Me: Why am I so hurt?
Every other person sitting around the table:…
Me: That’s the fucking Cards Against Humanity question, dumbasses. Why am I so hurt?
Every other person sitting around the table: Ohhhh.
We spent Friday night hanging out with both of Randy’s sisters and their assorted families. It has literally been years since we’ve all been together at the same time. We’re taking steps to remedy that situation.
Anyway, we stayed up way later than we ever do, drank beer and bourbon, while playing Cards Against Humanity.
I made the rule that we would play to 103 points, which means the game should have lasted until at least Wednesday. Which would have been completely awesome as Cards Against Humanity is way better than work.
In reality, we played around 10 rounds before the game broke apart in other conversations.
Randy and his middle sister swapped a few rounds with each other. Randy would only read the questions in silly voices, so his questions had to be repeated multiple times. And I would tell him to cut it out, but his sisters kept laughing at him and encouraging him. He didn’t cut it out.
No matter the question, I was finding every answer goddamn hilarious.
I only scored 1 point, which means I only got to read that one question.
I won a round where we had to give up two cards. The question was “My mom was horrified when she found my search history of <blank>.com /<blank>. My answer was “My mom was horrified when she found my search history of “thehamburgler.com/FullFrontalNudity”.
Anyway, everyone threw their cards in for the “Why am I so hurt” question.
I read the answers out loud.
Me: Why am I so hurt? Multiple stab wounds
Me: Why am I so hurt? My Inner demons.
Me: Okay, that one is a little too accurate.
Me: Why am I so hurt? Pretending everything is okay.
Me: Fucking really?
Me: Well, now I’m depressed. I guess I’ll pick the inner demons one.
I don’t remember the other answers.
I just found it hilarious that other questions had answers like: “Trying to watch my dad pee into my mom’s mouth” and “Getting angry boners” were appropriate, yet hilarious, and my question and answers were just highlighting a normal Monday. Well, except for the multiple stab wounds answer. That never happens. Except for this one time when I was trying to separate frozen pork chops and I stabbed almost all the way through my finger. But that wasn’t multiple stab wounds. It was just the one.
It was good to laugh. My favorite humor is absurd humor, so Cards Against Humanity never fails to make me laugh. The more nonsensical, the better.
And it felt good to be with my family again. My sister-in-law’s house is like the warmest, softest blanket at the baby shower.
I’m glad we’re going to start seeing each other more often.
We all need it.