone who clearly didn’t like me very much. I took the only job on offer, a theatrical tour, which kept me out on the road for about 3 months. That change in perspective allowed me to move on, move to Los Angeles and take a chance on my own dreams. We will lose our sense of security for a while, but being comfortable can mask suffocating stagnation.

  • I’m feeling your pain all the way up here in Canada, Michelle. I was sickened by this news as well. People are making excuses for his win but you’re right in taking a positive reaction, as much as you can. Bob Marley was right, Every little thing is gonna be alright.

  • I, too, was horrified and crushed that slightly over 50% of my birth country citizens actually did what I had hoped would never happen in a million years.
    I’m a Democrat, but I don’t feel like he’s a Republican. He’s a Trumpian.
    I did the opposite of what many of you did. I vowed to stay off Facebook for a long time. For the first time I’m glad Messenger and Facebook are two different apps on my iPad because I was able to delete FB and keep Messenger. I am not an anxious person, but when I read Facebook posts, I become extremely anxious and tend to waste time I know I will never get back. I did not want to read gloating or depressing memes or “I told you so’s”, and I realized it was a good decision to stay away from FB as I calmly moved around my home with sadness in my heart.
    On Twitter, I follow Danny Zuker, and he posted a link to a letter from his Mom that had made him feel better…..if that is possible. I know it ain’t much, but it’s something.
    http://dannyzuker.tumblr.com/letterfromMom
    I wish you all peace. Hang in there!

  • You are very much not alone. Rage, sadness, fear, disbelief, disgust, no hope…all feelings that compete with each other in my mind right now. My sweetie went to work and said he barely talked to anyone. He didn’t work late as he often does because he couldn’t “be around people”. I know someone who didn’t go to work yesterday because she didn’t want to burst into tears at work. I know someone who has never had a gun who says he is getting one because he fears he might wind up needing it for protection. I know someone who went to work and said she basically couldn’t help but look around and realize due to where she lived the majority of people probably voted for “him”. I worked from home yesterday and stayed with the girls because they didn’t want to go to school yet and it was decided they could have their day. I have begun my no news days (including pundits that I normally love–I literally don’t want to hear anything), I did try to watch President Obama yesterday but the pain is too raw for me to deal with the optimism he tried to give the country,
    I do not know what the future holds, I do know that I feel like I was conned all my life by the idea that we as a country had standards and beliefs that the strong majority agreed upon. I am not talking “liberal” or “conservative” standards or beliefs but plain old decency. That racism and sexism and xenophobia and discrimination against those with disabilities, and violence against peaceful protesters…that a person who was endorsed by a terrorist group (the KKK) would not be the US President.
    Today the girls went off to school. I went off to work but came home to work for the rest of the afternoon. I am lucky I have that flexibility and I will be using it. Life is “going on” but everything is different. I don’t know what happens next, but I feel forever changed. Everyone I know feels forever changed. Because of the girls we are doing our best to just allow them to express their fears but give them hope. Right now we’re acting, to be honest. Hopefully one day soon we won’t be just acting.

  • In November of 1980 I was just shy of my twentieth birthday and Reagan got elected. I was living in my hometown of Eureka, CA, in an apartment on the second floor of an old Victorian. There was a lot of anxiety back then about nuclear war, and the coast guard was intercepting Soviet submarines off of the coast fairly regularly. Four days after the election, I was sitting in my bedroom late at night listening to music, when out of the window I saw three blue-white flashes on the hilltops to the East, followed by an enormous clatter, the floor heaving in a two foot wave that knocked the heater off of the wall and the streetlights all went out. I thought to myself, as I scampered down the stairs to hide under the porch “The bastard hasn’t even been inaugurated yet and he’s already gotten us blown up.” It turned out to be a 7.2 earthquake, and the flashes on the hills were transformers blowing out, but I didn’t find that out for a very tense few minutes of shivering and waiting for the world to end. I still remember that sick feeling before my neighbor opened his door and said “That was the biggest earthquake I ever felt.” and it dawned on me that we weren’t, in fact, about to be incinerated, and I’ve been wrestling with that feeling again since late Tuesday night.

    As a country, we’ve survived worse than this: the civil war, the world wars, the great depression, etc. As a country we’ll survive this. Some of the citizens of the country will not, in fact, survive it, as their health insurance is about to be taken away as retribution for Obama making fun of Trump at the correspondents dinner. I’m just really glad that I had my cataract surgeries last year when the ACA was still in effect to help me pay for them.

    There is a blog I read called “Margaret and Helen
    Best Friends for Sixty Years and Counting… ”
    and yesterday Helen Philpot posted this, and it is exactly what I wish I was strong enough to have thought up myself:

    https://margaretandhelen.com/2016/11/09/this-too-shall-pass-like-a-kidney-stone/

    • I am so glad you got your surgery done as well. My heart weeps and breaks for the people who won’t have health care. It is LUDICROUS. WE HAVE ALL WE NEED!! There is no reason for anyone to go without. It sickens me.

      THANK YOU for the wonderful link.

      Only a few more days until Neko Case. I can’t wait to hear about it.

  • Thanks so much for this post! I am beyond words to describe the somber feeling in my family. As much as I love Three Little Birds, the song that is on repeat for me right now is – So much trouble in the World, by Bob Marley. Hopefully by next week we will rise. . .

  • Have you ever found yourself (finally) feeling pretty okay with your home/neighbourhood/space and then goddamnit some total asshole moves in next door and you know your peace is ruined forever? It’s kinda like that now for Canada. The nauseating, depressing, crushing feelings of doom and disgust know no borders. Our hearts go out to you. This is painful in so many ways and on so many levels.( WTF, American women trump supporters???!) And why isn’t it illegal for a racist and misogynist to be on the ticket? Hopefully, Malcolm Gladwell is correct in predicting that the tangerine loincloth-elect will be in jail within a year.

  • Bewildered. Angry. Sad. Disgusted, and utterly devastated. These emotions have been my constant companions since Tuesday night. But, my very wise brother, to whom I went for consolation, said this: “Relax sis. This county has been through much (much) worse than the Idiot [his word for donald trump]. We will abide. Mainly you need to start paying attention to things more important than politics. That way lies peace.” He advised me to turn off my TV, to watch a movie, to do whatever, to not focus so much on this travesty.
    Try it, Michelle. I thought I would never sleep again, thought I could not stop crying. But I have. The horror hasn’t ended, but I don’t have to live it 24/7. And neither do you. I wish you Peace.

    • Please hug your brother for me.

      I kind of did exactly that out of self preservation. I seriously cannot even see a picture of sporkfingers without feeling ill, so I’m not looking. I’m not reading, I am distancing myself as much as possible. I am also learning what I can do to be more of an activist. I have to feel useful. xoxox

  • I hope I’m not writing this inappropriately soon however, I thought this might just raise a slight smile to your lips.
    In England, the word trump means something obscene.
    I know, it also means something huge, grandiose; to surpass or outdo.

    But here in England, “trump” predominantly means a polite way to suggest the passing of wind.
    Fart.
    Bottom burp.
    The brown cloud.
    Guff.
    Parp.
    Wind from anus.
    Rectal flatulence.
    Eg: The Queen has just sat down in her palace with a cup of tea, and a maloderous whiff comes her way. “Philip,” she says. “Have you just trumped?”

  • On Wednesday I was coming out of the liquor store (you do what you gotta do) and a man held the door for me and I said thank you and he said you’re welcome and I started to cry. We must fan the flame of each tiny decency and never let the fire go out.

  • Given that nearly half of registered voters didn’t even vote, and are letting others make such a crucial decision for them, I refuse to believe that half of Americans are Trumpsters.

    Those who did vote for him are already finding out that their emperor has no clothes, as he appoints crooks and shysters to his cabinet. Yes, I am still wallowing, and will likely need the weekend to move to the next stage of grief.

    Michelle, you are doing fine, fine work in articulating what so many of us are going through. I also read your piece on addiction, and I was just too overwhelmed to comment then. I just want to say that I know how difficult that had to be to write, but it was beautiful. You conveyed so much in that short piece of the struggle you and your family face. It was inspirational.

    • That means very much to me. Thank you. It was hard to write the addiction piece and it was hard to let go of it.

      The rest of this shit? Well…we are still who we are and we will survive this. Right now? I went to the doc today because I feel like complete shit. I have ulcers in my throat, a sinus infection, including both ears. This week is a dick.

      I am going to crawl under the covers and stay there until Monday.

  • We are all feeling the effect of the elections, even here in Singapore. Lots of implications for us in Asia, having him in the White House, but I really feel for you all.
    May you all have the strength courage and compassion to unite a divided nation.

  • I’m sad. I wish someone else had run as the Democratic nominee…like Michelle Obama. The bright side: I hope people realize how important it is to vote and to be informed/educated on all the issues. I will survive as long as I know how to love…

  • Have you been to nationalpopularvote.com? I know it might seem like propaganda, but we can all try to make a change for the next election. It’s time our votes actually mattered….this election (like others recently) have shown that it doesn’t matter what the people say. It’s not our constitutional right to vote for president, that’s why there is an Electoral College (they get to choose). We don’t even get to influence them. But some states say you do get a say….let’s make it all of them so that our voices matter!

  • Good news: if you go down for calling him Cheetoh Sporkhands, you’ll be in good company (mine included). You’re not the only one who’s raked him over the coals. (I have a cartoon out there that heavily implies that he pushes the disabled off a cliff, ffs)

    I’ve been ill all week, and when I finally caved and called my doctor about it, the nurse sounded tired of it all. It’s almost as if they’re getting swamped with calls from people who are stressed and sick and trying to use their health care benefits before their coverage is stolen out from under them.

  • Last week I posted that my daughter was crying all the way to work. Broke my heart…good news is she is working thru her feelings and emotions (so much better than I could ever do) and has written a blog post of her own. I am amazed at her maturity and writing ability – not sure if she even knows but as I was growing up, I always wanted to write a book, a famous book someday. Maybe she can do it for me! if you have the time, please read the following…

    https://livandbe.wordpress.com/2016/11/11/trump-maslow-the-worst-board-game-ever-created/

By Michelle

Michelle

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