When Your Eyeballs Roll So Hard, You Time Travel


That might be an exaggeration.

Priscilla, Queen of the Cubicle is finally back to work. 6 long weeks of toughing it out on my own was hell. I missed her terribly, but don’t tell her I said so, she’ll get the big head.

I walked in from the parking lot with her on her first day back and felt genuine sadness for her. It had to be hard to come back. On the other hand, HAHAHAHFUCKINGHAHA. Because I’m a good friend.

She came back in time for safety week. We had daily meetings in our lobby about safety which taught me a lot and probably changed my life.

Or not.

Priscilla didn’t come to any of the meetings, so I had to fill her in afterward. This instant message conversation had to do with the fire extinguisher talk.

Me: OMFG that was so worthless. Why weren’t you there?

PQOTC: I dunno. I didn’t even know it was safety week.

Me: Here’s my favorite piece of advice: The most important thing to remember if you have a house fire is the best way to exit your house.


Me: Because every fucking morning I run around the house yelling HOW DO I GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE? Sometimes, I use the window.

PQOTC: Sometimes I run to the basement and hide.

Me: I can’t come to work today. I forgot how to front door.

PQOTC: Shhh..I’m hiding.

Me: Here’s another one: After a few years, your extinguisher should be physically okay.

Me: But emotionally and spiritually, it’s in a bad place.

PQOTC: Bahahaha

Today was the last talk. It was about nutrition. Unfortunately, it wasn’t about how to not choke on donuts. We did get fruit, though.

I can’t complain too much. It’s Friday, Priscilla is back and the safety talks gave my eyeballs a good work out every day. Although, I’m surprised I didn’t sprain one or both of them with the professional level eye rolling I was doing.


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  • One time, at our Old Cave, Sheldon had the front door blocked by a mattress his mother had dropped off. Since he had to go to work, he actually DID climb out a window when he left.
    By the time he came home I had shifted things so that in the event of an emergency *I* could get out the door. He may like to amuse the neighbors; me, not so much.
    That said, the one time Sheldon caught himself on fire he waved the robe arm in the air to try to get the flames out.
    Truly, it’s a fucking wonder he’s survived 53 years.

  • so when I was waiting tables we had to take a “food safety handler’s” class. this was an actual question;
    “Where should you store the clean silverware?
    a. in the silverware container b. on the dirty floor c. in the dishwasher
    luckily as a waitress I could usually drink on the job

  • Thank god we don’t have safety training. I’m surprised, because it’s the sort of thing the company that manages my building would totally do. They have health fairs, and I always think, “Why?” I imagine they have prospective tenants who are trying to choose between two locations, and they say to the management company, “Well, this is a tough choice. I’m not sure how to decide,” and the property management representative for my building says, “How about if we throw a health fair?” and the prospective tenant says, “Where do I sign?” Because a health fair–woo.

  • Sounds like a riot…not
    Just as well I wasn’t there, I’m afraid the needy fire extinguisher would have sent me into fits of laughter

  • Oh, my GOSH. Safety talks? About your OWN HOUSE?

    I’d have Olympic-level eye rolling going on, if it was about my WORK space, but my house??

    I’d have had a hard time resisting the urge to raise my hand and just throw out random questions, like: “OK. Ummm. But…what if I can’t find the fire extinguisher at my house? Is it OK if it’s in the garage? Is it OK if it’s for electrical fires, but not for non-electrical fires? How do I know if it works? Can you tell me who can check it? Can I bring in here for YOU to check it? Does it really work to throw salt on a fire? How much salt would that take?”


  • The last safety meeting I had to attend was in 2000, a couple of months after I got hired at my last warehouse job. At the end, they asked for questions or suggestions and I, the new guy, said that we should probably have fire extinguishers in the delivery trucks, because many parts are flammable, while other parts are hot, and we did in fact rely on those trucks to make our money.
    In 2005 when the driver returned to the warehouse after the second total-loss truck fire, one of the other drivers started chanting “The truck, the truck, the truck is on fire… We don’t need no water, let that mother trucker burn”.

    • HAHAHAA…soooo…you’re one of those foldy paper fans then? Or I guess that would be considered hand held as well.

      Thank you! I’m glad you found me.


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