Gatlinburg Trip: My Purse Smells Like Fried Chicken

So, we’re back from from our Gatlinburg trip and my purse might even taste a little bit like fried chicken. I would not recommend taking a bite out of my purse. It’s pretty bad.

We had an amazing time and it would have been so much better if Randy and I hadn’t fallen apart.

I got a sinus infection the morning we were left for our trip. I did get my doctor to phone in a Zpac, but it didn’t really help, so I was sick as fuck. Randy hurt his knee and I’m pretty sure he has a kidney stone or something.

We were pitiful. We still are, but we are pitiful in our own house in our own bed. As much fun as we had, I am also grateful for my bed right now.

Anyway, Randy missed out on the Titanic museum and the Hatfield and McCoy dinner feud. I missed out on eating pancakes this morning. I’m still being a butt hurt crybaby over the pancakes.

Mountain girl and the Bass player didn’t really know what to expect on our outing to Pigeon Forge.

The Titanic museum was interesting. When you enter the museum, you are given a character card. I was Carolyn Brown.

Mountain girl got Margaret Brown, AKA the unsinkable Molly Brown.

When we got to the Margaret Brown exhibit, I might have mentioned to the guide that Mountain girl had her character card. Then, the guy turned into the Jan Hooks Alamo tour guide character from PeeWee’s Big Adventure and tells Mountain girl every single detail about the unsinkable Molly Brown and all of her ancestors.

We had just enough time between the Titanic museum and the show to stop at the seediest souvenir shop we could find to buy the tackiest trinkets we could find. Randy was back in the cabin with the amazing 17 foot tall shower, so I had to pick his souvenir.

17 ft shower

I’m going to need your help with this later, because we never did decide who the winner is thought maybe you guys could pick.

Oh yeah, and behind the souvenir shop, I saw a huge cock by some overflowing trash cans.

big rooster gatlinburg

So, we got our trinkets and I listened to Mountain girl whine about having to go see the Hatfield’s and McCoy’s and that it was going to be the worst thing ever.

You guys, they loved it. They both loved it so much.

I thought it was fun and weird and kind of had a David Lynch feel to it. I don’t think it was intentional, but it was odd. There were religious overtones, references to A Christmas Story, The Grinch and A Christmas Carol and then there was also a swimming pool with diving dogs.

The food was good and I wanted to take some home to Randy since he couldn’t make it. There were no menus, all the tables got fried chicken and the shit that goes along with fried chicken. Since the meal was all you could eat, they didn’t do take home boxes. Our server offered to give me a stack of napkins and turn her head.

So, I wrapped up all our leftover chicken, around 7 pieces, in napkins and shoved it in my purse.

When the show was over and we were walking across the parking lot, I informed Mountain girl that she continued to lose as the most redneck as only one of us currently had stolen fried chicken in her purse.

Okay, so on to the tacky souvenirs. Take a look at each of them, and then tell me in comments which one you think is the most horrible and deserves to win. The winner has to display all 4 in their house for a year.

So, which is it? The pig, the squirrel, the bear humping a shot glass or the mug?

The shot glass says “Great Smoky Mountains. Town drunk”. The pink pig is also a piggy bank. The squirrel picture is a piece of painted tin.

gatlinburg souvenirs

I had to promise to not tip my hand and identify who bought what, but I kind of hope you pick theirs. Although, if you pick mine, then I win and there is something to be said for 365 days of bragging rights.


Okay, so the bear shot glass is the overwhelming winner which means Randy won and now I have to put this stuff in my dining room that I painstakingly painted recently.

Here’s how that worked out. Randy was actually sick on Saturday and stayed at the cabin, so I picked up his souvenir. The Bass player picked it up first and kinda sorta set it down but was definitely considering it. I snatched it up for Randy. Had I just let him have it…things would be different.

The Bass player was responsible for the pink pig and Mountain girl picked the squirrel picture.

I will never understand why everyone didn’t vote for the mug. Can’t you just see that, displayed prominently in a china cabinet, causing chuckles at the hilarity of the joke? I thought that was the lamest, tackiest thing in the store. But, I concede. Randy is the clear winner at buying the best worst souvenir. Sort of.

Who made up this stupid game, anyway?




Add your comments below. Profanity is encouraged, but not required. ;)
  1. Fridayv says:

    The bear. None of them are really tacky enough, wasn’t there a cedar napkin holder in the shape if a chicken? I remember the scent of cedar tschotkes from roadside shops.

    I still have a rock with googly eyes somewhere…

  2. Tara says:

    The pig, definitely the pig…I kinda like the other 3 😉 Hope you are feeling better. I really enjoy your posts, it’s nice to know there are still a few good people in the world!

  3. Diane says:

    I want the pig! The rest are tacky. At least the pig has meaning. I can store my Canadian pennies.

    Oh right. We discontinued pennies.

  4. KK says:

    Ha ha ha, it’s a close call but the squirrel gets my vote, one, because it’s so cheesy I feel slightly nauseous, and second, because I know how much Randy adores squirrels 🙂
    Hope you both feel better soon!

  5. Val says:

    The bear is the tackiest for sure! (Hubby collects shot glasses so this would definitely be one for his collection)
    The pig is cute, the half a mug is also tacky, just not QUITE as tacky as the drunken bear, and the squirrel looks like something I might buy on a whim…

  6. Windy says:

    Definitely the bear, closely followed by the cup..or half of one. The pig is cute and the’s just nuts..(see what I did there??). Yes, that was awful..LOL!

  7. Amy says:

    Absolutely had to comment on this one….the Bear.

  8. L. E. Bruce says:

    Definitely the bear. Being from Arkansas and a self-proclaimed hillbilly, I do have some experience in all things tacky. The pig and the squirrel are almost cute and the cup is not obvious enough.

  9. Tucker says:

    1. Coffee cup. Someone wasn’t trying very hard, but with an item like that, who has to? This wins, narrowly edging out the
    2. Shot glass. Again, not a lot of effort, but not much needed when they do all the hard parts for you.
    3. The pig is just weird. Useful, but no.
    4. I actually like the squirrel tin. But I’m probably tacky and someone you and your friends would find pedantically amusing…

    Probably the purse with the fried chicken in it wins the whole shootin’ match. I mean, when it comes to tacky, taking home food from an all-you-can-eat buffet pretty much takes the cake (no pun intended, but, as they say, where the shoe fits…)

    • Michelle says: one in my circle would judge you for liking the squirrel picture. Well, maybe Randy (my husband) but that is only because he just hates squirrels. According to him they “steal” the bird food he puts out.

  10. Dara says:

    Definitely the squirrel. Is that marshmallow stick going through his ear?

  11. Sherry Bucalo says:

    The bear. Drunk bears in Gatlinburg don’t climb glasses, they steal the jug, everyone knows that

  12. Deborah says:

    I had to take a step back and look at them with the idea of; which one would I need to “accidentally” break if it was sitting in full view in my house. The over-painted, nasty resin, hillbilly bear. Damn, that thing is ugly.

  13. Diane says:

    The bear gets another vote! Hope you and Randy are feeling better soon.

  14. Spiked Lee says:

    You win.
    Because of the HUGE COCK.
    I have seen all of the tacky souvenirs with different words at different tacky tourist mountain places.
    But I have never before seen a HUGE COCK next to overflowing garbage cans.
    Your reward, should you choose to accept it, is to have a mural of the cock painted six and half feet high in the kitchen, and then put a small display shelf next to it for the tacky souvenirs.

  15. Catsmeow says:

    If we apply the “accidental breakage” test, then the bear humping the shot glass is the hands down winner, but perhaps only because it’s easier to break than the awful squirrel tin.

  16. The bear.
    I tried to be objective and avoid reading the other comments but I’m glad to see that many people recognize that the category of Animal Humping Inanimate Object always wins the Tackylympics. And when it’s a shot glass involved that raises it to a whole other level of redneckitude.
    I’m glad you had a great, and well-deserved, time, and I hope you feel better.
    And get Randy to make you pancakes.

  17. SoozB says:

    Humping bear shot glass. No contest.

    The pig is a piggy bank, therefore too useful. The squirrel sign is weird, but not really tacky. The half cup is just silly.

    Now if you’d been able to get that Huge Cock, that is the real winner for tacky.

  18. BarbaraM says:

    They all have a function! Isn’t there a rule about tacky for the sake of tacky? Something useful (in the long run) shouldn’t be classified as tacky. Unless the squirrel is just a sign and not a container. I would still vote for the bear because I actually like it (which points to the redneck in me without even trying). But that huge cock! Why didn’t you sneak back there and untie it and float it out the car window? That would classify as tacky and redneck in just one move. Of course, then you’d have gotten to know the local police real well (also covers tacky and redneck). Get well soon!

  19. Doug in Oakland says:

    I’m gonna go with the bear also. And I hope that you saluted the giant cock and somberly intoned “Knock knock. motherfucker…”
    Please both of you be feeling much better very soon.
    I don’t know about stolen fried chicken, but my dad used to say that stolen watermelons tasted the best.

  20. Bear wins by a landslide. I’ve seen some decently classy souvenir shot glasses in my time, but this is not one of them. Tacky text + tacky animal + tacky paint job = winner, winner, purse chicken dinner.

  21. Linda says:

    The bear gets my vote !

  22. Trina Talma says:

    My instincts say the bear. It caught my eye like a cactus needle. Though the coffee cup comes a very close second.

  23. Tucker says:

    Guesses as to who got what? I’m betting you were responsible for the pig; Randy, for the squirrels; Mountai Girl for the bear and the bass player for the half-mug. How’d I do?

  24. Tucker says:

    Guesses as to who got what? I’m betting you were responsible for the pig; Randy, for the squirrels; Mountai Girl for the bear and the bass player for the half-mug. How’d I do?

    (The mug should get some additional love for being as useless as teats on a boat; yes, boat. Why? Because it’s left-handed)

  25. Kate says:

    If that cup was shaped like a toilet, it’d be a shoe-in. I am going for the pig. Because, sorry, pigs are always tacky, unless they are named “Babe.”

  26. That picture of the really big cock next to overflowing trash cans is EXACTLY the picture I would take, as well. Some People just don’t get it ammiright?

    Good eye!

  27. Shelley says:

    Ok, I missed out on the vote but really – we need to scavenge that huge Rooster and get it somehow to the Bloggess. It’s perfect.