Gimme Some Water

You guys, sleep has been elusive.

I mean, I’ve had insomnia issues since my early forties, but I seem to be going through a bit more than usual.

My post menopausal hormones have fallen in with insomnia and formed a gang against me.

Pretty sure I hear mother nature and father time chuckling as I write this.

The shit that is keeping me up is so fucking stupid. It’s not work anxiety or mortality anxiety. Nothing like that.

It’s snippets of songs or inane questions. I could get the answer if I got out of bed and picked up my phone from the charger.

Last night, I had Gimme Some Water by Eddie Money stuck in my head. It’s lasted through out the day. At this point, I am fairly certain that I shot a man on the Mexican border.

But that was just the soundtrack for the real reason I couldn’t sleep.

I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t remember the name of the woman Rod Stewart was with when he recorded Tonight’s The Night.

Cool, cool water…

Only, I actually did remember. Britt Ekland. But then I would tell myself that was wrong. Not Britt Ekland, that other girl.

When I got up this morning, I googled it and it was, of course, Britt Ekland. When I first saw the answer, my initial thought was, “no…that’s not right.”

Give me some water…

I had so many plans. But not getting much sleep fucked up a lot of those plans.

I took Friday off work and this is the end of my long weekend. I got about half the housework done that I wanted to. Although, I can’t really blame being tired for dragging my feet on the house work. I am in tune with nature, I too abhor a vacuum.

If cleanliness is next to godliness, then according to my house, I am an atheist.

I need a little water…

It wasn’t a complete loss, though. I accomplished two things.

First, I got to add to my “travel around the world” money. When I clean, I keep the money I find in a dresser drawer for a trip around the world. I found a dime in the tub, so there’s that.

The other thing is I figured out how to fool my devices that spy on me.

You know how you can talk about something specific and almost immediately see ads for that exact product on your social media accounts?

Well, when I cleaned today, I just recited this over and over: Anal warts, fungal cream, stinky halitosis, scabies cure, lice combs, how to fix neurosis.

I have way fewer ads on my sidebars now.

Mostly, a bunch of messages that say “Oh god, I’m so sorry” and maybe a few mental health facility ads.

So, you know, I’m spending my time off productively.

Here’s to hoping that I sleep a little more tonight since I have to go back to work tomorrow. Or if not, maybe I’ll at least get a different musical artist. No offense to Eddie Money.

Smack that horse in the ass, with my last dying gasp
My brother could hear me say


Photo by Janik Butz from Pexels


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  • Ohmyword, it’s me! I always have a misical accompaniment to my sleeplessness and my need to answer really useless questions. I feel your pain…

  • That was great. And much needed. I have songs stuck in my head all the time. It makes me wish my brain had a shuffle function. Wishing you better sleep and hoping you at least get stuck with songs you like.

  • Wow! I’m so sorry to hear about the insomnia. I am happy that is not one of my many issues. It is strange to me though that for the first time in my life I have been waking early enough to see sunrises. Yeah, that’s weird. Never been a morning girl, still not, but I’m often up. LOL

  • I had lots of comments to make, but the thing that sticks in my mind is – why was there a dime in your bath tub? Is Randy showering fully clothed? Was it a tip for how clean the tub was? See – this is the kind of crap that keeps me up.

  • Huh. Eddie Money. Only he could rhyme water with border.
    This is tangential but my brother in law once played golf in a foursome with Eddie.
    I have Build Me Up Buttercup in there as we speak. I think our TV must be broken, cuz everytime I leave the room, it switches itself to channels I would never willingly watch, like American football and English Premier League football and cars and motorcycles and…huh, guess I need to ask that stereotype I’m married to ’bout that shit. Anyway the BMUB commercial runs on the TPC ( Those Poltergeist Channels) on a continuous loop.
    Thanks for your column today. You are not alone in your struggles. They are real.
    Gimme Some Water, Buttercup.

  • Glad I’m not the only one with the 3:00 am. crazies. Funny, how some nights, sleep is easy. Other times its this “not so fast” feeling as you’re heading into the sleep zone. Hope you feel better and slumber eventually finds you. I make myself wake up early and it helps me sleep a little better. Sometimes.

  • Remember the story I told last week about the rice weevils? I stopped in the middle of typing it to check Google about the concentration of pyrethrin in various insecticides because I assumed that the 1% stuff we had was extra strong, but didn’t know for sure. I never did find a good answer, but ever since then Amazon has been trying its ass off to sell me pyrethrin.
    Briana has trouble with insomnia sometimes. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night to go pee and find her sitting at her computer. The only insomnia I have is pee related, so not really insomnia at all. If I seem to be taking a long time to fall asleep, I just think about congress and off to sleep I go.
    Yesterday was world mental health day, but I don’t know if it worked as the world doesn’t seem noticeably less crazy this morning…

  • I’ve had bloody “Walking in a Winter Wonderland” going through my head the last couple of days. I suppose that’s because it’s Canadian Thanksgiving Weekend and I now have the feeling of the Xmas train bearing down on me, LOL!

  • So there’s a clear ancillary benefit of coming here and that’s that I’m inevitably going to get ads for anal warts, fungal cream, stinky halitosis, scabies cure, lice combs, and how to fix neurosis, along with who knows what other shit.
    And there are worse things than having Eddie Money stuck in your head. My brain gets stuck on weird questions like, “Whatever happened to Vic Tayback?” And I could get up and look it up on Wikipedia but there are two problems. The first is I’m afraid looking at my computer or phone after a certain time of night will make it harder for me to sleep–that blue light thing–and the second is who the fuck thinks about Vic Tayback when they’re trying to go to sleep?

  • I struggle with insomnia too. Often they last for days. I keep wondering how I am able to function on sleep. Except for some memory lapses I manage. Some things that have helped to get sleep is to not stress about not sleeping. If it doesn’t happen today, it will happen some day. Second to try an get a bit of exercise early in the morning and before afternoon. No coffee or tea after 3 in the afternoon.

By Michelle


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