Happy 20th Anniversary and How I Lost Be Boop

Today is our 20th anniversary. Well, not today, today. It is our anniversary as I write this on Tuesday, but you won’t see it until Thursday.

Twenty years ago today, Randy and I were couple number 8 at the Sedgwick County courthouse in Wichita. I rate that wedding first out of my three.

Anyway, we’re not spending our anniversary together.

We are now trending toward shitty wedding anniversaries. Last year, on our wedding anniversary, Randy was recovering from emergency surgery. I gave him a sponge bath for our anniversary last year.

This year, he has come to the aid of one of our favorite people on the planet and will be spending a few weeks there. 256 miles away. This year, since I couldn’t give him a sponge bath, I gave him the gift of not calling him and singing the song Zombie by The Cranberries. He hates that song so much it kind of makes him angry, so if I ever hear it, I have to call him and sing along. Loud. I heard that song driving home from work and didn’t call to sing it to him. That’s how much I love my husband.

I have also found a new appreciation for how much he handles at home.

He works from home so he doesn’t have to get ready in the morning, leave the house, or spend the whole day with other humans, but he does do a lot to make it easier for me to go about my day.

You guys, it sucks not having Randy at home. Last year, when he was hospitalized, I didn’t notice because I was operating on terror and Lucky Charms. But now?

I have to make my own coffee in the morning.

I have to fix my own breakfast.

I have to make my own lunch.

There’s no one to talk to except Alfie the kitty and, sometimes, he bites.

I have to do the laundry.

Do you know how many loads of laundry I’ve done in the past 20 years? Of course you don’t. That would be weird. I don’t know how many loads I’ve done, either, but it’s not many. We got a new washer about a year ago and I think I’ve operated it 2 or 3 times. I think it was about a year ago. I don’t know. The passage of time gets weirder and weirder the older I get.

I say that as though I’ve done laundry since Randy’s been gone. I have not. I can easily scrounge together two more work outfits. My black jeans are just a little dusty. Β I will do laundry this weekend. I’m nearly sure of it.

It’s not just stuff around the house, he’s part of my not work life.

Not work life is my favorite, but it definitely loses it’s fucking sparkle when Randy is gone.

The only saving grace is Netflix. I can binge Doctor Who without Randy bitching. I don’t even have to skip the Dalek episodes. The Daleks make Randy as angry as the Zombie song.

Since I am me, it’s not reasonable to expect my simple plan of not doing laundry and watching Netflix to transpire as expected. The not doing laundry part went off without a hitch. I successfully combated all urges to go down in the basement where the spiders are to do laundry.

I couldn’t find Be Boop.

Be Boop is what we’ve named the Roku remote because that’s the sound it makes.

I called Randy.

Me: I lost Be Boop.

Randy: Well, that’s going to fuck up your plans.

Me: Right? Am I supposed to sit around with nothing on TV like Laura Ingalls?

Turns out Be Boop was under the sheets on Randy’s side of the bed. If he had been home then I would say what I always say. “Are you laying on it?” Randy would say yes and then the mystery would be solved. It took longer to find it because I am a creature of habit and since Randy is gone, I didn’t get to the “are you laying on it” part.

See? I’m no good on my own.

So, do me a favor, would you? Tell someone you love that you love them. Right now. Don’t give them an explanation, just tell them you love them.

I wish Randy and I were together tonight. But we’re not. If y’all spread some love around, that would make me smile. That would be the best anniversary present. Even if I get my present two days late.

The picture is from the day we got married. We are surrounded by our witnesses and spare witness. We never saw any of them again. It would be cool if I had a sinister story, but really it’s because they were strangers who we we asked to be our witnesses.Β 

48 Thoughts.

  1. Happy Anniversary. 20 is a number most people don’t get to. I didn’t. At least Randy is gone for a good reason, and there will be other anniversaries. You can do this, and now you have a renewed appreciation for everything he does.

  2. I got nervous when I saw the ‘Be Boop’ post… glad THAT worked out πŸ™‚

    Now, see? LAUNDRY is my FAVORITE job!!! How’d Randy pull that little nugget from you? If you traded cooking or dishes or *gasp* bathroom cleaning for laundry, then we need to get together for a quick rundown of energy expenditure rates.

    I remember last year’s anniversary πŸ™
    I am so glad your biggest problem for this anniversary is holding back on belting out Zombie lyrics!

    *leans over to youngest son hogging couch because he’s been up all night playing D&D with his ‘little’ friends πŸ˜‰ *
    “Love You!”
    (He said, “Love you too, Mama”)
    Happy Anniversary, Randy and Michelle!!

  3. Yes, you have described my every day life now. It’s me. Alone. Without the sparkle and camaraderie my husband used to add to my life. It truly does SUCK major ass. (Even Netflix begins to lose its appeal. Once the binge-novelty wears off, you wish someone WAS bitching at you.) I wish you two a belated happy anniversary and I love that picture of you two! Who is the sleeping man next to you? Haha! Sorry I haven’t been on here much lately. The holiday season was not kind to me and I didn’t want to say what’s going on because I saw that you finally got your kitty. My issues are, in part, “kitty-related”. Take some VERY wise advice. Do NOT—no matter how much someone tries to convince you—-do NOT go “multi-kitty”. Cats are NOT pack animals like dogs and don’t “need” companionship, other than yours and Randy’s. Keep to one kitty and you will be much happier. Take it from the woman who has had multi-kitties for over 34 years. Never again. Ha!

      • Oh yeah, that always comes when you take in only ONE. But, trust me, with some of the things Paul and I endured over the years with multi-cats, we learned our lesson. Actually, I had put my foot down at any more cats at all when Frankie showed up in the hedge. He was neutered in the correct way—before reaching sexual maturity and he’s been loved and fed and the other cats were already here when he arrived. In the last few months—OMG—well, I’ll just say one word: “SPRAYING”. Not in only one or two spots either. It’s random and it’s in the most unlikely places. I’ve spent my entire holiday season, every single day, constantly cleaning piss off my furniture, my shoes, my windowsills, my kitchen counter (where he isn’t supposed to even be and knows it!!). I have not been able to successfully get him into his carrier so I can have him checked at the vet because it’s hard for me to do alone. Frankie is a big, ginger boy at 15 pounds. I know I’ve been stressed out since Paul’s death and perhaps that and his own grief over Paul are adding to his acting out, but I can’t keep doing this! If I have to choose between my health and the cat, guess who will win? I’ve tried it all—vinegar, baking soda, cat urine neutralizers, and now, I even have this diffuser that releases cat pheromones into the air to make them “calm” and “happier”. Maybe there is something to that thing, because after five or six days of it being plugged in, the number of spraying incidents seems to have been reduced. We shall see. I really adore him and don’t want to have to get rid of him; I’ve had enough loss for now, thanks. I decided to go ahead and tell you because so many times, things would have been easier for Paul and me if we only had owned ONE cat.
        I can only imagine the homecoming Randy will get once he’s back! Just remember to come up for air! HAHA!!! XOXOXOXO

        • Terri, you might try pushing him backward into the carrier. A cat’s natural instinct is to back away from the problem, which is perceived as your hand, so they end up going right where you want them. You can put on a thick oven mitt if you think he might bite or scratch. Gingers tend to be sweet and well-behaved so most likely Frankie is both grieving and reacting to your grief and stress. I hope it works out for you both and I am very sorry for your loss.

    • Terri, I can so relate. My beloved husband exited stage left left 6 months ago yesterday. It’s a dull world without him.

      Re: cats. I have two. One lives on the 2nd floor, the other on the first. They’re def not friends.

      • Oh, Donna, I am so, so sorry for your loss. I am. You’re still at the “months-counting:” stage. It feels like just yesterday that I was there, too, but somehow, time flew to the point where I’m counting one year and three months. I don’t know how I have survived, other than putting one foot in front of the other, very slowly. I wish you well, Donna. XO

  4. Fabulous! This sentence, in particular, is just motherfucking perfect.
    “Last year, when he was hospitalized, I didn’t notice because I was operating on terror and Lucky Charms. ”

    On our 29th anniversary we went all in with the Odyssey action. http://donna-tellmeastory.blogspot.com/2015/01/the-odyssey.html

    Our 30th, the last we’d have together, was much more calm.

    and happy, happy anniversary!

  5. I always assumed that song “Zombie” was something off of Sinead O’Connor’s first album, but I looked it up and I’ve been wrong all of these years.

    I mean, I don’t feel all that bad because it hasn’t come up very much. I haven’t made any life decisions based on my misunderstanding of who sang “Zombie.”

    Happy Anniversary!

  6. I wasn’t sure why doing laundry would interfere with Netflix because doing laundry is one of my favorite household chores. Seriously. I load that fucker up and can walk away and go watch TV or do something else uninterrupted for up to an hour.
    Then you said “spiders” and I get that some people don’t like spiders. That’s as bizarre as not liking “Zombie” by The Cranberries which is an awesome song or not liking Doctor Who which is an awesome show but I get that not everyone recognizes that spiders are cool.
    Anyway make special plans for your next anniversary. When my wife and I had our 21st anniversary I said, “Hey, if our marriage was a person it could drink!” That made her angry so I don’t say that anymore, but something about the way you rock that leather jacket makes me think you’ll appreciate that line.

  7. Happy 20th Anniversary! I hope I have as much spunk and personality as you do on my 20th anniversary. We’ll be celebrating our 2nd next month. πŸ™‚

  8. Happy Anniversary! Double down on the Dr. Who and he’ll be home before you know it. Toys with long strings or ribbons cut down on the bitey stuff with baby kitties. I’ve been married for 15 years. We like to pretend we’re an old Norwegian farm couple. On our anniversaries, my husband likes to say (in an Norwegian farmer accent), “I told you I loved you when I married you. If anything changes, I’ll let you know.” He makes me laugh, and unlike my cat, he tends not to pee on things when he’s upset. I guess I’ll keep him ; – )

  9. Happy anniversary, happy anniversary, happy anniversary, haaa-pee anniversary!!! (Sung in the way Fred Flintstone or Barney Rubble or maybe it was a muppet??? sang it). Cheers to you and Randy!!! Me ‘n my Brownie will celebrate TWENTY NINE blessed years this October! We too, are not hung up on celebrating on “the day” so occupy yourself as you will (paint your nails while watching tv maybe) and then toast each other when Randy gets home. Bitey kittens are adorable – they think they are so ferocious! The stage usually passes for most cats (except our Oliver which is probably why he has been re-homed twice before coming to us).

  10. Happy Anniversary!

    I do everything but the cooking so when he’s not home for more than a day, I starve. Or eat something from outside the house–usually the latter unless I’m sulky. I work from home a lot, and I still don’t cook; leftovers or nada until he gets home. My cooking is your laundry.

    May you have many more anniversaries ahead of you–hopefully more boring ones where you can share them together without any emergencies. And well wishes to your friend!

    I told my puppies I loved them. Does that count? πŸ˜‰

    Thanks as always!

  11. Happy Anniversary!
    Happy Husband (HH) and I recently hit 33 years. I couldn’t do that much math, and told someone it was 29. One year, we both forgot the day for a about a week.
    Traditionally, HH is the one out of town. Recently, it was me, for almost 4 weeks. It was hard. Either way, I strongly recommend prepared frozen foods and paper plates, to reduce dish washing. And purchasing extra underwear and socks, to reduce laundry.
    I wish you and Randy a happy anniversary and a whole happy year.

  12. Wouldn’t it be awesome if your witnesses saw the pic and contacted you? Or maybe not awesome, depending on who they are twenty years later . . . πŸ˜‰

    Congrats to you and Randy on getting it right. It makes me happy that you are happy.

    I would definitely be one of the people to tell you to get a second kitten. Especially since with Randy out of town, Alfie is a baby left home alone all day. They really do get lonely. I had an only cat for twelve years and then I brought home a kitten. Within three days they were playing together! I had never realized that my cat was lonely (although the way he was usually sitting in the window watching for me might have been a clue). He has been gone for several years and the kitten is thirteen years old. She is now one of many and for the most part they all get along great and are well behaved, even though they have come from different sources at different times. I foster as well – currently I have three kittens in my bathroom and three in my bathroom. Fostering is one of the most rewarding things I have ever done and part of it is introducing them to some of my adult cats so they learn to meet new faces without freaking out.

    Also, playing together is how kittens learn to not bite too hard, because they practice on each other and find out it hurts! The worst behaved cat I have came from my son, who got her when she was only six weeks old. She was an only kitten till he had to give her up and she was NOT nice! LOL A year later and she still has issues but they are fewer. Almost without fail, if there is an altercation, she is involved. Other than her, there is lots of playing and snuggling. It’s awesome. Chasing the red dot is especially entertaining. πŸ™‚

    Anyway, just my two cents. Congratulations again and wishing you and Randy many many more happy years together.

    • Joey is home during the day, so Alfie the kitty isn’t on his own for too too much. He’s by me right now and is purring like mad. I think Randy would whimper if I suggested another cat. And the woman who fostered Alfie just put a picture of an all black female kitty they rescued. She’s so cute…

      • Whimpering is not a bad thing . . . πŸ™‚ The kitten who is now thirteen is named Catra and she is black. I brought her home on Halloween night in 2003. She had been rescued by a friend when she was three weeks old. She was six weeks old when I brought her home – cute and fuzzy and already ready to carve out her place in the world. My landlord came over and she jumped from the back of a chair to his shoulder – scared the shit out of him! He asked me “Does it bite?” LOL

        • Hahaha! Alfie heard Joey moving about and ran off. Joey is his favorite. Then Randy..then me if no one else is around. haha. But that’s okay, he’s very sweet when it’s my turn.

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