Four Sticks of Butter and Inka Dinka Doo

Very little about this post will make sense.

There are a number of reasons for this.

One, and this is paramount, I took tomorrow off because I wanted a vacation day where I actually feel decent and it’s my birthday. But that’s not the reason. Since I’m starting a 3 day weekend, I decided to celebrate with a few cocktails.

Another reason is that Randy and I spent about an hour making each other laugh until we cried. And we knew that nearly everything we talked about would be gone forever. We were too busy making each other laugh to write anything down.

Me: Okay, okay. Let’s just remember “4 sticks of butter” and “inka dinka doo”. That will bring all this back.

Randy: Yeah. Yeah, that should do it.

Now? I got nothing. No idea what that means, but I do know, that about 90 minutes ago, it was some funny shit.

Okay, I have a slight memory, but that’s not the point.

I totally warned you this would make no sense, so try to keep up.

Anyway, Randy put The Sopranos on TV and I left the room. I love The Sopranos, but life is upsetting and surreal right now. It’s been upsetting and weird for years now. It’s exhausting. I want to watch something funny.

I walked out on our front porch to see what weather we were experiencing.

We’ve gone from mid sixties to ice and snow and back again a few times.

Cold and rainy. Cold and rainy is really better than ice and snow, but that doesn’t mean that cold and rainy doesn’t suck ass.

We have a few outdoor cats in our neighborhood. The only kitties who visit me are tabbies. Little Kitty and then the tabby down the street whose name I don’t know. I call him, Mean Kitty. I call him that because he beats up Little Kitty sometimes.

So, Mean Kitty trotted up the porch and he was not even a little happy about the weather.

Mean Kitty: MAAUUUU (Oh my god, do you see this shit? It sucks. I’m wet. I hate this.)

Me: Hey buddy.

MK: MAAUUU (Did you not hear me? Have you no heart? I am uncomfortable.) 

Me: I know. I’m sorry. It’s cold.

MK: MAAUUU (Do you, perhaps have any food?)

I called Randy from the front porch.

Randy: Yes?

Me: Mean Kitty is wet and cold and really sad. Can you bring out some food?

Randy: We don’t want to do that.

Me: But he’s really cold. I think he needs food.

Randy: He’ll never leave and he has a home.

Me: Yeah. Yeah, okay. That’s probably best.

Me: Bye.

Randy: Bye.

Then I went in the house and I thought how weird it was that we ended our conversation by saying “Bye” to each other. My porch and living room are right next to each other. If I had been in the living room and called out to Randy and we had a conversation where we couldn’t see each other, we wouldn’t end the conversation with “bye”. We’d just stop talking when we were done talking.

Humans are weird.

butter

Okay, four sticks of butter.

Randy and I watched a video about a box cake mix hack.

Basically, it’s this: Most box cakes call for a cup of water, a half cup of vegetable oil and 3 eggs. The hack is, you use milk instead of water, 4 eggs instead of 3 eggs and 2 sticks of melted butter instead of the vegetable oil. And a box of pudding.

We did a lemon cake using this method and for all that is fucking holy, it was amazing. I also made buttercream icing. So, 4 sticks of butter in a single cake.

We were talking about how we would change it up and make it chocolate, and whenever Randy would talk I would whisper “4 sticks of butter” and “that’s a lot of butter” and “holy shit, we’re gonna die”. It made Randy laugh. I mean, I guess this is totally a “guess you had to be there” situation.

Inka dinka doo

We weren’t just laughing over the obscene amount of butter in our new favorite cake recipe, we were also laughing over what our sincere reaction would be if both of our cats started laughing like humans. In case you are wondering, that can never happen because it doesn’t end well for us or the cats. 

In the middle of the revelry, there was an odd noise.

Randy: What the fuck was that?

Me: My glass.

Randy: Your ass?

Me:…

Randy:,..

Me: My GLASS. the ice settled and made a weird binka dink tinky tink sound.

Randy:…

Randy: Inka dinka doo.

Me: You are so fucking old. Jimmy Durante? Really?

Randy: Need I point out that you got the reference?

Me:…

Randy: Happy birthday.

Now excuse me. I need to drink some water and get some sleep. I’m not a baby anymore you know. I’ll be goddamn sixty next year.

 

Image by Aline Ponce from Pixabay

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21 comments

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  • Hope you have a very Happy Birthday, without a hangover. And yes, you are still a baby until you’re ready to move on. I haven’t passed about 35 mentally yet, though the rest of me is well aware that the 70’s aren’t what I was expecting or promised. Golden years my ass. And crap, I used to watch (as a very little person) Jimmy Durante’s T.V. program! Hope the weather doesn’t surprise you this weekend! Have a great one.

  • Happy birthday, have a few more drinks, and I may join you because I felt really pleased with myself for getting the Jimmy Durante reference until I got to you telling Randy “You are so fucking old.” And I’ve been feeling like my memory has been going anyway. I woke up in the middle of the night last week because I’d remembered Robert Preston’s name, which I’d been trying to remember without going to Wikipedia, and now I realize how fucking old you have to be to remember Robert Preston.
    Anyway did I say happy birthday? I can’t remember. But I hope you have one.

  • Happy Birthday, Michelle! It sounds like you started it right.

    Robert Preston. He was a fun actor. He was absolutely hysterical in Blake Edwards 1981 movie S.O.B. I can’t find it streaming anywhere, but it’s totally worth seeing if your local library has it or actually buying the DVD. Once you’ve seen it, you’ll never be able to hear Pollywolly doodle the same.

  • Happy birthday! It sort of sounds as if you are feeling better, and that’s a good thing. It’s difficult to have too much butter. Butter is culinary magic. People will eat fucking canned snails it you put butter and garlic on them, I’ve seen it with my own two eyes.
    I’m 61. Our cat is upset at the existence of snow and our unwillingness to do anything about it.
    Today we try to get the car out of the snowbank and into town where the groceries are. Wish us luck.

  • For whatever reason, I can’t seem to use the Reply link.

    Yes, Michelle. S.O.B. starred Julie Andrews. She was hysterical in it. The back story on the movie is that when her movie Darling Lili flopped (directed by her husband Blake Edwards), they were both unable to get movie roles or projects funded by Hollywood. His career was revived by the success of the later Pink Panther movies. S.O.B. is his revenge on Hollywood. And her role in 10 helped give her a more adult image, which led to a revival of her career. Robert Preston played the Dr. Feels good type doctor. And he was fantastic in it.

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