Gatlinburg Trip: My Purse Smells Like Fried Chicken

So, we’re back from from our Gatlinburg trip and my purse might even taste a little bit like fried chicken. I would not recommend taking a bite out of my purse. It’s pretty bad.

We had an amazing time and it would have been so much better if Randy and I hadn’t fallen apart.

I got a sinus infection the morning we were left for our trip. I did get my doctor to phone in a Zpac, but it didn’t really help, so I was sick as fuck. Randy hurt his knee and I’m pretty sure he has a kidney stone or something.

We were pitiful. We still are, but we are pitiful in our own house in our own bed. As much fun as we had, I am also grateful for my bed right now.

Anyway, Randy missed out on the Titanic museum and the Hatfield and McCoy dinner feud. I missed out on eating pancakes this morning. I’m still being a butt hurt crybaby over the pancakes.

Mountain girl and the Bass player didn’t really know what to expect on our outing to Pigeon Forge.

The Titanic museum was interesting. When you enter the museum, you are given a character card. I was Carolyn Brown.

Mountain girl got Margaret Brown, AKA the unsinkable Molly Brown.

When we got to the Margaret Brown exhibit, I might have mentioned to the guide that Mountain girl had her character card. Then, the guy turned into the Jan Hooks Alamo tour guide character from PeeWee’s Big Adventure and tells Mountain girl every single detail about the unsinkable Molly Brown and all of her ancestors.

We had just enough time between the Titanic museum and the show to stop at the seediest souvenir shop we could find to buy the tackiest trinkets we could find. Randy was back in the cabin with the amazing 17 foot tall shower, so I had to pick his souvenir.

17 ft shower

I’m going to need your help with this later, because we never did decide who the winner is thought maybe you guys could pick.

Oh yeah, and behind the souvenir shop, I saw a huge cock by some overflowing trash cans.

big rooster gatlinburg

So, we got our trinkets and I listened to Mountain girl whine about having to go see the Hatfield’s and McCoy’s and that it was going to be the worst thing ever.

You guys, they loved it. They both loved it so much.

I thought it was fun and weird and kind of had a David Lynch feel to it. I don’t think it was intentional, but it was odd. There were religious overtones, references to A Christmas Story, The Grinch and A Christmas Carol and then there was also a swimming pool with diving dogs.

The food was good and I wanted to take some home to Randy since he couldn’t make it. There were no menus, all the tables got fried chicken and the shit that goes along with fried chicken. Since the meal was all you could eat, they didn’t do take home boxes. Our server offered to give me a stack of napkins and turn her head.

So, I wrapped up all our leftover chicken, around 7 pieces, in napkins and shoved it in my purse.

When the show was over and we were walking across the parking lot, I informed Mountain girl that she continued to lose as the most redneck as only one of us currently had stolen fried chicken in her purse.

Okay, so on to the tacky souvenirs. Take a look at each of them, and then tell me in comments which one you think is the most horrible and deserves to win. The winner has to display all 4 in their house for a year.

So, which is it? The pig, the squirrel, the bear humping a shot glass or the mug?

The shot glass says “Great Smoky Mountains. Town drunk”. The pink pig is also a piggy bank. The squirrel picture is a piece of painted tin.

gatlinburg souvenirs

I had to promise to not tip my hand and identify who bought what, but I kind of hope you pick theirs. Although, if you pick mine, then I win and there is something to be said for 365 days of bragging rights.


Okay, so the bear shot glass is the overwhelming winner which means Randy won and now I have to put this stuff in my dining room that I painstakingly painted recently.

Here’s how that worked out. Randy was actually sick on Saturday and stayed at the cabin, so I picked up his souvenir. The Bass player picked it up first and kinda sorta set it down but was definitely considering it. I snatched it up for Randy. Had I just let him have it…things would be different.

The Bass player was responsible for the pink pig and Mountain girl picked the squirrel picture.

I will never understand why everyone didn’t vote for the mug. Can’t you just see that, displayed prominently in a china cabinet, causing chuckles at the hilarity of the joke? I thought that was the lamest, tackiest thing in the store. But, I concede. Randy is the clear winner at buying the best worst souvenir. Sort of.

Who made up this stupid game, anyway?




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By Michelle


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