We spent a week at the happiest place on earth.

Just let me say, the happiest place on earth, isn’t. I would say at any given time, at least 17% of all children there, age 9 and under are crying and 75% of parents are speaking through gritted teeth.

One thing I enjoyed about the trip was people watching. No matter where I am, observing people is a favorite activity of mine. The famous rodent’s home was especially good.

I eavesdropped on a conversation that made me feel a little better about my own social awkwardness. I swear, this really happened.

There was a couple from Canada and an American family with small children riding on one of the many shuttle buses. There is some good people watching on those shuttle buses. I had a face-to-face view of a couple having a whopper of a fight, but that’s a different story.

Anyway, the Canadian man was quite talkative, loud, and seemed friendly. I didn’t eavesdrop as much as I was subjected to the conversation. I am paraphrasing a bit, but this is mostly accurate.

Canadian Man:  My wife and I came here to celebrate our birthdays. Our birthdays are only a few days apart. We had terrible birthdays last year.

American Woman wearing a very trendy tennis skirt with matching ball cap: Well, that is a good idea! I hope this birthday is better.

Canadian Man looking a bit sad: Yes, this is much better. Last year, I had to bury my father on my birthday.

American Woman fiddling with a large diamond that was probably mined by children younger than the two children with her: Oh, I am so sorry for your loss.

Canadian Man who probably should have been using more sunscreen: Thank you. And then a few days later, my wife had to have a root canal on her birthday.

American Woman who was about to say one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard: Wow, that’s terrible and nearly as bad!

Yes! This woman said that having a root canal on your birthday was nearly as bad as burying a parent on your birthday!

Instantly, I felt better.

• Her comment was worse than the time I asked the girl working in a shop when her baby was due. She wasn’t pregnant.
• Also, worse than the time I sent an instant message complaining about my boss TO my boss.
• Maybe even worse than the time I went down a laundry list of things that bugged me about a co-worker to her neighbor. She was also her aunt.

Definitely worse than my tendency to make an awkward situation even worse by not shutting my mouth to minimize damage. Noooo…once I fucking get going, I’m not going to stop until I’ve said every single thing that pops into my head.

I’m sure we all have our socially awkward moments, I just happen to be good at it. It comes from years of living with my mother, someone who is also very good at the social awkwardness.

Here’s my favorite thing: You’re in a group and you start talking. You’re mid story and other people start a different conversation in the middle of your thought. Then, everyone else joins in the other conversation leaving you to trail off in the middle of a sentence. THAT is a great feeling.

It’s not just me, right? I’m not the only one who opens their mouth and says the worst possible thing, right? I’m not the only one who finds themselves being talked over by people who find a funny anecdote about a kitten and ExLax more interesting than the story you are telling?

I DID get a really good idea for a new product after listening to that woman stick her expensive shoe in her mouth. We should have a med alert type bracelet  to wear that identifies us as the socially awkward. Then, when we say something stupid, we can just flash our bracelets.

I’m going to give you a chance to exorcise your socially awkward demons by inviting you to tell me the absolute  dumbest thing you’ve ever blurted out.

Okay, it might not exorcise your demons, but it MIGHT make me feel a little bit better about myself.