Feminism isn’t about dehumanizing men.
I love men. I have sons and I personally think they are some of the greatest humans to have ever been born in all the history that ever was and all there ever will be.
Being a feminist doesn’t mean that I mistrust men or that I reject men or that I want to take anything away from men.
Gender equality.
That’s it.
Feminism doesn’t equal misandry.
Are there feminists who hate men? I’m sure there are. There are also hair dressers and surgeons and teachers and engineers and driving instructors and accountants who hate men. The way those people feel has no bearing on what feminism means.
Gender equality.
I watched a TED talk a couple months ago. I don’t remember the woman’s name, but I do remember what she talked about. Heart disease. Heart disease is the leading cause of death for women. It wasn’t until the 1990s that clinical tests were required to include women when testing medical solutions.
THE 1990s!
Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus and apparently, Martians and Venusians require DIFFERENT TREATMENT FOR HEART DISEASE.
We women can tell stories all goddamn day long about how we’ve been mistreated. I could tell you one from today. But I don’t know how much telling those stories will mean until we can get a goddamn grip on the word feminist.
I can speak out when I hear someone demonizing the word feminism, but it’s going to take bigger voices than mine to make a difference. The Bloggess just posted about the #WomenAgainstFeminism hashtag. It’s a wonderful, thoughtful post that includes Sharknado and Bees.
It should be required reading.
I didn’t really know too much about the whole ‘woman against feminism’ thing other than seeing a few pictures of young women holding cards that said stuff on them that have nothing to do with feminism.
Then I went on twitter and started reading the #WomenAgainstFeminism hashtag.
Why do I do this? Am I a masochist?
Please hold off answering for a moment. I didn’t just read the tweets. I tweeted that hashtag, more than once.
Okay, now answer…am I a masochist? Because I obviously wanted to get annoyed.
Apparently, there is a mug that has ‘Male Tears’ written on it and some t-shirts that tout misandry. The few people who took me to task over suggesting feminism has been demonized and that it’s just basically about gender equality lost their shit over the coffee mugs.
It’s NOT just about gender equality. WE HAVE MUGS! We PROUDLY WEAR OUR MISANDRY T-SHIRTS!
I had seen neither until a few moments ago when I looked them up. I take a rather strong stance against misogyny. I don’t like it. I’m going to go ahead and take the same stance against misandry. Remember those boys I talked about? I would hate for them to be discounted or abused or treated unfairly just because they have a penis.
Seriously? We can get derailed by COFFEE MUGS? FUCKING COFFEE MUGS? I don’t have a male tears mug but if I did, I would use it to threaten my husband and my sons and tell them that I would torture them until my mug was filled with actual male tears. They would laugh at me and I’d put my mug away. Probably between my ‘World’s Best Boss’ mug and the mug that says “Someone went to Gatlinburg and all I got was this mug”. They are just mugs. something you drink out of. Wonder where they are made? Like do the manufacturer of these mugs and t-shirts pay both genders equally? Because that is pretty much all the matters when it comes to the mugs and the t-shirts.
Women wearing or using these items are not taking anything away from men. Are they obnoxious? I personally wouldn’t wear an’ I heart misandry’ shirt because I don’t. I don’t like those shirts any more than the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of misogynistic images I have seen since childhood. Remember when having a van was the best thing ever? And it wasn’t complete without the ‘Grass, Gas or Ass – nobody rides for free’ bumper sticker.
I was going to, at this point, start researching the misogynistic slogans I’ve been reading for decades and decided that I’d rather just sleep tonight.
Maybe I’m not a masochist after all.
We can still love men as feminists. We can be all girly and shit and be feminists. We can shave our legs and dye our hair and spend too much money on anti-aging products. We can love the crap out of the color pink and wear stiletto heels. Well, I can’t wear stiletto heels anymore, that ship has sailed, all while being a feminist.
Let’s not be afraid of calling ourselves feminists. I know there is a backlash and people seem to be backing away from the word, but let’s try to combat that, shall we?
A simple ‘I am a feminist’ will do.
“And it wasn’t complete without the ‘Grass, Gas or Ass – nobody rides for free’ bumper sticker.”
“A simple ‘I am a feminist’ will do.”
I am a (Texan) feminist.
Cheers,
Lance
Cheers!!!!
I am also a feminist BUT I still appreciate it when my husband opens the car door for me – not because it makes him any less than myself, but just because it makes him a considerate person !!
Sleep well lovely lady !
Me xox
I have nothing to add. This is perfect. And I agree with you 100%.
Thank you, gorgeous!!!
PREACH IT!!
I’m a feminist. Who it tired of ignorance.
Who is also too tired to notice her types. Apparently.
*typos
And now I need to go to bed.
Good night, gorgeous! Thank you for the typo ridden comments…I feel warm and cozy knowing that I’m not the only one who does that shit ALL. THE. TIME.
I was so half asleep when I wrote this. I’m kind of afraid to go back and read it. Not because of the content…I am not worried about that…the typos…I can’t even imagine.
“I don’t have a male tears mug but if I did, I would use it to threaten my husband and my sons and tell them that I would torture them until my mug was filled with actual male tears. They would laugh at me and I’d put my mug away.”
THIS.
Hahahah…and that is exactly how that would play out.
I’ve never really considered myself a feminist or NOT a feminist. I’m a woman — a strong woman. I admire other strong, successful, creative women — but I also admire men for the same thing. I’m a mother to both young women and a young man and I’m proud of all of them. I’m not a huge fan of my husband just now — but not because he’s a man — just because he is an asshole who walked out on our marriage. I’d feel the same way if I was in love with a woman who did the same thing. I believe in equality and respect and common courtesy no matter the gender. If that makes me a feminist, I’m OK with that.
That’s all it is, sister..just equality. I admire humans for the same reasons you do! The word feminism has been so demonized and it shouldn’t be. It’s just about equality. Nothing more.
I am a feminist.
What are these people so afraid of?
I think I became a feminist over something my father said to my sister. He wouldn’t let her go out on a date until she was 18. She got straight A’s, was president of the senior class, and when she tried to reason with him about it she told him “Look, dad, I’m not going to go out and get pregnant, OK?” To which he replied “I’m a man, and I know different”. My blood runs a little cold even remembering it. And maybe that’s part of the answer to my fear question; something about that really got to me, changed the way I see things. Maybe a lot of people had similar buttons pushed and some came down on the other side of the issue? I’m just trying to understand. And tell those mug-offended people not to read the comic “Sinfest” as it features a sisterhood who fight the patriarchy and one sister who rides a trike powered by dude-bro tears.
I’m so impressed that you made the decision you did…you heard something from a parent that you didn’t agree with and decided to believe differently. Good for you! I can say that I for one appreciate it immensely.
Thank you very much. It also means that I’ve been a feminist since the days when they called us women’s libbers. Whatever word we choose, some will try to demonize it. All of the squabbling and accusations about words and associations do not remove one iota of merit from the underlying concept. So thank you (and the Bloggess) for so skillfully venturing into this particular minefield.
I was a kid then…my father was not a fan of the whole movement…then again..my father is a huge part of the problem
OMG. You do Feminism proud, Michelle!
For a while I was sickly fascinated with a blog that goes by the name of Judgy Bitch. I don’t know why I subscribed, but she gets pretty riled about feminism and what she sees as its man hating tendencies. And she has some points, actually, but then it seems to go all wrong and nasty in a different way and after all that I’m left thinking – but with all this hating and hate accusations, we all seem to be missing the point!! You say it better, though…
Also, talking about bumper stickers, a story hit the Australian news this week about the offensive misogyny of a campervan hire company, Wicked Campers, who have been getting away with painting hideous slogans on vans. A young girl and her mum took them to task, and now they have to clean up their act – feminism at work, yay!
Anyway, here’s a link if you are curious 🙂
http://www.smh.com.au/travel/travel-planning/travel-news/wicked-campers-removes-offensive-slogans-after-sydney-mothers-petition-20140717-ztup0.html
Thank you for the link! I’m glad they had to clean up their act. Those slogans were just to tear women down. Why? It’s not funny.
I can’t believe we are still debating this 40 years later. (I’m a child of the 70s, so I have no experience of the fight before then). Of course men and women need to have equal rights and equal treatment. How can this be challenging for anyone in 2014?
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I have no idea. I don’t understand how anyone can take exception to this concept.
The problem here is that there is a small group usurps a broad label and uses it for their own, narrow agenda. Feminism is not a bad thing at all, but when a small group of misandrists constantly bandy about the word in the loudest way possible, the word becomes toxic for those seeking gender equality.
That is unfortunate, but we shouldn’t allow them to change the meaning of the word. Any more than we should allow misogynists change the meaning of the word.
Unfortunately, nobody “owns” a word or idea. Whoever gains the better foothold on a word determines the perception of that word. It doesn’t necessarily change the definition of the word, just the way people react to it.
As a benign example look at the word “factoid”. Most people on the internet see this word and think that it’s a small piece of factual information. According to Webster, it’s a false piece of information.
In either case, I’m not willing to just sit back and watch ‘feminism’ be turned into something it’s not. All I can do is speak my thoughts.
Nor should you or anybody else let the word get taken over. This is not a battle that won or lost, but constantly fought. You do well at speaking your thoughts and bringing points home in an easy-to-read fashion. Keep up the good work. You are a credit to humanity.
Hahha…thank you! That is quite a compliment!
I’m an engineer. Believe me, in my time, I have put up with a bunch of shit from the coterie of good ole boys from time to time. Other times I have been treated with deference and respect because I was a woman and men whose mamas raised them right treat women respectfully. It’s been a mixed bag.
The thing is…I’m good at being an engineer. Very, very good. With enough observation even my most prickly nay-sayers have had to admit it. I just concentrate on that. I don’t try to be a good woman engineer. I just try to be a good engineer.
That being said, I am not a man. And I never will be. There are things that tend to motivate most men that do not motivate me. And I think we can take the whole “equal pay, equal status” thing too far until we are at the point where we’ve stopped meaning “equal” and started meaning “same.”
Is this making any sense? It’s early and I haven’t had my second cup of coffee.
Oh, it makes sense. We are not the same…which was kind of the point I was making with the heart disease stuff. (I had already taken an ambien when I started writing that post..I’m just glad I didn’t make up words).
We aren’t the same, but we deserved and require EQUAL consideration when treatment for heart disease was/is being developed. What works for men doesn’t work as well for women.
There will always be differences..how could there not be? I am happy for those differences…but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t insist that we be treaty equally socially, politically and economically.
Hmmmm…I suppose I’d be the lone voice of dissent here, but I feel strongly that “feminism”–the institutionalized ideology of said word–is a scourge and yet another tool to divide and conquer. I come to this with a fair bit of knowledge and experience; I have a degree in women’s studies and was very involved with the topic for many years. The entire facade is scary and yes, men should be terrified of the word and everything behind it.
When women are being taught that men are inferior, that everything about them is evil, that the world would be so much better if men didn’t exist, that the basis for everything wrong is testosterone, yea, there’s a problem. Back when Marc Lepine went into a schoolroom and killed “all the feminists” and told the men to leave the room…the whole thing must have been terrifying. When a man who had been in that class wanted to attend a vigil for the victims and was told to stay home, that was cruel, but justified by many women as legitimate. When he killed himself as a result of the entire thing (because he felt helpless? Had nowhere to turn?), that should have been the point at which people might have started thinking critically about the real issue–which was not and is not dividing and categorizing people by genitalia. After all, that’s what Lepine did, and he was psychotic. Seems ridiculous that we continue these acts in more subtle, insidious ways.
Yes, women have had short shrift for many reasons, but “feminism” is not now, nor has it ever been in the past, the ideology that will equalize things. If it’s not right to teach that men are superior, it’s certainly not right to teach that women are superior. It’s all well and good to say that feminism isn’t dangerous for men, but that’s exactly what it is because it goes right back down to genitalia being the issue: it’s not. We’re all in this together. Catchy little coffee mugs and individualized perceptions of how screwed we are as women have nothing to do with what’s really going on in academia and boardrooms. In my opinion, of course.
I would never EVER advocate that women be taught that men are inferior.
YOU wouldn’t, but institutionalized feminism does. There’s a difference.
I’m sure there are many issues with feminism on many different fronts. I am viewing feminism as the belief that men and women should be treated equally economically, politically and socially. I would never debate that there isn’t work to do on that front or that it’s been distorted in some pretty twisted ways from all sides.
I’m a humanist.
I think that counts.
Actually, I love animals. So I’m a mammalist?
I also like lizards and alligators…. so I’m a Chordata-ist?
Yep. That’s it. I’m a Chordataist.
Thanks, this about sums it up for me. I’m still dumbfounded by much of what I read last night re this. It saddens me to see young women being indoctrinated with the idea that men are superior to them and that this is quite normal and acceptable and that to defy that is to somehow defy the natural order of things.
I’ve never believed that men and women are the same, neither are any two random women or men. I’d like to think that one day people will embrace the concept that all humans are different but entitled to the same rights and opportunities in life.
However, I see we are much further from that than I had hoped and apparently not going in the right direction either.
I also love men, (well not my ex) and I am proud to say I’m a feminist.
You said this so well. You are right we are not the same…but that doesn’t mean we aren’t entitled to the same rights and opportunities.
You rock, gorgeous!
I’m not following the whatever-it-was/is that is going around on the internet, and I probably don’t want to, but I will say that YES, women are absolutely as smart and capable as men and that nowhere on the planet should they be treated as less-equal humans. What is THAT? Insane. Neither is mentally, economically, or socially superior or inferior to the other, and there are raging idiots, failures, and fools as well as amazing, strong, and inspirational people in both sexes, right? I’m for equality as humans, but not at the expense of trashing men, or our differences.
Of course we *differ* from each other, but I adore our differences. I love my husband’s strength and resourcefulness and courage and protectiveness and character. I love the…manliness…of him. I love that he thinks I’m smart AND beautiful AND strong. He loves that I know how to fix our plumbing and can rewire the lawnmower, but then I also paint my nails and wear 5″ heels for date nights. I don’t need to prove that I’m as physically strong as him, and I wouldn’t begin to try. I love that he can lift the BBQ, and I know how to cook on it. He’s better at math than me, but I do our books. He built our beautiful garden fence, so I can grow our food inside it. He knows everything about business management and advertising, and I’m the world’s best secretary (modest, too), so we have worked together running a business for 15 years and have loved every minute of it. We both know where we excel. In my life, it’s how we compliment each other that makes it magic.
Since I have spent my life mostly self-employed, I have no stories of any glass ceiling or unfair treatment, belittlement, etc., so it’s a small sphere for me, obviously, and I know there are sad stories of such still being told, unfortunately. But, whenever I read anything from that uber-militant feminist viewpoint, it makes me want to kind of throw up a little.
All together now…”kumbayaaa my Lord…KUUUMBAYAAAA”
Yeah, when extreme views are expressed at the expense of any group I believe it does so much harm.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could solve the world’s issues by singing around the campfire…as long as some one brings me a drink.
Exact-tact-ly.
*sound of martini shaker in background*
PS– I wrote you a (loooong) post. 😀
Wooooo!!!! I can’t WAIT to read it…
I love this. I was going to write a long comment about it, but meh. I’m a feminist and I’m lazy. I think we definitely need to make the word a positive thing. I believe being a feminist simply means you think that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities.
Hello Gorgeous!
I am also a mostly lazy feminist..although, how about this? Your response is succinct and doesn’t mince words?
Yup. You and the BLoggess have got it all right.
I am a feminist
.
Thank you so much!!!
That kind of penis-bullying confuses me too. How is that any better than putting women down for being women? Sure my husband and son get a lot of sarcastic words thrown at them, but not just for being dudes. They earn that shit.
Yeah, I don’t get it, either….the animosity is astounding to me.
I loved reading this post! It’s surreal how a term that really just means equality for all got turned into something negative. Signed, a happy feminist
It really is..it’s sad..it’s such a positive thing, feminism.
Could not agree more. I believe feminism is about choice, and the more we alienate women for their choices –whatever they may be, the more we derail our chances of having good choices. I am a feminist, but I don’t want to alienate other women because of it.
I don’t want to alienate anyone, either…but I do feel that I need to take a stand. Not all battles should be fought…but this one? Feminism means gender equality..that it’s been demonized or turned into something else? Well..I don’t accept that.
However, I don’t get offended by women who don’t identify themselves as feminists..we all have that freedom..I just get frustrated when they reject it based on misinformation.
Well said and good point. People ultimately take themselves way too seriously and overlook the over-riding principle of fairness and equality. I think Tumblr must just bring out the crazy.
Yeah, there is always going to be a fringe element…
I have a wife and two daughters. I did not want them to think there was anything they couldn’t shouldn’t do because they were girls. So my wife became an NRA instructor, one daughter became a powerlifter [7 Ohio State NASA records] the other daughter got a degree in Intelligence and Security. Just talking about it brings a tear to my eye.
Does that make me less manly? [Dudes, I’m 50, and I squat 405 and deadlift 430. That’s harder than paying someone to put “manly” ink on your arm.]
No..it does not make you less manly at all. Being proud of your family and feeling emotional over it is a human thing to do. It’s lovely to read about people finding their strength
Michelle, I really loved reading your post. I believe we share the same beliefs so I think it will come to a shock for some to know I’m a men’s rights activist (MRA). Many years ago I was a very active feminist. I was one of those men you saw at women’s rights rallies handing out pamphlets. I was and still am one for equal rights for all. Today I get equally infuriated when I see active displays of misogynistic or misandric propaganda. I get equally upset when I see advertisements that depict women as sexual objects as I do when men and boys are depicted as idiots.
Being an MRA does NOT make me in any way for ANTI- women’s rights. However the whole MRA movement has been vehemently attacked by many feminists. On the flip side I see many MRA organizations hitting on feminists. I’m also guilty for the latter. But my intention isn’t to derail or revert any of the progress women have made in society. My beef is with the policies which I believe are hurtful to men. For instance, (and my point is not to debate these here but to show you my perspective) there are feminist led initiatives to brand men as “violent” (Predominant Aggressor Policy) and deserving of separate treatment from women. An example is VAWA (which was strongly influenced and created by feminists) which unfairly brands men as guilty and the women as the victim in every case of DV. Even if a man calls the cops to say his wife is beating him – because of VAWA the cops will arrest HIM. Feminists also created the Duluth model which wrongly assumes that men are the sole perpetrators of sexual assault and DV.
Again, my point is not to debate these here by to give you a glimpse of something which I perceive to be just plain wrong. Could I be wrong? Absolutely. In fact, of the many ideals I hold today I’m sure a good percentage may be based on misinformation or disinformation. But as a good student of life I try to read and listen to debate (from all sides) because I believe it to be healthy. There are many issues I feel strongly about such as male genital mutilation, the worsening trend for boys in education, minimizing of men and boys as victims of DV, HealthCare discrepancies (why is there a womenshealth.gov and a girlshealth.gov…..but no menshealth.gov and boyshealth.gov)…and the list continues. These are issues that pertain to men. I associate with the MRA because I don’t see any other group (including feminists) engaging in these topics. Perhaps its because the intention of the feminist movement was to address issues related to women’s inequality. Then as theories such as “patriarchy” emerged someone got the idea that men’s problems (as for women) stem from this….and because feminism was attempting to dismantle the patriarchy that somehow this would magically fix everyone’s problems.
Having said all this I do get excited (really) when I hear from feminists that they love (or at least don’t hate) men because I see it as a step towards equality built on the simple premise of empathy.
….and that’s why I liked your post so much.
I really do believe that feminists and MRAs working together would synergistically find the answers to many of our issues. This would have to (in my strong opinion) originate from a new movement altogether that isn’t centered around one gender, race or creed. I also believe there would be more happier folks walking around….I also believe once the issues and problems are fixed here in our own backyard that the men and women would move to other regions of the globe….where I believe our biggest challenges to inequality lie.
I will admit that I’ve been very turned off by the little bit I know about MRA. But in my defense, what I’ve seen were comments that were so misogynistic that they left me shaken. That being said, I know very little about the people or the philosophy involved, so I will try to keep an open mind and educate myself.
That being said, I truly do not see MOST feminists as man haters who want to advance the cause of women at the expense of men. That is not feminism. Feminism is about social, political and economic equality..that it gets twisted to serve agendas from BOTH extremes is not the fault of feminism, but the fault of the extremist on either side.
I have sons..I have nephews..I have a husband I adore. I love men..I love PEOPLE..(well..I don’t want to be around MOST of them..but that’s a different issue) To say that men are inherently dangerous or violent and call that feminism is wrong.
I understand that you feel frustrated by government agencies that cater to women without the same for men. I hear similar dissatisfaction from people who dislike the NAACP or like organizations..but here’s the thing..there is a reason they exist…if there was no need, then they wouldn’t exist.
For instance, what I mentioned in this post about clinical tests NOT being required to include women (or for that matter, minorities) until the 1990s. That’s obscene.
I don’t disagree with what you are saying (although I kind of want to because of my limited experience with MRA types) and I do agree that working together is the only way anything will ever be resolved.
Hi…
I have grown up around feminists my whole life, and I try to live up to that and treat everybody the same.
However…
I also grew up with a woman who could be very abusive, and when i would get upset about it I would get some variation on “boys don’t cry.” And, of course, showing sadness is not considered “manly” by traditional gender roles. So yeah, the whole male tears thing kind of hurts. Thanks for letting me say this
I am happy to give you a voice and very sorry if my flippant comment about ‘male tears’ triggered bad memories for you. That was certainly not my intention. I wish you peace.
Thank you for your kind response. It’s been a long process for me dealing with my own issues while doing my best to support feminism, which I really do believe in (even though I realize I should often just listen to others)
Oh hell…do I understand the long process!
I think one thing to remember is that there will always be “male tears” mugs as long as there is male butthurt about things like a couple of isolated women-only showings of Wonder Woman and politicians who want to grab ’em by the genitalia. In any historically oppressed class, there will be factions who push back with mugs and tee shirts of this nature. Unfortunately, the oppressors take them as the exceptions as the rule and start painting with broad brushes.
OMG exactly this!!
* exceptions that prove the rule, that is. Caffeine hasn’t kicked in yet this morning!
Right there with you
I am a feminist. And I thank you for this.
XOXOXOX