Randy and I met in an AOL chat room in the mid nineties. He lived in Kansas City and I lived in Cincinnati.
We connected immediately.
Our first conversation was about our mutual love of office supplies. For the record, our devotion to paper goods, staplers, and such has never wavered. We didn’t know each other well enough when we moved in together. We had seen each other in person a total of 9 times.
We had to make it over some Mothra sized hurdles, but 23 years later, we’ve worked out most of the kinks. Well, except for the fun ones.
I look back on that time and I remember two people who don’t exist anymore.
We’ve changed and grown. We’ve morphed into who we are today and while we share some characteristics with those long ago versions of us, we’re both quite different from the people we were when we met. We bonded over writing, insecurities, and music. Neither one of us could get enough of Pretty Hate Machine.
We were both playing Nine Inch Nails on a loop at the time. While in the writers chat room, we would type out lyrics of which ever song we were listening to. We were in our early thirties. Chat rooms were kind of new. Shut up.
Anyway, last Thursday, we were on our way to play music trivia when Head Like A Hole played on the radio. I immediately waxed poetic about the old days.
Me: This takes me back. Goddamn. Remember this? We were so young.
Randy: Do you see that?
Me: See what?
Randy: Gas has gone up ten cents since this morning. Ten fucking cents.
Me: Are you kidding right now?
Randy: I got gas this morning before it went up.
Me: You are an old man. I’m being all romantic and shit and you’re bitching about the price of gas.
Randy: Still, glad I filled up this morning.
This is funny because Randy is the die hard romantic in this relationship. I’m sure he could give you scores of examples. I guess if he wants to write his own blog he can tell you all about it.
Also last Thursday, I had lunch with my older son, Zach.
I have lunch with him once a week and look forward to those lunches every week. He works second shift, So I see him before his work day starts. Last Thursday, he took half of his lunch to go and when we got in his car, he put the sandwich in his lunch box.
There was a baggie of popcorn in his box.
Zach: You should try that popcorn. It is bad ass. It has black truffle infused salt on it.
Me: Okay, cool.
Me: Oh dear god. Fucking hell. This is disgusting.
Zach laughed his ass off while I spit the popcorn out in the parking lot and pawed at my tongue like Tom Hanks in Big when he ate the caviar.
Zach: Don’t like it, then?
Me: Fuck no. That’s as bad as yogurt.
Zach: That salt is crazy expensive. I paid $23. for 3 1/2 ounces.
Me: I’m so proud.
Zach: When I got home, I opened it up to smell and dropped it.
Me: Wait. You dropped it?
Zach: Yeah, but I scooped it back up because it was $23.
Me: Let me get this straight. I just ate the most disgusting popcorn on the planet, and it was seasoned in salt you scraped off the floor?
Zach: That’s about right.
Me: I have a popcorn kernel stuck in my teeth and I didn’t actually eat any popcorn.
All in all, I consider it a successful lunch date. Zach doesn’t laugh out loud often, so it’s nice to hear.
So, now I’m wondering, since it is Thursday, will anything happen today as entertaining as last Thursday?
Edited to add: I am bummed because I cancelled my SiriusXM account. I LOVE Sirius, but as long as they give a voice to Breitbart and Steve Bannon, they don’t get any of my dollars.