Is it necessary to preface this blog post by stating the obvious?
Most new year’s goals are abandoned like that easy bake oven you had to have when you were nine. I probably made one tiny little dried out cake in mine. I ate the cake then burned the shit out of my finger on that goddamn light bulb. I decided baking wasn’t for me and went back to my favorite game of launching Lincoln logs at my little sisters.
I’m going to make a list of goals that won’t end up making me feel like shit. Goals that I can cross off as finished.
- Nag Randy to empty the mouse traps in the basement before it starts smelling like a serial killer lives in our house.
- Tidy up around my makeup desk. I don’t need to get all crazy with it. Maybe just underneath it so I have a place to put my feet when I’m getting ready in the morning.
- Match up the two baskets of socks that have been in my room for over 6 months now. Which might be a lie. It’s possible it’s been longer than six months. It’s definitely been less than two years. I think. Probably less than two years. I also might push this one off until 2015.
- Find my Winter clothes.
- Learn how to fluently speak a second language. HAHAHAFUCKINGHAA. Okay, no..really..just try to make less typos.
- Try extra hard to not be a supercilious douche twizzle.
- Don’t stay silent when people say racist or bigoted or misogynistic shit.
- Be less afraid of stupid shit and use more caution when warranted. For example, try to care less about rejection and wear my seat belt every time I’m in a car.
Oh, and lose 40 pounds, finish my writing project, start a new charity, and travel the world. But those go without saying, right?
If you wouldn’t mind, leave me a goal or two, because another 2014 goal of mine is to let other people do more of my thinking for me. Besides, I’m sure your goals for 2014 are more admirable than mine.